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elegantlion

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elegantlion last won the day on September 18 2013

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About elegantlion

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  1. elegantlion

    Is my 10th grader not doing enough?

    Agree with the other, she sounds fine. However, I would start to mentally prepare her that college is going to be different. If you haven't already, I would explain about the average of 2 hours of outside work for every hour in the classroom, some of those may end up being on weekends.
  2. elegantlion

    Swapping dining room w/living room?

    I did this in our previous home, although both rooms were about the same size. The stairway to ds' room was off the dining room and the huge table was in the way. Plus the way the walls were in the supposed dining room, it created a more intimate sort of living room area. I really liked it. The only challenge was we had a chandelier in the dining room and ceiling fan in the living room, so the lighting was off.
  3. elegantlion

    Aggressive men

    When ds was little he used to accidentally bump my heels with the grocery cart almost every visit. It became the running joke between us and we'd laugh when it happened after a few times. We still joke about me not walking in front of him. One day we were at IKEA and had a big cart and were in line and he was doing it on purpose. Someone chided him (he was like 18 at the time). I mentioned that it was a running joke and I was okay with it, then she made some snide remark and moved lines. For us, it's a way to show affection borne out of his cart accidents. To others, it might be annoying, to us it was bonding. Does your son's behavior bother you because it reminds you of his dad? I can see that happening. If it's his way of showing affection to you, you might need to help him find another way. One way I temper those actions that annoy me is to just grab ds up in a big hug and tell him how much I love him. His thing now is ask me what I'm going to feed him because he's hungry, sometimes right after I walk in the door, or if I'm just home for the weekend from school. Most times it's not a huge thing, but when I'm tired and hungry too, I find it borderline annoying. That's when he gets the hug.
  4. elegantlion

    How do you survive starting a new business?

    My ex was a self-employed carpenter most of our marriage. He was also an awful money manager, so I frankly didn't survive for a while until it all imploded. You are starting off in a better position and it sounds like he has researched enough. However, I would suggest you both agree on at what point he'll stop if he doesn't succeed. It's not negative thinking, it's just plan D or F or G. Budgeting was the hardest thing, winters were brutal for pay, summers could be great. One year he made x in Jan and 10x in July - that's hard to budget from. Budget counselors we used had no clue how to deal with such a high ebb and flow of income. I did his taxes for a number of years, so organized paperwork is a must (his wasn't). I would also consider how this will change your lifestyle. Will he keep normal working hours? How can you shift homeschooling so that the kids can spend time with their dad? For a few years, especially in the summer, ex would get home about 9 p.m. Ds was allowed to stay up late with dad and we schooled later in the morning. Dinner time was a hit or miss thing on some nights. I would also make sure you have a defined role. If you're excited to jump in and be more than just side-line support, great, but make sure you have your time as well. It's easy to get consumed by "his" business and neglect your own well-being. Like the above with me and the taxes, he neglected doing them promptly one year and they weren't going to get done if I didn't do them. So then they fell to me as hiring someone wasn't an option and I didn't really want to take on that role . Anyway, the negatives of his business were more to do with his own issues, not being a business owner. I wish your family the best of luck.
  5. If you want to get lost in options, check out jetpens' selection . I have two Kuru Toga pencils. I like the concept and the barrel, but on both of them the twisting mechanism has quit working properly. I do like the Kuru Toga lead. Right now use a Pilot G2 .05 lead size. It has a larger barrel, however. My second favorite are the zebra M301, smaller barrel
  6. elegantlion

    Not wanting to risk it

    I feel similarly. I've read through this entire thread and I'm one of those people who has very strict parameters on what I'd consider for marriage again. I'm also 50+, so anyone I date has their own "baggage" along with my own "baggage," not that I've dated since the divorce. Marriage would happen after a long list of criteria, like being friends first to marriage last - if ever. Separate living spaces would be okay with me for a long while. I share a house with my mother and son, I don't want to try and cram another person in this household, even if I love them dearly. Elder care, pets, material possessions, children, etc. Part of it is my own issues, like not giving up the independence I've worked so hard to gain in the last few years. My marriage was controlling, not only would I have to have an intense trust in the person, I'd have to guard myself not to fall into old habits. So that let's share a relationship to let's share every aspect of our physical lives will be a long tip-toed journey. I also no longer believe that marriage is some magic ticket that somehow cements a relationship. So I can definitely see someone being "the one" and yet be hesitant to get married.
  7. elegantlion

    Should I be worried, or is DS just an introvert?

    Except for the grumpy and headaches, that sounds like ds at that age and even now honestly. When my ds is tired and grumpy it's usually a growth spurt. Ds is a hermit and would be happy to live in his room forever. My dad was like that, I have friends my age (50s) who are like that, so that part may be more personality than anything. The withdrawing part would have me concerned, however. If you have read the highly sensitive person, that might be something to look into. Not sure if it fits, as it's been a while since I read the book, but at 7 life is such a shift.
  8. elegantlion

    RA experiences?

    One of my undergraduate classmates was an RA. They get free room and board, but it was all consuming type of job. They are very extroverted, people-oriented, but they gave up the position, moved off campus with a friend and got a job in the community instead. One thing they talked about was the requirement on some weekend shifts - they were not allowed to leave to building while on duty. They did have some people under them - forget the title - and those student often ended up working night shifts. They'd be exhausted in class the next day. Our campus is supposedly a dry campus, no drinking or smoking on campus (supposedly) - so not even the pitfalls of open drinking. IMO, it takes a certain type of personality to do well in that job. I would investigate fully before applying or accepting such a position.
  9. elegantlion

    TA experiences?

    I'm currently a TA while studying for my master's. It's going to vary by school and department, but TA positions are competitive. I'm a first year master's student and I'm the only first year TA. There are only really 5 of us because of budget and the way they utilize TAs. I lead two sections of an American history course - I don't teach the content, that is done in lecture, but I lead primary source discussions. It's kind of like a lab to a history course. I am responsible for all grading of the course, except online quizzes that are automatically graded. Last semester I had 70 students total. I hold office hours and I am the first line of contact for my section students. Supposedly the job is slotted for 20 hours a week. Overall I spent more than that on some weeks because of the admin work and it being my first semester. In exchange I receive a 9 credit hour tution waiver (9 is full time for grad students) and a stipend. The stipend is not enough to live on alone and so I have a small amount of loans. My situation is a bit different as I have a house with my mom and son in one city and rent an apartment where I go to school - it's just far enough that commuting is not worth it. One reason I was offered a TA ship as I served in a position like a group tutor in my undergraduate. I did that for 5 semesters for the same class, where I did similar activities except for I did no grading. I also had stellar letters of recommendations and could not have attended full time without funding. Some people serve as graders - not sure what the pay or tuition remission is on that. Only PhD students can serve as instructor of record. Being a TA is a lot of work. History graduate programs have intense writing and reading requirements, so I have little down time. I do try to take at least one day mostly off, but grad school itself is exhausting. The school caps how many hours grad students can work, but since I'm paid monthly there is no "hourly wage" - I work until the work it done. I do enjoy it and I'm hoping to serve as a TA next year as well. Biggest suggestions: Ask around about TA ships for first year students. Have something on her CV that would make her competitive and watch deadlines! I had to apply by Feb 1 for the following fall. So grad school applications were being done at the same time as the TA application.
  10. elegantlion

    who decides where to put things in a new house?

    Me, because I have a better idea where everything should go. 🤣 When I was married, everything but his office was up to me. We generally agreed about the living room, big furniture etc. Ds arranges his own room. This is one thing about living with my mom that drives me batty. She has her own spaces and that includes her living room, the dining room, and the kitchen. I don't like where she has put everything, but they're her rooms, plus she uses the kitchen way more than me. She also has some big heavy furniture that will only fit in certain spaces. Mostly I don't like how she has accessorized certain pieces. I don't really care, but I do like viewing an aestheticly pleasing room. Thankfully, I have my own living area and bedroom to do as I please.
  11. According to her profile, it's showing her as a member, so she should be able to post. The board redo seemed to eliminate all the admin files. I'll PM her.
  12. It's set to public, so there shouldn't be anything she needs to do. Let me see what I can do.
  13. I'm taking 3 graduate courses and TAing for two sections of early American history (same as fall). One class is part two of our historiography class, the second is one medieval women and children, and the last is ancient and antiquity colloquium. I'm not so patiently waiting for the professors to post the syllabus so I can get a head start on the reading. I'm working on my section syllabus and adding in some writing review each week. My graduate classes are all night classes, not thrilled about that, but I will like that they're 2 1/2 hours all at once. I'll get back in the habit of afternoon naps I guess as my TA job is only MWF.
  14. elegantlion

    Teaching reluctant teen to drive

    Ds had no desire to learn and we also lived in a podunk town when he turned 16. It was a moot point mostly because I couldn't afford car insurance on a 16 year old new driver either. He finally got his license the month before he turned 21. His car insurance in affordable, he has his own car that's paid for and we split the insurance, which is about $600 a year. He was anxious about driving and I wouldn't have pushed the point even if we could afford insurance. I know so many young adults his age that still are not driving. Cars are dangerous. We had a rash of 16 - 18 years old get killed a few years ago from driving stupid while not wearing seat belts. Ds has been getting tips on driving from me for many years, his dad actually took him out driving and to get his license. Can you hire a driving instructor, that's how I learned and it took all the emotion out of it. Otherwise, I'd probably step from the lessons for a bit. He may not be ready and not sure how to tell you or admit that he's not ready. It's a huge responsibility and I don't think 15 or 16 is a magic age where everyone is ready.
  15. As quickly as my trash cans in a 3 person household get filled, I'm not surprised. Some people may honestly think that someone is picking it up, just on a delayed schedule. Others may just be jerks. I read an article yesterday, can't remember which park, which stated they had less than a dozen people still on staff for a park with hundreds of visitors.
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