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gardenmom5

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gardenmom5 last won the day on March 21

gardenmom5 had the most liked content!

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About gardenmom5

  • Rank
    Amateur Bee Keeper
  • Birthday May 7

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    in the valley between the water surrounded by mts
  • Interests
    gardening, genealogy, decorating

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  • Biography
    Mom of 5
  • Location
    Northwest
  • Interests
    gardening, needlework
  • Occupation
    mom

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  1. not meeting his family is not the same thing as his family (according to him) not knowing she even exists.
  2. I'm in an area where I'm in a strong opposite political, social, and religious, views. some people know, other's don't. some people are decent and are fine with a "we can agree to disagree" - and just don't go there. some - go out of their way to tell you why you're wrong. if you don't want to have a political discussion after someone has started one - say so. I've had to tell that to people on the same side of the aisle as myself. most people can have civil discourse about other subjects. some neighborhoods are going to be stronger in their political leanings/outspokeness than others. (I try to stay out of those neighborhoods). knowing how to change the subject is a good skill. I got practice yesterday buying some items from a small merchant who started pontificating ( about history in this area - where she's a transplant, and I grew up). I corrected her on somethings (I grew up here, my experience goes back much farther) just change the subject... I think the problems are most likely to engage when people try to force their opinions on others. keep in mind, if you're in an area that is very strong one way or the other, people will be likely to think you agree with them. whichever side they're on, because they think "everyone here thinks____".
  3. if he tells her he told his parents, but she doesn't meet them (or speak with them on the phone/skype) - how will she know he's telling *her the truth*? how does she know he's telling her the truth now? what will happen if he doesn't get permanent residency/citizenship? remind her, breaking off a relationship with big red flags before a marriage and kids is far cheaper, both financially and emotionally- than a divorce down the road. I don't. I don't consider it my business to ask my children about their relationships. I didn't even hear about dsil until the holiday weekend when they first started talking about marriage. (because she brought him to our house.) when they have something to announce - they'll tell me. dh was *harassed* by his family, uncles, aunts, etc because he was a late 20's something and single. everyone was demanding to know who he was dating, and what his plans were. he still takes joy in the fact his mother was out of the country when we got engaged and married. and she had no idea who I was. eta: I'm sure dh's family thought they were only asking occasionally over a period of years, and they were "showing concern" - but there were multiple people asking on a regular basis - adds up fast. and the expressions of concern he was "being too picky".
  4. I would consider not wanting to even tell his parents he has a girlfriend, let alone a white American girlfriend, a major red flag. for all his protestations he never wants to move back to his country of origin - things may change. for all he's convinced his parents are in another country and will have no impact, is naïve. if it is this difficult now, when they dont' have a ring and a date (and his parents don't even know about her) - it will be 100 times worse after they are married and start having children.
  5. good luck. dudeling didn't recognize hunger - he could go quite awhile without eating. in the meantime, blood sugar issues galore and that was a whole new level of trouble. so, I gave up, because he had to eat.
  6. And Why no one should do anything that makes it easier for him to get them.
  7. I think the silent treatment the person will still be around the person with whom they are "punishing", by choice - because if you're going to let someone know they made you angry and you are "punishing them" by not speaking to them - they have to see you so they'll know you aren't speaking to them. withdrawn is more withdrawn. they may not be around the person with whom they are upset, or they might be if forced and tend to act more submissive lest they piss the person off again. there are some channels on narcissists that are helpful even if the person isn't a narcissist. I like dr. les carter, "surviving narcissism", and Joanna kujath. both have some good videos on how to talk with a narcissist, etc. again, even if the person only has some traits, some of the ideas should be helpful. I also found this woman, who may be addressing what you need. her other videos do indicate she has some level of experience with narcissism.
  8. a dear sweet lady had her "wants" for her funeral. she'd been in greatly failing health and losing her memory for several years before she passed away. (eta: she was able to visit with family - so this was for her family to visit with each other.) she didn't want one, she wanted a big party for her family and friends, and for everyone to wear pink. (her favorite color.) she knew there'd be a dedication of the grave - so she did specify what hymns she wanted sung. I think it was all of 15- 20 minutes. so, there was a small thing at a shelter (it rains here - so they have permanent shelters scattered around the grounds) near her (military) graveside, then a party afterwards. and many people wore pink.
  9. you would be shocked at the pediatric psychiatrist I just took dudeling to see. completely brushed off my concerns. it can be extremely difficult to get help unless the child is actively making plans on the how and when of them killing themselves or someone else. making generic statements about it "doesn't count". the psychiatrist didn't care he's been saying for months that he wishes he were dead/never born/ and has advanced to: he was ready to shove a knife down his throat. or the fact he wants to just sit there like a lump and do nothing but play computer games (taking them away just sends him to bed to sleep.). didn't care that he has an anger problem - which is often how depression manifests in males. or that he has shut down. this. I've been flirting with one of those camps for dudeling. mentioned it to 1ds, who supposedly has chatted with some kids who did it - and were very resentful. so, good to hear good outcomes. I recently saw a think where eight british troubled teens got to spend a week in the Miami dade-county jail. they turned their lives around.
  10. not normal in any circle I travel - and I can be around 30somethings to 50 somethings.
  11. a lot depends upon your ability to pay, and how much it would cost to remove. If it's on your property, and you can afford to pay half - I'd contribute. we were in a similar situation - only the house that "owned" the tree clump, was a rental. in addition to the horrendous mess it made on my property every year, it was rotting from the inside out and others like it have come down in major windstorms. I had fears it would land on us at some point. it was also expensive to remove (bids were $5Kish), definitely out of our reach for a tree removal. fortunately - the owner sold and took the tree down. (it took three days.) are there plans for grinding the stump? (we still have the clump of stumps on the edge of our property/mostly on theirs - and they still try to resprout.)
  12. a lot of it is the services of the funeral home. when my father died, my mother "purchased" hers as well. well - decades later, they actually attempted to inflate the cost to adjust for inflation. however, she'd already paid for most of it and we pushed back. eta: my mother chose cremation, it's cheaper than embalming. she chose a bronze plaque - because it's cheaper than marble. dh and sils are expecting their mother to pass away this year. while they plan on burying her next to their father, I've no idea what they've planned, or budgeted for costs. transportation to another state, embalming, casket, etc. or if they've even had a discussion with the cemetery about what needs to be done to bury her in the one plot next to fil. good questions to ask...
  13. those are the only things for which we are paying. the other things he pays himself.
  14. cognitive function related to development of the brain. I dealt with the exact same thing. I struggled to read. really. struggled. (and mocked by other kids because of it.) then, something finally "clicked" and I went from struggling to college level in under a year in jr. high. my boys had the same thing - and I'm *really hoping* this is 'a big part of what is going on with dudeling (because then I can be optimistic that one day something will finally click with him.) I used to joke "his gui won't talk to his HD." (because that is how I understood what happened with me. I could 'see' the parts, but the grand canyon was between them and they weren't going to connect no matter how hard I tried.) it was the best description I could come up with. one audiologist I spoke with was absolutely that described one form of capd. one form (dudeling has been diagnosed with it.) is the lagging development of the corpus callosum. (more prevalent in boys than girls.) it facilitates communication between the left and right hemispheres of the brain. it doesn't actually reach full development until 25?ish.
  15. "her family", do you mean her parents and siblings? or her children and husband? children and husband have a closer connection and their wishes should have priority over "parents and siblings".
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