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LucyStoner

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Everything posted by LucyStoner

  1. I would not wear heels. Pants or a skirt and flats.
  2. His iPad is primarily used for listening to books and messaging a few pre-approved people. We have the password and can see everything. The iPad largely stays home and is not in his pocket with internet access all day. He needs permission to add any games or apps. Other than streaming books, he’s using his iPad a couple of hours a week, not multiple hours a day. When my niece was about 13, she was chatting with a person online and that person started asking for her address so he could send an Uber right then to pick her up. That’s the most extreme example but as a consequence of unmonitored, unfiltered, unlimited access to the internet through a device that they keep with them all the time, I have observed my nieces and nephews: Lose a considerable amount of sleep to the point that it exacerbated mental health conditions. Get involved in toxic social situations, including bullying, harassment and in at least one case, what’s apppeared to be grooming. Waste considerable energy on games of marginal quality Become combative when they lose access to their phones because they are so used to having them. Some things, like sexting and sending inappropriate pictures are normalized in some of their peer groups. The two older girls (14 and 19 at this point) have both been asked for nude photos, not just by randos online but by classmates. My nieces and nephew were between ages 8 and 12 when they got their first smartphones. While I know from first hand experience that parents can monitor and supervise their kids phones and teach their kids to be more digitally savvy, one of my brothers and exSILs do not due to the chaos and poverty in their lives. The other two nieces have had phones since they were like 8 as digital babysitters because my exBIL is a jerk. Access to their phones is part of the divorce decree and my brother, who is a more involved parent than his ex-husband, is all but powerless to limit their access or guide their use. While my kids do not have the same risk factors in their lives as their cousins, I’ve seen similar things as above for friends kids who do not come from the same high risk background as my nieces and nephew. I’ve reached the conclusion that my kids don’t need smartphones at all and don’t/won’t get them until high school. I’ve observed most parents don’t seem to have any idea what their kids are doing on their phones. Many functional, loving and thoughtful parents seem to have a blind spot regarding the ubiquitousness of phones. I have had many friends realize after the fact that some truly messed up shit was going on in their kids lives via their phones. TBH, even with being older when he got a smartphone and with us having more limits on his phone, we observed issues with my older son and his iPhone (mostly struggling to manage his time and staying up way too late) and, with his buy-in, his phone doesn’t stay with him at bedtime and we have a time limit app that helps us help him limit his time on one app that was taking up to much of his time.
  3. I’m kinda irked Washington State (where I live) settled with them. They should be out of business. Heck, I think that they should probably do some jail time. The only pair of leggings I ever got from LLR (I think from a seller who was selling her inventory at a loss to get out) was just junk. Like holes after 1 wash and I could poke my fingers through the fabric. I just let it go with the seller because I felt badly for her.
  4. Universal preschool PASSED the House and the Senate in the early 70s and was vetoed by Nixon. It would never pass now.
  5. Our 12 year old son has an old iPad mini and a Chromebook. He can use it to message approved people. We have a high level of parental controls + full access to his devices. He doesn’t have a smart phone and will not have one until high school. My nieces and nephews had unlimited access to smartphones entirely too young and the impact on them has been intense.
  6. My son is a senior this year. He’s also returning to the school after switching to a different program for the pandemic and he didn’t really have any friends at the start of the year. Joining crew and choir seems to have really helped him connect. He ate lunch alone a few days and was bothered by it so I told him to try to connect with someone in the class right before lunch and ask if they were headed to lunch and then walk and talk on the way to lunch. It seems to have worked and he now has a friend he’s been eating with most days.
  7. We worked opposite shifts to save on childcare costs. It was hard. The worst was the years he worked at a place that didn’t have a set shift rotation- he’d get day, swing and evening shifts all on the same week. They released the schedule a month at a time and there was NO rhyme or reason for it. Now things are much better. He starts work at 6AM and is generally done around 3 but does work longer some days, which is pretty common for salaried IT jobs.
  8. MMA and Boxing are the only sports I can think of where you can chose your opponents. Most athletes don’t have a choice. I also know that the blow back for female athletes who express a view that biology matters for women’s sports is quite large and I seriously doubt that many active female athletes are really able to share their true view on the topic. The performance differential is less in some sports but it is real and it takes a lot of science denialism to pretend that this is fair. Testoterone is a crazy advantage. My husband has been to TWO CrossFit classes in the last week after being sedentary for most of the pandemic. He’s lost 6 pounds without much dieting. My son started rowing crew recently and he’s developed visible pecs, large biceps and starting to get defined abs. How many of us ladies could say the same after a few weeks?
  9. I am wanting to see The Connors. also, what is this about a new Wonder Years?!
  10. At least Alana is openly trans so her opponents can make that choice. Fallon Fox didn’t disclose three plus decades of living as a man with male levels of testosterone. Alana is 38 and just getting started. 35ish is usual retirement age in MMA for females. Some are done by 30. Laurel Hubbard (Olympic weightlifter) is 43. That they are competing in these sports at these ages should be a sign that transwomen who have experienced male puberty have a huge competitive advantage in many sports. I find that most people who don’t see a problem with transwomen in women’s sports DGAF about sports at all and often are derisive about people who do love/follow sports. The novice boys crew team at my son’s school outstrips the varsity girls. At the high school level in my state, NO medical steps or testosterone reduction is necessary for a trans athlete. This simply is not fair. The ink wasn’t dry on Title 9 when I was born. Women and girls as a class only recently won the right to access competitive sporting opportunities. Everything we do in life has opportunity costs. Transitioning ended my brother’s softball career. That was a choice that he made (BTW, he’s a huge women’s sports fan and is appalled by the push for transwomen to compete against women as if it’s a level playing field.) I would love to see more intramural, recreational and co-ed sporting opportunities. But competitive levels of women’s sports for the most part need to be preserved as a single sex endeavor.
  11. I'm sorry he is going through this. I would suggest that he look for an attorney. In many US states, the default is 50-50 unless the parents agree to a different arrangement or 1 parent can show that the other is unfit in some way. And honestly, at least in my state, the bar for what is unfit is so high that's pretty hard to get a court to give one parent the bulk of the time and the other minimal time. This is actually why a lot of DV survivors stay- they don't want their spouse to have unsupervised access to the kids. There's also solid case law in the US that parents have the right to make their own childcare arrangements on their own time so the fact that he works more shouldn't be used against him should he wish to get 50-50.
  12. That is the law here as well. I could legally be a man or neither a woman or a man in my state as soon as I could get an appointment at the DMV. I’m not vaguely right leaning and I have multiple trans family members and friends who I have and continue to provide meaningful support for (most of whom have similar concerns about self id etc). I definitely don’t come at this issue with a sense of hatred or fear of transgender people. This is an issue where I feel the left has lost the plot. Doesn’t make me less lefty/liberal. If trans is everything, it becomes nothing and certain things that those who do have serious gender dysphoria need *will be* in jeopardy, in addition to the clear issues for women’s spaces and athletics.
  13. Have you ever been to a Korean spa? This wasn’t a locker room situation IIRC. You sit in the soaking pool and the sauna areas in the nude. Most don’t actually allow clothing in those areas, and it’s a social thing that would be lost if every space was single occupancy. That is why they are traditionally sex segregated. I go to one near me (not often, it’s an expensive treat) and it’s a woman’s only facility. My friends and I affectionally call it the naked lady spa. As I guessed, it turns out this seems to have been male abusing the concept of self id. He does now id as a woman but I don’t think I am alone in my skepticism that this is an authentic experience of gender dysphoria rather than a “if their mouths are moving, sex offenders are probably lying” thing. I think it would be good for people to be able to discuss the ramifications of self id without being called bigots. Self id has negative implications for both biologically female persons and transgender people.
  14. Yes, it switched for my FIL at some point. My husband had been his golden child and my BIL the scapegoat. At some point my FIL became extremely upset with my husband once my husband moved away and made it clear he was going to live his own life his own way. My husband became the scapegoat as a young adult after having been the golden child before college. I remember my FIL saying that he was jealous of my BIL (who was the first born) and how much attention he got from my MIL when he was born so when my husband was born, my FIL decided that my husband was "his child". It stuck with me because it was like he was retaliating against the older child and his wife by taking ownership of the younger son. My husband threw down the battle lines when he was about 18 or 19 and barely spoke to his dad between ages 21 and 26. During that time, my BIL became close to my FIL and basically filled the space that my husband had vacated. I think my BILs motivations were that he was, naturally enough, desperate for his father's love after two decades of nastiness + he wasn't financially independent of his dad and was willing to go along to get financial help.
  15. On the nightstand? My CPAP machine Hand lotion and chapstick Sunrise alarm clock Waterbottle There's a lamp hanging above it (mounted on the wall) There's a shelf down below for current books and magazines There's also a drawer with, um, in board parlance, teA aids.
  16. My dad flies the French flag on Bastille Day (we are not French). Sometimes he also displays a Japanese flag (we are not Japanese). He displays the POW MIA and US Flags at several times throughout the year. He also has little Washington State and Colorado State flags that he displays in his apartment. He is a Vietnam era vet but was and is strongly anti-war. He just likes flags and bought some when a there was a flag store down the street from where he lived. He did not take up this shining to flags until after us kids were grown and gone. When I was a kid, the only flag I ever saw him have was the POW MIA one.
  17. I could see hanging a flag outside of my home but I have not. I can not see ever hanging a flag of any sort inside my home. The only US flag we own is the one from my FIL's funeral. It's in a display box for tri-folded flags that we don't display. That last thing is more of a reflection on my husband's ambivalence about his father and less about the flag itself.
  18. I personally don't disagree but the addition of under God has been challenged in court several times at this point and the language has thus far withstood the challenges. With the current composition of the court, I don't see that changing anytime soon. As some one who has opted out of all or part of the pledge as a child, I didn't feel any particular pressure or ostracism about it. I do understand that that is different in various locations. I'm 41 so my schooling where the pledge was recited was in the late 80s/early 90s. I didn't go to most of middle school and I went to a high school that I am not entirely sure even owned a flag. We didn't do the pledge, we didn't even have an actual school mascot (nor would we have needed one as the only sport we competed in was Ultimate Frisbee).
  19. It’s my understanding that those opting out can be required to be quiet/non-disruptive *during the pledge* but not that they can be required to stand.
  20. The right of students to abstain from reciting all or part of the pledge has long been pretty clear cut. West Virginia BOE Vs. Barnette is as old as my dad. Dad is pushing 80.
  21. My parents both attended college in San Antonio for a time. There was a history class where the professor would mark you down if you didn't concur with his opinion that Texas has a constitutional right (without congressional approval) to break itself into multiple smaller states should it choose to do so. This is not true but in his class it was true if you didn't want to get marked down. The state of my birth is an odd one.
  22. The pledge is definitely not part of high school here. I don't know about middle school. My younger son is in 7th grade but 6th grade was pandemic year so I am not familiar with what a regular day or year looks like there TBH. I've heard the kids say the pledge at Scouts and at a homeschool program's Veteran's Day celebration one year.
  23. I know it can be hard to hire people right now but honestly, it really sounds like this manager is anything but professional and competent. Dude needs to be gone.
  24. 10PM? Sure. Whatever. 1:30AM? WTAF? Freshmen are like 14 years old. What is the coach smoking that makes her think this is a reasonable plan?
  25. This was a good long form article my son sent me. It talks about the divide between rural and urban Afghans and a bunch of other things. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/history/article/as-the-taliban-rise-again-afghanistans-past-threatens-its-present I think it's a mistake to assume that the Taliban enjoys widespread support in Afghanistan. They enjoy widespread fear + the corruption in the government created the same type of chaos and mistrust that allowed the Taliban to seize control the first time in 1996.
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