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Everything posted by Storygirl

  1. If you go with a location-based name, I'd pick Alamo City or something like it, because it starts with A and would be at the top of an alphabetical list when people do searches. Alamo Home Services or Alamo Inspections? If you use his name, I think I would use the last name only, instead of first and last. I think it's fine to use the name, even if no one else does so around there.
  2. Both of my boys play electric guitar (plus one also plays bass). They prefer Jackson brand. We have purchased most of their guitars at Guitar Center, which is a nationwide chain that sells new and used instruments. We've also ordered from Amazon, when we knew exactly what they wanted. And from another music store near us. Straps and cases and stands, amplifier, cords, etc. will all need to be purchased separately.
  3. I'm so sorry. We said good-bye to our cat last year and had to make the decision to let her go. It's so hard.
  4. I'm very sorry. Your family's private information deserves to be kept private, yet correcting this without sharing private information with strangers seems very difficult. I'm not really sure that I have anything helpful to offer. But I would consider going to someone at the school (principal?) and sharing the whole story and asking them for help straightening this out. They may be able to come up with some way to smooth things over without revealing things that others don't need to know.
  5. One year for Christmas, we got the kids an XBox through online ordering. We got two units instead of one. DH had a tricky time explaining at the store why he wanted to return one but didn't want a refund. The sales clerk had no idea what to do.
  6. I don't have helpful advise, but I can commiserate. My youngest definitely knows more about all things than I do. And she also has great disdain for us as parents. As a parent, and as a person, it's a very painful period. She's always been kind of like this, but it has amped up over the past year or so. I've been wondering if it will help our relationship when she moves out for college, but that's still three years away.
  7. I'd say it takes an average of an hour for my weekly shopping trip. I do a lot of comparison shopping when I'm choosing cuts of meat, scan the shelves for bargains, examine the produce carefully when choosing it, etc. Even though I go in with a list, it's pretty common for me to criss cross the store a time or two, because I forgot to get something in one of the aisles. I shop for 5-6 people and completely fill the cart to overflowing each week, so it also takes quite a bit of time to check out.
  8. At that stage, we found some Skinny Slim boys jeans from Gap and Old Navy in size 18. You'd have to see what they are offering now, but they did have jeans that were both skinny and slim a couple of years ago. Now, DS17 is still slim, and we have to look for men's jeans with a 26 inch waist, which can be hard to find in typical stores. That seems to be the smallest waist measurement we can find in men's pants.
  9. I don't see any problem with both DH and me entering my child's dorm room, as long as we are respectful of them and their roommates. This would be to pick them up, drop them off, bring them whatever from home, etc. If there is a place to sit in there, sitting and chatting for a few minutes would be fine, but I wouldn't plan to spend hours hanging out in the dorm room. Depending on the circumstances, I would expect to go other places on campus with them, take them out to dinner, etc. Last year, due to Covid, we did not visit DD on campus, other than to deliver or pick up dorm-room items once or twice during the school year. She had a car there, so when she came home, she would drive herself. This year, we may visit her more often, but we live just two hours away, so we don't need to stay overnight and can do day trips. When I was a college student, my roommate dropped out toward the end of the year. She had gone home sick and never came back. Her mom and aunt (I think) came to pack up her things, and they just used her key and entered the room while I was sleeping and began to pack things up. Now, that was rude and weird. But just a quick visit to the room is not rude or weird. If your child has a reason for you not to visit (concerns about Covid, roommate issues, not wanting to straighten up a messy room for parental viewing, etc.), I would honor that, of course. But generally, I think it's perfectly fine.
  10. Best cat food for pancreatitis Eating pet food might be part of your problem, not the solution. Just sayin'.
  11. It's normal to feel overwhelmed in a situation like this. Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling that way. But, as a Christian, remember that God helps us carry our burdens, and that we can cast our cares upon Him. Isaiah 41:10 says, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." You are worried about three people, but right now, today, there is only one person that you know may need extra support from you. Try not to catastrophize and worry about things that have not happened yet. I will share that when my daughter got Covid at college last year, she needed nothing from me. She just stayed in a quarantine dorm room and did her lessons online and called home more often when she was lonely. I understand worrying about your daughter, but I think you can really set those concerns aside right now and focus on what is real, not what might be. If you don't have a deadline of some kind that would make delaying finishing your class a problem, it seems like it wouldn't hurt to drop this class and finish it later. It sounds like that would relieve a lot of stress for you and wouldn't really have any negatives, other than taking a little longer to get your degree. Can your pastor continue to meet with you virtually, so that you don't lose that support? Hopefully your husband will get a good report from the doctor today. You and your husband are a good team. You don't need to make decisions on your own. You don't need to feel responsible if he changes his plans in order to support you and your parents. If he does that, it will still all be okay, and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. If his health will allow it, you could encourage him to go on his missions trip, since you will be busy with your mom -- point out that it's okay for each of you to devote yourself to different causes for a period of time. Depending upon what kind of cancer this is, it could go quickly or more slowly for your mother. This may not be a long-term situation for you to handle, though a short illness would still be extremely difficult. Whether this season passes quickly or is drawn out, God is with you through it all, and He can give you strength to do what is necessary. There is a fatigue in giving of self to others constantly. If you go to stay with your parents, try to make some arrangements for you to have times of respite. If they have friends or a church family, perhaps they could set up a time for someone else to sit with her on a daily basis, so that you will have a break. I know it is overwhelming, but being there for your mom during what may be her last days is a gift, to both her and to you. I couldn't be there for my mom and wish that I could have. You won't regret the sacrifices afterward. Pray hard, and God will sustain you.
  12. My dog rarely poops in our own yard. She goes two or three times a day when on a walk, and we pick it up with a bag. When she does use our yard, we do the same thing. She is never outside alone, so we always know when she has pooped and deal with it immediately. We toss the poo bags in a pile near our garbage (outside), and at least once a week, they are gathered up and put in with the kitchen trash, which is also put in an outdoor garbage can. To make us feel better about the plastic use, we buy biodegradable poo bags. Not sure that this really helps the environment, but it relieves my conscience.
  13. I think you are doing great, and I share your desire to help your kids get a start in life that is not as financially challenging as what you went through. I agree with the previous poster who cautioned that expenses in the later half of life can be greater than you think. DH and I have helped my dad significantly over the years, and I know it bothers my dad, and it obviously has had an impact on the savings that DH and I have planned for ourselves. I agree that one of the best gifts that you can give to your adult children is to set things up so that they don't need to support you as you age. My mom had Alzheimer's and lived in a nursing home for many years. Until Medicaid started, Dad had to foot the bill, and it was $100,000 per year. He had to clear out all of their savings accounts and Mom's retirement account before Medicaid kicked in (he has always been self-employed and did not have his own retirement account). $100,000 a year for skilled nursing care! Health issues can eat up retirement money in an instant, and you really can't predict it. I agree with consulting with a financial advisor. DH and I are planning to do this ourselves, to make sure our plans are solid.
  14. What is an e-fund? I googled this, but I'm not sure that the definition I'm seeing is what you all are talking about.
  15. I'm really angry on your behalf. I'm glad that someone at the school is communicating with you about it. But I agree that you should send an email to all of Lyr's teachers and all of the administrative staff, to make sure that someone who can actually do something about this is actually in the loop. I would be worried that the woman who is emailing with you now might not share the mix-up with everyone who should know, in an attempt to shield herself from trouble.
  16. My kids are a little older, but we've had the same routine forever. No bedtime, but they are in their rooms around 9pm, unless they are have a reason to be out of the house later (work, marching band, etc.). They don't have to turn out their lights at any certain time, but they are no longer wandering the house or hanging out downstairs. I have one who also has to eat extra at night, due to ADHD-meds appetite suppression during the day. We call him to the kitchen to eat by 8:30; it easily takes him half an hour and sometimes longer to mess around, deciding what to eat. But we built that into the evening schedule. DH and I need downtime in the evenings. We watch TV. Over the summer, the kids were up later, but only until around 10. I just need the house to be quiet in the evenings, even though I am a night owl and don't go to bed until later. OP, I think that 8 hours of sleep is sufficient, if she is waking up with no trouble. If the real issue is that you need downtime, then it's fine to have a meeting about it, explain that you need quiet time, and give her a "go to your room" time in the evening.
  17. As a young person, I was an idealist, not an optimist. Now I am a realist, which is not so much fun. But what I really wish is that I could give up being a perfectionist. Or at least the negative aspects of perfectionism. When I was a student, being a perfectionist helped me be very successful. But for life in general, perfectionism does not help me feel successful. I do wish I could be more carefree and happy. When I think about the future, I worry more than I dream.
  18. Oh, about writing and low processing speed. I forgot to mention that the part of the testing that determines processing speed requires the person to copy symbols into the proper square. It's called the Coding subtest of the WISC, and you can look it up, to see what I mean. So difficulty with writing on paper is linked to scoring lower in the Coding test, meaning lower processing speed and trouble with writing tend to go hand in hand. If the writing is difficult enough, the person would get a diagnosis of dysgraphia or SLD (specific learning disability) in writing. Dysgraphia/ SLD writing can be due to the physical act of writing -- trouble keeping letters on the line, difficulty forming the letters, etc. And/or can be about getting thoughts onto paper.
  19. I agree with the comments posted in previous responses. Just a few additional thoughts. I was also struck by the trouble with writing. What you describe would not be ADHD alone, but sometimes medicating ADHD can boost the processing speed a little. Keep in mind that processing speed is usually fairly static, meaning improvement can happen, but someone with low PS will always have low PS. Writing difficulties go along with low processing speed, in many cases. Our neuropsych explained it as "difficulty with pencil to paper tasks." Getting thoughts from the brain to paper can be hard, and for some people, typing is a great accommodation. Low processing speed and writing disabilities need accommodations. For someone who is college bound, it would be important to have documentation of issues, so that accommodations can also continue in college. Therefore, I also would recommend a repeat of the full evaluations, to get a clear understanding of the root issues, and to have a plan that can be submitted to the college disability office to get accommodations. Educational psychologists can run the tests that he would need, including ADHD screenings. But they don't dispense medication. So then he would take the psych report to the primary care physician or a psychiatrist to be subscribed the medication. We have used both the primary care doc and a psychiatric nurse practitioner for medications, and it really depends upon the knowledge of your doctor which would be better. A psychiatrist or nurse practitioner would be most knowledgeable, but there can be long waiting lists. There are medications for ADHD that are nonstimulants and are not controlled substances. They are not the right choice for everyone, but they can be for some. One of our kids with ADHD also takes an anti-anxiety med, and that helps his ADHD symptoms, as well. So there are options. DH and I were resistant to trying medication at first, but it has made a night and day difference here. We wish we had had our kid start on them earlier (he was 10). Finally, doctors don't use the term ADD any more. Even if there is not a hyperactive component, the official diagnosis would be ADHD. If there is no hyperactivity, the diagnosis would be ADHD, inattentive type. You are a great mom who wants to do your best to help your son! But also, keep in mind that at age 19, he can make medical choices for himself. So if he wants to try medication after a diagnosis, you can, of course, offer your opinion, but it would be his decision.
  20. DD19 didn't drive her siblings around, because she wasn't around -- she was either at school or at work, and when she wasn't, she was busy with homework, and I wouldn't ask her to ferry her siblings anywhere. We did have rules about not being allowed to take friends in her car in the beginning, and she had trouble remembering this. "Remembering" seems more gracious than "following this rule" but I really think she just didn't think about the rule when she would offer a friend a ride. We caught her a few times and gave her a consequence. The one time she had an accident early on, she had a friend in the car, so that was a big deal. Back to siblings.....DS16 has had his license since June and does drive his siblings sometimes, because they are going to the same place. Or, a few times this summer, he played chauffeur when I couldn't be two places at once, and two younger siblings needed rides to work at the same time. DS16 is a very good new driver. Unlike his siblings, he was a natural from the first day of driving lessons with his dad. He drove himself a lot this summer, to work and sports practices. So we feel more confident. When DD16 gets her license this month, I doubt we will feel as confident about her abilities to drive with others in the car. When DS drives his siblings, we tell the kids to be quiet, not talk to him, and pretend they are not in the car, so that they will not distract him.
  21. This is very similar to our school's policy last year. Except that they did quarantine people who sat together at lunch, more than those who sat near each other in classrooms, because during lunch the masks were off. We got a lot of letters about Covid in my kids' classrooms, but there was only one time that one of my kids had to quarantine, for sharing a lunch table. My kids did not get Covid last year (well, DD19 did, but she was away at college, not the high school). This year, they are planning to only notify parents if a certain level of Covid positives are in one classroom, not for just one case. There was no explanation of how they determine when to notify, exactly. Our school had a Covid dashboard last school year, but they took it down. I was not happy with the way our district and health department did everything last year, but things went better than anyone expected. This year, they have returned to normal operations for most things and seem to think that this year will go better than last year. I'm worried that it will be worse, because they have removed so many of the protections, and Delta is so contagious.
  22. It's not true that IEPs are forever. After the initial IEP is written, there is an annual review, where the IEP team goes over the progress toward the goals and makes any needed changes. Sometimes things are added to the IEP goals, and sometimes things are removed, if they are no longer needed. An IEP team could decide at any annual meeting that the student is doing well enough that the IEP is no longer needed -- for example, if they meet all of their goals and are doing so well that the school thinks no new goals are needed. Parents are members of the IEP, but the school can end an IEP, even if parents don't agree, as long as the team as a whole decides it is not needed any more. If you move school districts, the new district will take the IEP from the other district and rework it according to the way that the new school does things. We've done this. Every three years, the school must rerun testing. At this point, if the student is performing well enough that the test scores no longer indicate a need for intervention, the school can drop the IEP. For example, my DD16 has dyslexia, but she no longer needs reading or writing goals in her IEP. She would have lost her IEP, except she did qualify as still needing intervention in math. So she still has dyslexia, YES. The learning disability did not go away. But she no longer needs an IEP for the dyslexia. If her skills in math improve enough, she may lose her IEP after her triennial evaluation this fall. At that point, the school could change her to a 504, which would provide the accommodations that she needs, but the IEP would no longer be in place. My son DS16 happens to have a 504, and he is currently in the process of having his 504 dropped, because he is no longer using his accommodations and no longer needs it. So even though an IEP does not "expire," it is not guaranteed to go on forever, and neither is a 504. The existence of a learning disability is not enough to qualify for an IEP; there must be a demonstrated need for intervention or special education. There are kids in school who have LDs who do not have IEPs or who used to have IEPs but no longer need them.
  23. Also, I wanted to add... Good job pursuing help for her!! It can be really hard to sort things out, and during the first stages of getting back information from evaluations, it can be really overwhelming and hard to know where to start. But you can do it!! One step at a time. I agree about working on swallowing pills, because medication really can make a huge difference for some people, and it's best to be able to use all possible tools. I don't know if you've ever purchased Vitamin D, but it comes in really tiny gel caps that are easy to swallow. Using the liquid kind may be a good option, but I'm just proposing that the Vitamin D pills are super easy to swallow and would be a good thing to try. The ones we have are smaller than a Tic Tac. Teeny. But she can work first on something even smaller. Some people use Nerds candy to practice swallowing, as a first step. I would be concerned that she is administering the liquid Vitamin D herself and you aren't sure if she is getting the dosage correct. My 17 year old still has oversight of his meds, because he needs it. I would try really hard to establish a routine, where you or your DH are with her in the morning, and look at the dropper to be sure the dose is correct. If you do add more supplements, I suggest adding one at a time, so that you can determine each one's effect before adding something else.
  24. I only have a minute, but I wanted to post, before I forget. I'm confused that the neuropsych would run IQ testing but not give you the numbers. Frankly, that is bizarre. Are you waiting for the report? Or perhaps it is in the report, but you are not identifying it? The IQ is found in a test called WISC. Look at your paperwork for those scores. They are important, because the WISC not only provides an overall IQ but also provides scores for working memory, processing speed, etc., which are all important components to consider. Secondly, I'm glad that she dropped the community college class. So she is not taking dual enrollment at all, now? I think, personally, that too many people have latched onto dual enrollment as the only or right way to do high school. I did not let my neurotypical DD take CC classes when she was in high school, because high school classes were the RIGHT level for her. There is no need to take college classes in high school. Just no need. Also, consider your requirement that she get an associate's degree. I just don't think that it's best to make random requirements like that, because for some people, college, even an associate's degree, is not the right choice. I understand your desire is to somehow prepare her for adult life. But when she is behind in some high school areas, pushing ahead to college classes or deciding NOW that college is required is misguided (sorry -- I hope that bluntness does not offend you). Believe me, I am writing as the mom of a kid who will not be able to go to college and who has little ambition (other than to be a rock star), and who is 17, so I GET IT. I get the desire to try to figure out a future path. But, respectfully, if college is not the right choice for her, it would be a mistake. Have you looked at your local vocational school? They should accept homeschoolers, and there may be a program there that would interest her. Fall is the time of year when vocational schools have open houses and promote their programs, so I suggest checking it out. Finally, some of what you wrote does suggest possible autism to me, but I think that depression can come across that way, so maybe not. But maybe. People with autism have very poor employment statistics, even when they have a high IQ. Not saying this to scare you, but just, it's a fact. Taking college classes does not lead to a job, necessarily. If the level of disability is high enough, teens can qualify for vocational assistance through the state or county, in most places. There is a process for qualifying for these programs, and I'm not sure that the documentation that you have would meet the benchmarks (but you would have to research it). If autism might be an issue, getting a diagnosis can open up additional avenues of assistance. Just some things for you to ponder. I probably would not be so blunt, if I had more time, but sometimes it's helpful to just lay things out. I hope the responses that you get are helpful.
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