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Lecka last won the day on November 18 2013

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About Lecka

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    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

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  1. Lecka

    if you use dishrags instead of sponges

    I wash mine with clothes. I usually do a load a day. However for some messy cleaning I will use a paper towel instead of a dishcloth, so they don’t get the kind of food on them I know might not wash out. This is not too common though, mainly Velveeta cheese and fried eggs.
  2. I have a relative who has a great fear of being controlled financially. She was controlled financially as a high school student with a parent refusing to contribute towards her care because she did not do things like he wanted (in a controlling way). Right now she is in a long-term relationship with a man who has never officially worked beyond one season a year since they have been together. He is a hard worker though, he has helped her renovate 3 houses, and will spend hours a day doing this kind of work. He does cook for her and he will clean. But he is uninterested or incapable of having a boss and having a job where he shows up at a certain time and does certain things at certain times. He is not a drain or a taker, but he doesn’t have things like a car or health insurance. I am sure it is a mystery to people who know her as an adult, but it is a different kind of sad situation to those of us who see how it makes sense from her upbringing. The thing is, in a way she doesn’t have equal relationships, but then she will be frustrated and stressed by how certain things fall to her. And sometimes I will think — I don’t work outside the home either..... but somehow it is different. But I also do things like pay bills and take care of paperwork. Both of her major relationships have been with someone who either can’t accomplish getting a drivers license or only accomplished it with extensive handholding (she dated a house painter who needed to drive for work, but could not really handle figuring out how to get a drivers license). (Edit: he let a drivers license expire and didn’t do anything about it for a little while, and then I think he needed it for work, and then my relative had to go with him and help him gather paperwork and things like that.) For the house painter — a great guy and a hard worker. Very good to my relative. Very good to their dog, and a responsible pet owner. No bank account. No lease — he paid people to sleep in extra rooms, or he might sleep in a house he was working on if the owners were staying in a hotel or traveling during the remodel (he also worked on a lot of remodels, and did house renovation stuff with my relative). I think he did this a lot, for months at a time. He did have a car and sometimes lived out of his car. He and my relative never lived together, but I know he would shower at her house at times when he was living without plumbing. (Edit: I just remembered, he would say he was a house painter, but he was also a really good carpenter, and he would have big carpentry projects and then also paint on the side. I think with painting he would get paid immediately, and then with the carpentry projects he might only get paid when the work was complete, and then he would be broke and take some painting jobs, when he also needed to be finishing a carpentry job..... he had a hard time managing his time and money.)
  3. This is how we are looking at things for our oldest son. I have also seen with him, that he feels a lot better about himself when he is able to keep up without too much of a burden.
  4. Lecka

    Question about the "Sandwich Generation"

    I am also nodding along with other posts.....
  5. Lecka

    Question about the "Sandwich Generation"

    I don't know what will happen in my family, but my step-mom just died, and she had a very strict medical directive. She declined a lot of treatment because she didn't want to go through it. I had a conversation with my mom, when I was in town for my step-mom's funeral, about how you cannot agree to every treatment, and you cannot expect doctors to ever say "maybe this treatment isn't going to help." She says as doctors they are always going to recommend treatment, it is what their role is as a doctor. It's very, very different to me, from thinking that it is good to continue with medical treatment. I am hearing it more and more, though, and I know it is what my mom wants. She is a little upset with my step-dad because he does not want to fill out any medical directive, because he doesn't want to think about it. I do think in my family though, there is more thought to declining some medical care because they don't want to put themselves and loved ones through it. This is definitely what my step-mom thought. It was so hard on everyone, especially my dad and my step-sister, and that is without her suffering over a prolonged period or having a long decline. It is sad, though, because maybe she could have lived longer. But I know she didn't want to spend a lot of time at the end of her life going through medical treatments. I would say this is my mom's desire as well. Anyway, I think there might be some changes because of people of my mom's generation seeing what it is like with all the medical treatments now available at older ages. I think there is more of a sense of it being possible and desirable to decline treatments. But I don't know if my dad and step-dad think of it the same way, I think it is not something they think of in the same way. It is hard for me, to be honest, the first time I knew someone to die without doing "everything possible" I was very disappointed and angry with people who made comments like it was a good decision. This was with someone at church. I ended up having a long conversation with another woman at church who told me I had no idea what it was like for someone to go through cancer treatment or what it was like for the family members. Anyway I guess that worked out because with that experience, I was in a better place mentally when my step-mother made the same decision.
  6. Lecka

    Better Call Saul Season 4

    Not yet, but we want to watch it.
  7. Lecka

    Question about the "Sandwich Generation"

    Well, I don’t work outside the home, but I live a 23-hour drive away from my hometown, which is leaving an undue burden on my sister. We hope to move there in about 18 months though. But my husband’s job has brought us here. So I think that a greater number of jobs migrating to cities is also a factor. Or a lack of jobs in certain areas that cause more young people to move away from their parents. It’s not exactly that for us, but I see it a lot where I live now. A lot of people at church have adult kids who would like to live here but couldn’t find work here.
  8. Lecka

    Question about the "Sandwich Generation"

    It is interesting in my family, because my oldest sister had years of infertility before her kids were born. They were born much later than they were planned or wanted. But she was born when my mom and dad were still young, only 24 and 27. So she still has one kid in college and one in high school, even though she had kids later. For us, my parents’ divorce has lead to two households needing elder care, as well, and that used to be less common, too. To me, I don’t consider being “sandwiched” since my kids will not be so young. I think of that as more of a term for people who have little kids at home, not teens. But I don’t know if that is how it is usually used.
  9. Lecka

    Question about the "Sandwich Generation"

    Many people are in the second generation of women having kids at an older age. So there are women who have both aging parents and *young* children at home. For example, my parents were 35 and 38 when I was born. But my kids were born when I was 25 and 28. So — my parents are getting to that point, but my youngest kids just turned 10. But if I had waited until later to have kids, I could have very young kids right now. I think it makes a big difference now with getting into the second generation where the middle generation might have been born late and also have kids late. For my own mom, she had two kids graduated and only me left at home, when she had elder care, and I was a teenager. So anyway — I think the likelihood of the middle generation having young kids in the home, makes a big difference, and I think it is different.
  10. It is a long time away, but my kids do think about it. What I have seen so far with my older son, he has only pulled away when he has felt like things were going well for my younger son. He has a need to see things are going well, and feel like things are going well. And, he does think about the future. He does ask questions about the future. He has had thoughts like he doesn’t want his brother to live in supportive housing, he thinks that would be mean. I don’t think he thinks that now, but two years ago I think he thought that. For my daughter, I don’t think she thinks about things the same way, she has never worried about her brother in the same way. I don’t know if she will worry more when she gets older, or if she will not. But then the thing is also, my younger son used to be very reliant on my older son. He is not reliant on him now. When he was reliant on him, my older son felt a lot of responsibility for him. But now he doesn’t feel that same responsibility, but I have seen it’s because the reliance isn’t there. At the time I didn’t realize how much reliance/responsibility there was between them. It was probably way too much pressure for my older son. In the movie though, I think some of the parents’ thought processes were based around taking some pressure off of the older brother. Because he did feel some pressure! I think I need to keep that in mind with my other kids, because my older son does think about things and take responsibility on himself. If there is a void where he thinks there is a problem, he is going to fill it, so I think my husband and I need to make sure we notice things like that.
  11. It’s interesting for me, because my older son (now 13) used to say my son with autism could live with him when they grow up, and then a year or two ago he said maybe he wouldn’t want him to live with him. My daughter (newly 10) has just started saying he can live with her when they grow up. I think there is something where kids go from picturing living alone when they grow up, to picturing living with a husband or wife and needing to take that person into consideration. It’s kind of sad for my kids I think. I hope there is some way that it is “okay” if my son never lives with a sibling some day. It makes me think I need to try for my son not living with a sibling whatever that looks like.
  12. We finished last night... I really liked it, and I’m starting to re-read the book. My husband has a hard time when kids present differently than our son. It just bothers him and he will really question various things or just say “our son doesn’t do that, our son doesn’t do that.” But he ended up watching the end with me and he liked it more. The thing most relevant to me this time was the interview with Owen’s brother. He is a great brother, absolutely wonderful. But it makes me think about some things with my sibling kids. It is a lot of pressure in some ways. I liked that they included that. It’s very positive and respectful, and it is obvious Owen is so valued by his family and he has a lot of insight. But it also mentioned some harder things like his brother worrying about how he would support his brother after his parents die. I think they did a great job of balancing those things. I also thought the animation throughout was really cool, and it goes along with the book really well, because in the book it goes a lot into how important animation and Disney are in their family.
  13. Lecka

    Do you bring your own Bible to church?

    I have heard both ways as far as what pastors prefer. I have heard some say that they like it better when they see people looking up instead of looking down at their Bibles. I have also heard (at a different church a few years ago) that it seems like people are less actively involved in the service, and like it takes away from people realizing the importance of reading their Bible at home because they don’t see it during the church service.
  14. Lecka

    Do you bring your own Bible to church?

    There is a Bible available in the pews beneath the hymnals, during the main church service. During Sunday School there are a few Bibles available or I look on with someone who has brought their Bible. Frankly this is something that went out the window for me when my twins were born and I was trying to get three kids and all our gear into church usually by myself. I could probably get back to it now, but I can’t say I have moments where it is a problem for me. The thing is, I can easily borrow a Bible from the main chapel at any time. I can’t make notes in a Bible then, but that’s not something I do anyway. There are also pens and a bulletin easily available in the main chapel for taking notes. The other thing is, it is different from when I went to a Baptist church until I was in about 8th grade. There everyone carried a Bible, and it was a really big deal to have a Bible presentation in (iirc) 5th grade and start carrying that Bible, to make a Bible cover in summer camp, and I also was given a beautiful presentation Bible my grandmother that was a big deal. These things are just not as emphasized at churches I have attended since then. It’s fine for me to use a loose Bible. I think at the church I went to when I was younger, it was expected to read your own Bible. I don’t remember there being loose Bibles. There was an expectation to take notes and keep notes organized in some way, a lot of men would carry a legal pad and women would have a notebook as part of their Bible cover. Part of that though, is that it makes a big difference whether the note-taking kind of time is a Sunday School or mid-week Bible Study. At some churches that time is on Sunday morning. At the church I attend now, that isn’t expected on Sunday morning, but it is expected at mid-week Bible Studies. Right now I attend a small Methodist church. We don’t have Sunday morning Bible study (or Sunday School). I think most people follow along with the scripture reading on the screen. During the sermon, most people listen to the scripture read by the pastor as it comes up. There isn’t any “turn to Book/chapter/verse” during the sermon. It’s mentioned but it’s not expected that everyone turn to the page in the Bible during the sermon. I find it less distracting to just listen this way. However I have heard many people at the Baptist church say it really helps them to focus when they turn to the reading and take notes. I think both ways are good, though. I am the kind of person who will get distracted and keep reading a section of the Bible instead of following along with the pastor, when I turn in my Bible. I do not think that is the worst thing in the world, but I used to do it a lot. I do think I get more from the sermon when I just listen, though. Edit: seeing another comment, maybe this is more of a shift to screens in general. I also have an attitude that I can google a bible verse so it’s not so important for me to jot down a chapter and verse to be able to find something later. It’s very different from feeling like “if I miss this I won’t be able to find it again later.”
  15. Lecka

    They love PS but it is making them obnoxious

    Last year in 3rd grade my daughter had two days when she came home from school a wreck, and said she had played a math facts game (that she likes a lot) for recess. I was getting ready to complain to the teacher, but it didn't happen again after the second day. I think she must have seen for herself! Indoor recess where my daughter could choose to play board games or use art supplies worked fine for her.
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