GracieJane Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 Some of you may remember my early-60s, vaccinated (twice) and healthy father got Covid in December. He died this week in the hospital. I am grieving. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know why I am posting here, other than to ask: what do I do? What do you do when someone you love enormously, eternally dies? I wake up every hour and wonder Now What? I feel like a shell of my former self. Two years of psychological hell, I stayed calm, unflappable to help those around me. Two years of masks, cancelled school, activities, health anxiety, I smiled and soothed them: It Will Be Okay. And then my father just…dies. Today I thought, I should cut my hair. That’s seems like A Thing I Can Do. Or I should exercise. I need to do something to return to the world, the world bustles and laughs and moves on while I’m standing behind this cloudy glass, looking in. What do I do? 1 108 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
East Coast Sue Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 (((Hugs))) I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief is so very hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so sorry. Please allow yourself time and space to grieve. Many hugs to you and your family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so sorry for your loss. I have often wished we had something akin to Victorian middle class mourning customs where we could wear an armband or understandably be excused from social stuff for a while. It’s hard to feel so devastated and watch the world keep spinning as everyone else keeps living their un-devastated normal lives. Hugs, GracieJane. 26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCB Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I’m so very sorry for your loss! I hope you have people around you who can love and support you and care for you. I will be praying for peace and rest for you. I’m so sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I'm so sorry to hear that your Dad died. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I'm very sorry. grief takes many forms, allow yourself to grieve. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so so sorry for your huge loss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 So sorry for your loss. Walking in nature, especially if there is no traffic around, is the most soothing thing I know of. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristin0713 Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so deeply sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
historically accurate Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I'm so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I’m so sorry for such a devastating loss. Would you like to tell us a few things about him? Sometimes people feel an urge to share stories about their loved one. If you want to do that, we will listen. 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I'm so very sorry, GracieJane. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Grieving is very hard work, and it takes time. Sometimes the only thing you can do is sit with the grief. Gentle hugs. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so, so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishes Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I’m so very sorry. There are very little shoulds to be done to return to the world. Grief is…encompassing 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so very sorry for your loss. Grieving is hard and takes time. Hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sneezyone Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 Sometimes it's an accomplishment to just keep breathing. I am so sorry for your loss. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeless Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 9 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said: I am so sorry for your loss. I have often wished we had something akin to Victorian middle class mourning customs where we could wear an armband or understandably be excused from social stuff for a while. It’s hard to feel so devastated and watch the world keep spinning as everyone else keeps living their un-devastated normal lives. Hugs, GracieJane. @GracieJane I'm so sorry. ❤️ I think there is some wisdom in the above. When my brother-in-law died, I thought maybe I should wear black for a period of time, since I couldn't go to the funeral. For whatever reason, that made sense to me and "felt right". Don't cut your hair, though. ❤️ 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I’m so sorry for your loss. Don’t cut your hair. Don’t make any big changes for at least six months, and preferably 3 years. Except maybe consider getting a pet. A dog or cat can really help with grief. If you get into a place you absolutely cannot function or control your emotions ever, that’s not grief, it’s situational depression. If that happens, first get off hormonal birth control, then if it doesn’t lift within 3 days, go get help. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so very sorry. Covid absolutely sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 The loss of a parent is very hard. I am so sorry for your family’s enormous loss. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cintinative Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 Wow, I am so very sorry. What you are feeling right now is so very normal. Going through this in a pandemic makes it so much harder. I hope and pray there is someone who will sit in the ashes with you as you grieve. The weather here stinks but even just going for a walk would be good if you can manage it where you live. I'm so, so sorry. Prayers for you. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 (edited) I am so very sorry for your immeasurable loss. I agree that we still need customs to demonstrate and acknowledge grief. Edited February 12, 2022 by ScoutTN 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insertcreativenamehere Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so sorry for your devastating loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 Whatever you want. If you want to cry then cry. If you want to go for a walk then go for a walk. If you want to call a family member then call them. Breath, shower, eat, hug your kids. You will feel better in time, but right now you don't have that, so just keep going until you do. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I'm so, so sorry. 🥲🥲 What do you do? Grieve. I will come back later to expand. I am literally about to plan my Dad's memorial service with my family now. He passed at the beginning of the pandemic on Good Friday 2020. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so, so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam in CT Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. Quote I need to do something to return to the world, the world bustles and laughs and moves on while I’m standing behind this cloudy glass, looking in. What do I do? Yeah, that's the worst part. When my father died, 5 years ago long before COVID, after a good life, and all things considered a pretty good death as such things go... I could not BELIEVE how badly it knocked me out. In some traditions, the bereaved pretty much DO wear black for extended periods of time, pretty much ARE excused from having to put on the game face and "move on." Give yourself that space and time even if our society has -- wrongly IMO -- given up those rituals and expectations. 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 3 minutes ago, Pam in CT said: Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. Yeah, that's the worst part. When my father died, 5 years ago long before COVID, after a good life, and all things considered a pretty good death as such things go... I could not BELIEVE how badly it knocked me out. In some traditions, the bereaved pretty much DO wear black for extended periods of time, pretty much ARE excused from having to put on the game face and "move on." Give yourself that space and time even if our society has -- wrongly IMO -- given up those rituals and expectations. Such a valuable point. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogger Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so sorry GracieJane. 😥 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I’m so very sorry, Gracie Jane. 😢 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmasc Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I’m so very sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I'm so sorry. (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so sorry for your loss, GracieJane! Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longtime Lurker Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so sorry. Grief is such a process and can look so different for different people. It sounds like you had a great relationship with your father! Please feel free to share some of your memories of him if that would help. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I'm so very sorry. I know what you mean about the world continuing to turn when it seems it shouldn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so so sorry, GracieJane. (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so sorry!!! My dad died last year at about this time of Covid. I am incredibly sorry for what you are going through. (((Hugs)))) it really is so awful. 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookbard Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I'm so sorry. That was the very first thing my sister said when I broke her the news about our baby brother. "What do I do?" I spent the next two weeks digging up every photograph and making a scrapbook/photo album. Sister spent those weeks digging up every scrap of video to put on a disk. That was our 'work'. It meant we spent time with him. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I’m so very sorry for the loss of your father. Praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernBeth Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so sorry for your loss. It is ok to grieve and not be alright for awhile.... even a very long while. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I am so very, very sorry for your loss. 💓 I don't have any words of wisdom. I will say that when I suffered a pretty huge trauma with my father, yoga and long walks did help me. Most of all be kind to yourself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I'm so very sorry. Sending you the biggest hugs and wishing I could take some of the pain away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeLovePassion Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 You grieve. Completely. Unapologetically. Whole heartedly. I'm deeply sorry for your loss. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.