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Lecka last won the day on November 18 2013

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  1. My older son played with nerf guns and pretend swords through 6th grade. They were pretending various things.
  2. It sounds like they are seeing something that made them want to choose the autism rating scale, and maybe the BASC. You can see what they say at the meeting. You don’t know what they offer right now. There might be options you don’t know about right now. Ime I have been able to say I know my older son doesn’t want certain things. Sometimes they might say “well we think it’s worth a try,” sometimes they might say “let’s not pursue that.” You can discuss. You can decline some things, I have declined things before. I have given some things chances that have turned out better than I expected. There have also been things not go as well, that we all thought might go better than they did. You can ask for a follow-up meeting if anything new starts. I think it can be nice to schedule a follow-up with maybe just the most relevant person (not the whole IEP team) and then you know you will have an update one month (or whatever) down the road. I hope it goes well! It sounds like things are going well with your daughter over all 🙂
  3. Just some more of my thoughts.... that she currently isn’t turning in homework you think she has done — that could be something it’s appropriate for her to get a support for. It looks like she has scores and current functioning that would make that seem appropriate. (As a guess.) Also as a guess..... my oldest son has exited an IEP (so has my daughter but it was just speech). If the Autism Rating Scale is a new thing for her and you didn’t request it ————— then they decided to do it for some reason, and probably to justify doing more..... ime it comes across like they want to add things. When my son was exiting his IEP they weren’t adding any new screenings! It just comes across that way to me. I also don’t know a lot about working memory but I think it does go along with executive functioning. That might be something to check on. I don’t know but I feel like I have seen it mentioned with executive functioning.
  4. Hypothetical question — have you discussed autism with them? Did you ask for the autism rating scale? If not — I think it’s pretty appropriate for the results to be discussed at the meeting. I think it’s pretty appropriate to have a discussion of the current results and decide what to do from there, rather than the school going further before discussion with the parents. If you’ve been bringing up autism to them for a while — I think that is different.
  5. As for what they might do — maybe add a social skills group? Maybe add a social/emotional learning section to her IEP? Something like this? I’m just guessing!
  6. Maybe I’m naive but in my mind I would expect them to add supports for her based on the rating scales. I also think it’s significant that they asked a teacher to fill out the Autism Rating Scale. Unless you requested that, I don’t think that’s something that they are having filled out for every kid with an IEP. Good luck with the meeting. I hope it goes well.
  7. Nobody responded to my when I described our needs. Ha. I like the idea of building relationship. Pairing is basically building relationship, building positive associations. It is an ABA term. Okay, my thoughts. This can be incredibly challenging when high support is needed. It’s not necessarily going to be *easy* to just do fun things and follow a routine! With executive functioning challenges kids cannot manage their own time well or complete activities in a self-managed way easily. This can make things hard. With anxiety it can just be hard and require a lot of support. I do like this idea a lot. It’s just — will it be easy? Maybe not. Will you have less stress if you reduce academic demands, when your daughter is anxious? It depends if she’s anxious over academics or not! If she’s just anxious over various things (like social situations etc) then your answer is not going to be “relax about academics” the way it would be for straight dyslexia where that really might be the primary cause of anxiety and reducing it would have a direct cause/effect relationship with the anxiety. If that’s the situation then — I think that’s great. But if that’s not the situation then reducing academics may not reduce anxiety. I am familiar with social anxiety, and anxiety that goes along with sensory. Reducing academics isn’t necessarily going to help that a ton. Got to go.
  8. I would also say — for my oldest — he knew he was getting that time with me in the evening. He knew all my attention would be primarily for him. I was going to read to him and talk to him, etc. He needed that. So I have had a good experience with having a higher needs kid at school, and then being able to really focus on that kid in the evening and have a good relationship. Where in the day it could just be one thing after another. Its hard to explain but I think it can be great if the other 3 get good attention in the day, and then their buckets are full and you have a little break, and then you focus on your daughter after school.
  9. I had a period when both my boys were high needs. I got a break from my youngest during his pre-school. I had great quality time with my daughter while he was at pre-school. If he wasn’t at pre-school, I couldn’t have time with her. She thrived with that time. I can’t imagine not having it. Then my oldest son got major quality time with me for 1-2 hours in the evening when I got the little kids laid down. I would never have had the energy for that if he had not been in full-day school and my younger son hadn’t been getting services. So in that time of life, I needed some time when some kids were in things, to allow me to be able to spend good time with each of them. We had a lot of issues and there was almost nothing we could do in a group. I also would be like a zombie at night before my younger started pre-school.
  10. KI have thought about this a little more. For me overall, I need to do what is best for my kids. This is not always my preference. This is not always what is easiest on me. My husband will often know something is not my preference or not what is easiest on me, and then he will want things to be more what I would like and more what would be easier on me. And my husband has a good point. A lot of things can be perfectly fine for my kids while also fitting what is going to be more my preference and more what is going to be easier on me. There are a lot of times when he is right, I could relax a little. But on the other hand, there are also a lot of times when I am right, I need to be doing things in the way that is most stable for my kids, and the most what they can handle. I think your husband is seeing: you need a break; you desire to homeschool. Those are two very important things and I think your husband is probably very correct in seeing this. *If your daughter can have school work out for her* then I think this is a good thing. I think you absolutely should be able to have a needed break from your daughter — which often kids benefit from too! — and still be able to homeschool your other 3 kids, as is your preference. The only problem is — your daughter has sensory issues and anxiety, and so you do not have a clear cut “she’ll be fine in school.” Its just not a clear-cut “she’ll be fine in school.” Now — that can be okay too, if she’s okay in school and you need a break. This is reality for a lot of families who do need a break and whose kids are okay in school. I talk to parents like this and it’s like — they could be doing more at home, in theory, but things just weren’t going that well and everybody benefited from a break, and from the very high structure, predictability, and same peers of school. My older son is better now but didn’t do well at all with new situations or new groups of kids when he was younger, and any thing that was weekly or lasted one week ————- he could never get used to it. But he could get used to school, his teacher, and the kids in his class, because they were all the same and it was much easier on him. So for kids who need high structure and high predictability, I have talked to parents who would have loved to do different things and do a lot of things, but there kids did not adjust well. Okay, but I also know parents who have had to take their kids out for sensory. Younger kids..... it is hard to get around sensory in a school, if it is that she is sensitive. Both my sons are more on the sensory-seeking side and it’s a lot easier to add sensory activities for them, than to take away for kids who can’t handle it. There ARE things to do and things can work out! Absolutely! It happens! But it’s just that ——— this is not a clear-cut “she’ll be fine” situation. I think it’s just something where — if it were my husband, he would not be thinking about these things, he would just want me to be doing better and see things hard on me. Edit: I tend to agree with Pen and think it’s worth a try because it could work out. OR — maybe they figure out some good supports, since that is their job (ideally), and then you use the same supports at home and see improvement. That is always my fantasy and sometimes it happens that way. But also sometimes people realize they had a better handle on things at home!!!!! Also both my sons have/had mixed sensory profiles. Some kids improve with age! Mine have. Age 7 can be a mismatch kind of age. She could possibly do better when school gets more about seatwork than activity centers, some kids with sensory sensitivity are that way. What I mean is — when most things are sitting in one place, it cuts out a lot of transitions and a lot of noise/movement. That is a 3rd/4th kind of thing. A lot of kids who have issues sitting on the rug in K do fine when they no longer sit on rugs for story time because of moving up a grade. There are a lot of practicalities like that and 7 can be an age where there are still more sensory needs and there are also still more sensory demands. IF that is the kind of sensory/transition kid she is. Some kids are and I am just mentioning it if she is.
  11. My kids including my son with autism are in public school. The thing that gives me pause is sensory. This can be hard if she just can’t fundamentally handle being around too much activity at her age. I think it can work but I think that if her sensory is a sensitivity (which it often is with anxiety) (my son was mostly under-reactive for sensory which is just fundamentally easier to deal with in a school setting). You can also put your other kids in school and focus on her! Just to say it is an option. I have been really, really happy, overall, with my son in autism programs, though sometimes I have also been very, very frustrated. If she is anxious at school or anxious when she gets home from school, you are going to have to take time to deal with that. It is just time-consuming. You will need to coordinate with school etc etc etc.
  12. It is a hard balance too because holding to expectations is good too, it’s just hard to know what is an appropriate expectation. But there can be a balance because kids still may not “want” to do what is appropriate for them, but if expectations are not in the right place it will never go well.
  13. But base your expectations off of other kids who have more challenges with executive functioning, because kids without them will probably be doing a lot better. It is quite a contrast with my daughter, in my home. But they are all doing their best.
  14. Okay, my son is in public school and he had “executive function supports” as part of an IEP for 2 years. These supports you think would help her — many kids need major scaffolding to learn to use supports. Independent use can be the last step. If she has the skills already and it is just motivation, you have options from — offering an incentive for using supports, to requiring her, etc. But it’s really possible she doesn’t have the skills. Then you could start with high support or even doing it for her or with her, and then slowly move things to her but require it, and then — at the end is “hey it’s up to you” for an independent level. But you also *dont* know the answers of what will really click with her. You have good ideas to try. “Lets try it and by the way it’s not very threatening because someone will help you or do it for you starting out” can be a non-threatening way to start out. There is a huge range for what kids need and take to for executive functioning, you can see what she likes and what works. She may not need as much help or she may need a lot.
  15. I think talk to him, take in the stuff you are thinking about and show it to him and ask his opinion.... I think that is a good way to draw attention to it!
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