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Everything posted by fairfarmhand

  1. My dh is like this. It annoys the crap out of me because he is satisfied just being awesome, and gets a smug sense of superiority knowing that he was awesome and nobody has to know it was him who was so awesome. it’s annoying to live with because he can NOT remember that most ordinary people DO like their accomplishments and contributions recognized
  2. Can't remember the ages of your kids, but there are many things about my mother that I did not remember until I became a mother. In fact, there are memories of things that happened that I don't remember until one of my brothers say "Do you remember..." So I definitely didn't appreciate a LOT of what my mom did until I had children of my own.
  3. My family lives in a 2200 square foot house on 70 acres. My kids are more spoiled than yours....
  4. this was the age range when I made finding other people important. My dd did 4H, and several weekly "Things" along with getting together with a friend informally at least 2 times a week. The weekly things were piano lessons, 4H horse club, homeschool book club. These things helped us maintain a structure that she (and everyone else) needed.
  5. What does your dh expect your boys to talk about? What did he talk about when he was in middle school?
  6. ITA with PPs. There will be MORE video game talk. We told my ds that we loved him to pieces but when he began droning on and on about a game, I'd say "Talk to me about ANYTHING but games." And I'd listen. But not to video game talk. You can say this too. My ds needed more things to think about and talk about. He got some pet pigeons we got a new dog, he learned origami, he attended Trail Life (til pandemic) he takes Tae KWon Do. If there's a void, he'll fill it with games and talk of games. So I bring up other topics, politics, books, nature stuff, music, cooking, food, anything to keep him off video games. I recommend your dh volunteer at scouts or church and get a taste of the rest of middle school boys world.
  7. I wouldn't want a career per se. But what I'd like to do would help many people, I think I'd be very good at it, and I would enjoy it.
  8. I don't know that I would, like you, roundly condemn something that I knew so little about. I would ask questions and, unless I had an inkling otherwise, trust that the people in the video were doing they best that they could and they had their person's safety in mind. Unless you have reason to believe that your cousin is a neglectful, dangerous caregiver, I'd respond like you did. And it's okay for people to have diverging opinons on this.
  9. Is he getting all his work done? Does he have things that have to be done and he's keeping up with them? Suddenly, my distracted dd got much more efficient with her schooling when she had out of the house classes she was excited about and a part time job. Driving helped because she could go do fun stuff after school was done. And the rule was, all that get shut down if you don't finish your schooling by x time. My kids have been able to develop the skills when they had to. But just being done efficiently just to be done earlier in the day just didn't appeal to them, It only took at time or 2 for my kids to miss a fun activity because their stuff wasn't completed for them to shape up.
  10. For my family, I do not regret it. My 2 oldest daughters talked about how middle school was a cesspool of drama and hurt feelings and mean girls in the few circumstances that they had to endure like at church and all, and they are glad to not had to have faced that all day every day. My 2 younger kids are just glad that they can be at home and not getting up and out of the house all day every day. My youngest, I think., probably would have been the kind of kid who was picked on constantly. That's just his nerdy, slightly weird personality and I think its great and adults think its great but it would definitely would get him persecuted, Or he would learn to hide those parts of who he is and I'd hate that. Academically, all my kids are doing better than they would have in PS around here. My 2 college aged dds talk about the poor kids coming into college and they literally are lost, but had no clue they were on such shaky ground. Older dd in particular pitied the kids who were honor roll students but could not find their footing in math/science classes. Those kids had always made As and thought they were good math students till college. For me personally, I do have some regrets. I am looking down the barrel of an empty nest, since my youngest is almost 14. I have no idea how I will manage that stage. I never found the time to finish college. My dh believes that my going back to school at the age of 40 something is a waste of time and money since I won't be working that long before retirement. (His retirement) And reshuffling the household responsibilities to cover what I've been doing for years isn't going to happen. I wish I'd made the time to work on my schooling before now. There's something I'd like to do very much but would take 6 years of college to accomplish.
  11. Seamstress terms here: Inseam is length of pants from crotch to ankle. rise is from front of pants to back of pants through the straddle. and i am with you on the annoyance of out of stock stuff. It’s been like that since the pandemic. But I keep at it both because the jeans are great, they wear like iron, and it’s 100% made in USA. It’s in a little middle Tennessee town, so I’m theorizing that they’re struggling to keep workers around with covid numbers being what they are
  12. My dh isn’t particularly tall, but kept blowing the crotch out of his s Levi’s. So we started buying diamond gusset jeans and he loves them.
  13. Same thing is happening at my nieces school. It’s dreadful.
  14. Quoting myself to comment that the purpose of asking the questions isn't to humiliate my kid or make them feel stupid. We have these conversations with a lot of self deprecating humor. Like, if a grocery store line takes too long, I might jokingly rant in the car about "Don't they know how important I am?" This is the way we generally interact, so it would be easy for my kid to shift to self deprecating humor saying "Well, of course, the whole school should know that MY ALGEBRA CLASS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT." Don't know if your kid would roll that way or not...
  15. Can he practice reading recipes? Also, assign readings about various ingredients. Can you create by copying and pasting small sections for him to read about things like cocoa, sugar, flour, butter, etc.? My kids loved this book https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/science-experiments-you-can-eat-revised-edition_vicki-cobb/270607/item/23637623/?gclid=CjwKCAjw-ZCKBhBkEiwAM4qfF7q2ODZ_iz-M5fM6smfO8sKXIAb6UAtU2Xuk36RmLz6hk3OcMvONuxoCJLkQAvD_BwE#idiq=23637623&edition=9441042 My son loves documentaries about the building of pyramids and dams and bridges. Also, David McCauley's books about buildings were interesting to my ds.
  16. I did find that actually engaging my teen with direct questions was more helpful than telling them how off track they were. "Son, so how would you schedule the ACT?" "I'd schedule it for 9:30." "So the other classes could miss their Algebra class? So, you only worry if YOUR algebra is the one that is interrupted?" "Umm...." Asking questions helps the teens think things through from other viewpoints, eventually coming to realize that "Well, it can't be only about me all the time." Because that's what it can be. A self centeredness, lack of awareness that others have MANY other things to conside.r But yes, annoying and exhausting.
  17. My daughter went and worked with Native Americans in Alaska. It changed things. She saw how limited they were. How they had no idea of the possibilities because they knew nobody who was different. Telling them to leave their village was like telling them to fly to the moon. They couldn't conceive of a world where they could get along without their families, their village structure. They also couldn't fathom a world not defined by abuse, drugs/alcohol addiction, teen pregnancy, and grinding poverty. This isn't just some Native Americans (I'm sure there are many Natives who do have a vision outside of this lifestyle, this was just what my dd encountered in the area in which she served) however. There are places in Appalachia that are exactly the same way. And I'm sure there are many other pockets of people like this all across the United States. Those are just the two that I have experience with. That experience gave my daughter more compassion to people who are struggling. Now she still could be condescending about our parenting and other things. But it did help her in other ways.
  18. Oh, one other thing. I know many have mentioned digital photo frames. This might be in addition to a rotation of photo albums, And here's why. When my mil passed last year, we all found it much more soothing to flip through photo books and albums versus swiping a phone or looking at a screen of shuffling photos. I truly think that something tactile in our brains is soothed by having something like that to hold and touch versus just staring at a screen where the photos are there and then gone in a moment. We were able to spend as long as we wanted looking at each photo and commenting on them. So just something to consider.
  19. Condescending teens make me so annoyed. Because I’m jist a mom who you know does life pays bills and has lived for DECADES longer than you…I can’t be THAT stupid.
  20. It makes me want to emphasize with my daughters that no matter where you are and what you are doing you can always call home and we'll move heaven and earth to get to you.
  21. Also photo albums of family members and fun memories. Maybe you can rotate them in and out? I think that would be neat for any OT people who come in to talk with her about her memories. And it would help mom think of better times.
  22. Yes to the Parthenon. Look to see who is playing at the Ryman and attend a concert there if you can. The Frist (art museum), depending on the exhibits. If you like shopping for used books, go to McKays.
  23. My dh has had this problem for awhile. Generally, its in a group message with some iphone users and some androids, but not always.
  24. I know you don't mean to do this, but the attitude of "so many have it worse than I do" robs you of your right to be fully angry about what they did. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE FURIOUS about this betrayal, even if "others have it worse." Yes, others have it worse. But that still doesn't take away your right to bbe angry and mourn and grieve the betrayal. The two things can co-exist. Your betrayal was real and horrible. And others have it worse. One has nothing to do with the other. After you get done with anger, you can grieve. I have been there. I had to be angry for awhile. Then I had to grieve and lament the hurt. Only then was I able to experience a release from the pain and bitterness and heaviness I was carrying. I journaled a lot. Finally I was able to accept the fact that right or wrong, here I am. This person changed the trajectory of my life. Okay. There are going to be hard things because of it. Okay. I'll make the best of it and look forward.
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