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Pam in CT

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Everything posted by Pam in CT

  1. "dealing" with moles for *decades*, here This. In our experience, there's no such thing as permanently getting rid of moles. Even if you're willing to use non-safe dangerous-to-pets products. Which around my rosebeds, whose roots the moles love, I am. With relentless diligence you can encourage them *away* from particular, finite areas... and over to other areas, or over to becoming the neighbors' problem. For a small lawn, I'd try the castor oil (they love rose roots too much for it to be effective there; we have to use the toxic underground smoke bomb things you put into the tunnels. And even that is only good for a couple of months; they come back.)
  2. That is one special kid you got there. Modeling to US, he is. I'm glad you're hanging in, and helping to work out the kinks.
  3. (( @heartlikealion )) thank you for trying. For trying to better understand the circumstances, for trying to figure out some way to help people who are clearly suffering, for trying to sort through and articulate your thoughts. Trying to make a difference, even a very small difference, is very often not particularly gratifying in the moment. It takes a while to find the right entry point, something that fits our disposition and style; caring for children may not be the best entry point for you. There are many, many other ways; I hope you hang in and find one that works for you.
  4. What would it take for any of *us* to pick up our kids and take them to our southern border right now, knowing how they'll be treated once they arrive? The lure of below-minimum jobs in the meat-packing plants and agricultural fields and construction crews and hotel cleaning services and back kitchens of restaurants notwithstanding: it's not like we're putting out a welcome mat. Home, by Warsan Shire no one leaves home unless home is the mouth of a shark. you only run for the border when you see the whole city running as well. your neighbours running faster than you, the boy you went to school with who kissed you dizzy behind the old tin factory is holding a gun bigger than his body, you only leave home when home won't let you stay. no one would leave home unless home chased you, fire under feet, hot blood in your belly. it's not something you ever thought about doing, and so when you did - you carried the anthem under your breath, waiting until the airport toilet to tear up the passport and swallow, each mouthful of paper making it clear that you would not be going back. you have to understand, no one puts their children in a boat unless the water is safer than the land.  who would choose to spend days and nights in the stomach of a truck unless the miles travelled meant something more than journey. no one would choose to crawl under fences, be beaten until your shadow leaves you, raped, then drowned, forced to the bottom of the boat because you are darker, be sold, starved, shot at the border like a sick animal, be pitied, lose your name, lose your family, make a refugee camp a home for a year or two or ten, stripped and searched, find prison everywhere and if you survive and you are greeted on the other side with go home blacks, refugees dirty immigrants, asylum seekers sucking our country dry of milk, dark, with their hands out smell strange, savage - look what they've done to their own countries, what will they do to ours? the dirty looks in the street softer than a limb torn off, the indignity of everyday life more tender than fourteen men who look like your father, between your legs, insults easier to swallow than rubble, than your child's body in pieces - for now, forget about pride your survival is more important. i want to go home, but home is the mouth of a shark home is the barrel of the gun and no one would leave home unless home chased you to the shore unless home tells you to leave what you could not behind, even if it was human. no one leaves home until home is a damp voice in your ear saying leave, run now, i don't know what i've become.
  5. FWIW, the forensic expert whose general statement about general hypoid bone fractures was included in WaPo's origin story about Epstein has issued a statement, including both a clarification that he did not himself examine Epstein body, and also that such fractures are "well recognized" as possible in suicides by hanging.
  6. In *my* world, planning now for a fall vacation does NOT count as "last minute," LOL. A few years ago we were waiting on a rescue dog, not sure when things would work out, so I couldn't plan a vacation for the interval my kids had vacation. (Fabulous, ) dog arrived with us 9 days before vacation, sending me into a scramble to find somewhere a) I could drive to, while b) taking the dog and kids, that was c) close enough to an airport that my husband could join us efficiently; and d) warm. I ended up with a dog-friendly VRBO in St Simons GA, one block in from a beautiful white sand beach, easy walk into the super-cute town with mini-golf and cafes and a slew of dog-terrace restaurants. Everyone recalls it as one of our best vacations. I think (? can't quite remember) my husband flew in/out of Savannah. In any rate, the flight was direct (from NY, so lots of places are direct) and given the truly-last-minute not too expensive.
  7. FWIW, the WSJ is reporting that it was Epstein's own counsel who requested he be taken off suicide watch.. ... while AP is reporting that the federal MCC in which he was being held (which has also held such high-profile individuals as Reza Zarrab, Joshua Schulte and El Chapo over the last two years, every one of whom have had reported... "irregularities" during their time there) is suffering such extreme staffing shortages that Back to the WSJ account, If the "irregularities" amount to a couple of overtired/ short-staffed guards not being too fastidious about ensuring that an entitled serial child molester is protected from self-harm... well. Not protocol for sure; and frustrating from the vantage point of victims wanting justice; but hardly the stuff of global murder conspiracies or gripping suspense fiction.
  8. Oh (( Jean )). Holding the college student you're caring for in the light. This is a great idea.
  9. We went several times to the one in PA when the kids were under ~15. Magiquest = great, food = pretty terrible, themed rooms w/ bunks are all you need. For us it was critical to get off campus for a few meals, to do a bit of hiking, just to breathe some non-chlorinated air. And inside the waterpark area it is, unavoidably, LOUD, to which I'm sensitive. And all that said it's a lot of fun. Enjoy it.
  10. re reading one another's minds/ intentions Or... get offended because someone said "no problem" instead of "you're welcome." We may have gone full circle here, folks. (I really don't think it -- either you're welcome v no problem, or sir/ma'am -- is a millennial / boomer thing, or a northern / southern thing, or a Good Manners / Bad Manners thing, or certainly certainly not a Good People / Bad People thing. Customs vary. On little stuff like this -- we are talking about courtesies between strangers conducting transactions at the supermarket - that's OK. On the big stuff it's helpful to understand the differences and try to respect one another's preferences. May peace be upon us all.)
  11. Well, and that he'll never rape young girls again. Which is no small thing, but still not justice or closure.
  12. Whatever the circumstances around Epstein's death, the attention of both the SDNY prosecutors who brought charges against Epstein himself, and of the investigations that AG Bill Barr just announced he will initiate into the apparent suicide, will turn to Epstein associates named in the SDNY criminal and other civil cases related to him. The farthest along of the civil cases is that between Virginia Giuffre against Ghislaine Maxwell, who allegedly operated for many years as Epstein's main procurer of young girls. It was the Giuffre-Maxwell case -- not the criminal case for which Epstein was detained -- whose judge unsealed a tremendous trove of documents yesterday. Maxwell -- long a highly visible regular at high society events -- seems recently to have vanished from the public spotlight. Adam Klasfeld, one of the best of the SDNY court watchers, whom many of those of us who frequent the politics group (which has followed Epstein's case since the Miami Herald broke it back open last November; come on over) follow, made an interesting observation about what comes next:
  13. FWIW (in the event you want to update the details of your theory, LOL) it's being reported as by hanging. Very frustrating from the vantage point of victims who were hoping to finally have some closure. This isn't that.
  14. Ken Diamin/NBC has tweeted out confirmation though he hasn't gotten a story up yet.
  15. ABC is reporting he succeeded the second time. So far no other outlets have corroborated.
  16. I was just thinking about this too! I don't actually know. But the sense my mind stitched together was that it might derive similarly to the Old English phrase "well met." Like (I imagined in my head), you've had someone over for mutton and boiled cabbage and mead for dinner, they stood at the door on the way out and said thank you, you said "you're well come," meaning, it is well that you came. Suggesting a reciprocal pleasure in the encounter. I have no idea if this is actually the etymology but it made good sense inside my head, LOL I often see English nuance better by comparing to other languages. To me, if I draw a spectrum with "de nada"/"de rien"/"no problem" on one end; and "con mucho gusto"/"avec plaisir"/"with pleasure" on the other end, "you're welcome" is straight up in the middle. Today. But if the "well met / well come" etymology is right, perhaps it once derived more on the "with pleasure" side of the spectrum. ETA: and not all encounters that generate thanks *are* reciprocally pleasurable, and that's fine. When you have people over for dinner, or host family holidays, etc, there *is* joy in the hosting as well as in the eating. Commercial transactions not so much. That's fine.
  17. re gradations of slightly different meaning: When I studied Spanish as a kid, the response was "de nada," or "for nothing" or "it was nothing," which tracks pretty closely to "no problem." When I studied Spanish in Central America, the common response is "con mucho gusto," or "with much pleasure," which tracks much closer to "it was a pleasure." Both are, to my ear, gracious good manners, But the emphasis is a little different. And while "con mucho gusto" is enchanting, and connotes a much higher degree of connection and relationship building than "de nada"... that isn't necessarily what you're looking for with the grocery store attendant. Nor is "pleasure" in the encounter quite true. "No problem," to my ear, minimizes the scope of the effort. I refill my husband's coffee cup at the same time as I do my own, no problem. Truly it was no extra effort at all. "You're welcome" neutrally acknowledges the thanks. I take my mother to a doctor's appointment, she well deserves the favor even though it does, in fact, inconvenience me somewhat. "It was a pleasure" emphasizes the reciprocity of the encounter. I cover the theater ticket of my adult daughter and we go together; yes I paid but I dearly love spending the time with her. They're all appropriate.
  18. This is what my father-in-law does (and mother-in-law did when she was alive). My FIL has subsequently remarried, and his wife goes by Firstname with us all. My husband was the first among his siblings to get married, and they *asked* me. Both of them referred to their own respective MILs as "Mom" at the time, but despite a tiny twinge of guilt at disrupting the pattern they had set for themselves, I felt as the OP feels, I already have a mother, that name is sacred to me. So I chose Firstnames and that set the pattern for my husband's siblings' spouses; now everyone in our generation uses Firstnames. But. If your in-laws didn't ask you in the beginning, and the pattern now is set... it might be disruptive or hurtful to make a Big Deal about wanting to change and why. How do you imagine it would play if you just, simply, starting addressing them as Firstname and Firstname? Are there other inlaws who call them Firstname?
  19. Right. And as comes through clearly in the excellent article you cite on how 8chan originated and evolved, it has also become a dark-corner-haven not just for violent gamers but also for incels and Replacement Theory manifestos such as those that presaged the Christchurch, Chabad and (apparently) El Paso mass shootings. The Wall Street Journal just put up an article about 8chan tonight, including the news that the founder whose (pretty awfully tragic) story is traced in the article you linked is tonight calling upon Jim Watkins, the man to whom he has turned the site over, for it to be shut down:
  20. You'll have a wonderful time in Alaska. It is a vast, beautiful and baffling place. I'm glad you're going even though the getting-there is a little daunting. My husband flies a lot but has never really gotten over flying anxiety. He reports that good quality noise-cancelling headphones have made more difference than anything else he's ever tried (and he's tried a lot of things). He loads his phone with both music and a zips-along-plot-driven audiobook, he straps himself in and does not pay one lick of attention to anything at all going on throughout the flight.
  21. Sure. If you insert the words "retard" or "fat slob" the precise same logic holds. It will be heard more acutely by some than others; some barely register it at all. What is different about rude race-based language, and a lot of other rude language, is what you (I think correctly) identify as "making us angry": a very large segment of white Americans has chosen to experience the slightest implication that we could do even a little bit better on racial matters, as being "smeared" as a "racist." And further, that to be "smeared a racist" is more unforgivable than racism itself. There's no equivalent construct for other rude labels even though they, too, are "heard" differently by different people. To respond that way is a CHOICE. It is a CHOICE that speaks to INTENTION about behavior going forward in time. How we intend to behave going forward in time is data, on who we are and what our "intent" was looking back in time. Our behavior is not a one-shot one-off event. We live in time. Who I am tomorrow is related to who I am today and was yesterday. Given how many times I've screwed up in the past, I dearly hope I do better tomorrow. The good news is: I have the chance to do better. I am a little flummoxed by the idea that we are forever bound to keep on doing all the inadvertently dopey and insensitive stuff we've done in the past. If it really *was* inadvertent then we are glad for our chance to do better. Baruch hashem. If OTOH we don't WANT to do better... well OK, that's a choice; but that particular choice rather begs the question if it really was inadvertent in the first place, doesn't it.
  22. No, but I'm now going to raise it with my library. We're an easy drive from Boston. Thank you! (I grew up in a house with a cupboard under the stairs too )
  23. The word "intent" is related to the word "intention." Intent is not, solely, backward looking, what was in my head in a given moment in the past. Intent is also forward looking, what I intend to do the next time around. There will, always, be a next time around. That is it. None of us can see what was in anyone else's heart at a given moment in the PAST. We can see what happens next. If it looks something like this: ... that's data. If it looks like this: ... that's data. And if it looks like a righteous insistence that I can use whatever language I'm used to, or It's too exhausting to think about how my words affect others, or How dare you suggest I'm racist, when I don't have a racist bone in my body!, or You know who's racist? People who insist on talking about race, that's who! ... that, too, is data.
  24. re evil vs suffering; and human vs natural causes of suffering There's a point at which distinctions are semantic, I suppose. But babies born with genetic disorders that cause pain to themselves and their families, kids suffering cancer, the miscarriages and stillborn deaths of deeply longed-for children, family members swept away by tsunamis, earthquakes precipitating landslides that collapse houses and kill thousands: those things are not caused by anyone's rebellion against God or the expression of anyone's free will. We can define all that away as not-evil, because it is not-humanly-caused: that's a semantic distinction. But those things still, indisputably, cause suffering. And if we believe God is all-good, and we believe that all things -- even material things -- originate with God, then there's still a reconciliation question. Cancer and tsunamis are physical, not spiritual. (That God is all-good premise is of course a premise... which not all religious traditions share.. and one possible resolution to the reconciliation quandary is to accept that EVERYTHING originates with God, the bad with the good, the monsters and demons along with the angels, the human urge to kill and torture and dominate along with the human urge to love and tend, the life-taking tsunamis & earthquakes along with the live-giving sun & rain: all of it comes from God, all. That is a reasonable reading of Job and it is also the basis of an important strand of teaching within Judaism. God is omnipotent, period, no comment on that all-good business. I am what I will be. A hard reading, perhaps, but without the reconciliation question.)
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