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TechWife

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TechWife last won the day on August 8

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About TechWife

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    Beekeeping Professor
  • Birthday July 18

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    Sunny Southeastern US

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  1. Well, my husband doesn’t have EF issues and he has an administrative assistant to “scaffold” him. He has so much going on that someone else manages his schedule and his travel arrangements for him. There is absolute nothing wrong with someone helping keep another person organized and on task. My son does have ADHD - he will likely always need help. At this stage in his work life, no one is going to pay someone else to help him, so I help him keep his schedule straight. If he had enough money he could hire a professional ADHD coach to help him, but he doesn’t, so I’m the coach. No amount of “letting him fail” helped him understand the flow of time, break down large tasks into smaller ones and plan ahead for needed supplies, etc. when he was on school. No amount of work repercussions is going to help now. So - his work schedule and social plans go on a master calendar and we sit down on a regular basis to set alarms on his phone for various things. I don’t do his work for him, but I do provide support necessary so that he can work. Really, if your daughter still needs help when she’s older, what is the benefit to her or anyone else for denying her the help she needs? Why make up your mind now what you will & won’t do? Refusing her help now and in the future isn’t going to change anything and it could make things far worse for her in both the short and long term. She isn’t doing this on purpose - so see if there are ways you can help her or get the school to help her with an IEP. If she doesn’t get the help she needs, college could be a moot point. ADHD is really serious business as far as how it impacts life.
  2. I'm four years past the graduation of our son, now. I really don't know what's best for you, but I can tell you that I considered returning to school, but didn't because I felt I'd perform poorly on the GRE or GMAT. I was considering an MHA or MSW. I'd be long finished by now, though. I kinda wish I'd done it, but I still don't want to take the entrance exam! My 18 year break in work history didn't serve me well, even though I did quite a bit of volunteer work that was on my resume. I looked for a rewarding part or full time job, and they are hard to come by. I could get a retail job or doing some type of office assistant work, but I don't want to do that - it would be frustrating more than satisfying. I have found a lot of satisfaction doing volunteer work. I am now serving in a leadership capacity within the hospital where I volunteer, after putting in 500+ hours of time, which isn't really a lot - I work with fundraisers, help manage grants, run committee meetings, make recommendations to staff & train volunteers. I couldn't get a paying job this good or this satisfying - the best part is I can set my own hours. I put in anywhere from 3-15 hours a week depending on what is happening (more hours during special events and fundraising events, fewer hours when the schedule is typical. I"ll never get a paycheck, but I have a lot of responsibility, am well-respected across the board and my work is appreciated by both hospital employees and patients. I even pursued a certification to sharpen my skills in the area where I volunteer, so non-degree educational opportunities are there. I would still one day like to get another degree, but it may be that doing the continuing education to maintain my degree would be satisfying enough - we'll see.
  3. Ah - thank you. I had completely overlooked that somehow, even as I was looking for it specifically. Now it does remain to be seen if he lives a life appropriate to repentance, but this is a start.
  4. There was no mention of repentance in his statement. Maybe he's not there yet, but it's something we need to be aware of going forward with him. I'd never heard of him until this story broke.
  5. This happened here, too, with the shampoo. Soap was just kind of randomly, with no real sense of purpose.
  6. Could it be something he is eating? Some people really do have hard to control body odor. Has he tried one of the clinical deodorant/antiperspirants available over the counter? My dh has found that he has to rotate brands every few months for them to maintain their effectiveness. He rotates between Degree Clinical and Gillette Clinical. Beyond that, there are prescription strength deodorants available as well.
  7. Yes. The potential employer sets the terms of the interview in the same way that they set the terms of the job.
  8. Oh - do you have a hobby in common that you can plan off of? DH and I would one day like to do a "reading trip" to visit local bookstores and beautiful libraries. We always find book stores when we travel & it's a lot of fun. If you enjoy a particular type of cuisine you could plan off of that, too.
  9. DC is a lot of fun - I highly recommend it! There seems to be something there for everyone. The metro system is really great, so you don't have to drive or get a taxi/Uber. For our 25th anniversary we went to Paris using frequent flier miles & hotel points (my husband travels a lot for work). No driving needed - public transport is solid. For our 50th birthday year we went to San Diego to attend a U2 concert - is there a performance of some kind you always wanted to see that you could combine with a trip? A specific concert or play? We used Uber or walked in San Diego. We took ds to London for his Senior trip - again on frequent flier miles & hotel points. London is fantastic and you don't have to drive at all due to the Tube.
  10. It's not a slight. My son still uses it informally. But, it is no longer a formal diagnosis as it has no dx code in the classification system. A newly diagnosed person would have the diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. The person who diagnosed her may have described the severity and told her that previously she would have been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome in conversation, but she should not be receiving that as her formal diagnosis. If she was given that as a formal diagnosis, she needs to find another person to evaluate her as the evaluator is not up to date - this change happened back in 2013. Also, I'm not sure you can work this into conversation or anything, but it's possible that she wasn't misdiagnosed previously. It's possible that she has both ADHD and ASD - my son has both and has formally been dx with both. Every evaluation my son had did have a reading list for "further information" attached. There may be one on hers, but she may not have access to the actual evaluation itself, so don't suggest it. You may just want to ask her if she's checked with her parents about reading recommendations. Parents vary in the way that they handle their kids reading their complete evaluations because maturity levels differ and they can be hard to read as they tend to sound very negative. For us, personally, it didn't come up until the spring of his junior year in high school and I let him read them when he asked to do so. He read all of his evaluations at the same time (there were four of them, dating back to first grade). I would not have let him read them any earlier - we just would have talked through some of the specific evaluation results - whatever the biggest concern at the time was. Thankfully, we had an evaluator talk to us about this early in the process so we had time to think about how to approach it. Books: Growing Up on the Spectrum: A Guide to Life, Love and Learning for Teens and Adults Parties, Dorms and Social Norms Developing Workplace Skills for Young Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder Succeeding in College with Asperger Syndrome: A Student Guide - an older book but very, very good. There are a variety of books on social skills, we were never able to find a very good match during the teen years, but there are more resources available today than even just five years ago, so hopefully someone else will pipe in. ETA: I just re-read your message and realize you didn't specify the age of your friend - I don't know why I assumed she was a teen! In any case, we haven't searched for adult reference books, so I'll be reading this thread with interest. I'm assuming if your friend is an adult, she's read the full evaluation. ETAA: Ah - I see the title said older teen. Now I know why I though that. Carry on!
  11. In your circumstances, I wouldn't go, but I would go ahead and call her the day after the funeral and explain that you have attended several out of town funerals for family members in the past month and simply couldn't make it. Then, try to set up a Saturday afternoon visit in a month or so. Under normal circumstances, I would encourage you to go, but these are not normal circumstances, try not to feel badly about that. Oh, and gently tell your husband that "you're sure" and to please stop asking you because it causes you more stress right now.
  12. In your case, I think you did the right thing. Failing classes is serious business!
  13. I was thinking the same thing. Even if they don't have "evidence" in the way of direct witness observation, the report will be there if something comes up later on the officer. Also, they may check in with the PD and get information about the previous incidents, which could cause them to act in some way, even if it is keeping an "open file" on the officer.
  14. Yes, it is an ethical dilemma, I totally agree. Doing the right thing isn’t about making yourself feel good, though. Sometimes doing the right thing is scary, crappy & anxiety provoking. All possible outcomes need to be considered, even negative ones & I didn’t mean to downplay that at all. But, when outcomes are considered, it remains true that in a moral society the default must be to do the right thing. If I’m understanding you correctly, you perceive that reporting isn’t the right thing to do. Others look at the same, limited facts that we have available to us and think that reporting is the right thing to do. Apparently, that has been Dawn’s conclusion as well. Considering possible outcomes has the benefit of allowing us to anticipate and prepare for consequences. The right thing isn’t always obvious and the consequences aren’t always enjoyable. Doing the right thing is often very difficult - but we shouldn’t avoid doing the right thing based upon how it makes us feel - good or bad.
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