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Everything posted by gardenmom5

  1. Hugs. Some days - we just need hugs and it's ok to need hugs.
  2. Time. experience. He was different from infancy - I don't even have any friends who had a baby like him. He made me feel like a failure every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. I'd slowly find things that worked for him. (He LOVES his karate break boards for when he's angry. doesn't use them much anymore, but you can hear them break from anywhere in the house. Colors correspond to difficulty of breaking.) A mini-tramp/rebounder was also helpful when he was mad. but I had to learn to just let somethings go. To not care what other people thought/said - including people on this forum who made incredibly unaware stupid comments. I ended up just giving him more space - because anything less wasn't making anything better. I tried to make sure he had a place he could go and feel safe when he was overwhelmed. - and I had to have somewhere to go when I was overwhelmed. (I once locked myself in the theater - and HE was the one who kept trying to come in! everyone else - only tried once. - they were all concerned about mom.) I also had to learn to nurture myself - as it was hurting my health.
  3. Need experienced users/shoppers. I've given up on my fitbit. I'm not replacing it. I'm not waiting until Christmas either. I'd be getting LTE version. Samsung active 2 or samsung watch 3? - any experience? or if you looked at them when shopping - opinions.
  4. We do a lot of teaching kids to ignore their guts. Girls are taught to be polite. Supposedly he took her phone so she couldn't call/text her mom. She was probably being gaslighted. I'd assume that's why she was so upset. But there was probably plenty before that. He needs to start talking. We need to teach our kids to be aware, and willing to walk away. Listen to our guts.
  5. Two weeks before she disappeared, they were in Utah - and someone called the police because they were concerned. There is video of them interviewing a VERY upset Gabby, as they're asking her why she attacked her boyfriend. They'd been fighting, and she was angry he kept telling her to calm down. (I don't know what preceded that, triggered the upset.) She could have left at that point - she could hopped on a plane and gone home. (This isn't victim blaming, this is an example of a flag/opportunity to get out of a deteriorating situation that was missed. very sad.) Bodycam footage shows cops asking Gabby Petito why she SLAPPED boyfriend days before she vanished | Daily Mail Online I haven't had time to read this - as we have houseguests and we're heading out again for the day. her boyfriend might as well start talking now - the longer he's quiet, the worse he looks.
  6. I saw my grandmother for what she was when I was 13. I then sat back and watched. I wanted to know if this had been a one-off, or a pattern. - and everything just reinforced my perception she was "not a nice person". I was nearly 17 before I did anything to openly defy her. (I KNEW I would get blowback if I did it - so I waited until I was ready to stand up to her before *anyone* even knew I was planning it.). Things just got worse from there. But - I didn't sell my soul for a mess of potage.
  7. It's less about actively calling out, and more about refusing to support/buy-into the bs to keep the narcissist happy. Or "the peace".
  8. In a narcissistic dynamic. Anyone heard of this? are you one? Dr. Ramani just posted this on truth teller. She described what it means, and that can often lead to the truth teller being chosen as the scapegoat. wow. This is me. I knew one of the reasons i became the scape goat was I wouldn't "suck up to her". It's always nice to know there are others.
  9. I don't understand why you would feel guilt for enforcing a boundary you warned was there and she chose to break. good for you that you didn't.
  10. I'm traveling and don't have a good signal. Forgiveness isn't about the other person, it's about you. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting, it means letting go of the hurt. If they are penitent, great. But don't let that stop you. In some cases, you still must have boundaries for safety. That doesn't mean you can't/ haven't forgiven.
  11. Renee Richards wasn't that good of a player when pitted against men. After being allowed to play against women - she dominated them. and frankly - even kids who transition young will still have traits associated with their biological sex. (like muscle mass, bone structure, lung capacity, - even vision differences in the ratio of cone and rods on the retina.) even from infancy - re: David Reimer. he was on female hormones from infancy, and was raised as a girl. He eventually started insisting he was a boy - he knew nothing of what had been done to him until he was a teen/adult. He eventually committed suicide. That case was a travesty and the drs involved deserved to lose their medical licenses. differences start in utero.
  12. The physiological difference between male and female starts in utero. it's not just hormones. It's muscle mass. it's bone structure. it's the lung capacity . . . you can see it on elementary school playgrounds - before any of them have gone through puberty.
  13. you can't stain over polyurethane. the poly seals the finish so stains won't penetrate. sanding, scraping, or paint remover is needed to strip it off so you can get to the wood. you don't have to strip until the stain is gone - just the polyurethane coats. (it's probably a sprayed on all-in-one finish.) even then - putting a stain on top of another stain will not be consistent. there will be places the stain will have penetrated more deeply than others. if you're willing to paint - there are primers that will "rough/prep' the polycoat so the paint will adhere. (no stripping required.) Some of them may have "fillers" in them to smooth the surface.
  14. I purchased a used real leather set for my home theater. it was probably front claws - but there are definite marks. (not extensive, little pin pricks mostly) Considering we had a new kitten, and where we were putting it (in a room used when it's really dark) - I didn't care. I'm just glad cat hasn't put any noticeable pin pricks in my own leather furniture. (especially in the living room. where he likes to sleep on a fleece blanket on the couch.)
  15. dudeling uses discord, it's what all his friends use. He has a (hand-me-down) cell phone so WE can contact him. (super cheap plan as it's hardly used.)
  16. we started with a new kitten. his parents were indoor cats. he was VERY determined to get out. I finally started letting him into the garage (we occasionally get mice in there.) - he was determined to go outside (he would sit at the door and cry. and cry. and cry some more) and dart out as soon as someone opened it to go out . . . . . . so - he's now indoor/outdoor (he brings me presents - at least he leaves them outside.) Some friends are currently visiting from out of state. Her neighbor brought her a huge basket of kitty treats after her cat left a mole on his front porch. neighbor hated that mole for tearing up his lawn. he has cat scratch posts in three different rooms. at least so far he hasn't damaged my leather sofas or chairs. but - he likes my carpets . . . (I have mostly hardwood). so, there's that . . . . mine was still a kitten the first few times he got out. I was determined to catch him - the first time he was less than 10', but after that . . . . . and he'd play keep away, I brought his crate outside and he'd come out of where he was hiding and jump in it . . oh, but that time he saw the bird in a bush . . . . he was sold. I assume he was used to playing with his littermates - so he expected us to play with him all day long. I'm very curious what the coming weather will do to his outside jaunts . .he hates rain. (and will glare at me like it's my fault.)
  17. oh - there's also double sided adhesive that is supposed to discourage scratching. comes in different sizes.
  18. I'll sing along to this. and agree with one commenter that puppet Einstein was clearly lip-syncing . . . eta: interesting piece of trivia. Brian May has a PhD in astrophysics - someone sent this to him. He liked it.
  19. I do want to say - clipping claws will blunt them from the little recurved needles they can become if just left alone. If his claws aren't clipped - yep, those things are sharp, - scratches and sometimes they get infected. at least I haven't had to have stitches. clipping also has reduced snags on fabric just from him walking across it. and if he extends his clipped claws into fabric - it is less likely to damage the fabric. (the silicon tips would completely stop that.)
  20. dudeling (16) has had his first shot of Pfizer (brand may make a difference.), no issues.
  21. I know couples who deliberately chose opposite shifts (including graveyard shifts) so the kids didn't go to daycare. But they did have family time. (still married with adult kids.) 2dd works when her dh is home to care for their children. She's currently "part-time", and her shift will regularly vary, but includes graveyard. her dh is currently working mostly from home (with some return to the office) - but he also frequently works on his 'days off' because of the demands of his job. (and well over 40 hours a week.).
  22. Martial arts is good for this - most males do not have martial arts training. Family friend with a black belt in karate was working store security. You can be the cops who came to the store to pick up the big guy she took down (while six months pregnant) made sure everyone in the jail knew he'd been taken down by a pregnant woman. that said - gov't policies shouldn't be putting women in danger. Renee Richards has spoken out against this - with very little coverage. She has lived this, and now being older and wiser, regrets having pushed to be allowed to play in women's professional sports because she realizes how unfair it was for the biological women she played against. and those biological differences are apparent in utero.
  23. Silicon tips. (they come in lots of different colors - this is an example.) There is a local cat groomer that will put them on, if you don't want to do it yourself. They do fall off as the claws grow, so they will need to be regularly replaced. (usually about every month.) I do clip my cats claws. While he's pretty spicy about it (he has zero issues taking rx - go figure) - it's not hard. (I'm now giving him treats between each front toe. The back paws he's fine if I wait until the entire paw is completed before he gets a treat.) there are self-cleaning litter boxes - (example.) - you can get them with or without a cover. You just pick up the bag, and throw it away. My niece had a cat that would deliberately urinate in her clean laundry. . . . it wasn't a litter box problem, it was a cat personality problem. That cat would also bully another cat. (cat recently died (illness), and I pointed out to her it was probably for the best as she just had a baby.)
  24. Markets are more location specific. for starters - what is driving the housing market in your area? new industry? people retiring to a less expensive market?
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