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Lecka last won the day on November 18 2013

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About Lecka

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    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

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  1. I think if there is an opportunity, that it comes up, that it would be good to mention. But it might not be a good time to bring it up. It is also extremely touchy to bring it up. I think if you get to the point where you would be saying "well I have been thinking such and such for years" then that seems too bad! But if she is already trying to set stuff up with one kid, maybe she is focused on that one kid, and it's too overwhelming to think about the daughter at the same time. If she ever shared more about the other kid, I think that could be an opportunity to say
  2. For example — this was happening in the summer, but my niece was driving the relative’s car and was supposed to answer her phone and come home if my relative needed the car to run an errand or go to the office. I was there 3 times when my niece didn’t answer her phone and came back much later (like — 2 hours later). My sister would ask why she didn’t answer the phone. She made an excuse 3 times and they were fine excuses — but at what point do you say she probably just didn’t want to answer the phone until she was done doing what she wanted to do. I thought it the secon
  3. The thing is, part of this is coronavirus.... activities have been changed, there is virtual school off and on and my relative can only WFH two days a week, the change to online was hard on both nieces, and my niece lost a lot of her income and that was a reason she moved in with the boyfriend so quickly. That has a lot to do with how it got to this point. But I don’t have a good feeling about it, and it’s not from a principle, it’s from how it seems. And a lot is my impression of the boyfriend and knowing my younger niece is over there without her older sister
  4. Just turned 17. Definitely drinking, probably drugs. The 21-year-old moved in with him after they had been dating about 3-4 months. It was sudden. Before this, the 21-year-old had a 1-bedroom apartment and I had zero concerns about the younger sister hanging around there, or being alone there. There is an additional situation that my relative is allergic to cats, the 21-year-old has a cat, and likes for the younger sister to “babysit” the cat so he can be out of his crate while she is at work. I thought this was fine at the 1-bedroom. There was n
  5. I don't know if there is a lot to be done, but there is definitely some that could be done. There could at least be some message or guidance -- I think that is a vacuum being left to a 21-year-old, to a great extent. My oldest is a year younger than this niece, and I know there are things my husband and I could do. I don't think we could guarantee an outcome, if he was bound and determined to be this way, but we could do more as far as rules, consequences, and talking to him about possible consequences to his actions. I don't think my relative sees the possible consequenc
  6. No. This is something where the relative has always relied on the oldest daughter. She takes advice and guidance from the oldest daughter over anyone else. The oldest daughter is 21 now, living with her boyfriend, she is going to college, but most of her friends now are her age or older, and most are working their way through college and taking semesters off to work. Her friend group skews older than she is. The teen daughter has been allowed to adopt this group as her own friend group because the 21-year-old sister thinks it’s okay. This is presented to my relative as
  7. This is changing the subject, but I am curious what others think about a flippant attitude? For example — I have tried bringing up my concerns about a teen parenting issue going on with a relative, and I am shocked at what the mother is allowing and what she is accepting as reasoning, at face value, from a teenager, as well as listening to excuses the teen gives and the mother does not question the reasoning. To me, most parents of teens would not be just presenting the teen’s reasoning like “this makes so much sense” and I think it is totally “teen, this is what I want to do, reason
  8. I also make a point to do whatever I possibly can to help my kids socially. It’s not a great topic for me, I had a very hard time finding opportunities for my oldest, would try to set up connections for him, lots of failure. He started to do well in the 6th grade and has done better since then. I consider it something where I have tried hard and met with more failure than success. My son with autism struggles socially.
  9. This is what I have heard (though it is also based on personal philosophy).... but a lot of times a diagnosis is meant to bring services, or give a direction for therapy, or help to solve some problem that has led to the point of needing a diagnosis. To me -- I just do not define things based on if there is a need for services or not. That is not my line. And then -- that makes diagnosable or not, one piece of information, but it is not defining to me. And with that, there is a gray area, because the same situation could bother one person, but be fine with another person. S
  10. I think that for me personally, I think that most adult women who are functioning in society just are not going to be considered diagnosable. So -- there it is, diagnosable. I think it depends on who is diagnosing, and what that person's standard is, because some take into account functioning in society, and some seem to not care about that. I do not think of things as divided between "diagnosable" and "not diagnosable" for women because I don't think it is a really useful category for adult women. I mean -- obviously it is meaningful, I don't mean it's not meaningful
  11. Not a Number — For everything you have said — fair enough 🙂 It is NOT that I think specifically about your daughter, and I think it is very true — 1) there is a big range for diagnosable and also different opinions, and 2) a lot of things, with a specific example, a specific example could go either way. With the second example from your daughter — this sounds just like my sister when she was a child. She was smart and she watched other kids and she knew what went on with them. But she talked to adults about the other kids. She was also — way more advanced than other kids at v
  12. There is a writing style with long sentences and longer thoughts I often think could be autism. There is a “verbal processing” style of autism, whatever it is called, that is mentioned in The Autistic Brain (iirc) by Temple Grandin. I think it is precise and has long sentences. I am drawn to it!
  13. You do for me. For what that is worth, lol. I am not generally considered an observant person 😉
  14. I have never seen cellular blinds with curtains. I think these curtains would be pretty — especially when you have the blinds raised 🙂 Edit: I looked back at the picture — I think the curtains would add in a good way. I think I have seen cellular blinds more on a more unobtrusive window.
  15. Ivey — there is something called “simplex and multiplex” and there is a theory that with one autism is more likely to run in a family, and with the other, it’s just one gene and could be more random. Something like this, anyway. Anyway — it is a thing to think sometimes autism runs in families, and sometimes it doesn’t. But I think that includes two siblings having the same genetic thing, and other family members not having any autism traits running in the family.
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