Ting Tang Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I live in rural Illinois and drove to Chicago, where my dad was hospitalized. My brother and his wife told him they were going to meet me in the lobby, and by the time we made it back upstairs, he had passed. He'd spent 8 years in and out of hospitals from cancer complications. I didn't have the closest relationship with him as my parents were divorced, but he definitely tried to make amends. I hadn't seen him since March 9, 2020. I should have gone to visit. I just struggled with my own thoughts. I don't know if my husband was confused what was happening but I made the trip to and from the hospital by myself--by the Grace of God, though I am not sure my farmer husband could navigate those parts of Chicago (I did for many years). As you know from my other posts, his mom has pancreatic cancer. We haven't even seen the worst of what may happen, though I want to be hopeful, and honestly--I'm sure it was hard for her to know my dad just passed, knowing she is fighting a battle for her health, too. I hate this decade of life. 😞 I still have young children, but we have aging parents. I wish I had my children younger, but what can you do? All I can do is try to take care of myself. My poor dad. I could hear him crying over the phone when they called me yesterday, and I knew I had to go. 😞 The nurse told me he waited until he knew I'd gotten there safely. 😞 He was 66. I want to be a Christian, but sometimes I really question it all with how awful human suffering can be. 68 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TexasProud Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I am so sorry. So hard. Praying God will grant you peace as you mourn the difficult relationship. This is a hard season for sure. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishes Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 So sorry Ting Tang. Thinking of you today Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
history-fan Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 So sorry for your loss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I’m so sorry for your loss and for how complicated this one is particularly. It can be hard to reconcile suffering; I have to lean into the fact that Jesus suffered as well. Hugs. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm so sorry. ❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I’m so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I’m so very sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I’m so sorry for your loss. Praying you feel peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you! ❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toocrazy!! Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I’m so sorry.❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I am so sorry for your loss. Reading that he waited till you got there safely made me tear up and cry with you. He knew you were there for him. Hugs to you. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I’m so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I am so very sorry. Sending hugs and deepest sympathy. ❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw4321 Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is hard work and continues to be work even when it seems like it should be over. Be as gentle to yourself as you can. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoo Keeper Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm very sorry for your loss; praying for comfort for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 So sorry @Ting Tang. This is a terrible time I know. I had a rough non relationship with my step dad who raised me…..I did go to his death bed and barely made it. My brother said, ‘Scarlett is here’ and his eyes fluttered and he took a deep breath and died. Sometimes though I hear they wait until they are alone to let go. Either way, you did what you could. Also please recognize how your dad passing is affecting your feelings about your in-laws……the less said for just a bit is probably best. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quarter Note Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 Ting Tang, you are going through so, so much right now. Wishing you peace. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 So sorry, praying for you today Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinball Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I’m really sorry. Your circumstances are heartbreaking. I hope you find some peace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulainTx Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm so very sorry. Wishing you peace and strength. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 So sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm so sorry. 😞 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 Oh dear, please do not let grief cause you guilt. It’s obvious your father loved you dearly and would not want you to do that to yourself. I am sorry for your loss. Grief takes time to process, so be kind to yourself as you work through it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 My sympathies to you, @Ting Tang, as you grieve the death of your father. Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I am so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm so sorry to hear this. May God's grace, peace, and comfort be with you as you grieve--not just for his death, but for what you wish the relationship had been.❤️ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corbster98 Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I am so sorry for your loss and that you did not get to see him before he passed. I agree with others that once you were at the hospital and safe, he felt comfortable leaving this world alone, on his own terms. My father did the same when he passed from ALS. All of us were at the house, as we knew he was nearing the end, and it was only after I left to take my son to swim training, Mom and my sister had run to the store, and my brother had stepped into the kitchen to prepare his next dose of morphine. Dad wanted to leave on his own and that was hard but I know that's common. Try and not let guilt creep in right now. Having your kids earlier would not have guaranteed that life would have gone the way you hoped. My boys were young when Dad passed and I agree it's hard to be with your children and aging parents at the same time, especially when our Dad's are not old themselves by any measure. My Dad was just 65. Hugs to you. Grief is hard and takes time. Be gentle on yourself. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I’m so sorry, Ting Tang. 😞 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm so sorry. Sending you gentle hugs as you navigate all the pain and emotions. 💕 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I'm sorry for your loss. And there's no guarantee that having kids young would have changed anything. I had my oldest at 18 and she's just 25. She only has 3 bioligical grandparents left. We lost our parents at 52, 64, and 67. You never know. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 So sorry huge hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I’m so sorry, Ting Tang. Praying for peace and comfort in this really difficult time. Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartstrings Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 3 hours ago, Ting Tang said: ate this decade of life. 😞 I still have young children, but we have aging parents. I wish I had my children younger, but what can you do? All I can do is try to take care of myself. I started having babies at 16 and still ended up having to deal with being the “sandwich” generation. It turns out my parent’s and in law’s health did not last as long as I might have hoped. We can’t tell the future and future health of a parent can’t be predicted. Be gentle with yourself and try not to feel guilty. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I’m so sorry for your loss. That sounds really complicated and hard, on top of all your other stress. I’m glad he knew you made it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I am so sorry for your loss. Sending lots of hugs your way today. I am sorry you did not get to see him before he passed, but it was really heartwarming to hear that he waited until he knew you were there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 Many hugs, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I’m so sorry. He was so young! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cintinative Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 So sorry for your loss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookbard Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 I am so sorry. That is so complicated and hard. I think someone suggested in another thread that you consider seeing a counsellor for yourself. There's so much going on right now, so much to unpack. I really feel for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vintage81 Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 Hugs Ting Tang. I’m so sorry 😞 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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