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Garga

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Garga last won the day on November 3 2014

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About Garga

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  1. I hate cooking and always have. When we were first married, I only knew how to cook spaghetti, tuna noddle casserole, tuna helper, and a bean enchillada dish, and all of them with broccoli every night. Sometimes we’d have a box of au gratin potaotes for dinner. We went out to eat about 3 nights a week and cycled through those above meals. Lunch was Lean Cuisine for me and my DH made himself sandwiches because there weren’t enough leftovers. After we had kids a decade into the marriage, I quit work and started cooking more things. Not a lot, because I’m a picky eater, and it’s still very, very simple. Even then, though, there weren’t a lot of leftovers, and my dh didn’t like leftovers. So DH still made himself sandwiches. However, DH likes to cook so after a while, he started to make himself fancy dishes that I don’t like to eat: anything with beef, pork, or strong sauces on chicken. He’d putter around in the kitchen pretending he was on a cooking show (well, not really, but maybe...he loves cooking shows, and I think he was pretending he was on one), and he’d chop and saute and have a grand time in there cooking food and then he’d divvy it up and eat it throughout the week. But then, he had a blockage in his heart and had to have a stent and now he’s suuuuper careful about fat and calories, etc, so now he makes himself a lean salad every day for lunch. He’s never wanted me to make his lunch because he likes cooking and prepping food, and he’s better at it than I am. 🙂. His food tastes better.
  2. I don’t know about articles, but there are forums for these guys out there. What would you want to see in an article? Maybe some numbers of how many men call themselves incels? And to confirm whether her opinion is fact or not, re: whte supremacy and violence, etc? Have you tried googling for articles? I suppose one of us could do it for you, but we might not be looking for what you want to see. I looked for forums for these guys and they are out there. I’m not sure how active they are. And apparently there are a lot of them on Reddit, but I don’t really understand reddit, so I don’t know how that works. Here are a couple I found, in case you want to be irritated. I could only read so far before all their logical fallacies started annoying me too much: Incel forum: https://incels.net/ MGTOW forum: https://www.mgtow.com/
  3. I think she should take it slowly for her own sake and not his. Unless the OP feels ready to battle, I think she needs time to get her nerve up. Years of deferring to someone else can be hard to overcome in a single day. Taking it slowly will help her to gain the confidence she needs for what might be a difficult confrontation.
  4. These incel guys freak me out. They terrify me. What is wrong with people? It feels literally evil, like these men are in an utter wasteland spiritually. There is nothing good about them; they're totally depraved in their minds. It's really hard for me not to respond with hatred and it's because I am so very scared of people like them.
  5. It was both successful and not. It was successful because you're learning how to start speaking your thoughts. This is new for you and I don't think that we (or you) can expect you to go in guns blazing the very first day. There's going to be a learning curve as you feel your way forward. You're off to a good start. Be aware that there will be pushback. The more you try to change things, the more irritated he's going to get. I think that might be hard for you to handle. I think you're scared of his irritated and even angry reaction. And I get that. Angry men, even if there is no way they'd ever hurt you, can be almost unbearably intimidating for a lot of women. Be prepared. It was successful that you're setting the stage. Your dh is going to start realizing that change is in the air if you keep expressing your actual feelings and thoughts. Until now, you have not been honest with him. Even though it's been easier emotionally to hide your true thoughts from him, it's not honest and it's not a way to forge a bond with your spouse. It keeps the two of you separate from each other in intimacy. It was successful in that you met his unfounded objection (you should do this in the day) and explained to him that he was believing a lie that you are being lazy in the day and avoiding time with him at night. It was not successful as nothing physical changed. He refused to help. And you had to debase yourself by trying to mollify him, when he's the one shooting off unflattering and untrue objections and he's the one lazing around all evening and watching you work. Bottom line: it was more successful than unsuccessful, so don't be discouraged. ----------------------------- I'd keep going the way you are for the most part. This is new. Take it slowly for a few weeks. Everything doesn't have to change this very second. But you can continue as you have started: expect him to help with the kids at dinner. Start asking him for help in the evening to get the chores done faster. Basically, if you're doing a job/chore and you're feeling content about it, then continue to do it. But if you're doing a job/chore and you feel that pang of resentment welling up toward him, then stop and consider why. Something is off. Think carefully about what's triggering the resentment and then start to address it. Again, I'd go slow with asking for help at first. If he never clues in that he should say yes to helping you after a few weeks, then it might be time for a heart to heart talk. By then, you'll have a better feel for exactly what is triggering your resentment and what he could to do be a grownup and help.
  6. My oldest was fine with a mastery program. My youngest wasn't. When I moved him from mastery to spiral, it was great. After years of CLE, he is doing eons better than when he was doing mastery. Note: I had to change my expectations. When we first started CLE, a new concept would be introduced. I was so used to mastery, that if he didn't immediately understand the concept as thoroughly as I'd like, I'd stop and keep trying to teach it myself to him. Or if he bumped into it on a practice problem and got it wrong, I'd go back and reteach the entire concept again. Over time, I learned that if the student is first introduced to something in CLE and they're still shaky on the concept or if they forget it the next time they see it, that's ok. CLE will come back to that concept many, many, many, many times. Maybe not in the very next lesson...maybe not even for a couple of lessons, but they *will* come back to it, and they'll come back to it a lot. When I could trust the process, my son started doing better and better in math because I wasn't dragging it out and trying to force mastery in a spiral program. Just let the spiral naturally occur. It'll sink in over time, but you have to let the time pass.
  7. Learned skill. One year I decided to quit any volunteer gigs I had going and then to say no to anything else coming down the line. I got a number of requests, but after a year, people stopped asking. I’m rarely asked to do anything anymore. When I’m asked, I think long and hard about doing whatever it is. Mostly I say no. Once in a while I say yes. It’s still uncomfortable to say no, but I get over it. 🙂
  8. When we were first figuring out which test to take, I read something that said: 25% of people do better on the ACT over the SAT. 25% of people do better on the SAT over the ACT. 50% of people do equally well on both. I had my son practice an ACT and and SAT. He falls into the 50% category (he got equivalent scores in each.). So, we decided to have him study for the test given at the local school instead of the one at a school farther away. It happened to be the SAT. I wouldn’t bother to retake the SAT. If she wants to retake a test, she should focus on the one she’s better at naturally.
  9. Garga

    Recession?

    I’m only halfway through teaching my son economics for high school, and this is my first economics class, so take this with a grain of salt. From what I gather, in a capitalist economy, there are cycles of boom and bust (recession) and those cycles are inevitable. They are not necessarily something to be feared as if it’s something we can avoid. I mean, we can fear them, but it’s not like we can stop them. Sort of like a pregnant woman can fear giving birth, but it’s not unexpected and it’s unavoidable—you know it’s coming. Busts are unavoidable. You know they are coming. They will happen with regularity. It’s just the nature of how this sort of economy works. So, if you’re thinking, “oh, I’ll bet a recession is coming soon!”, you’re right. There is always a recession coming soon. Always. This isn’t something unexpected or something that can be stopped. It’s just part of how things work and all you can do is to prepare for the cycles as they come in your lifetime. You will see a recession many times during the span of your lifetime, so always keep some extra money saved up. Remember: I’m only halfway through my first one-semester high-school economics class, so maybe I’m wrong, but that’s what I’ve learned so far. 🙂. I’m actually feeling rather comforted to know that this is just How Things Work. I always thought recessions came out of left field and no one understood why and they blindsided everyone. But it’s not like that. We always know one is coming, because after a few good years, we always have a recession. I’m sure I’ll see another 3 or 4 or 5 or so in my lifetime.
  10. I’d buy new. The grandparents think it’s silly, but do they understand they come with expiration dates and it’s due to the plastic degrading? It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with how often the seat is used. They might not be informed.
  11. I don’t know what your area is like, but in my area, the local SPCA allows kids aged 14 to start volunteering, as long as their parents come, too. At 14, they’re not allowed to work with the dogs, but they can work with the cats. I have done this with one son. You can show up early and help them clean the cat areas, or you can show up later and simply pet the cats. That’s it. You just show up between certain times and pet the cats. So, volunteering with animals can be involved (cleaning) or very simple (petting.)
  12. Dorsal fin! Snort! 😂 Do you know that I go out to the movies every Tuesday on $5 Tuesday and the only reason I do that is because I am unable to watch a movie at home? I have an ADHD husband and an ADHD ds16 and then a goofy ds14. They never, ever seem to be affected by the emotions of a movie and at the height of an emotional scene, like when the titanic is sinking and the little Irish mother is holding her children close while they face imminent death by drowning, one of my guys will pipe up, “Gee, I wish I had some chocolate milk. Imma pause this and let’s all make some chocolate milk.” I’m sitting there with tears in my eyes and they’re heading off to the kitchen, all chipper and unaffected, to make chocolate milk. We rarely make it longer than 15 minutes at a time in a movie without one of them pausing it, or walking around in front of the tv, or DH with the non-stop commentary. Every Tuesday, I leave the house and watch a movie for 2 hours in utter silence. And yes, even though the movie is blaring through my earplugs, it feels like silence.. 🙂 DH hates movies. He says it’s just about impossible for him to focus on something for two hours like that. He never wants to go to movie night with me, and that’s just fine. He stays at home watching tv and playing on his ipad and carrying on conversations with the boys and washing dishes (all simultaneously), and I head out to the theater and sit perfectly still and watch the movie in my blaring silence and we’re both happy. They never pause the movie in the theater. —————- Follow up to my earlier comments on the thread: I waited until our Wednesday date night when we were at Taco Bell drinking a coke, and then talked to him about how hyper he gets on Sunday mornings. I started off by saying, “I can see that your ADHD really comes to the front on Sunday mornings. What do you think triggers that?” He didn’t know what I was talking about. He was surprised that I find him hyper. I had honestly thought he would say, “Oh yeah, I’m so distracted and feeling hyped up on Sunday mornings, and I think it might be because of X,” but he was unaware. He asked me what I meant that he was hyper and I explained about how he drummed his fingers the entire ride to and from the service, and then was talking a mile a minute about 50 different topics on the ride there and back. The churches we’ve been visiting have different hours than we’re used to, and he started getting antsy while we were still at home waiting to head out the door (we’re usually at church by 9:30, but the ones we’ve been visiting don’t start until 10:30 or 11.). I was going to offer ways to help him have things to do while he was waiting for 10:30 or 11 to roll around, but he said that that wouldn’t help. . I told him that I would like there to be a sense of reverence in the car ride to and from, but especially from. After he got over his surprise that he’s hyper on Sunday mornings, he acknowledged that his routine was all messed up and was probably unsettling him more than he realized. He said that he’d be on the lookout for the behavior and would try to tone it down. I told him that once he gets home, he can be as hyper as he’d like, but the car ride is important for me to decompress. He said he was glad I told him because he’d rather know and have a chance to work on it, rather than me feeling irritated at him every week.
  13. The problem is that it doesn’t kick in all at once. So sometimes you warn them about obvious things, but *this* time they were on the ball and are now heartily offended that you apparently think they’re an utter moron. But then the next day, they slip back into doing something goofy.
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