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freesia

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About freesia

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  1. And I thought the problem with the long term studies was that they didn’t monitor whether the teens were actually consistently taking the meds. Irl I have only seen good come from meds and only know parents who wish they’d done it earlier. I also see families who are trying to avoid meds but who are stressed, their kids think they are stupid, the parents are stressed and struggle with wondering why the kids just can’t get it ( even though they know why.) anyway, I think folks have pointed out that your dh isn’t their only parent and unless he’s way upped how much he is involved, I think you have a greater say in whether you do evals.
  2. It sounds to me like depression and maybe anxiety. I, too, would see if the psych. could see him earlier.
  3. It sounds like he could use counseling. I’ve lost the train of whether he was open to that. According to family system’s theory, he can be helped even if he refuses and you go. Because, for instance, just over the internet it’s tough to really know what’s going on. Like my question above—what does it mean that you don’t want the kids treated like that? How does his losing his temper look? How can you aid his growth, have respect and still keep your children safe? There is no one answer to that, but a counselor could help you come up with a plan. It seems like you have a very fixed outlook on this—the only thing to do is be content. But all changes can often lead to positive change. It does concern me that you don’t want him upset. Again, I don’t know the details. I struggle with not wanting my family upset, but that’s bc I feel like I’m doing a good job of they are happy—which is totally my deal and I’m trying to work through it. No one is being horrible to me if I don’t. I’m just uncomfortable when they are sad. But I don’t know if this is what’s going on.
  4. Ok, he was upset. He can be upset. Now, I can see a situation where I would have felt dh should have come to help out bc we were in a crazy time of life, but that doesn’t seem to be what is happening here.
  5. To which you can reply—they are my only time, too. While the mess and TV are annoying, I would let that go and work on the problem of him seeing that you need free time, too. If you rescue him from the stress of putting them to bed, he had no reason to learn to cope. One thought is that it’s ok for him to have an easier routine than you. Kids adapt. Dh and I split kids or have traded nights putting them to bed. However, when they were young my routine was much much shorter—no stories, one song, teeth, prayers, kiss. That was bc he often had night meetings and a long bedtime routine was too much for me at the end of the day when alone. When he was home, he had more bells and whistles to his routine. You could flip that—dad’s routine is teeth, kisses, bed—no baths or stories.
  6. Yes, when I was a first grade teacher I always wanted to know how long it took the children because I never wanted homework to take more than 30 minutes. I did occasionally have a smart, compliant in class girl, who worked hard in school and got her work done quickly, easily and well in class, whose mother would tell me that the homework was taking her over an hour. It was good for both the parent and me to know this. We usually could come up with a plan to "help."
  7. I wonder if you should work on how she is handling the anxiety. All that crying for 30 minutes in first grades speaks to me more of anxiety. Although, I'd first see if she is sleeping well and has eaten enough before she starts. Are you sitting with her and helping her? I have one who does 300% better and is far less overwhelmed if I sit with him and read things out loud. He is much older than your dd, but he just does better with support. He also is my cuddler, so I think that is part of it (if you are not sitting with her and she is away all day, could that be what she needs? connection with you?) But, if it is anxiety, working with her on putting it into perspective and self-calming could help a lot. And, if she can not get it done and misses recess everyday, then maybe she should change educational venues. But, it sounds like she is getting it done, but is feeling out of proportion stressed by it.
  8. I should have double quoted bc this has to do with his feeling guilty about losing his temper, too. I'm not sure why you are trying to save him from the consequences of his immaturity? Do you feel that he can't change and grow? Lots of us have learned to control our temper bc we felt badly and knew it was wrong. He won't learn to follow through if he never has a chance. So, appreciate what he does do, but don't shield him from the fact that you actually don't think he's contributing (and this does vary by family and season) and that you are unhappy that he has freedom of time and movement that you don't. Don't shield him, by "letting it go" that he won't brush teeth bc he thinks it's a pain. It sounds like neither you nor he think he should be unhappy.
  9. At one point I felt a bit that way—like he could just leave and I couldn’t do the same. Well we had a heart to heart and I just started doing it. He’d come home for lunch ( we don’t eat lunch together but all eat at home.) I would grab the cars keys and say—I’m going to the grocery store. It took me changing my behavior and language. I resented having to say “Will you watch the kids?” when he never did. During the transition, when he’d say he had something on an evening, I’d say “Are you asking if I’m available to watch the kids?” I changed the language and conversations to match. None of it was snarky or sarcastic and most of it was getting it into my head. It worked well around here.
  10. Things around here change from heart-to-hearts. I don't think remembering to feed your child is too much to ask. Surely, being home on weekends allows enough insight into general routines. I do leave lists of activities and times bc I maintain the family calendar. My dh doesn't babysit and has learned not to say he is "helping"me with something that is a routine part of family life. As the PP says, words matter. Big time.
  11. Fahrenheit 451 is a great one for this ages. We are doing it next year. Another one we are doing next year ( that I did for dd ninth) is Warriors Don’t Cry. OP, the Jules Verne books work really well as audiobooks on long car rides.
  12. I love doing Sherlock Holmes in eighth. I vote for Hound of the Baskerville. If you haven’t done Tom Sawyer, it’s also great for now. Books my eighth grade book club is reading this year: Animal Farm, O Henry short stories, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Hiding Place, The Hobbit, Wrinkle in Time, Call of the Wild Even my most advanced readers wouldn’t have enjoyed many of your titles. ( I do like War of the Worlds, though)
  13. As a fellow perfectionist, who has her oldest, always homeschooled child in college now, good enough for a couple of years in a few subjects still adds up to excellent. I’m not sure how, but it does lol. An excellent education doesn’t mean every day is the most perfect and done with the most top notch curriculum. The human factor plays into it, too. I promise you that alternating the science will not make a discernible difference. Over the years I had to lower my standards numerous times for various reasons. I feel much more confident, for instance, in my path of writing with my younger kids. Oldest’s felt disjointed and like I was always trying to figure it out. Well, he got a 5 on the AP English, 780 verbal (720 math) on his SATs. He got into all ten colleges he applied to, including a couple very selective ones. He is part of the honors program in the college he chose to attend and absolutely thriving—top of the class and writing so strongly that his profs are holding him to a separate standard than the others. I can promise you that the decisions I made to use curriculum that worked for our whole family made no difference in the end. ( I’m not trying to brag, but to illustrate that success doesn’t mean perfect/best all the time) Is your youngest just turning 5? You could say that it will be sometime this year not right away. Then see how the phonics goes. I taught first grade for a decade. Most boys, even without dyslexia, aren’t ready for that much time spent on phonics at 5. They just aren’t ready to get it. If so, you can split the lessons and would have time for violin or you can wait until he is 6 for the intense phonics. Again, I’m not trying to brag, but to reassure you—only my oldest read at 5. My last three didn’t read until 6 or 7. they just weren’t ready. They are now really strong advanced readers and writers. ( well except the nine year old—she’s getting there!). The intensity of early education does not impact later ability/ performance. In fact, I would consider doing the violin over starting reading because he is passionate about it and it will build his brain in ways that might help the reading. I 100% promise you will lose nothing waiting until six to start him in reading and you may gain a whole lot.
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