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GracieJane

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Everything posted by GracieJane

  1. ETA: I was trying to quote this “The biggest issue I have run into is that the more outnumbered I am by children, the more they speak English amongst themselves. And the more they speak English amongst themselves, the less German there is all around.” This is so true. My kids are 3, 5 and 7. I finally enrolled my eldest into Saturday language school, which will hopefully help my pursuit in making them fluent. I’m so discouraged! I mistakenly assumed if I just talk to my kids in their second language, they will pick it up naturally. Silly me! 😀 Both my parents spoke English to us, living in Germany, which is how I learned it. It seems like one parent isn’t enough, or maybe it’s just me!
  2. +1 I had a very gifted friend. She was one of those people that can do anything after learning it once (calculus, oil painting, theoretical physics). I could tell she sort of talked at „our“ level. But she is very funny and humble, and as a result has a lot of friends, both average and profoundly gifted. I actually think parents with gifted children ought to pay special attention to teaching them social graces.
  3. My second grader uses McGuffey‘s fourth eclectic reader. I love it! It asks reading comprehension questions at the end of each passage, along with great vocabulary words. If you are searching for more direct reading comprehension instruction, we‘ve done all of A-D Continental Press Reading Comprehension workbooks, and they are amazing (and cheap!). https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0845416847?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_image
  4. I grew up attending church every Sunday, non-negotiable with my parents. My parents love church, they would even find churches to attend on our summer trips in random cities. 😄 I think it was a good thing. They never forced us to sing, or sit with them, or even be a Christian. But the effect is that by the sheer force of habit, all of their children still attend church as adults. Even when I was hanging to religion by a thread, I attended church. There is enormous amounts of data that show people who attend religious services regularly and are engaged in their faith community are happier, and I think children do well in establishing a regular faith practice.
  5. Haha! I know this issue. It is especially problematic when it concerns forums that don’t technically relate at all to you and you feel like you have to qualify: “on this online forum about fundie drama, someone posted something about someone they and you and I don’t know, but it was crazy”.
  6. This is interesting! Others in this thread attribute their child’s abilities to acceleration itself, not inherent giftedness, a sort of “end product” vs. “raw material” distinction. Once I heard a woman talking about her gifted child, that she knew he was different when he picked up the violin as a toddler and plucked some pleasant notes or something. And of course it started a big conflict over “can you recognize giftedness at such a young age” and “so-and-so started piano then”, etc. But nobody was in the least struck by this story of a child who lives in a family setting wherein one might find a child-sized violin laying about waiting to be played. I digress because I think I’m starting to think a lot of giftedness is learned.
  7. Maslow‘s hammer is the cognitive bias that effects every profession („if you only have a hammer, you treat everything like a nail“). Most professionals have a narrow field of vision and it can look like brainwashing to outsiders.
  8. I once heard the mother of a very gifted girl say that she didn’t „believe“ in giftedness, but in hard work. I live in a neighborhood with predominantly East Asian immigrants and I’ve found this to be a common sentiment here. But online I find parents to be very protective of the gifted label. This gap made me really interested in studying intelligence, and I’ve read and learned a lot about it in the past 7 years. Now I’m curious: do your children know they are gifted?
  9. This is very interesting, thank you for sharing.
  10. So most of my friends (here in Los Angeles) have pretty good careers and rent. A lot of the tech people get 401k matching and that seems to be the primary investment venue at this time (in our 30s). I don’t know anyone who is planning to buy a home here, and it seems like when they arrive at the home-buying stage, they move to Texas. 😉
  11. These are insightful responses, thank you! If you live in a LCOL area, do you still have access to cultural centers like art museums, concerts, botanical gardens, etc.? Forgive my lack of knowledge, I didn’t grow up in the US.
  12. I live in Los Angeles and the cost of housing is very high. For reference: a one-bedroom rental in my neighborhood lists at $2,200/month, the average house sells between $990k - $1.5 million. I’ve only lived in coastal metropolitans here and overseas, so I don’t have much experience with housing prices in the middle of the country. Most of my friends in LA (college and post-grad, early 30s) rent. Do most people still assume they will eventually own a home? Is this still a middle class American Dream?
  13. It’s intriguing that in your dream, others have access to private stalls and you don’t, but in @AbcdeDooDah‘s version, nobody is bothered by the obvious indecency. ETA: Dreams are generally not related to their content, but whatever latent emotion the dream conjures (e.g. you are feeling nervous and your mind invents a scenario that supplies a „frame“ for your nerves).
  14. This is really interesting! Are there other people in the room in your dream?
  15. I actually agree with this. Foucault had a lot of questionable ideas, but in The History of Sexuality he wrote about how the Church was historically falsely accused of burying sex in an attempt to repress lust when in reality churches are obsessed with it, cataloging it, confessing its sins, litigating and codifying it to the most minute details. I cringe hearing mega-pastors pontificate about „how great sex is!“ and „God made it good!“ and „the marriage bed is undefiled!!“, etc. I can’t think of anything men preach with more enthusiasm than Song of Solomon.
  16. The problem with consent-focused talks is that they don’t address the issue of “wanting to make my partner happy”. There are a great many sexual activities teenage girls engage in that are completely consensual but not necessarily “wanted” (I will only address girls in this as experience warrants, anyone else is free to extrapolate to boys). Girls are very aware of what their boyfriends want and want to make them happy. Telling girls to “say exactly what you want and don’t want” sexually is a responsibility that even mature women struggle with. There is a serious weight on young women that parents rarely address, but is imperative to establishing the agency necessary to make sexual decisions.
  17. I think most people are unaware how vast the chasm between male and female sexuality is in teenagers. „Waiting for marriage“ is a precept of which execution lies almost entirely with young women. Most parents are terrible at preparing their daughters for the inevitable experience of having a loving and kind boyfriend who is hormonally driven to really, really want to have sex and her experience of wanting to wait but “not wanting to seem a prude”.
  18. I have always loved vegetables, even as a kid BUT celery is demon’s fare.
  19. Our governor is the first in the nation to pass a vaccine-or-test mandate for all teachers and state employees*. - California *of agencies with x number of employees ETA: one of my parents works in a state-funded organization and they are required to get proof of vaccination of all employees and weekly tests for the two unvaccinated individuals
  20. Memory changes as you age; for instance, a lot of childhood memories are „reinterpreted“ when adults become parents themselves. There was a study done on new mothers once that determined women often „remember“ their fathers differently based on their partner’s parenting qualities. Oddly enough, women evaluated their father‘s parenting worse when they were unhappy with their own partner. Maybe it’s an unconscious defense against the guilt of feeling like you picked a bad partner, but it’s very clear that people generally „remember“ differently as their own life circumstances change.
  21. Gaslighting requires the perpetrator make a persistent effort to undermine the victim‘s belief in their own experience of reality so that they doubt their sanity. Ironically, the worldview en vogue of „living your own truth“ makes us all gaslighters and gaslightees. 🙂
  22. I learned to neither give nor take bad news unless it helps. Most of the news this year was either speculative or opinionated, of which neither is immediately useful to anyone in my family. I also learned the value of prioritizing cheerfulness, even on hard days, towards my children and my neighbors. It is the „cricket chirp“ in the home that effected a bigger change in my life than any other pandemic helps.
  23. That’s great! It is a formidable talent to speak an apt word in good time. Until I learn it, my marriage is better served by fewer words. 🙂
  24. I am very happily married, and I attribute it primarily to how little we say things out loud. If I had to pick my guiding life principle, it would probably be: „speak less“. 😉 Most (negative) things in marriage do not need to be vocalized. 99% of frustrations have a life span less than 24 hours and the unfortunate consequences of speaking them aloud last much longer. When you have learned to restrain your speech, your words carry much more weight, which is what you need to address the remaining 1% of serious problems.
  25. No, I don’t, but I’m considering it. 🙂
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