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Sneezyone

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Everything posted by Sneezyone

  1. Not anymore. Our situation just got too complicated with a rental property, dual and contract income, dependent extended family, and a kid in college. The first year (2 years worth plus some back clean up work) it was $1400 or so. This year it’s $455. Worth every penny. I feel lucky that we got out of that transitional year owing $5k.
  2. I think that experience (of ignored abuse, heartened and closed off emotion) is more common among children born of obligation/expectation and not a desire to parent regardless of where or how children are schooled. The absence of eyeballs only affects/can change things for those who have people that care enough to intervene in their orbit. Most of these kids don’t. Reading your description of your ex was triggering.
  3. I have neglected my garden for MONTHS and am trying to dig myself out of a hole. I haven't even cut back the dead growth on my switchgrass. My cabbage never headed (although it looks lovely and big) and now it's bolted b/c our daytime temps are in the 70s. Same for my broccoli and brussels sprouts. My kale, collards, and mustard greens are still ok...for now. Pests are becoming an issue again for the raised beds, not the plants in the ground. I planted some early girl tomatoes and jalapeno peppers already. I put my bush and pole beans in the ground (although no rain in the forecast the soil is still moist). I have volunteer tomato and dill seedlings from things that were left in the beds last year. In the past, I pulled everything out, added compost and mulch but I was lazy. I'm not sure what to expect for yields this year. I've been collecting grounds from Starbucks and will add some additional amendments as top dressing and hope for the best. I tried overwintering eggplant and peppers...we'll see if it works. My lemongrass overwintered, as did my artichoke plant. 'They' say we're are Zone 8a/b but judging from my results last year, I think we're fully Zone 9. Last month, I had a crew clean out my backyard beds and hack off a TON (under and over) from my camellias, azaleas, aucuba, euonymus and whatever else was back there. They look like bald headed stumps but they’re super hardy and will grow back just fine (tamed). This weekend, I got all of my decorative pots refreshed (my spike plants overwintered...it was soooo mild!!). I put in some flag grass, heuchera and sedum in the shadier spots, and next weekend I'll transplant some lenten roses. In the sunnier spots, I put in a couple of rosemary and lavender plants. My marsh marigolds are already in full bloom. I want to add a dwarf citrus tree in that bed too. Some of the liriope I transplanted two years ago are finally growing. Now, of course, I don't want them there, so I need to find them a new home.
  4. This part. These are skills that can be cultivated tho, even in adulthood. People who don't have them, as kids and as adults (varying degrees obvs) are challenging to work and live with. I think 'figure it out' as dogma was traumatic for me. It was a form of parental neglect. Teaching/Modeling how and when to ask for help is how I tweaked it for myself and our kids.
  5. This is hilarious b/c a neighbor once came over and asked DH if he could borrow ‘his’ compound miter saw. DH said no, but I’ll ask my wife if you can borrow *her* saw! DH hasn’t operated anything more powerful than a cordless drill in 27 years, lol.
  6. FTR- I am preparing to take over too, with or without DH. It’s hard on the ego for men conditioned to be ‘the breadwinner’. It’s even harder when you’ve indulged that fantasy too long. Renegotiation in progress. Misogyny hurts everyone b/c there certainly are policies that could help.
  7. and makeup, 😂. I resemble them…NOW. For me, the voice was theatrical and cringy but it was the whole package. She’s a U.S. Senator, one of 100 in the entire country, reduced to a ‘housewife’ to appeal to…me? No one I know who’s lived the SAHM life (and many have ample resources) is a shrinking violet with a whispery, plaintive demeanor. When our spouses are deployed, we do all. Those who have means, even ample means, don’t live in homes with subzero fridges with custom panels. Like, maybe your retirement home? Not real…we’re still in the trenches. It was just so…off. Is that really what half the county thinks women want to see and be?
  8. This. I’ve done both, before and after kids, and left significant $$ on the table in the process. I don’t regret that but it did leave me vulnerable for a long time(not now). Watching the ‘tradwife’/porn preference take root among inCels and radicals on BOTH sides of the political spectrum, and now living thru DHs untimely midlife crisis, is hard. I’m not scared per se (b/c my career is restarted and lively) but terrified for those who have few/no options if their relationships fail. The disenfranchisement or bust/ ‘die enceinte for the cause’ folks truly scare me. Everyone else is conquerable at my desk or at the polls.
  9. The fridge (I’m bougie and I know it) IMMEDIATELY jumped out at me.
  10. My SHEroes, raising *good* kids in obscurity and raising their profile only when their primary/hardest work was done successfully.
  11. This is my stance and EXACTLY what I said to our school board. They can bite me. My kid will have his phone. If he’s on it, bring down the hammer. Otherwise? All the bad words.
  12. Or, maybe they’re mature and intentional? Still, nothing a parent needs to comment on or be involved in.
  13. I would note that my child wasn't named, tagged, or specifically mentioned and keep it moving.
  14. 1994– I wore a shimmery dark green sleeveless fit and flare with a sweetheart neckline, floor length. If I still had it, I’d wear it today. 🥰
  15. Could be. It’s a big, public family and we have more than one NPD, all spawned from the same person.
  16. You’re describing some of my cousins.
  17. Trust, I’ve seen it. It’s easier to blame long-term victims who act out or cut off contact than confront the complicity that permitted the abuse and disfunction to flourish. Watching the reveal before neutral witnesses in court is validating.
  18. In my experience, the NPD will torment whoever is left that might even possibly get the person who leaves to respond. It takes a lot of discipline to go no contact and few have the stomach to do it family wide.
  19. I totally appreciate having larger properties (b/c that’s all they are) available for STR but I stopped using them years ago when their fees and (not)benefits became ridiculous. We get better hospitality, cleanliness, and prices at hotels these days. Beyond screwing with local housing markets, the value just isn’t there. Nine months of mortgage for my sib=3 months of short term nursing housing with thrice as much space located a short 15 min drive away.
  20. This part. Short term housing with kitchens (condos) are regulated in some places (as they should be) like hotels. Never had an issue.
  21. Just to push back...they are REQUIRED to accommodate all and not turn people away but that is NOT their reason for being. It's unrealistic to think that the people operating the system (because that is how systems work) wont have feelings about a newcomer potentially sitting for exams that they're not prepared to do well on, potentially impacting their bonuses, teacher ratings/reviews, etc. We've had lots of discussions here about the importance of and reasons for starting kids at various points, depending on district tracks and norms. Having *HAD* to start my kids mid-year b/c of a military move, I can assure you it is less than ideal; they were not warmly welcomed; and the teachers were largely resentful (high-achieving district, STRONG math tracking), even before high school.
  22. Oh, goodness, we had one of these on vacation last week. DHs timing is atrocious!! Not every three to five years, nope, DH held on to this issue for 7. He claimed he finally had time to think about it b/c work (which also…ISSUE!!!). This time, unlike previous times, I am not as willing to forgive and forget. This time, I asked him to go home a day early and give me space. This time, I insisted he get therapy and make/keep friendships with ppl that he can share with. We’ve been married 26 years, no infidelity, great sex, no love lost…definitely ebbing trust on my part. Time to switch things up. I think we’ll get past this but I don’t think it’s normal or excusable. DH isn’t a curs-er but I am, if you make me mad enough. He uses ‘em like seasoning with friends. I use ‘em when I am past all reasonable limits.
  23. Same. I will have to relo, it’s part of DHs job, just hoping to hold on until DS graduates in 2026. Not expecting good things. I would be ok with Virginia, Maine, or Washington, maybe Wisconsin/Michigan/Missouri (it depends on the zeitgeist/political trends). We need to stay on the coasts for DH. We know lots of folks with homes in FL and AL who have regrets. We want to find a place that all our children and potential grands feel comfy visiting. Weather is important but secondary. I’m visiting Minneapolis with DS this summer and may consider that. DH recently expressed no desire for any return to AR (long my position) but that was new for him. We’ve just outgrown it.
  24. All of my feelings are very close to the surface. I’ve always been able to be relatively mellow in real life but, at the moment, every little thing feels like a pea under my mattress. I wouldn’t say I’m scared but I have employed a few coping mechanisms. 1) I imagine myself like Elsa with the storm raging around me and sit still, eyes closed, and breathe deep. 2) I send my people away/off when I feel on the verge of explosion. 3) I created a gospel playlist that reminds me to do 1&2 and have that on a loop in the car. I’m having mixed results, lol. Ask me again at the end of this year.
  25. I think I might have this issue for one half of my (‘leisure’) trip today and possibly for my entire (work) trip with DS in May. I upgraded DSs legroom already but I’ve flown A LOT in the last year and have a bunch of trips this year too. I earned a systemwide status upgrade for the first time so my comp. Upgrade odds are much higher overall. I feel kinda bad and kinda not. This is the one bright spot in a lot of chaos and disorder.
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