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LucyStoner last won the day on June 14

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About LucyStoner

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  1. We watched the first half Friday and the second half today. We all enjoyed it and my boys, especially the older one who was totally obsessed with the soundtrack. ETA: It got split into two parts because I was just too tired to stay awake on Friday night and the boys didn't want me to miss it so they turned it off and decided to wait to finish it. Saturday, our 4th of July plans (drive in/social distancing fireworks show at the state fairgrounds) took us out of the house from the time my husband got off work until midnight. So we finished it today, back tracking to about when I nodded off on Friday. I'm kinda ambivalent about musicals in general. I've enjoyed some but not others and I wouldn't call myself a huge fan of the genre in general. That said, both the political topic and the hip hop music combine to make it more of less exactly my kind of bullshit. I love that Lin Manuel Miranda's take on that biography was that it needed to be a hip hop musical. He wrote the musical that became his first Broadway production when he was like 19 so yeah, he's a total genius.
  2. Sorry, it's taken me a bit to get back to this. I sent you a PM but I am posting the book list here. The words below are from my friend, who teaches Sunday School and built up the library for his church: Below is a sampling of things we've got that I think could be useful. This first section is material that sort of provides theological underpinning for anti-racism. If they have a flaw it's that they aren't explicitly calling out or talking about racism. These are books about how everyone is beloved by God and deserving of love and that God wants peace between people and to celebrate their differences. All are Welcome by Alexandra Penfold (This one is not explicitly religious) God's Paintbrush by Sandy Sasso God In Between by Sandy Sasso What is God's Name by Sandy Sasso God's Dream by Desmund Tutu Because Nothing Looks Like God by Lawrence and Karen Kushner In God's Name by Sandy Sasso Old Turtle by Douglas Wood Old Turtle and the Broken Truth by Douglas Wood One thing I really encourage people to do in their churches is look at their bibles and other materials with illustrations and see whether the people are white or not. And if they're mostly white, go out and find books that are more diverse. These two are good. The Bible for Young Children Children of God Storybook Bible by Desmond Tutu Getting into specifically addressing racism, the best material is speaking to a wider audience and is not specifically religious. These are a few that we've thrown into our library. My Hair is Garden by Cozbi Cabrera Not My Idea: A Book About Whiteness by Anastasia Higginbotham Something Happened in Our Town by Marianne Celano Separate is Never Equal by Duncan Tonatiuh When We Were Alone by David Robertson
  3. So first it's not a problem because you don't know of any examples. People bring some examples to your attention. People point out that there are professions where this *really matters* (and not just in corporate America) and gently remind you that you might not know what you don't know about these other professions. So NOW, you can see that there are examples but you, with no experience in those industries, feel it's appropriate to declare that you don't see that it's currently a widespread problem? The goal posts are moving.
  4. If you don't see how women benefit from the mentorship of high level professionals (who are still mostly male), you aren't really trying very hard to find the information you claim that your empathy hinges on. You say you have empathy and I believe that you believe that you do. Still, simply saying something is true doesn't make it so. If you need to know specific examples from specific people who are harmed, is that really reflective of empathy? You've seen examples of it in this thread. You seem to be suggesting that if you don't know a single person harmed, that means no one is. Do you think that everyone harmed by this type of sexism immediately details their story and publishes it? A lot of people don't. They don't have the words or the time or the inclination to share their stories. I was discriminated against on the basis of gender in the workplace. When I consulted a lawyer to quit my job (imagine having to consult a lawyer to safely leave a job, yeah it was bad), I didn't say anything about the gender discrimination to the lawyer because I didn't even see it clearly in my anxiety to get out of there. She saw it for what it was and asked if I wanted to sue. Actually she said "it sounds like someday, someone is going to sue this man for sexual harassment and discrimination, do you want it to be you?" I said no, I just want to get out of their without him coming after my professional reputation. I spent several years blaming myself for what I had experienced. -You aren't reading or listening to many (any?) of the longer pieces on this topic that are readily available to you for free on the internet. We need to read and think deeply before we prognosticate. Here's some links:
  5. A lot of women, who are either widowed or divorcing, find themselves having to handle money for the first time. I would look of the advice is geared to women over 50 as a lot of the stuff out there is geared to 20 somethings. This book, and the attached site were created by a slightly younger widow but the information is solid and you can check things off the list methodically.
  6. Maybe try to have some empathy? Would that be impossible? You have never been harmed by these types of restrictions, but if you can't fathom how they are harmful for people in other situations, maybe try and understand that you might not know what you don't know? Compassion is rarely a waste.
  7. Also, the person who died on Monday morning near the zone was a 16 year old boy. A 14 year old was injured.
  8. Here’s a local article about the clearing. It’s kinda the worst of both worlds. Durkan is hated by the most progressive Seattle voters for the use of tear gas and clearing the zone. But she’s going to be hated by a whole swath of other voters for waiting this long to clear it. That there’s no clear answer as to who is responsible for the precinct being left empty doesn’t help matters. Durkan is a 1 -term mayor and Best is not long for the job as Chief of Police. Councilmember Sawant led a protest to Mayor Durkan’s home. Mayor Durkan is a former US Attorney and her address is protected information. Sawant did this while she knew Durkan wasn’t there anyway.
  9. That they are there doesn't mean I am going to be party to them. I am happy, happy, happy to be self employed but once upon a time, I was not and worked for a non-profit where the director and the director's significant other, who was active in the organization, would argue in graphic detail about their personal affair. At one point, I had the most unfortunate seating arrangement that I shared an office with this director and another director. So they would be fighting in my office. Most of the people who worked there were like 22 so they didn't know what to do. Me and the other managers who were late 20s and into our 40s would walk right up to them and tell them to knock it off. I made it clear to the board and the director that this had to stop. Then when the organization moved offices I convinced the director that the very smallest private office was the best and should be just for the executive director so that no one would have to share an office with this person again.
  10. Oh, I have a mentor who retired from what I do. He's amazingly knowledgeable and he's a little bored. If I have a question that is just wacky or a new client where there's a huge mess to unjumble, I know I can always count on him. Sometimes we just talk on the phone, other times we meet in person at a local bookstore with a cafe. I have a lot of experience and I am good at what I do. But it pays to talk to someone with 45 years of experience. He's saved my clients (who are all non-profits) time and money and often if I email or call he will suggest a meeting. I think he likes spending time with me. Not because I am female, but because we have a good rapport and we speak the same professional language and we go back to when I hired him to do what I do now for an organization I was working for like 15 years ago. He's sent me work. He's saved my bacon when I thought I had made an unfixable mistake. We chat about our families (he's married with adult kids and grand kids) and then talk shop for a bit. I know it's valuable to me and I assume he also gets something out of it. We swap client horror stories. He won't let me pay him for his advice but I won't let him pay for his soup and salad and tea when we meet. If someone sees us and thinks anything abhorrent is going on, that's their problem, not mine.
  11. Salmon, homemade mango mint salsa, a range of fresh fruit and a kale and arugula salad with a lemon garlic dressing. I swear we aren't fancy, we just really like salmon and are treating ourselves to good food as our still basically staying home splurge.
  12. When I worked FT, if I had a 1-1 meeting with a man, it was either with my boss, colleagues from other organizations who wanted wanted free or cheap advice, a donor or me treating an intern or something to lunch. Sometimes donors do get inappropriate with younger female fundraisers. I was like 24-32 when I worked in that space and it came up occasionally. If I had any concerns about the donor, I would include someone else in the meeting or hold it in a very public location. The last times I was in a male-female 1-1 meeting: A board member wanted to brief me about a sensitive PR issue one of my clients was facing. We met for coffee. One of my clients is an older man. He likes to buy me lunch about 1x a year. Given that it's the only time I see the whites of his eyes and vice versa, I just chalk it up to keeping connected with a client so they don't hire someone else. He's definitely not a creep, I would drop him like a hot potato if he were. His only real sin is that he doesn't understand that faxing is a dead technology. He will call and ask for my fax number and I'm like "I don't even have a regular phone line." 😛 I have a couple of non-profit colleagues who are male that I catch up with every 2 or so year. Right before I left a not-so-great workplace back in 2011, my intern had applied for and been rejected for a regular permanent job at the same organization. I took him to lunch right afterwards and told him that while I knew he would have been great at the job, and had really earned the shot that unfortunately, I had been in the minority on the hiring committee. I wanted him to know that I liked his work and that I thought he had a brighter future away from the organization than in it. I didn't tell him I was planning to blow the Popsicle stand but I assured him he'd have a good reference in me and I made sure he had my personal contact email "just in case when you need a reference, I've moved on". That's the sort of lunch that can really only be done 1-1 and I'm glad to live in a time where we could just be 2 people having lunch and not having it be some suspect or immoral thing to do.
  13. This guy was making a big show of it either because he thought about me sexually or *he wanted credit for not thinking about me sexually*. Sorry dude, either scenario makes you a shitty person. There were things he did that were...odd. Reading the Gift of Fear gave me some insight into the situation. There's a reason why when he offered me perks, I reflexively turned him down and a reason why, when the lawyer I worked for right after him offered me various perks, I accepted them without any sense of suspicion. Because if he said he had a spare pair of baseball tickets or thought I might like to come to lunch to meet such and such person, there wasn't any guile or deceit. It was a genuine offer made either to thank me for work or to help me learn/meet more people. Whereas with the first lawyer, he was always overly explaining why his offer was ok and I shouldn't suspect him. He was trying to put me at ease but failed horribly. He also offered weird things, like an extra ticket to *see the game with him and his kids* or *attend a client's concert with him* whereas the decent man I worked for offered me perks I could/would use with a friend or my boyfriend- "I have tickets to the symphony I can't use, do you want them?" or "this client (famous musician) has put my name on the list for this concert but my wife and I won't go and I told them you might use it instead. Have a good time!"
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