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Lecka last won the day on November 18 2013

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  1. I am in the position of having some extended family who make quick first impressions and then think someone is the best person ever in the history of the world, while barely knowing them. I am the only one who is saying “what about boundaries, what about getting to know people over time?” And honestly will get responses like “he said he was a nice person.” And I am left to say “oh, so he told you he was a nice person, so he’s definitely a nice person?” And this includes — people who have been in abusive relationships. They still do not seem to have a sense of — hey, it’s okay if you have a bit of distance as you get to know people over time. And then I also get sucked into it, unfortunately. But it seems like the kind of thing people with poor boundaries would do, to me, overall. And then I still think there are exceptions. If someone is having a long-term relationship sleep over because he/she thinks the child is mature enough? That is not a boundary issue to me. If it was encouraged so the child could be cool, or if it was a new relationship and the parents were saying “invite him to spend the night,” I think that would be poor boundaries. (Or anything where the parents seemed eager to move the relationship along — I would think was poor boundaries.) There are things I wouldn’t do, but I don’t think they are poor boundaries.
  2. It is really the detail that it is a new relationship I find inappropriate. I think it’s possible there is some manipulation on the parent’s side that they are in favor of this relationship. I think it’s possible maybe the guy is manipulative. It seems like a red flag kind of thing of “why is this happening so quickly?” If it’s something where they were best friends for years before dating, I would think that was different. If the parents just happened to have frequent flier miles to use up and thought it would be nice, I would think that was different, too. But I still would think it was inappropriate overall. I don’t think it’s a good idea to get a new relationship involved in a special family event. I don’t think it’s equivalent to a long-term relationship. That is something where I wouldn’t do it, but I don’t think it’s inappropriate. I really have seen some poor situations where parents sought to influence how much a boyfriend was liked, because that’s the boyfriend the parents liked. I have also seen some poor situations where a boyfriend made a great impression on parents, and then it kind-of cut out the daughter from being able to talk about certain things with her parents. I think it can be manipulative. Really I just think it seems way too early and then — why? Sure, I can see harmless/neutral reasons. But if the parents are so casual, I think I can think they should be more aware of what I think are red flags for moving too quickly.
  3. Maybe they think he is a good catch and want to move things forward. I think it is just so inappropriate.
  4. If you happen to need to do it and there is anything where it would be appropriate to have a child email a short summary of something — that it would be an appropriate thing for a child to do — that could be something. If they are older that kind of thing works. If they are younger or there just is not written output to produce — then I think you can communicate and see what is wanted and what is acceptable. I would not make my kids do online sessions of any kind that were not working for them. In practice that meant nothing for my son with special needs, and my other two kids did not have problems with meeting the minimum requirements for online on their own. I have never had a problem saying I am working with my kids, while not doing — various things that are “supposedly” required but it’s clear I am working with them and the “required” thing is not appropriate.
  5. If you are in good standing then a lot of times they are not going to be as picky with you, you know? And then I think they will have a separate idea of “when do we actually think there’s a problem.” Honestly with one of my kids, I don’t think the teacher had any problem with me whatsoever, and she emailed me when she needed something to say I was complying — and it was much less than the stated requirement. But ymmv how comfortable you are with that, and/or if they are in practice going to be lax or strict. The purpose here was just to make sure kids weren’t getting lost. They did have leeway if they thought kids were doing things and I said online was not working for one of my kids.
  6. Honestly — maybe don’t ask. Maybe just do it and see if they put up with it.
  7. It will depend — I had some virtual time with one of my kids last year and the teacher would email me “please could you send an update” probably every two weeks? And I could say “we have been working on reading and he has done a math sheet every day for the past two weeks.” This was less than what they preferred but it was definitely good enough. Ymmv. I also had a time period where I was taking pictures of my daughter’s math and emailing it to the teacher. The teacher would send back positive comments for my daughter so she actually really liked that. I also was texting pictures of books to my son’s teacher and she would send a little message like “that looks cool I am glad you are learning about such-and-such.” But those were both teachers my kids knew so they thought that was cool, which did motivate me to do it, because my kids did like the feedback. I think you will just have to see how that looks in practice. I would guess either there is no feedback and then they would be fine with a weekly or biweekly summary, or there is feedback and that makes it kind-of fun. If you have zero interest in feedback I think ask if you can check in less often but tell what you have been doing over the time, or just take some pictures of books used or whatever.
  8. I had gas permeable contacts and bifocals both with one optometrist when I was about ages 12-15. I despised it so much. Then switched optometrists and had just regular glasses. When I was 22 I had laser eye surgery. One of my eyes corrected to 20/30 and one to 20/50. I am happy with that. I expect to need reading glasses in a few years. I can’t express how much I despised the gp contacts, and I didn’t like the bifocals. I would never make my kids do either one. I think for someone who was on board it would be acceptable to me. But honestly I just hated it and I don’t think it did anything to help my vision, either. That is a big reason for getting off that train and switching optometrists.
  9. My husband tips 10% and complains to the manager.
  10. We just got an email — our school district will not be requiring masks for anyone in the Fall. Sigh.
  11. I think playing outdoor sports is pretty safe. Honestly I am wondering too if there is going to be a lot of switching between virtual and in-person, which does get really disruptive. I think if numbers keep on this way, I will be more concerned about that.
  12. It does make sense that this is just greater transmissability, but....... it just seems like there should be some extra-special explanation. It really does. But this does seem like it is probably the case! I can't believe this is where we are at right now, sigh. Sigh.
  13. It's happening in an area where nobody took anything seriously last summer. It's happening in an area where a lot of people never started wearing masks at all. There was no mask mandate in this state, ever. Edit: And why summer? Cases went down here last summer? All I can think of is 4th of July, but I think this year is worse than last year after 4th of July? I think last year there was concern about 4th of July being bad, and then it wasn't very bad. Edit: I definitely feel like this is not something where there is more spread because of greater opening/less precautions. It is a feeling, though, lol. I think it is too soon to really know.
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