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elegantlion

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elegantlion last won the day on September 18 2013

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About elegantlion

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  1. Yes, I am intensely emotional - not like a pendulum of emotional instability. Most of the time it doesn't manifest into outward display of emotion. Agree to the bolded. There are individuals that I have concluded I hate. I don't spend time mulling over it, I don't wish to physically harm them, and I don't think about them often really. Sometimes the hate fades to just intense apathy if I've blocked them out of my life. Most of them are people that have dug their own holes in their lives. Eventually some of them have seen the collapse of their lives because of their choices. It's hard to feel pity for them at that point. For example, there was a time I hated my ex. He lied - liars get bumped up the list of things I despise - and he hurt me and my son in some really crazy ways - not physically. I felt sorry for him while still hating him. I watched his life fall into chaos as mine was being rebuilt. His choices sank him in many ways. At this funeral I tried to feel grief for his death - but in many ways the man I loved died years ago. I am grieving but in a weird way. I can honestly say I hated him for what he ended up doing to our son, the one thing he claimed to love most in this world. My son has shed no tears over his father's death. There are others that fall into the hate category, so it's not just the ex.
  2. I hear if you give a mouse a cookie...
  3. My mom used to wallpaper everything. It would start with just a border...then you blink and the whole house is covered. Perhaps my generation was scarred and we didn't warn our children enough, so their generation thinks it's cool. My son, however, has pulled enough wallpaper in his life. He once noted that it should be in the real estate contract that sellers must remove all wallpaper before closing.
  4. Oh, yeah, I've had those "discussions" too. I hope today is better for you. 😣
  5. Around here they've restructured the stores into Roz & Ali, I wonder if those stores will be closing as well?
  6. My family has always done open caskets. For me, there is a comfort and finality to it - it's really what I'm used to. Going to a funeral with cremated remains bothers me, it's like the person you knew was in a box or urn and the first funeral I went to that way emotionally bothered me. I've been to a large number of funerals in my life, there is a morbid sense to seeing the body at rest, but it's a comfort too. For my dad, I need to see him in the casket. He looked absolutely at peace and the last I had seen him was right after he died in the hospital - he still was intubated. I'm glad I got to replace that image. My ex-dh looked so old in his casket. I had not seen him since Christmas. Having a visual of him in death is helping me process through this awkward grief. I'm more of a visual person anyway, I like seeing things to help me understand.
  7. My dad was buried through a rural funeral home, casket, service, pick up the body, transport to gravesite and service there...just a little under 10K. Insurance covered it. I literally just got off the phone with my mom. My ex-dh's funeral apparently cost 11k, in a town of 75k, lower cost of living. He did not have a gravesite service. They did have an open casket, but he was cremated afterward sans casket. The rental of the casket cost 1k. 1k to rent a box for a few days. He had no insurance, so his family and girlfriend had to pick up the expense.
  8. I am old enough to be the parent of most of my cohort in grad school and many of them are non-traditional students. I am old enough to remember the first computer class ever offered by my high school...and not taking it because why would I need to work on computers. I am old enough to also speak my mind, yet have the wisdom to hold my tongue more often...because most of the time it's just not worth it.
  9. Thank you all. I appreciate your thoughts. I thought of those of you that have similar stories as I posted.
  10. Many of you know my story. My ex and I separated in 2013, divorce was finalized in 2014 amidst some very trying circumstances. Ex had health problems, had open heart surgery and a kidney removed a few years ago. He had been a carpenter for a number of years. Fortunately, he died at home sitting in his chair, his girlfriend had been there because he'd been sick. So, my mother's day will be spent at a funeral. My son is ambivalent as their relationship was strained at best. My mom is heartbroken because she's one of the few people that never really gave up on him. He was a man of extremes. His own family all has to travel. It will be good to see them again. Ds had just finished finals week, mine are next week. This is going to be weird grief. I didn't have to plan a thing, his sister had been coming into town for work and literally had just landed at the airport when she got the call from ex's girlfriend. I got the meet the girlfriend, that's weird, to introduce yourself and wonder what he'd said about me - apparently he didn't say bad things. I have friends that are super supportive and will be there. I sat up with a friend almost all night a few days ago. They listened and helped me process some of these feelings. Ds has friends and other adult males that already were fulfilling a father's role more than his own dad had recently. My mom's sister was actually in town when we got word, so that was very helpful. We had been married 20 years. In many ways the man I was married to was completely different than the man he'd been the last few years. His girlfriend loved him, they'd been together for over a year. He was 58, which is too young regardless the circumstances. So many of you had been there for me and ds when my life fell apart. I felt I should share with you now the final chapter of his journey. If you are inclined to offer thoughts, prayers, well-wishes, or hugs, we'll take those. I'm almost more worried about my mom than my son.
  11. Mine does, but I changed carriers in 2013 and wanted a new number. 75% of my contacts that live in this area don't have the same area code. Even my mom has an out of state cell number because she's on my sister's plan out of state.
  12. History should have some output, although not all of it has to be written. Depending upon the writing level of your student, it could be a research project or several little reading response type papers. IMO, a student should be able to understand the chronology of the period, have read several primary sources from varying sides of historical events, and be able to articulate that knowledge both orally and in written form. I TA for an American history course and I was surprised that only a handful of my students had even worked with primary sources in high school or knew how a historical essay should be formatted - ie. footnotes, etc. Skills would involve understanding and summarizing primary sources, learning how to write a historical argumentative essay with proper Chicago/Turabian style footnotes. It could be short 3-5 pages at least. If you're doing Asian history, I would try to find some community events that go with your study. Our area has a Japanese festival every year, we have also visited the local museum which has a stellar Chinese collection.
  13. elegantlion

    NVM

    I think that if judgement in the afterlife is the only thing keeping you from murdering someone, then you have bigger problems.
  14. At my undergraduate institution, they run the last week of August, then started spring term a week before MLKjr Day. Finals were last week and graduation on the 4th. My graduate institution has one more week, then finals. Graduation is on the 17th. We started the day after MLKjr Day this spring.
  15. Even with a short move, box up things that won't be necessary right away, especially kitchen items and books. If someone has a wardrobe bar for their car, you could save packing up a lot of clothes. Also, if you're moving over a few days, then you could reuse some boxes. Also, purge now. Most of my moves have been fairly local, but we always ended up with a pile of trash and donations that were going to be a pain to move. Be sure to take lightbulbs out of lamps, use blankets to wrap large pictures with glass or mirrors. Invest in proper tie downs and make sure people know how to use them. If you have stuff that shouldn't be moved in an open truck, consider a UHaul van. In most places they're $20 for the day (not including insurance). They only seat two people, but they're quite spacious.
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