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About frogger

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    Hive Mind Larvae

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    Hiking, skiing, studying the Bible, economics, and history.

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  1. When we first married and both worked full time we divided household chores according to like. I didn't want to think about meals every night so he did all the cooking and I did all the cleaning and we were both content. Things got a little switched up when I decided to stay home with kids but DH is still amuch better cook and we often revert to our original roles when we have a guest on the weekend or something.
  2. When we were first married we both packed our own. Somewhere along the way, after I was staying home full time, I started packing his food because I'm a total Scrooge with the food budget. We typically don't buy frozen food etc. We usually have what's on sale and I know how to rotate through food so it doesn't get wasted. Certain things need eaten quicker than other things. If I'm sick or something he will of course pack his own. My son packs his own the vast majority of the time but a few times when I was making wraps for his father I had stuff to add him in. I left a note so he would know they were his and he has always added a thank you to the bottom of the note with no prompting.
  3. I sometimes worry that having the stricter budgets makes things too individualized. I also want all of them to learn to just take care of each other too. That we are a family and in this together. That things aren't always fair, etc. After all, we are a family unit. So there are draw backs to our way of doing things. This is where just paying because you're my child is a benefit. Of course, they can't always comprehend how much things cost if they aren't paying. I find they help each other with chores and other things if someone is busy so I think they are getting that somehow.
  4. You always stipulate a trial period with the express understanding that it can be revoked.
  5. And I can relate to your son. I haven't had my hair cut professionally for about 15 years. I just chop it off in the bathroom sometimes. My boys have an advantage since their sister is cheap. $5. Although I required them to be free until she got some practice in. She had a grandma teach her the basics for clipping boys hair.
  6. The only one who gave me trouble was my ten year old because he really doesn't care how he looks at all and would have happily wore ratty stained shirts so small his belly would stick out. My kids were older when I started this, which is an important point. We discussed if he was to keep the privilage (it's a privalage not a right 🙂 ) to make his own decisions with the money budgeted for him, he was going to have to dress appropriately, have winter gear, clean his teeth, in other words be responsible like a grown up or he would go back to mom and dad having to make decisions for him. I'd still keep it budgeted out for him but have say over where it went. I still do reserve that right but really haven't had to use it since he was 10 or so. He will be 12 this summer. The only one who asks to be cashed out in full every month is the 13 year old but he has earned my trust. Sometimes if he has money left he will put it in his savings account. IF he has been putting money in the savings account he can ask for a withdrawl for something big like belt testing or tournament fees but he usually never asks. The rest leave their money ageing in my bank account quite often, though it ebbs and flows. Part of this is the older two have their own money from jobs often. I realize this wouldn't work for everyone especially with different age kids or different issues but it has really worked for us.
  7. Until 2 years ago my children didn't get allowances. To get paid for chores it had to be something beyond their normal chores. I also noticed it was hard to tell if I was being fair to all of so I tried giving them an allowance. The thing is when I did that it was now up to them to pay for ALL their own stuff. Clothes, haircuts, toothbrushes, music lessons, tournament fees for sports, uniforms, activities with friends, gifts for others, everything except health expenses and meals. If they want snack food they have to buy that though. The youngest has a lizard and that makes his budget super tight but he will buy the cheapest clothes although he is very sad that hand me downs no longer work and he cares less about activities. He also splits the cost for the dog since the dog is for my two youngest. That money is just split off right away so neither can accidently spend their share of the dog spending. 13 year old DS spends money faster but typically on clothes (workboots, nice pair of pants for church etc.) Of course, if he pays full price a pair of good boots requires 2 or 3 months allowance so they try to get odd jobs away from home too and he is always looking for a deal. They also look for ways to save money. My oldest son bought my daughter clippers in exchange for free haircuts. You learn what's important to them and it's interesting what they say no to. They never ask for money now. I never thought I'd give my children money but really it's taught them responsibility. They look for deals on clothes and don't ask if they can go somewhere without knowing they can pay for it themselves..
  8. I don't have time to read all the replies but I wanted to say, you can only take responsability for your actions, not for your circumstances. I don't know you but from what I have gathered you have never starved your children. You try to overcome dyslexia. You didn't neglect them but made sure they were clothed, fed, intellectually stimulated. You sacrificed for them. You are a good mom. They are individuals not robots. We don't get to just program them to do what society wants but despite all the frustration you do your best. You are a good mom. Everyday you get out of bed and you haven't run off to the Carribean yet. That definitly counts as a good mom. Though it wouldn't kill them for you to run away for a short period of time. 😉
  9. I am in no way trained which is why I like listening to an insturment play my part when learning it because it's easier for me, especially harmony. But I love variety. A choir is beautiful because all the parts work together. The same with an orchestra or even a band. I fall in love with insturments when I hear them played well. If I at a later date were tortured by consistant bad playing it can change my mind. I confess I love big band sound and brass and am also glad none of my children have wanted to play brass. 🙂
  10. Wow. We attend a small church where all the worship team members have day jobs and families and do other stuff at the church so that would be asking a lot of anyone. Plus, nobody (in our specific case) knows much about harp, well, accept her. She has seen music ordered for the orchestra that would have required her to have 3 feet before. I can't remember what song that was but her teacher got a laugh out of it. But boy would she love it.
  11. Thanks Wintermom. I'm not super musical so I can't say. She knows as a harpist sometimes you just sit out of a song. Lever harps only can play in so many keys too so I can see the added challenge with that. She also keeps telling me there is always someone on keyboard or piano and she can't just do the same thing as the pianist even though harp and piano often play the same role, more of a percussive role I guess. But what to do as a harpist if the piano is playing your part, she doesn't know. That's why I was hoping for some kind of workshop. It sounds like a jamming workshop wouldn't be enough though. That the role of harp in with modern instrument worship has different kinds of challenges from what I hear you and her saying.
  12. My son was older when he got his licence and was traveling out of the country. I figured if he had his own card it would be one less thing to think about as he transitions to being on his own. I didn't want a debit as I think credit cards have more protections. So he a secured card through our credit union. I'm hoping that by the time he moves this fall he can have an unsecured one, not to carry debt but pay for books online, get gas, or other things where cash isn't viable.
  13. I will see what she thinks of that book. And Donna, though I can't afford another teacher and hers can do Celtic music also you made me think to look up specifically Celtic music and I found a Celtic festival in April with workshops which includes jamming with other insturments too. Yay! She did a a bunch of Irish music but it was just jigs and such not a real improv. She was doing mainly solo work before orchestra took over. She knows chord progessions, how to transpose, do sound effects, and she does arrange music, but hearing a song and just knowing what to do and having a few hours practice before leading worship in a few days might be too much pressure. She freezes. She wants to be told what to do. Ha. I guess she got used to having a condutor. But really she has to be willing to come up with it. I also need to drive it through her head it doesn't need to be perfect or difficult. Keep it simple. Thanks
  14. So my daughter plays in the youth symphony and does fine with reading music when it's specific. She also has arranged things (older hymns that aren't copyrighted) 🙂 for solo play. What she really wants to be able to do currently is help on the worship team but has a hard time coming up with ideas fast enough. Basically, she needs jamming skills. She has tried once and survived 🙂 but I think she would benefit with an online workshop or dvd or something. Has anyone discovered something like that. Googling harp learning stuff is the pits. Seems like you have to get to page 72 to find anything relevant.
  15. Sadly, the city is reluctant to install speed bumps, in other words refuses, because it makes plowing difficult. Which is understandable. I wasn't thinking of the big round-a-bouts used to replace stop lights. I was thinking of the little circles (sometimes not even at intersections) that makes a car kind of swerve around them.
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