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LucyStoner

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LucyStoner last won the day on October 9 2018

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About LucyStoner

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  1. LucyStoner

    Is requiring this "to be fine" reasonable?

    I guess I am wondering why he has veto power over your leisure plans with the kids. Does he have anxiety?
  2. LucyStoner

    At what point do you include a kid's bf/gf...?

    I would generally say nope to this but one possible situation is that the girl comes from a rough background and they wanted to include her with all the family stuff so as to create a sense of welcome/inclusion? That’s probably not the case, I get that. I just wanted to try and see if there was an instance it would be understable.
  3. LucyStoner

    Homeschooling and losing self

    Individually? I agree. What I am talking about though is larger than the individual perspective on any one discrete part of life. I am talking about the larger cultural messages people internalize. In this culture mothers are expected to work their careers like they have no children and mother like they do not have a career at which they work. When almost all I had to do was homeschool and keep house, the pressures were less but there are still a lot of ideals held out that parents are “supposed” to meet. I turn most of that noise off, but I don’t pretend it’s not there. I don’t even work FT and it’s a very tough juggling act and I promise it’s not just because of my perceptions. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day to do the things that are held out as the ideal. Let’s not pretend these pressures are internalized as some sort of conscious decision to drive ourselves looney tune bananas.
  4. LucyStoner

    What do your kids want for the holidays?

    YES. I grabbed it at Best Buy of all places. I just remembered LOL + she's obsessed with purple. https://www.amazon.com/L-L-Surprise-Pearl-Unwrapping/dp/B078VZBX4P/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1543294874&sr=8-1&keywords=pearl+surprise+lol
  5. LucyStoner

    What do your kids want for the holidays?

    My sons Age 15: He has asked for basically nothing. He mentioned needing new non-school clothes and I reminded him his allowance has been piling up unspent and it's supposed to cover his basic clothing. So he went online and Black Friday shopped himself 3 pairs of jeans and 3 or 4 shirts. He mentioned wanting the Bullet Journal Method book when it was on the radio. As a result, his gifts are kind of a pile of boring. Earbuds, the book he asked for, a bullet journal and pens to use with the book he asked for, a hoodie and a tile for his wallet and keys. Plus his stocking, which is again a bit of a snoozer. Cufflinks, grooming set + the usual stocking stuff. I need to jazz it up a bit BUT HE HAS ASKED FOR NOTHING ELSE. Age 9: He's asked for: Harry Potter Legos, Boss Monster The Next Level and paper. He's getting from us: HP Legos, paper, a nice pencil sharpener, other art supplies, books, a hoodie and stocking stuff. I have it on good authority he's getting Boss Monster the Next Level for his birthday in December. My nieces and nephews Age 16: money, movie tickets, clothes. I am considering just giving them cash and a stocking. Age 12: A video game I will not buy him. From us, he's getting Percy Jackson Books, Zelda Breath of the Wild and art supplies. Age 11: Copic markers, Harry Potter Legos, cosplay supplies, ukelele From us, I am getting 6 copic markers, some clothing items, a book in a series they are reading and some photography stuff. The legos and ukelele are coming from their dads. Age 9: LOL stuff. I'm not sure what these are but the one I got is in a large sparkly purple half globe. Also, legos, giant hair bows and such like. I have purchased her a caboodle for the hairbows and other doo dads, some books, the LOL thing I described and some clothing. The legos and bows and other things are coming from her dads. I have a lego set for her January birthday.
  6. LucyStoner

    Homeschooling and losing self

    And expectations are very high. We are supposed to simultaneously: -Earn a lot of money - Earn that money from an interesting and/or inspiring career -Prepare organic, from scratch but low-cost meals for families -See to a litany of educational and other needs that didn't use to worry our grandparents overmuch -Keep a bikini body -Decorate a lovely home -Find time for "self-care" -Do 1,101 personalized fiddly things for our children (homeschooled or not) -And on and on and on. And all of this shizznit is supposed to be documented on social media. 😛 Even for people who opt out of most of the noise and nonsense, the expectations are still very, very high.
  7. For an average person, it's not a bad thing. For someone with a history of eating disorders, it can start the whole cycle up again. Restricting food meaning not eating enough calories to sustain normal brain function rather than skipping dessert or pasta until the 4 pounds go away. Kind of like it's not a bad thing for me to have a drink after dinner but an after dinner drink could be a very dangerous thing for a recovering addict. I have a sibling who struggled with ED for a long time. I get concerned when they start a diet. Not because they don't need to lose weight but because they need to stay alive more than they need to lose weight. Having seen them in the hospital for ED, it's easy to worry.
  8. I'm guilty of this too though never so long that a piece broke and got stuck and required a dentist. It's because I have a permanent retainer and have a strong preference for one kind of crazy pricey threaded floss. Because it's $7-10 a box of 30 pieces, I tend to reuse it for 2-3 days before opening another piece. I always laugh about it though. I just can't get myself to spend 30 cents on a single flossing. 😛
  9. LucyStoner

    Homeschooling and losing self

    Moms, in general, are burning the candle at both ends. I see it in working mom, SAHMs who PTA, SAHMs to homeschool, special needs moms, average needs moms, happily married moms, single moms, unhappily married moms. It's not just homeschooling or working for pay or caregiving, it's project managing life + all the emotional labor we do. The low regard in which we hold both caregiving and preK-12 teaching in this culture doesn't help.
  10. LucyStoner

    Why is choosing *A* computer now impossible?

    One main advantage of gaming desktops is better cooling vs. the laptop models. Also, a gaming desktop will be cheaper.
  11. I have done ALL of those things at one time or another. 😛 TBH though for the greeting cards, it was more of a collage thing. I would just cut up pictures or cut the front off of the card and use it postcard style. I grew up very poor. If you are used to reusing zip locks, it doesn't seem hard to rinse and dry them.
  12. LucyStoner

    Why is choosing *A* computer now impossible?

    It's because there's a lot of frigging choices and all brands seem to have quality issues, which can lead to indecision. I would be inclined to get him a gaming desktop for the Christmas gift and a cheap laptop for school as a regular expense. A cheap laptop for school+ a gaming desktop will be less than $2000, and could be less than $1200. Maybe just get him a gift card for the gaming computer and he can top up the features with his own money? A serviceable school laptop can be found for $400ish. I have a decent one I use for work and it was $550ish. Does he need Office installed or does his school provide access to Microsoft 365 (my son's school does). Skip the surface, it's not enough for either the need (school) or want (gaming) IME. I think there is a benefit to divorcing gaming device from school device TBH.
  13. LucyStoner

    any experience with counseling for an adolescent . . .

    I would say it’s not an either/or situation. I wouldn’t expect 2.5 months of counseling to be transformative on its own. Counseling might make him more open to tutoring and getting other help though. TBH, I’d sign up for Sylvan and KEEP the counselor. I would also see if he’ll sign the information sharing so you guys can have a group meeting about the treatment plan and goals. The counselor needs to get his shit together and get email and a work phone though. That’s weird.
  14. LucyStoner

    any experience with counseling for an adolescent . . .

    In the OP state, children over 13 have to give specific consent for their mental health providers to talk to the parents about anything that is non-emergency. My son is around the same age as gardenmom’s son, in the same area and both are on the spectrum. My son readily signed the consent but he’s the one who has to approve the treatment plans etc now that he’s 13+
  15. LucyStoner

    Male Teacher Punished for Refusing to Watch

    I’m not disputing that unsupervised kids can and do do appalling things. I’m just surprised supervision of locker room time is going on at all. My sons school doesn’t offer gym. You have to get your PE credits in your own time. I can’t say I have a problem with that. That’s how it was at the second high school I attended as well.
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