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elegantlion

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elegantlion last won the day on September 18 2013

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About elegantlion

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  1. Agreed, it's a learned skill. I got tired of volunteering and then realizing that the time and money required had been understated. I also stopped when I realized people were happy I was available so they would overstate my ability - in a few areas where I should have stepped away and done something else where my ability and availability matched. That hurt because I felt like I'd been lied to about being "good" at something when in hindsight I really wasn't. At this point in my life, I have a mental boundary and physical boundary. I have long-term health issues that limit how much stress my body can handle before it literally shuts down. It's harder when kids are younger. At this point, I'm in grad school, so literally my free time is very limited, and ds is grown, so I don't need to volunteer for things for his benefit anymore.
  2. Oh, is she married to my ex? *shudders* He would do the same thing, to show how generous he is, but I'd be in the background (or afterward) reminding him we couldn't afford whatever someone was selling. She might be a willing participant in his financial chaos or she might simply be tired of fighting about it. Maybe she's a willing participant, that's a lot of cookies which are hard to resist. If she's just caught up in his chaos, she will feel guilty every time she eats one. Since she already has the cookies, I would send a reminder, maybe a hand written note by your child, then I'd let it go. I might have a private conversation something about appreciating their support, but that you would have been happy to have them order 3-4 boxes and pay for them over you getting stuck with a bill for over $100.
  3. I'm sorry you're feeling like your tasks are not important. They are, mental well-being is paramount in parenting. Within my married life there were several periods where we had one working car and ex needed it for work (he was a carpenter, think truck full of tools). I would often call him, let me know that I needed a break and when he got home, I was going to use the car for an hour or two. Often times I would just go out window shopping, some times it was grocery shopping alone. He didn't like having that sprung on him when he walked in the door, but he was decent about it if I called before. That probably took a heart to heart from me at some point. Have you considered joining a meet up group or a sewing group so that you'd have a designated activity outside of the house. It could be a start.
  4. I cringe at the dad's babysitting wording. No, my ex parented. I had more "shifts" than him as a SAHHP (stay at home homeschooling parent) and I would let him know where we were in a shift if he came home from work and I went somewhere alone, but I didn't have to explain how to do things. Ex had more experience with infants than I did when ds was born. We both did the work necessary to raise a young child. My ex is a piece of work (in a very bad way) in so many areas. Today him and ds don't have a great relationship, but when ds was little, he was a great dad. To even consider what he did as babysitting would have offended him greatly.
  5. Ds also has long hair and a full beard, he's shaved once in his life and prefers the beard. Ds is thin and has a winter coat that resembles a ladies full length wool coat (bought at thrift store), I think we determined it really is a women's coat, but it looks great and fits and he loves it. We were at a store and a cashier walked up behind us and said, "I can help you ladies over here." I just smiled because once she saw the full beard, she realized her error. We didn't say anything and ds and I sort of laughed about it afterward. I think he'd be annoyed if he was too young to have a beard.
  6. I see a lot of clean cut young men with pierced ears. It wouldn't bother me, I would have let my son do it at 15.
  7. My returns are generally shoes, I have a pair waiting to go back tonight. I'd do an exchange but the next size up is twice the price.
  8. I voted puppies are cute because ds is now in college and I didn't have a bachelor's yet when he graduated from high school. *MY* expectation is that he will finish his BS and then find employment. He's currently struggling in school with motivation and what life is supposed to look like after graduation and some other issues not of his doing. He MAY take a year off to reevaluate. He's pushing himself to finish this semester. He's very much like his mother and has overthought this so much it's giving him anxiety. His dad, (the ex) is mad that ds is considering quitting school, but ex doesn't have a degree and really forget that ds is technically an adult with mature thought processes of his own. I'm currently toying with doing a graduate certificate once I finish my master's or even going all the way for a PhD ( I found a program that would work for my situation). So while part of me is irritated with ds, he does have some sound reasoning for taking time off. My expectation was different but I love my kid enough to let go of my dream for him and allow him to craft his own life.
  9. My previous house had one light that, but it was the same depth on both sides. I liked when I needed to just handwash a few plates or cups or when I let the dishes pile up on the large side, I could still use the small side. Ours was also white, which I also like.
  10. My hair curls like that. I like the top, it's just awesome. I hope he is able to embrace his curls, it took me years!
  11. Every year around here there are a handful of teen driver deaths that usually involve speed and not wearing seat belts. It's sad and infuriating. Yes, new driver laws need to be obeyed. They're in place for a reason, not just to punish new drivers who can't drive their friends around. I am one of those obnoxious people that doesn't speed. It's not that I am that principled, it's just I quit being in a hurry years ago and when I have sped in the past, I get caught. I did go through an intersection on yellow the other day, it turned red while I was in the middle of the intersection and cop happened to be right in that intersection. Someone honked at me, but I didn't get pulled over.
  12. I have a questions for the Muslims. I had the opportunity to visit our local small mosque last year as part of a school "field trip." The mosque has been in town for about a decade or so. My town is about 75k people with some racist/xenophobic past (and present). The community at large now has been supportive of making sure the Muslim community feels welcome and safe, yet I am always concerned after violence of this nature that some alt-right supremacist will see this as a time to lash out against our mosque. Would it be appropriate to send a card to the mosque? Should I send a supportive card, sympathy card, hand written note of support? What is the etiquette in situation like this?
  13. I would probably email him first to ask if he'd like to see it, explaining that you're not asking for a grade. I think that looks proactive but not assumptive.
  14. How annoying! I'm sorry people said those obnoxious things to you. Clueless.
  15. They're charging $100 for a CBC? Eons ago when I worked in the vet, those were done in house, while a chem panel would be sent out. They're probably sending them both out. Also, agree with Katie, cats are easy to neuter - seriously easy. Depending upon the breed of the dog, they might have known issues with anesthesia. Smaller dogs can be more delicate during surgery than big dogs. The estimate is still way high imo. But yes, a dog castration is going to be more than a cat in most cases.
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