Sure. Feel free to adapt as needed.

I don't dwell on this crap but it takes me a day or two to talk myself down from that ledge. And I have to process it for a bit. Eventually, I get there. But not everyone instantly goes...Oh my kid's a real pain....but hey they have so many good qualities. Yep. this

I’m gonna just say, many of us have older teens/young adult children who do some really awful things to us and their siblings. I have had similar thoughts about my dd. When adults behave badly whether or not they’re our kids we have grumpy thoughts toward them. We get over it. It doesn’t necessarily characterize the full relationship when our kids character flaws hurt us and we say “that was rotten. What a jerk.”

Me too. I read a few articles this week (the week after my 40th birthday) and it was an AHA! moment as far as what I've been dealing with in the last 2 years. But all I read said things like "Insomnia and anxiety can be alleviated by anti depressants..." Which is not something I really want to have to do. I'm already on BCP for monthly misery and I don't want to add to the soup of stuff I'm putting in my body.

Another point to make in his learning to be a real man--- I get a sense that you want my respect as a man. I can get behind that. In fact, I look forward to the day that I am able to proudly look at you and see my son, a real man of character. But now I have to ask you, is that who you are right now? These situations are not so much about whether or not the television is dusty or there are crumbs under the table. In fact, if you were respectful of me and working hard and helping everywhere you could, I would be so glad to respect the man who you are becoming even if there were a few crumbs. But leaving giant messes and being angry when I ask you to help out is not respect worthy behavior. And I think you know this. Men don't sit around on their butts playing video games and having fun while their sick family members have to pick up their slack. That's what little boys do. I love you so very much, But it is not loving to allow you to grow up and continue being a self centered little boy. I see your potential. You can be a wonderful father and a wonderful husband. I can see that! And I want more for you than you just sitting around on the couch, eating cheetos, and leaving messes in your mommy's house. To go far in this world, you're going to have to develop consideration for others, a work ethic, and a selfless attitude. I want that for you. I want you to be a real man. But learning to do those things starts right now, when you're 17 years old. You'll need to learn teamwork to be a good employee. You can learn that now by teaming up with me to make our household work. You'll need to learn consideration of others to be a good spouse. You can learn that right now. You'll need to learn self discipline to do the hard unfun things first before you have the fun...You learn that by doing chores before you go off to have fun and leave your sick mom to do them. This situation is not about me, Mom, throwing my weight around and bossing you. This is about the kind of man that you want to be and that I know you are capable of becoming. Perhaps worded a little more kindly.

One really nice thing about teens having jobs is 1. They're tireder when they're home so my teens have been less likely to argue about stupid things. 2. They get used to taking orders. 3. They have a sense of autonomy so that they;re less likely to dig in about stupid things. (generally) 4. They;re NOT HOME AS MUCH SLOBBING UP MY HOUSE.

I hear you. For length to be correct my dd looks like a scarecrow. i measured him for his trail life uniform. He would wear a size8 in the waist and a size 12 in length. If I bought the correct length he would have had 6 inches extra material in the waist. Dh said buy him the long enough pants and get him some suspenders!

Ha! A betazoid wedding! No, I would not attend that myself. Don’t care how upset my kid would be.

So at a calm, comfortable time, perhaps bring this up: son, you know I love you and you love me. I don’t want this to be an adversarial relationship. However you are becoming a man. The expectation that you will have all the fun and others will pick up your slack is something a little boy does. This is not only unattractive to me, but in the next few years young ladies will be looking for a man to spend time with. So it’s time to develop that manly sense of taking cars of yourself and those you care about. (Young men really do want to be men) So I’m willing to let you take care of some of the more manly chores like x. However that doesn’t let you off the hook for being a total slob. I know that you don’t want a rat infested bug infested home, so getting food trash picked up is a big deal. Do you need a daily reminder for this or can you manage? (A daily reminder would be a cheerful “let’s get the trash sackedup. Check your room for food trash.”)

Would Skype help as a short term safety valve?

Do we need a social group for parents of older teens/young adults being pains in the rear end?

Yes! Same here. All my kids mow as soon at they’re heavy enough to not flip the safety switch in the seat. And I’ve had friends shocked that my GIRLS do these things too. And I’ve watched my kids brag about this stuff to their friends “heck yeah! I’ve had to cut grass since I was 12. My parents are total slave drivers.” Theyre not being totally serious but they can usually trump their friends on the “I have it worse than you” complaints.

Do it.

I think you were fine to do what you did today. This evening I would say “I can see how vague my requirements about chores are. Let’s make a checklist or time sheet so we can keep up with what is done and when it is done.”

This was mine also. She spends lots of times moaninf about how horrible her life was because “mom was so busy popping out babies that she never had time to....” insert whatever fun thing she missed out on. I just have 4 kids, spread out over 10 years. weve also dealt with elder care stuff so my kids have seen that firsthand. My second chooses to see multiple siblings as “hey we can all take turns wiping mom and dads butts when they’re old!”