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Corraleno

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Corraleno last won the day on November 14

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About Corraleno

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  1. Thank you!!! That tardigrade stress thingy is the most perfect stocking stuffer for a stressed-out tardigrade-loving college kid that could possibly exist. And they have tardigrade air fresheners that smell like green apple (his favorite "flavor"). I'm so excited to find these! I was also really bummed that Think Geek closed. Unemployed Philosophers Guild has cool stuff along the same lines as Archie McPhee and Think Geek.
  2. DS attends a huge university with a very large campus, and for students who live on campus, walking is really the best way to get around. When classes let out, it literally looks like herds of wildebeests crossing a river in an Attenborough documentary. A few kids use longboards or electric scooters* but it's honestly really hard to navigate through the crowds, so it's not that much faster. And kids get injured all the time because they have to suddenly stop short or swerve around someone. Bikes are frequently stolen or damaged, and it can be hard to find places to lock them up, so they are more generally used for commuting to/from campus rather than going from class to class on campus. Most kids just use the bus system for off-campus transport, though. At many schools, students get discounted or even free bus transportation. *Many campuses now have electric scooters you can rent from companies like Lime and Bird. You grab a scooter, pay with your phone, and then you leave it at your destination for another student to use and the app charges you for the minutes of use.
  3. Too bad these guys didn't wander into your neighborhood to get you in the mood 😄 https://www.wfxg.com/2019/11/18/camel-cow-donkey-caught-lam/
  4. We don't celebrate, but I can understand why you'd want to acknowledge the day. What about something really simple, like getting a big box of donuts for breakfast, or having a "movie marathon" with popcorn or other treats? You can add a card saying how much you love him and are glad he's part of your family.
  5. I love that. ❤️ I used to say "love you always and forever no matter what" every night when I tucked my kids in. Now that they're (mostly) grown, sometimes I just text "always & forever" and they text back "nmw" (no matter what).
  6. That's true of Ruth's son (that his issue is asynchrony not 2e), but it's also possible for someone who does have ADHD and significant EF deficits to still understand what their limitations are, know when/how/who to ask for help, and then follow directions and make good use of the support they're given. I don't think that's a component of EF as much as it's a function of personality, self-awareness, and probably a certain amount of meta-cognitive explanation and instruction. Having known a lot of adults with ADHD and serious EF deficits (including being married to one for 22 years), my #1 priority with DS from the time he was very young was teaching him that (1) he should never be ashamed of the way his brain works (there are both advantages and disadvantages to his type of wiring) and (2) he should never be afraid to ask for help. I thought that learning how (and when and who) to ask for help, how to articulate exactly what you need, and how to build on the help you're given, was the most fundamental skill set I could give him — far more important than learning how to use a planner or put reminders in a phone or whatever. The "memory aid" stuff is helpful but superficial and relatively easy to pick up. Understanding that your brain is just different, not "wrong," and it's ok to ask for help with the things you're not good at, because there are lots of other things you are amazing at (and you can help other people with those), is a much harder lesson, because it needs to be really accepted and internalized to the extent that it changes how you see yourself and others.
  7. Obviously parents can only do as much as they can do. I think all kids deserve to have the level of support they need, whatever that is, and all parents should provide the level of support they're capable of, whatever that is. And if there is a gap between those two things, then the parent should help the child find outside resources to bridge that gap, not just withdraw support and throw them in the deep end to sink or swim. There's a significant difference between a parent saying "I will only provide X amount of support, because that's all that I am capable of," and saying "parents should not provide more than X amount of support, because Y-aged kids should not need more than that." The first recognizes that the limit is set by the parent's capabilities not the student's needs, while the second implies that the limit is set by some arbitrary standard of what needs are still "acceptable" at a given age.
  8. I think those of us who homeschooled with a lot of involvement and connection and discussion see the continuation of that in college as a perfectly natural and normal thing. Why would we suddenly cut that off? But from the other end I can see how, to a parent whose kid went to B&M school or took online courses where someone else did the teaching and grading and course management, the idea of a parent being involved in those things for a college kid would seem bizarre — surely there's someone in an office somewhere whose job that is. But if you, the parent, are the one who taught them to write, and you were the one reading the books and watching the lectures and having the discussions with them for all the years of homeschooling, then it makes perfect sense that you'd also be the one they call when they want advice about an essay or they want to hash out something they've been thinking about and need someone to bounce ideas off of.
  9. But if you look at Ruth's lists, none of those things are unique to a kid at MIT, and only two relate to being a foreign student. Being swamped with a ton of assignments in a 9 day period at the beginning of freshman year can happen at any university where the student is involved in a lot of activities or projects. A lot of the things on the list aren't even specifically related to EF, they're things a lot of parents would do even for NT kids just because they have a close relationship and that's their family culture. The difference is that when kids have significant EF issues, we tend to do lots of those things at once instead of just a few here and there. That's the point LSB was making earlier when she listed the things she does for her son — he can do each of the functions independently, but he cannot do all of them at once without help. I don't think it matters one bit which school someone attends, or whether they live an hour away or on the other side of the globe. What matters is what level of support this student needs (and wants) in this particular environment at this time in his or her life, in order to keep growing and moving forward. And that really applies to NT kids as well as those with more challenges. As long as you're seeing growth and forward movement, you're doing it right.
  10. Have you seen this article about Air BnB? Some of the outdated/incomplete/inaccurate photos may be intentional scams not just general incompetence.
  11. I loved your whole post, but this really sums it up for me. We love each other, so of course we help each other out. Why would I put age limits or other artificial constraints on that? I also find some of the distinctions between what's "acceptable" and not very strange. Like some people apparently think it's weird that a parent would arrange a haircut or make a doctor's appointment for anyone over 18, or send them food or whatever. But I wouldn't even put those things in the category of "EF supports" — to me those are just things family members do for each other because it's nice to make life a little easier for someone who is really busy. Like don't spouses do those things for each other? Do people not ever call a friend who's really swamped and ask if they can drop off a meal or run an errand or something? I think it's an interesting thought experiment to flip the scenario and ask what the "age limit" is for older people needing help. Like is it OK for an adult child to ask a 70 yr old parent if they're eating well, and maybe send over some healthy meals if it seems they aren't eating enough, but not appropriate at age 60? Is it OK for a 22 year old to pick up a prescription for a 55 year old parent, but not the other way around? I just totally don't get the age limit thing. Ditto to all of this. The idea that it's OK to ask for advice and help from some random stranger sitting in an office, who knows nothing about you and whose knowledge and judgment you have no clue about, but unacceptable to ask the same thing from the person you know and trust most in the world, is just so bizarre to me. DS and I are super close and have been having long intense discussions about everything under the sun for two decades — why would that stop just because he's in college? Like you, I think a lot of what some people might consider "support" is just normal conversation for us. I know the frequency and intensity will lessen over time, but I sure hope those conversations continue for another couple of decades.
  12. I really like this. It's a simple, clear, flexible, adaptable metric: if you're seeing growth and forward movement, then you're providing the right level of support and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If you notice that forward movement has stopped, then you need to look closely and figure out why that is. It may be that the dc is stuck in a bit of a rut and gently loosening support may result in a new growth spurt. Or it may be that something new is happening that's causing so much stress the current level of support is just barely keeping them functioning and what they need is more support, even temporarily, so there is energy for growth and forward movement again.
  13. Yeah, DS's issues do not involve ASD; we've never had issues with inflexibility or noncompliance or inability to transition (well, not beyond the age of maybe 6 or 7, which I think is pretty common for NT kids, too). I think it gets confusing when someone who is dealing with one set of EF issues (ASD) insists that certain types of support are not appropriate for college kids with a totally different set of EF issues (ADHD). There's really no reason why a 2e kid with ADHD (not ASD) should be held back until all EF skills are at NT level (which may never happen), or should have to choose a college based primarily on the level of EF support available. I mean, if 99% of someone's brain is totally capable of doing the work at MIT, or any other school that offers the level of challenge that student wants, it's crazy to keep them from that just because they may need a little parental support for the other 1%, especially for the first year or two.
  14. I do think girls have a much harder time getting diagnosed properly, and when their issues aren't properly diagnosed as an LD there tends to be more of a stigma — like a girl with EF issues, who does not have other obvious LDs, will often just get labeled as an "airhead" or called ditzy or flakey. In a boy, EF issues are more likely to be seen as signs to look for related LDs, or else dismissed as no big deal — so the boy gets labeled as an "absent-minded professor type" while a girl with the same issues gets labeled as an "airhead." I also think a certain level of sexism comes into play depending on whether the parent providing support is male or female. It's much more acceptable for a female college student to get texts and reminders from mom, while it's more likely to be stigmatized as wimpy or embarrassing for a male student. A dad providing support for his son (academic, athletic, emotional, or whatever) is likely to be seen as involved, supportive parenting, while a mother providing the same level of support for a son is seen as controlling or helicoptering or whatever.
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