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scholastica

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About scholastica

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  1. This is really encouraging. You reset the boundary in such a gentle and loving way, and he is responding. That's awesome!
  2. That’s a tough one. How long is the transmission expected to last? You could get the rebuilt engine put in and have the transmission quit on you on a ten year old car. When were you planning to replace it? We had the transmission go on a 13 year old car recently. It was more than the car was worth to put a rebuilt one in. We had planned to replace it a little over a year out from when it died. We went ahead and replaced it early. Paying that much, knowing that other things could go wrong, and still having to replace it in a year or two weren’t worth it to us to do the rebuilt.
  3. This is not too late to change. Your kids are young and he needs to learn some tools, but he can do it.
  4. First of all, it doesn't matter what anyone else does. You're the parents!! This is not abusive behavior, so you can handle this any way you want. Our kids have to use their own money for their entertainment. We don't pay for chores, that's part of being in the household community. They get an allowance as a share in our family finances. They then are required to pay for certain things out of that i.e. gifts for friends, entertainment, etc. You are not doing anything wrong! You have a great system. Keep it up!
  5. This is not the topic of this post, but from what you've shared in this thread combined with others, I think you should take a step back from the next baby, changing to homeschooling, fostering, etc. until you get some work done on the foundational relationship of the household. You will either have to accept things as they are or you will have to spend a lot of time into working with your dh on this relationship and your family dynamic. Either way, please think long and hard about adding stressful lifestyle changes when things already are not running in a way that works for you. At this point, you two may need a counselor to mediate the communication and follow-through for the two of you.
  6. I'm sorry you're feeling like a failure. You are not a failure. Some kids are just hard!! You have a lot on your plate, and, from what your wrote, I think you are doing a heroic job. I believe there's a lot more nature than nurture in kids. One thing stood out to me in your post. " I think kids should generally listen and do what they're told/asked the first time, at least most of the time." Why do you think this? Were you this type of child? Did you generally listen and do what you were told and asked first time as a child? Genuine question. If you did, your parents were very lucky they had you. I do think that is common among firstborns, but not even always then. If not, why not and why would you expect your own dc to be different? Next question, was your husband like that as a child? Is your husband like that now? A general rule follower? Are you? Our children can inherit some of our personality traits, just like eye color and hair color. So, they can inherit that tendency to follow rules and obey or not. Plus, they see how we interact with the world. The Charlotte Mason quote "A child is a person." is very apt in many situations. While, it does mean they are deserving of our respect and love because they are people, it also means they come with their own ideas, thoughts, feelings and desires. This applies to whether they want to brush their teeth and clean their room as much as it does to the fact that they randomly think to give you a hug. They don't see the world as you do just because you say so. Last question, does your dh treat you with respect and vice versa? Your dc will see if you do or don't and that can influence whether they see you two as worthy of respect. Just some things to think about.
  7. So, someone softened the cream cheese for you, how sweet! How's that for a reframe? I have to reframe frequently...
  8. I’m really sorry about your friend. How horrible for all who knew and loved her.
  9. Either the rigor is only for the children of those who do not donate large sums to get the new gym or tech lab or science lab built or it is a lie that is repeated enough that people believe it. If these people were willing to pay as much as the reports say for college admission, then I'm sure they'd have no qualms donating whatever was necessary for a high GPA at any school their child attended prior.
  10. Absolutely. The law is there for a reason. Teens with their friends in the car get distracted really easily. We would probably take the keys for a time, even if it is his car. A kid that age can only buy his own car because you subsidize a good bit of the rest of his expenses. Still your house.
  11. And they’ll probably get a reality tv show out of it once the plea deals are all worked out.
  12. Can you go with him to the doctor? I assume if he’s off work that long, he’s probably not supposed to drive yet. I’m sorry he’s being so manipulative.
  13. That’s so strange! I don’t like that they can do that!
  14. Isn’t it interesting how the person trying to change the status quo for the better is always the unreasonable party? OP, sounds like it’s an improvement. Hope it continues.
  15. All.the.time. I think it makes us more interesting to talk to. We add “color” to the world.
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