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Corraleno

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Corraleno last won the day on May 15

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About Corraleno

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  1. I can only imagine the responses if the situation were flipped and someone posted about a 21 year old woman they were close to who wanted to move out of a home she shared with a husband or boyfriend. The guy doesn't want her to drive, tries to keep her from getting access to documents that would allow her to get a license or a passport or even enroll in school without his permission, he sometimes physically restrains her from leaving the house when she wants to leave, he insists that the other people in her life who love and care for her are wrong and controlling and only he has her best interests at heart, now he's trying to force her to move farther away from her support network, to where she would be even more dependent on him, and he's threatening to get rid of her possessions and pets if she moved out. Who's first instinct is going to be worrying about the poor heartbroken hubby? Hey, maybe he's a really nice guy who genuinely has her best interests at heart, and maybe he has good reason for wanting to isolate her from friends and family, and maybe he's hiding her documents because he knows what's best for her. The fact that she hasn't left him yet proves he can't be all bad — after all, he drives her where she wants to go (assuming it's within a distance that's acceptable to him), and he provides her with food, and when she needs to show ID he goes with her to show the documents and then immediately hides them again — for her own good, of course. Red flags are still red flags, even when it's the parents who are waving them.
  2. If they were so concerned about this girl's emotional and psychological well being, why did they refuse her requests to get help? This girl had not seen a medical professional of any kind for 8 years, not even for a check up! It was Jenny's family who helped her get a doctor's appointment and get the meds she needed. B says she wants to learn to drive and she has already made great progress in dealing with her social anxiety. She recently earned an Associate degree — an important accomplishment for someone with an anxiety disorder, and something most parents would want to celebrate. They didn't even bother attending her graduation. "She is hoping/planning for a career in the arts and spends much of her time involved in that (auditioning, preparing for auditions, performing in community and amateur theatre, writing and practicing music, teaching herself to play additional instruments, etc.)... She is beginning to look for a part time job, auditioning for paid performance opportunities and researching bachelors degree programs." That doesn't sound like someone with no ambition who shows no personal initiative. Jenny has known this girl for 3 years and has seen interactions with the parents in real life, and feels there is definitely an unhealthy dynamic there. B's father has physically grabbed her and tried to prevent her from leaving – we're talking about an adult woman being physically restrained by her father. Her parents don't want her to move out or get a drivers license and want her to be entirely dependent on them for transportation, but they are only willing to drive her places "if they aren't too far away." There is no public transportation available and she would have no way to get to auditions or jobs that aren't in the immediate vicinity of her parents' house. The parents are moving to a new location and are forcing B to either give up what little independence she has now or move out. They are the ones forcing that decision, and threatening to sell her belongings and get rid of her pets if she doesn't go with them. How can anyone construe that as loving concern and not an attempt to blackmail and control a 21 year old adult?
  3. I'm pretty sure if someone posted here that she was trying to prevent her 21 yr old daughter from moving out, and had been withholding all documents that would allow the girl to get an ID, learn to drive, or become independent in any way, and was threatening to sell her belongings and get rid of her pets if she dared to leave home, most people here would actually NOT be sympathetic. Most people would actually be telling her that her daughter is an adult and can make her own choices and the best thing to do is to keep the lines of communication open and not cut ties or try to punish her.
  4. If B's parents truly "don't want anything to do with her" because she dared to move out of their house at the age of 21, then that's pretty clear proof that their actions were more about control than love or genuine concern for her.
  5. Actually all of those schools give credit for 5s, and in some cases 4s, on all (Harvard, Duke) or most (Penn, Georgetown) AP exams. But Harvard and Penn do not accept any DE courses, Georgetown will accept a maximum of 4, and Duke does not accept any credits from CCs at all, whether they are DE or not.
  6. I handled all the arrangements for a relative who died last year, and the total bill from the funeral home was $885. That included picking up the body in the middle of the night, storing it for several days, cremation, filing all the necessary paperwork, and providing multiple copies of the death certificate. This was a small family-owned business, and they were incredibly kind and compassionate and never tried to up-sell me on anything. I didn't purchase an urn, because I plan to scatter the ashes, so they were returned to me in a plain black box. The assisted living community where he lived held a "celebration of life," which included cake and punch and people telling stories about him. I sent them a bunch of digital photos of him throughout his life, which they used to make several large posters to display, and they also had a table with some framed photos and memorabilia. It was simple and meaningful and he would have loved it. I hope for the same thing when it's my turn.
  7. Can you call the doctor's office, explain the situation, and get them to call in a refill to the pharmacy?
  8. My dad is 83 years old and still works 40 hrs/wk, despite severe chronic back pain, because if he didn't work, they'd go hungry and my stepmother would die because they couldn't afford her medications and doctor's bills. And before some asshat says "they should have managed their money better," they both worked their tails off their entire lives, and my dad often worked 2 or even 3 jobs, and every penny they earned went to providing basic necessities for their families. Even a so-called living wage of $15/hr does not include anything like retirement savings — and they never earned anywhere near that. They also had numerous financial setbacks — house repairs they couldn't really afford, medical bills that nearly bankrupted them, cheap cars that needed constant repairs. When my widowed stepsister died of cancer at 40, they sold their house and moved into her house to raise her two kids, and the little money they made on their house was spent supporting their grandkids. My stepmother worked for Macy's for more than 20 years and was within a year of retiring with a pension and medical benefits when they "reorganized" and fired anyone who was close to retirement, so she got nothing. In her late 60s she was working the freaking 4:00 AM shift at 7-11 for minimum wage just to help put food on the table. She'd still be working now if it were physically possible, but she is medically fragile and can barely leave the house. She told me a few weeks ago that she feels guilty for being alive because my dad wouldn't have to work so many hours if she were dead. Anyone who thinks the tens of millions of working poor in this country just aren't working hard enough, or can't be bothered to "better themselves," either live very privileged lives that insulate them from the reality that millions of their fellow citizens deal with every day, or they are seriously lacking in empathy and compassion.
  9. I think there's a difference between "disordered" and just plain disinterested. My son has always been on the thin side, despite being an athlete who trains 15-20 hrs/wk. He would never purposely restrict calories, and usually has no idea how much he weighs, he's just not really interested in food. He doesn't enjoy eating unless it's something really pleasurable (and generally sweet) like cookies or ice cream, although he can also mindless munch through a bag of potato chips without thinking. But to him the typical breakfast foods, sandwiches, meat-&-two-veg dinners, etc., are just... substances to be input once in a while in order to not die. If I make him a burrito or a sandwich or I put dinner in front of him, he'll generally eat it, but if I ask if he's hungry he'll almost always say "not really," even if he hasn't eaten anything for hours. He's not pretending, he really doesn't feel hungry. He rarely eats more than 2 meals a day, even in college where he could eat whatever he wants whenever he wants it, with no effort, essentially for free (meal card with unlimited swipes). Anyway, all that to say that your son may just not be particularly interested in food; he may just see it as a chore that needs to be done a couple of times a day, but not something he's very enthusiastic about. I would just make things you know he likes and hand it to him, like you did with the sandwich. If he won't eat a meal, see if he'll drink a smoothie. I used to make DS smoothies with almond milk, banana, peanut butter, ice, and a big scoop of chocolate protein powder, so at least I'd know he'd gotten a decent amount of calories and protein. And provide healthy snacks to munch on while doing other things (reading, TV, school work): sliced apple & peanut butter (peanutbutter, Greek yogurt, and a little honey makes a great dip), granola bars, nuts, carrots & ranch, pita & humus, etc. Some people just naturally prefer "grazing" versus eating big meals.
  10. Implying that the working poor are just too lazy and childish to bother getting better paid jobs is not only incredibly patronizing, it totally ignores the actual numbers involved here — 42% of American workers earn less than $15/hr. We are talking about tens of millions of workers. Where are the free or low-cost training programs for these tens of millions of people? Where is the free child care for the millions of working mothers making less than $15/hr, so they can get this training? And where are the tens of millions of better paying jobs to employ these newly-trained workers?
  11. Because the minimum wage used to be much higher relative to the COL. This is from a 2017 article in Business Insider: "Had the minimum wage been adjusted for average growth, the current minimum wage would be $11.62. ... Had it grown at the same rate as American productivity, it [would have been] $19.33" in 2017. The system is structured to ensure that all of the increased value in productivity gets funneled to the already wealthy instead of benefitting the workers who are actually producing it. So the rich get richer, while claiming the working poor deserve to be poor — if they weren't so lazy and unmotivated, they could just enroll in one of the millions of (nonexistent) free training programs that would allow them to move up into one of the tens of millions of (nonexistent) better paying jobs.
  12. I wouldn't feel bad about the fact that some of your credits are old. I'm sure there are plenty of college students who can't remember large chunks of what they learned just a couple of years ago, and they're not questioning whether they "deserved" their degree. If you feel like you need to update your knowledge, buy a cheap used textbook and read through it, instead of going through the hassle and expense of retaking a course you don't really need.
  13. The idea that millions of people — people who are working 40-60 hours a week, not lying around doing nothing — should be forced to live in abject poverty, go hungry, and forgo needed medications and medical care, so that businesses don't have to cut their profit margin, is a concept I have a hard time wrapping my head around. If the only way a business owner can earn a comfortable living is by exploiting the labor of people living in poverty, then maybe that businessman is the one who needs to "find a better job," not the poor guy who's working for $7.25/hr and depending a food pantry to feed his kids.
  14. Where are these millions of unfilled jobs that pay more money??? Do you know what percentage of the American workforce earns less than $15/hr? 42% And it's worse for women — 56% earn less than a living wage. The average low-wage worker in this country is not a teenager — 46% are 35 or older. Saying all those workers should "just find a better job" is basically the 21st century version of "let them eat cake."
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