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elegantlion

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elegantlion last won the day on September 18 2013

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About elegantlion

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  1. Intimacy is private thing to me, even group worship has a personal intimacy to it. I've also been in churches were that level of privacy was violated by both a member and, sadly, church leaders. What ones sees as public information, another may deem something more private, even something so simple as a name. If I am at church worshiping Christ, then he knows I'm there. I may trust God with my intimacy, but I've been burned too many time by trusting man(mankind) with things that should have been kept private (both in a church setting and outside of it). Controlling who knows my name is part of my own boundary. God does not call us to trust everyone, otherwise the book Boundaries wouldn't have to exist.
  2. I'm with Wendy and Milo on this, I wouldn't like it. I get why some would, but for me, if you want to know me, then reach out. Part of creating fellowship is learning how to be conversant and part of that is asking names. I come from this by the business training of how to tactfully ask for names if you don't remember. We're not going to remember everyone's name, that's mostly a human quality, so I wouldn't expect everyone to remember. I also don't want everyone to know my name either. I also worked retail for years where you had to have a name tag, so it could be a holdover from that mentality. I'm a huge introvert and very private, I prefer to moderate what people know about me, even the name.
  3. Agreed, you parent them as adults, not children. My son did not want to go away to school, nor was it feasible financially. I'm the one that went away for school and he has stepped into the young adult role quite well. He shares a house with my mom, who is quite healthy in her 80s but doesn't drive. I'm not sure he'll move out when he finishes school. He attends a local regional university and has worked with professors as a research assistant, done a study abroad, and is currently looking at local internships. He's the kind of young man that does well, but doesn't like a lot of "disturbance in the force" with his life. We just talked about his long-term job goals and he has no desire to live in a city bigger than where he is now (~80k people). Hopefully he'll be able to find a decent job in our city, I think that would make him happy.
  4. I'm glad he went in and is doing okay. As for cold medication, there is a Coricidin made especially for people with HBP. Obviously, make sure there are no interactions with other meds, but I found these meds to be as effective without raising your heart rate. https://www.coricidinhbp.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI1Yer9quN5wIVAtbACh26vARLEAAYASAAEgJ2tfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
  5. I have a jute bag that I bought at a thrift store years ago. It's my favorite because it stand on it own, has longer handles that sit on my shoulder and holds a lot groceries. I tried to find one similar online and it's not coming up. It's longer than it is tall, so I think it distributes the weight better. Aside from that, I like the fold up nylon ones from IKEA, the cloth ones from Trader Joes, and even a smaller one from World Market. The IKEA ones are great when I need to throw one in my purse, the Trader Joes totes hold a lot. The jute bag is similar to this onehttps://smile.amazon.com/Trader-Joes-Veggies-Grocery-Shopping/dp/B0192FU5TE/ref=sr_1_25?keywords=burlap+open+tote+shopping+bag&qid=1579279786&sr=8-25
  6. I like the polyshades, but not with the champagne handles. I'm not a fan of brass, now or ever. I do agree that cup pulls could become annoying. I actually prefer knobs on doors and drawers, easier to switch out if needed.
  7. I've seen a mix. In the class I TA for, they take online quizzes set up in Canvas (like Blackboard) and there is an ebook text option. Other humanities courses I've seen use Canvas for posting readings, but generally aren't strictly from a textbook, but either sections of books or articles. Most history professors I know don't use textbooks beyond survey level courses. They may used focused readers, like primary source readers from Bedford St. Martin or use Canvas to post their own selection of primary sources. The challenge I've seen with textbooks is that if you don't assign some sort of weekly assignment from the book, the students neglect the readings.
  8. Certain brands of coffee will also give me heartburn. I noticed Walmart's mocha brand does that to me, while Maxwell House and IKEA coffee does not.
  9. I voted other. Ds is 22, still in college and lives with my mom. It's also my home when I'm not "off at college" myself. Ds may not launch in the traditional sense, he's happy living with my mother - they're buddies. It's a very symbiotic relationship. If he finds a career here, he'll probably stay in this house. We qualify for the pell grant, so that covers some of his college expenses and he takes out some loans for living expenses. He's paid his own cell phone bill since he was about 15, he pays some of the household expenses, but no rent while he's in college. He has his own car - hand me down from his late father - and we split the cost of the insurance. As he finishes college, his financial responsibilities will increase. I never thought we'd have an inter-generational house, but it's been working out great so far, 3 + years and counting.
  10. I've spent the last three days sequestered in my apartment writing a paper. It's now finals week I have something scheduled for everyday until Monday - only one holiday thing - then I'm sleeping for a few days. I've bought many of my Christmas gifts, but I still need at least 1 more for my mom. I do not decorate my apartment. My mom said something about getting a tree for the house, not sure. My sister may come up if the weather is decent. I just want to sleep and binge watch Netflix.
  11. I'm tentatively posting this here. I am in talks with my current university about continuing on to the PhD program. My advisor approached me about it last month and I've been excited and anxious ever since. There are lots of hoops to jump through and most of them are going smoothly, money will be the biggest thing. They're willing to use all my MA credits for the PhD coursework, so it will only mean 1 more year away from home - home being about an hour away. Then I could do comps and write the dissertation while back home. My family is supportive, although they think I'm weird for even considering it. I still need to meet with the PhD coordinator and talk details, but I may end up studying for my PhD in history focusing on a cultural study of Medieval English forests.
  12. It's not so much the gift as who I'm giving it to. One of my dear friends has become my boyfriend (which still seems weird to say at my age). He's very practical and sort of minimal, except for books (a perfect match or what?!). So, he's getting a nice tie, one he wouldn't buy for himself, and a book a new translation of the Havamal by Jackson Crawford. It has Old Norse and the English. He reads some Old Norse and we're studying together in our spare time.
  13. This. I bought one when I was going through my divorce, had one previous to that as well. It's great upper body cardio, it physically removes me from a situation that makes me angry, and it fulfills the need to hit something. I put on some metal music and just have a blast. Aside from the physical outlet, I've worked on the emotional side too. I don't get angry like I used to, maybe because I'm older and just tired. I tried to adopt the "will it matter in five years?" attitude. If it won't matter in five years, I'm really not going to waste my limited emotional energy on it anymore. Exdh was an aggressive driver, I'd get upset because that could matter in 5 years if we wrecked while he was driving like a jerk. Another thing I did, which I believe we discussed here years ago, was channel my inner Meryl Streep from Devil Wears Prada. When her character got upset, she whispered, not yelled. That made her a little more terrifying (probably not what you're going for, lol), but people had to be quiet to listen or there would be consequences.
  14. My son is in college now, but writing instruction while homeschooling made me pull my hair out. He still hates writing. Like you, I am a writer, he is not. Agree with much of what has been said about needing to be by his side. Sometimes I orally walked ds through an essay. I would ask questions, he would give an answer, then I'd have him write that down - granted there was a lot of emotion in those few short steps - his apathy, my frustration. We used a white board to outline an essay. In hindsight, one of the most helpful I did was teach him argumentation - Workbook for arguments is one source that worked well for us. He knows how to hone to summarize information and be concise - which is a skill. Also in hindsight, I wish I'd had him do more with reaching word count goals - but after learning to summarize. He still will turn in papers that are too short - but he gets decent grades because although he writes little, he writes well organized papers with substantive arguments. The other thing that was important to me was the art of letting go of my expectations for him. He's never going to love writing - he's a senior in college so that is borne out - but he's a math major. I dislike math, but could write papers all day. Learning to express oneself in writing is a valuable skill, but not everyone is going to embrace the task. Once I let go of the angst I had about him as a writer, that helped both of our stress levels.
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