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gardenmom5 last won the day on August 10 2016

gardenmom5 had the most liked content!

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About gardenmom5

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  • Gender
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    in the valley between the water surrounded by mts
  • Interests
    gardening, genealogy, decorating

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  • Biography
    Mom of 5
  • Location
  • Interests
    gardening, needlework
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  1. for my parents inlaws - my mother's mother wins the mil from hades hands down.
  2. the DIL in this situation isn't the one who made plans and then informed her mil she was visiting on ___ date/holiday for two weeks without being given so much as the option to say - how about ___? the onus in this situation isn't on the dil. and mil's should remember the dil controls access to the children, so don't be rude and disrespectful by pulling such stunts. and I do have friends who bend over backwards to not tick off the spouse so they can have access to the grandkids. (in one case in particular - both mothers-in-law work together for the benefit of the children.) same here - I'm trying very hard to not be the mil my parents had, or I had. (my mother was fairly placid. dh's mother is nuts.) I currently have a good relationship with dsil - possibly better than his relationship with his parents. which is . . .strange. I'm trying to reach out to 1ds's gf (whom he wants to marry before he gets his MS, currently lives in another state), and lay a foundation for a good relationship in future. for reasons I won't go into (and I understand, but it really is, and always has been, in her head and not reality) - she is convinced I hate her. so.. . . I'm trying to let her know otherwise (and it never has been the case.), I'm sure closer proximity (ds wants to work in this area after graduation, and we have access to top medical facilities she needs) will help with that over time.
  3. gardenmom5

    Good mattress topper recommendation?

    costco has a good one. it's three inches thick of viscose foam.
  4. I wouldn't be surprised - but I recall her doing it to the wife of my mother's cousin one thanksgiving. I only realized it in hindsight about how early we showed up. but when she'd call, and ask what I was doing - if I said "cleaning", she'd ask who was coming over. she was also bored with her life and expected others to entertain her.
  5. I'm now remembering the christmas we hosted my family for christmas eve. my mother, grandmother, brother - and his kids . . . showed up FOUR HOURS early. I had things that had to be done to prepare both for dinner, - and my children's christmas gifts. If I entertained them - my children would have fewer gifts in the morning - becasue I couldn't physically stay up all night long so they could open their gifts in the morning. (I already had staying up late on my schedule to finish things - so I'd have to stay up even later.) I had to just go in my then sewing room - and lock the door behind me. but when I was little, and my mother actually hosted - my grandmother did the exact same thing to her. one time - it was FIVE hours early. and no, she expected to NOT help - but to be entertained.
  6. This. I think people who haven't deal with an overbearing grandparent who ran roughshod all over their parent and then starts on the next generation -and the parent NEVER stood up to them (and never protected their children from them) - may not understand - it teaches the grandchildren they can't/aren't-allowed-to stand up for themselves, with anyone. that there is no expectation of being treated with respect by those closest to them. that transfers into all other aspects of life. and yeah - my grandmother was that way, we were all nothing but pavement to her. 1dsil will complain about her mother/mil, but the woman lived with me for 11 months when I was a young mother. I got to know her pretty well. and yes, she's nuttier than a fruitcake and very over bearing. (and she's finally reached that magic stage of losing her mind with age, and confined to a wheelchair has slowed her down significantly. though not entirely. . . . .) I shared a few anecdotes about her - but tbh, she didn't do nearly the damage to her own children and none to her grandchildren, compared to what my grandmother did to her daughter and grandchildren. I really think it's because my fil pushed back against her ploys, and her children grew with the message it was ok to push back against her unreasonable ploys. the grandchildren all grew up with it was ok to push back against unreasonable demands. it kept her under control. I actually love my mil and appreciate her good points - though I'm certainly not blind to her nuttiness. my grandfather was more pavement. my grandmother . . . as far as I'm concerned, she can burn in hell.
  7. gardenmom5

    which kindle?

    it was suggested to get dudeling a kindle - so he'd read on that instead of his phone (he'd still have access on the phone). and read more and play on the computer less . . . . so - which one? I might do it for christmas - or his birthday next month. pros and cons of different models?
  8. gardenmom5

    Do toy kitchen sets last long? Do kids like them?

    my kids played with a kitchen set until they were 10 - 12. I had the little tykes set. I gave it away - should have sold it.
  9. gardenmom5

    surprising POV?

    being female never stopped my grandmother from being misogynist. she was a twisted woman . . . . . she had a very prurient interest in sex. wanted girls to get involved in premarital sex - so she could salaciously condemn them. but boys could do no wrong. my first encounter with the idea of marital rape was one of the poldark books back in the 70s'. and, it was very brutal. it actually made it into the filmed 70's series.
  10. no, not even close. proving just how bat-guano crazy she is - she was living with us when 1dd was a baby. (nightmare central.) dh and I took baby, and went away for a week. we came back a day early . . . . . . . . she came running outside, YELLING, we weren't supposed to be back yet. um . . . . . . .she decided she wanted to "deep clean" (brand new house). my bedroom. the bed, night tables, lamps, dressers .. . iow: e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. . . . . had been removed from our bedroom - and was in the living room. (I take it back - the mattress was leaning against the closet doors) . . . I have many more stories about what a fruitcake this woman is . eta: the next time dh and I went away for a couple days - we locked our door. . . . when we came home, she told us if we didn't want her to go in our room, we could have just told her. and yes, it was unlocked. but at least everything was still inside.
  11. tbh: it really depends upon the grandparent. some respect their kids have different rules for their children and go with the flow . . and requests are reasonable. my mil . . . my kids grew up "contradicting her". nothing new - her own children grew up contradicting her. it was all about self-advocacy. she's nuts and frequently engages in inappropriate behavior. . . . the day I left my tween sons with her for an opportunity to get to know them . . . she gave them each $100, and dropped them off at the local university. (in a strange city and state) that was before cell phones, we found out when we got back to her house. at least 1ds figured out how to get back to her house. they loved the money. and she bribed them to get (the WORST EVER) haircuts. yeah - more money. at least their hair grew back before school started. they made so much money from her bribes - they pooled it and bought a computer
  12. gardenmom5

    Amazon rental textbook damaged

    what's the policy on damaged rental books? there is a certain amount of expectation that damage will occur - though usually normal wear and tear. do they require you to replace it if the cover is lost? is the book otherwise usable? I would check on that first. you may not need to replace it. this isn't a library - you're paying them to use the book.
  13. gardenmom5

    Narcissistic mother-in-law and aunt called cps on us.

    it does sound like aunt#2 is the guilty party - and no remorse. denial is not a river in egypt. those close to people like this will often be willfully blind so they "don't" see. if they saw, they'd have to do something about it. if they don't see it, they dont' have to do anything. do you have a sr services in your area? can you call them and get advice from them? what your legal options are to protect your mil in case aunt#2 does become violent? not to start a tit-for-tat over her calling cps and claiming abuse on you, but because you are genuinely worried she might do something to your mil.
  14. gardenmom5

    Older people and filters

    It can be hard - depending upon what is going on. I was sitting in the ER waiting room with dd, when an older gentleman came in with a very elderly woman. she was vile, the things that came out of her mouth! most were directed at the man (I believe he was her son), who continued to be gentle, calm, and polite. they got her back fairly quickly, she was polite to the drs, but again - was very vile to her son. It finally dawned on me she likely had alzheimers. the nasty kind. and while sometimes dementia only removes filters so you get "more" of what was already there, sometimes it's a completely different person from what they were like when their brain worked correctly. a friend cared for her mil who had ?dementia? where she was vile etc. (she willingly cared for her as long as she didn't turn on her severely handicapped son. she said if she did - she'd stick her in a nursing home. he was the only person she didn't treat that way.) my point is, while trying to steer them away in a "pass the bean dip" type of way, (or trying to laugh it off about how they shouldn't say such things while shaking your head - ___ might think they're serious wink wink nudge nudge, or more blunt "granny, you're embarrassing them/me" with a shocked look.) sane people will realize there is something more going on with your relative.
  15. gardenmom5

    surprising POV?

    the bolded was my first thought when I saw it. I think there are a range of ways sex can be uncomfortable/not-enjoyable. having her own hang-ups from various things (previously molested/assaulted to being overtly taught enjoying sex was sinful but she must suffer through it ((my grandmother's attitude)). - mindset is important.) where her body is reluctant to be aroused all the way through to a wham-bam--thankyoumam jerk who doens't give one thought to his wife's enjoyment even if he otherwise takes some consideration of "not tonight dear, I have a headache", to true violent rape as one more method of control in a DV marriage. as for the second bolded - I think much of that depends on the subculture where you live. most of the men we hang out with have obvious respect for their wives as a true partner. (I can only assume that percolates down). otoh: my brother - the golden child (with his own narcissistic tendencies) - certainly treated wives #1, & #2 like extensions of himself - and from what I've heard from his daughter, his treatment of wife #3 is right up there. (so, I wouldn't be surprised it if extended to the bedroom.) but he was already a sob, so this is par for his course.
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