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Pam in CT

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Pam in CT last won the day on February 27

Pam in CT had the most liked content!

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About Pam in CT

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    Qualified Bee Keeper

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    CT
  • Interests
    Reading, writing, gardening, taking (not especially good) pictures, knitting. Not interested in: ironing

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  1. I am so sorry he, and your mom, and you and the rest of your family are suffering this. I'd add to the other posters who've already expressed: if you can possibly manage to see him before he dies, try. Re closure with ashes: My father clearly expressed his wish to be cremated; and so that is what we did though it's not what I would have chosen. He also told us where he wanted his ashes to be spread (an area he long enjoyed hiking/walking in, overlooking a glorious view). My mom, my brother and his wife and (small) kids, my husband and my three (older) kids, and my dog all went together. We had trouble parking, we argued about where the proper trailhead was, we conferred animatedly about wind conditions: my dad would have thoroughly have enjoyed every minute. The funeral parlor had distributed the ashes into small cylinder shaker things: we stood in a circle and each said words or read something, then we wandered around shaking. I agree with Katy that nothing *really* helps with grief other than time. Still: there was closure about his body.
  2. I'm on the other end of CT, but IMO two of the best, and also least known, things to do in the state are the Hillstead house in Farmington (which has a CRAZY collection of paintings, particularly of Impressionists; along with beautiful gardens) and Rocky Hill Dinosaur Park (which is the actual site of a mud flat that dinosaurs once roamed -- they've built an atrium around the now-fossilized actual footprints; it is absolutely the coolest thing ever). The Atheneum also has a very solid collection, and the Mark Twain House (both in Hartford) are both quite interesting. There's also an OK science museum though I think other cities do better than this one. (I adore science museums.) New Haven has several theaters that punch above their weight -- the Schubert, Long Wharf and Yale Rep; so there is ALWAYS something good happening. The Yale natural history and art collections are both very good, and the campus is fun to wander. As mentioned upthread, Mystic is probably the best aquarium in New England and the town is very cute. They also have the Charle Morgan whaling ship with an attached museum which curates the importance of the whaling industry throughout New England reasonably well. Our "beaches" are nice sand but are just on the Sound so there are no real waves; you're better off heading up to Rhode Island for that. Both Newport as mentioned and Providence itself are a lot of fun.
  3. re poison ivy It definitely depends on how sensitive you are, but at a bare minimum I'd thoroughly wash with soap. The spores hang on for a long time. I'm sensitive, and it's in the woods all around me and trails over from the neighbors and is not visible until the leaves grow in, and although I am crazy careful (like, I run inside the house, strip all my clothes directly into the laundry and proceed directly to the shower as soon as I lay eyes on it, having dispatched my less-sensitive husband to actually deal with it) I still get at least one cortisone-shot-requiring case every year from the shears or the hose or the rake tines or something else that's touched it.
  4. CT is a bit weird because the *law* places responsibility for causing children to be educated (including the "how") on parents.... but then Education Department agency *guidelines* inform how districts are supposed to carry out their mandate to provide free and appropriate education to all parents who opt to "cause" education by outsourcing that parental responsibility to public schools. But *parents* are not *mandated* to comply with the agency guidelines. (Some district personnel, particularly at the walking-into-the-office-off-the-streets-without-an-appointment level, genuinely don't understand this nuance; it genuinely is a bit weird.) I'm on the western side of the state; there are lots of resources, particularly in STEM and the arts. The ones I know of are secular, but then the ones I'd be inclined to use would be. (My now-mostly-adult kids mostly attended brick & mortar schools, except for brief intervals for specific purposes.)
  5. There are two of us... Mine also, occasionally, popped a bowl of plain jello in the fridge, but we greatly preferred a bowl of plain instant pudding (gag me with a spork, now) and that took even LESS time so she generally went with that. Oh look we are actually twins separated at birth! I make it with a chopped onion, a big glob of jarred minced garlic, and a glob of jarred tomato sauce swished over the top along with a thorough dumping of Italian seasoning. Giant meatball in a loaf shape, exactly.
  6. So sorry to hear about your mother's illness. And so glad you're doing this together. I don't know LA much/ have anything to add; I'd just second the Getty, tar pits and one of the missions.
  7. Mine as well. All the stuff she used that I don't are -- Minute Rice (!!!), instant mashed potatoes, hot dogs, every canned vegetable under the sun -- fall into the category of new and/or convenient foods. But what lured me into this thread is... Oh my word lima beans. No child of mine has ever seen a lima bean.
  8. My own experience is not cc and also not about autism, so, FWIW. Extreme hardship often leads, eventually, to deeper insight, empathy and, ultimately, wisdom and compassion. Those results of the experience may be perceived, ultimately, as gifts; it is, to my mind, a type of Job Comfort to push that construct onto someone else. Around the time my then-small son was exhibiting very marked signs of a very marked language disability, several well-wishers recommended or gave a book that was garnering a lot of publicity at the time, The Gift of Dyslexia. It's mostly a compendium of very well known high achievers who managed to be extremely successful in fields that draw on non-traditional ways of thinking; and the author makes the argument that brains wired badly for written language are BETTER at visualizing forms, particularly three dimensional forms. That is the "gift" of the title. I expect a similar argument could be made about the autistic brain: it underweights certain modes of thinking that come easy to NT brains, and overweights others; and those other modes of thinking have associated strengths. Thus the observable phenomenon of brilliant coders, or code-breakers, with underdeveloped social skills, who nonetheless manage successful careers and decent personal lives within the comfort of a small circle. We all know such people in real life. The book goes on to lay out a rather silver bullet, fast-results method that involved having the child physically create out of clay the shapes of the letters so as to master them, and thereafter to build common words physically and turn them around to memorize them. (Which strikes out in a very different direction than the longstanding well-researched Orton-Gillingham based phonological principles, somewhat reductively called "phonics," that most research-based reading remediation programs utilize.) Well, first do no harm. Give it a go. I told my son about the high achieving dyslexics (he liked that), and about the "gift" of a well-visualizing brain (he liked that too) and we spent a few pleasant afternoons making, and thereafter playing with, clay letters. And he is, now, very much a visual and creative, out-of-the-box kind of thinker. Who very much required YEARS of sustained O-G based remediation to be able to read at level; there are no magic silver bullets. Who knows well he is, still, dyslexic, and -- though he exults in his own creativity -- does not consider it, at all, to be a "gift." It is an ongoing challenge, with which he has mostly come to a sort of grudging peace along with a reasonably accurate recognition of the kinds of supporting habits and systems and people required to enable him to be productive. It's okay to grieve in the face of a hard diagnosis; for many -- in my experience most -- people, it's NECESSARY to grieve before adjustment and accommodation is fully possible. Some people may, ultimately, wrest lessons and insights and compassion and even joy, ultimately, out of a difficult diagnosis.... and even to experience such hard-won insights as a "gift." That is on them. For others on the outside to direct a person still in grief to re-frame the diagnosis as a gift, before the person is ready... well. To my mind that is thin theology and even worse manners. God told Job's comforters as much.
  9. That's lovely -- what a fabulous *shape* to the blossom. What zone are you in? What are you having it climb? I'd love to try that.
  10. Never tried milk paint. One year I had some leftover tinted stain and I kind of sponged it on to whatever pots I had lying around for a mossy mottled effect. It was nice and held up as long as the pots, LOL. But that is, theoretically at least, a sealant. (And getting my pots to look nicely "aged" is, anyway, not where my problems lie. One good rainstorm and everything's streaked with dirt anyway.)
  11. re advantages (cooling) vs disadvantages (faster drying out) of terra-cotta This is me. We don't have that many super-hot days in CT (certainly relative to southern CA), so while I do expect that the breathability of terra-cotta is a hypothetical advantage it's less beneficial here than elsewhere. What we ARE famous for is very abrupt CHANGES in temperature, particularly in the fall and spring, which causes anything clay to crack (and also for enormous rocks to heave up from the earthen core into plowed & prepped beds, le sigh). I don't think I've ever had a clay planter, glazed or unglazed, last more than two or three seasons. They just don't make it through the winters. But I love the way clay *looks* so, what can you do. Smaller ones I bring in. Anyway, my initial report on painting the pots on the outside and rim but not inside: they *do* still seem to be absorbing from the inside (I can see the splotches where the water is absorbed)... but since they aren't able to exhale, they OTOH presumably won't have the expiration/temp decrease advantages but perhaps OTO will manage to *retain* moisture better than glazed or plastic (?). Or alternatively the paint will flake off by the end of the season. Which, at $3.48 per pot plus paint, fine.
  12. Aw, honey. One more $@%!! thing. I have a nephew who was diagnosed with celiac at age 10 after a very long time with no zip, skinny as, sad and gloomy. It took six months from diagnosis, and a lot of adjustment on everybody's part. But it made a WORLD of difference, physically, mentally and emotionally. So, yeah. Annoying but a good thing. (hugs... you don't need annoying)
  13. re terracotta permeability I wondered too. I only painted the outside and the rim, not the inside, on the theory that the pots will hold moisture from the inside but not breathe it out. But who knows, really. They *look* smashing, so there's that. I'll put up some pics once they're planted.
  14. Lori I this. Yesterday was warm, so I spent it clearing; and today I hit Home Depot and grabbed armfuls of herbs and and foliage perennials and flowering shrubs... but it's still only 45 at midday, so I think I'll leave them sheltered for a few days before planting. They had a great number of very cheap and very stylishly shaped terra-cotta pots... so I'm spending the afternoon conducting an experiment, painting them with high gloss Rustoleum paint. Anyone ever tried this? They were so cheap I don't really mind if they only last the season, but I'm curious if paint accelerates the demise of the pot, delays the demise of the pot, makes no difference to the lifespan of the pot, or just flakes off in the first good storm. (I'm going latex because I'm too impatient to wait and too lazy to clean brushes.)
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