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Lecka last won the day on November 18 2013

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  1. I think it’s fine, too. If you wanted to — ideas to practice a different way — you say something and she repeats it to herself. Or, she reads it aloud first and then to herself. If either of those work better, they are ideas for working towards it.
  2. Do you think he could have more supports or services at school? Do you have paperwork about the possible ADHD? I know it depends a lot -- but when there are kids who can't take medication for ADHD ime they may be able to have an IEP and more services. They may need more of somebody sitting near them and providing re-directs. Are you not wanting him to do any academics? Is that what the doctor says? I think that can be accommodated at school if that is the recommendation you get. There are times kids are having medical issues and do attend just for social/structure kinds of reasons. I think that is fine if everyone is on the same page. Have you had a conversation with the school about him passing or being held back? My son would never have been held back in 6th grade because they had a policy of social promotion through 6th grade. There would be no reason to worry about that. In 7th grade he could have been in a lower math level or (more likely) had a "math assist" period. He wouldn't have been held back. Do you know and are on the same page with the school on that? Just rhetorical questions.
  3. Really — I have no idea, how could I know? But I do think it’s possible it’s anxiety and if that is the case — it is no joke! It is no joke. But a lot of things can make anxiety worse or not make it better — it is just as worthy as being what is wrong as any physical condition. Of course physical explanations are worthy, too. But it’s not some kind of — dismissal — to say “hey this could be anxiety.” Anxiety is seriously no joke.
  4. Well — what are you seeing as far as him not making things easy. You have mentioned executive functioning. Have you read anything about ADHD? If it seems like things like you read about — they will have suggestions ranging from “try these things” up to looking into ADHD testing. If it doesn’t sound like him — okay, how is he making things hard? You could talk to the pediatrician about a referral for testing or google. If he is having trouble that would be noticed at school, you could talk to the school counselor and consider requesting testing through the school — you would do this by writing a letter requesting it.
  5. I agree but — unless it was tested before, there could be no change. That could be a separate issue that is good to check out but maybe has always been there. My son also had OT for vision tracking issues — it can go along with a lot of things. I think it’s definitely worth following up on. But it is hard to say it is the main thing going on. And then if it is — great. But if not how much time is wasted thinking it will be the answer to everything. Especially depending on what the vision person says about what kind of daily life problems would be expected with what he is seeing. I think also when there are percentiles some kids are in lower percentiles and progress can be moving up into less-low percentiles. It’s not always a smoking gun that can be fixed. At the same time — yes following up on it and asking questions sounds good 🙂. But ime it’s not good to send kids messages like “I don’t know, you might not be able to do it, you might be a kid who can’t do things very well” is not good and kids need to have realistic expectations they can meet and not have to be stuck on either shutting down (it’s too hard) or avoidance (which feeds anxiety). There is very likely some middle ground there. But just to add weeks or months of “I don’t know, you have something wrong with you maybe,” is going to have consequences with known anxiety and known coming out of having a medical situation. Which is a hard balance to find but I think probably the thing to look for.
  6. To be honest if “they” think you are going to go into a lot of alternative medical treatment, they can be less likely to say “he is fine, it’s anxiety.” Which I think gives mixed signals. But it was a concern I know they had with me — I could agree with them it was anxiety, or I could look more at going to doctor appointments for stomach issues of various kinds. But it was like — what they said to me about anxiety really rang true. We didn’t have the same kind of situation as my friend whose son really did have a concussion. We moved and I haven’t kept in touch with her. He was doing just okay when we left. My son has turned out to do much better with the move and being at a less competitive school and being in all regular classes — being old enough now that classes are split between regular and advanced, he is really thriving in regular classes. I think his school is still competitive but within the advanced classes and then it’s not competitive in the regular classes. It could also be that the fresh start did well for him, and my husband’s job has been more consistent with hours also, so — it is hard to say. But he is getting up and ready on his own and does his homework, he is in 9th grade this year. Edit: his resource teacher’s goal for him was to not need supports when he started 7th grade, and to be independent in his work and have me not get on parent portal. She gave me advice not to get on parent portal for him, she thought it would be bad for him, so I don’t have a parent portal log in. He had a student log in and my husband looks once in a while. For the most part we get a progress report and a report card and that is all. Edit: to explain — she thought he needed to see he could make a mistake and it would be okay, and she did think his executive functioning was strong enough, but that he would feel helpless if I looked at it and then be prone to thinking he needed my help and couldn’t make it on his own, which would be getting back into an anxiety thought process for him — so the main thing is avoid the anxiety thought process. Which — they don’t think he has general anxiety but since he had this circumstance we need to be careful and avoid any thing that could bring it up again.
  7. If this is anxiety related — I think anxiety can explain all these symptoms. That is not at all saying I think it does explain all these symptoms. At some point you will think physical issues have been ruled out, or find out a physical issue, I think. Okay, for me, with my son having physical symptoms from anxiety — I can’t ask him how he feels. Just asking him will make him more likely to feel bad. If he says he feels bad we talk about how when you feel nervous that can make x, y, z. I got guidance from school and the doctor — if he does not have a fever or a clear physical symptom, then assume it is anxiety. Don’t let him be avoidant as much as possible (like — baby steps can be good, that is not total avoidance — but it doesn’t have to be expecting him to do something that will be a huge deal, either). He had an IEP at school. They had initiation down as an executive functioning issue, he also got help with organizing things. He had various supports that you see on lists for initiation — help getting started, cues from the teacher, classroom seating, etc, that kind of thing. The school nurse worked with the school counselor and knew what kids were coming and saying they didn’t feel good. She would talk to them in some anxiety recommended way and send them back to class and let the counselor know. My son was not really going to the nurse anymore after he was working with the resource teacher. I read a book about parenting and anxiety and tried to follow the advice. I was letting him avoid things which did make his anxiety worse. I was also saying some “worst case scenario” things that I thought were helpful but backfired in how he heard them. No anxious kind of thinking needs to come from me, I have to go out of my way to avoid it. I have to see him as a capable and competent person. The thing is once the situation is there, it is very hard to get out of, it takes time to get out of, because it is gradual, and fragile. My son was fragile even after — things “should have” been better. But over time he has gotten a lot better. They we’re always skeptical to say he had any diagnosis versus saying it was situational, they did think it was our family situation, basically, and not that he would have a diagnosis. He did get a dysgraphia diagnosis, but nothing else. They thought I was overly medicalising as i thought he might get an ASD-1 diagnosis for a lot of this time. My younger son does have autism. To a great extent he was with boys with ADHD in his 1:4 group and I think he did better than them in some ways and worse than them in some ways, but they were a nice group of boys and the teacher encouraged them socially, which was a huge help also.
  8. My son also did some CBT program with the school counselor, it was once a week for so many weeks.
  9. They said with my son they were seeing problems with initiation, he would sit and not get started and go in an anxiety spiral. In the resource room the teacher could sit with him and help him get started and encourage him and things like that.
  10. My son did not participate in much of anything. It was really not good. It ended up there were a lot of stressful things plus some things at school not going great. The school thought it was all because of my husband’s combat deployment to Afghanistan. They were aware or other things and addressed other things, but they thought it was mainly a deployment thing. My friend’s son’s Dad was a pastor and their church had its own Boy Scout troop. He continued in the Boy Scout troop all along (after the 6 weeks was over) at great effort to the parents. He had ADHD and was having social issues before the concussion. My son also had social issues. They had been good friends in 1st grade and then quit being friends in about 3rd grade I guess. However after about two months of him being back at school, I would pick up my son and be there early to pick my little kids, and see him, and he would act totally fine until he was with his mom and then he would have a sad look on his face and be leaning on her. Someone showed me an article recently that was what I was told with my son. He (and this boy) were in the same resource room, it was a pull-out at the resource teacher’s discretion. My son also was in the regular class with a 1:4 aide at the resource teacher’s discretion. My son was totally shut down at times and was sitting and rolling pencils across his desk.
  11. “We are a team.” Or “We are Team [Last Name].” Or just “Team [Last Name].”
  12. If he is very smart, that means he can compensate at a very high level. But it is still compensating and sometimes that becomes harder as expectations get harder. Why don’t you consider testing? Or, maybe over the next year see how things are going and consider testing. OT is great but it is more of an “on the side” kind of thing to do for executive functioning.
  13. It can be really hard for kids to come back from missing school. There can be a big issue of getting behind or of not liking school or not being as good at some things. Etc. Anyway -- my son had a big situation and he did have anxiety-related stomachaches. It is very real to happen. One of his friends had similar issues, but it started when he had a concussion. He was supposed to come back to school in 2 weeks. Then it turned into 6 weeks. Then he kept telling his mom he had symptoms. He was in and out of school. She got multiple doctor appointments over a year to make sure he didn't have lingering concussion symptoms. In that time he was having similar issues as my son. In the end she never found out about any physical concussion-related issue past the 6 weeks. Now, how do you ever really know? But it's just something to keep in mind, because of physical issues with anxiety. It is a reason to treat anxiety if there is not another cause! Otherwise the anxiety is not being treated. And then if it was ADHD instead of anxiety -- same issue. I think there is a lot of leeway for your son and figuring things out. I think you need to have more medical information and take it back to the school. Whatever you took them at this point, they have said music and electives are optional. Either go back and say it needs to be academics too, or get more guidance from a doctor to take to the school. I think it is so hard when physical causes haven't been ruled out, or it's hard to rule them out and know they are ruled out. But with everything that has happened with him, and knowing he has anxiety, it is something to consider, I think. Edit: If kids have a stomachache, a headache, dizziness, etc, kids do not know if they are having it from anxiety or from being sick or having lingering concussion symptoms etc. They cannot tell the difference. They just know they don't feel good. But if it is anxiety-related, then treating the anxiety is what will help. And then if there is some associated factor with the anxiety then addressing/treating that will help, too. It is really easy to get into a situation where whatever was originally going on, has resolved to some extent, but the anxiety is left.
  14. Yes. At a certain point, dizziness and physical symptoms can be from anxiety, and then -- you would need to treat the anxiety. If you aren't treating the anxiety because it could interfere with another medical problem ----- that is putting off the anxiety treatment.
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