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LucyStoner

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Everything posted by LucyStoner

  1. I came to say the same thing as StellaM. I wouldn't start marriage counseling just yet. Counseling for him. Counseling for you. Don't start marriage counseling until he's shown some sustained progress. Marriage counseling is not the starting point when there are elements of the DV cycle in play.
  2. For #2 the traditional dish is tamales. Making them from scratch is fun but a bit of an undertaking. You may wish to buy them instead. On the plus side, tamales can be dairy free. Some have cheese but many do not. I don't know about gifts for a sailor. If they are a young adult, I default to money attached to something like a book to unwrap and enjoy.
  3. If you have AAA the tow is free up to a certain number of miles unless you have maxed out (my brother’s car is a piece of cr@p so we learned you CAN max out AAA- you get 3 calls a year). Your husband sounds like he cares A LOT about appearances. He doesn’t really need the car cleaned out to get it to a mechanic but on some level I bet he cares more about what the mechanic thinks of him than what you think of him. He doesn’t want them to see a mess in any car connected to him. I’m sympathize with him a little, as my anxiety leads me to clear out my car daily and clean it weekly. Here’s the thing though, the mechanic doesn’t care what the inside of the car looks like. Assuming they can access the hood release and any other parts of the car they need to + sit in it to test drive/dx sounds, they really don’t care. They are like doctors for your car. Just like there is basically NOTHING your doctor or nurse hasn’t seen over the years, there’s probably nothing in terms of car clutter the mechanic hasn’t seen before. And they don’t care. FFS, unless there is a dead body or evidence of a crime in the trunk, you don’t HAVE to clean your car out before you take it to the mechanic. Have I mentioned, they really don’t care? 😛 Your husband is once again, being ridiculous and making excuses. I seriously doubt your car is as messy as my brother keeps his POS car and my trusty mechanic has never cared when my husband and I have taken it to him. My brother is getting our van this weekend (we are getting a slightly newer van ourselves so that he can have a reliable car until his money from the divorce hits in the next few months- his job is absolutely dependent on driving and we have reached the point where I am sure there is no point in putting more money into the POS car, especially when he is just a few months tops from getting quite a lot of cash from the sale of the house and can go out and pay cash for a reliable newer used car that gets gas mileage that fits his budget) and he’s on notice that if he trashes our van, he buys it when his money does come through but if he doesn’t trash it, we will sell it and put the money towards our shared family vacation this spring. That’s my boundary. I’m not cleaning out the van if he trashes it.
  4. If she is interested in soccer, it's not too late to start rec soccer. I would start there. We did weekly family hiking trips for much of the time we were homeschooling, so that helped. My 5th grader is now in school for the first time and I've been nicely surprised with it. Besides 2 recesses a day totaling more more than an hour they have PE 3x a week. Also, he's running cross country this fall and will do track and field in the spring.
  5. At my brother’s school employer there is a tacit understanding that when staff has to arrive before allowed student drop off time, they can bring their school age children with them provided the children aren’t distracting them from their work. My niece has helped my brother set up for AM arrival time. Or she will just sit and read a book or play on her phone while my brother gets the computer lab humming. It’s been like that at other schools I’ve been aware of as well. At the alternative part time school for homeschoolers, students whose parents worked there would often be there before other students were allowed and they could stay on early release days when the teachers had training.
  6. My son IS a Cub Scout and I wince to buy that popcorn from him because it’s so crazy expensive! A “case” of it could easily be $50-60. It’s hard to sell because the prices are outrageous. The cheapest thing are bags of unpopped corn for $10-15. The popped bags are $15-30 and the bins and sets are $40+ I have told them they need a $5 price point to really sell a lot. He’s shitty with money and wants to control the money. That’s a bad combination. I’m sorry he’s like this.
  7. Here Teaching Assistants are called IAs or paras and they get full benefits in FT roles (FT being 6.5-7 hours a day). I’m going to bet though that while they are getting benefits in NY and WA, that might not be the case in MS. Also, heart has a 4 year degree which in MS qualifies her for regular teaching jobs rather than TA/IA/Para type jobs. Those come with more pay and benefits and I would look to that route. My brother has no college and one of the main draws of being a para besides the schedule (he works at his younger child’s school) is that here there are programs to help cover the cost of getting his degree (he wants to be a sped teacher).
  8. That is very similar to my brother’s new permanent para job. He gets full benefits + ok pay.
  9. It sounds like he is bringing it about though. He set up the coffee service in the first place. Here, none of the college libraries have that. You get your drinks or coffee at the stand nearby or from the vending machines. I would have more sympathy for him if he didn’t volunteer for the role.
  10. Definitely there are easier ways to earn $10/hr than teaching.
  11. Ok, I’m just going to say that I know MS is a LCOL area in general but I am heart sad to hear about teachers anywhere in 2019 being paid $10/hr. That’s absolutely insane. The cost of living calculator I saw said it is 43% cheaper to live on MS than where I do but a substitute paraeducator job here pays almost 2.5 times more than that and paras don’t even need college credits, much less a degree. I guess to get one’s foot in the door but since you have a 4 year degree if you decide to go the education route, I would look for FT jobs with a salary and some benefits once your daughter is old enough to go.
  12. If the library has decided to offer free coffee to the public, then the library needs to budget for it. Expecting it to come from employee’s pockets isn’t reasonable. It’s pretty normal in non-profits or academic settings for the staff coffee to be something the coffee drinkers pool in for it and I wouldn’t worry about that but from the update it sounds like he’s supplying coffee as a library function. No one in non-profit or academic settings makes enough money to be carrying that cost.
  13. With the low cost options like Zenni, it’s been our experience that you get what you pay for. For back ups of a simpler prescription it’s been fine. For my son’s very complicated prescription it’s been a non-starter.
  14. I’m sorry for whatever happened. How terrifying for her and for you. I’m glad the police are taking the report seriously. I’m appalled the case manager didn’t.
  15. My heart breaks for Joshua Brown’s family. I haven’t been able to confirm the reports that he was shot in the mouth. The whole thing doesn’t sound random though and if he was shot in the mouth that’s one more thing in the “hit” column. I hope the killer or killers are caught and brought to justice.
  16. https://bombas.com/products/womens-merino-wool-sock-4-pack?variant=navy Pricey, but there’s usually at least 20% off floating around for new customers and they last really well. I have these exact ones and color (blue is my default color too). I live in the ankle socks but these are nice for dressier things and colder days.
  17. Re: Illustrator, I would do some online modules for that and “fake it till you make it”. Don’t claim to have professional experience using it that you don’t but don’t say you are a total newbie to it either. Build up a portfolio Do you have the software to practice on at home? You should be able to get an academic license or subscribe to the creative cloud thing they have for a reasonable price. Re: out of your league. NOPE. It is not out of your league. https://hbr.org/2014/08/why-women-dont-apply-for-jobs-unless-theyre-100-qualified there is a podcast about working and being a woman that I really like called Battle Tactics for your Sexist Workplace. It’s got some great information you might find valuable.
  18. he sort of sounds like a know it all who is trying to pop your balloon. You didn’t need him to tell you that print is a shrinking industry, you have a communications degree and 4 years of experience in it! Of the two of you, you are the one with more knowledge of the field. You know that the industry faces challenges but there are also opportunities and one recent print job can lead to other opportunities.
  19. I generally reference that I have white privilege and am not immune from racism myself when other white people feel they are being called racist or eye rolling at the concept of privilege. Not as an “I’m soooo woke thing” (I really dislike that word) but as a “I’m not bludgeoning you with this, this is something I take responsibility for myself.” I also will try to push back against the “I can’t be racist if I have a black friend” stuff by pointing out that I have black family members and I’m still not immune and I still have a lot of privilege. I used to have a policy of not talking about race to white people who didn’t get it because I was exhausted. But then I realized that my exhaustion wasn’t anything compared to a black person’s AND by opting out of that discussion, I’m leaving the work to others. Which is kind of ugly. Who am I to be exhausted by this? No one. No matter how close to this issue I have lived, including us leaving town for safety reasons after being targeted by skinhead types, I don’t have to face much of anything that a black person in America has to.
  20. The issue here for me is that he’s comparing her full sentence to the median actual time served (13.4 in the link). There might not be a giant difference between 13.4 and 10 but there’s a pretty big difference between the </=5 she is likely to serve and the 13.4 median. I know someone who killed a man when he was 15 or 16. He served, IIRC, 22 on a 30 year sentence. He plead guilty. There were more mitigating circumstances for him IMO than in this case and his remorse is very different than hers has been thus far. He did a lot of work on himself in prison and has dedicated his life to helping others. I honestly don’t see Amber doing what he did- I rather imagine a part of her will always be more sorry she was convicted and lost her job than she is for the loss of an innocent life. I don’t think she’s going to come out of prison and dedicate her life to undoing racism or educating people about gun violence or helping released prisoners get back on their feet. Maybe I will be proven wrong but I’m not holding my breath.
  21. One of my old classmates has two sons. Her ex got one of them vaccinated (the older one because he was approaching school age). She flipped and said it was causing his allergies. Turned out, his allergies were *the bee pollen* she was having him eat. A lot of people can’t eat pollen.
  22. My younger son is hypersensitive/seems to overreact to pain. It’s not as severe as your daughters from the sound of it but he is on the spectrum (ASD/level 2 support needs) and I have always thought it was part of the autism. We haven’t been able to find a decent OT in network.
  23. What is the certification level from qualification A to AAAA in second link? Is A a Bachelors or is that AA? I assume AAAA is a doctorate?
  24. As far as I can tell, the retainer is larger if they expect to go to trial. An additional retainer is often required before trial (thinking to the family law quotes in 2014 for my exSIL and 2017 for my brother). My brother's exhusband paid a $5000 retainer and then another $25K over the next 20 months to a lawyer at a small practice who dropped him 4-5 months before trial because he couldn't pay them more. My brother's lawyers won every single motion and the outcome of the trial was exactly what anyone besides the ex knew it would be back in August 2017 when my brother filed.
  25. Here, they are usually billing by the 1/10th of an hour/six minutes. My husband and I have only retained employment attorneys (in 2018, my husband was illegally fired for using FMLA and consulted with several attorneys. We eventually reached a settlement with the employer) but as I understand it, that's the norm around here. I guess it would depend on how sophisticated their billing system is. Some lawyers will work out an arrangement where you do most of the paperwork, they review it and have their paralegal clean it up and then they represent you in court. This contains the costs considerably.
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