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About lauraw4321

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    Hive Mind Queen Bee

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  1. Since her pulse ox is good, I would guess she has congestive heart failure. I would also note that frequently moving her is likely going to cause her to decline faster. Has the family considered skilled nursing?
  2. How is her pulse-ox? my thoughts would be pneumonia or CHF. (Not a doctor, just a lot of elder care). Unless she has said she doesn’t want to go to the doctor or have treatment, I’d take her. Does she have hospice? If not, this diagnosis may get you hospice support.
  3. Hey, quote is now working. She is in P.S. Some of this does happen every day during the "study hall" like time, but I think it's ad hoc. Up until this year we haven't done any kind of IEP or special services or any of that because she really didn't need it. The more this year goes by, the more I think we should investigate that. I'm going to email her counselor. Thanks for the push!
  4. Quoting isn't working well for me, so apologies for the scattered response. Sorry to have offended regarding birth order. I didn't express myself well, so let's just chalk it up to personality and ADHD. She is on meds, but they are mostly in effect during school, so mornings and evenings are tougher. I've been doing a lot of the scaffolding / EF training. I'm going to look into outsourcing it. It seems like every time I put into words my worries about this kid, she rises to the occasion to prove me wrong. This morning she was getting ready for school and she wanted to create a training log for me to sign, which currently is a missing assignment. We were running short on time, and to create it she would need to sit down with her calendar and put in dates. I told her I didn't think we had enough time before school. She really wanted to take care of it today and before I could say anything else she said "I know - just sign this piece of paper, and I'll fill in the rest of it during [study hall]. All I need from you is a signature. I can do the rest of it later." Damn if that wasn't an excellent bit of problem solving. I praised the heck out of her, signed the blank paper, joked not to write something like "[DD] can buy ice cream every day." and sent her off to school.
  5. Yes, I am a lawyer - good memory. I also try to consciously build positive relationships. I am going to work on incorporating the bolded above.
  6. For reasons that are likely tied to my childhood, I have a severely negative reaction to what can best be described as helplessness. When someone encounters a small obstacle or bump and allow it to derail them rather than exercising their own agency to do something about it, I don't handle it well. This is true in my work, but also with my spouse and my kids. Generally my DH doesn't fall into this pattern of thinking and behavior, but when he does, I explain why that kind of behavior drives me batty and try to work through it. But he's an adult. It's much MUCH harder in my kids. My oldest has ADHD. I've written about her before. She seems very prone to helplessness and seems to struggle the most when trying to solve every day life problems. Some of it I chalk it up to her being the firstborn, and thus more coddled than her siblings. She will still say out loud "I'm thirsty" rather than going and getting herself a drink, because we enabled that behavior way too long. Meanwhile her younger sister was climbing up on chairs to get herself a drink because she couldn't be bothered to wait until a parent was free. Today we were reviewing assignments that were marked as missing. Two of them are for math. She commented that she'd lost the papers, but that she thought it was possibly in a folder in her locker. I asked her how she was going to 1) remind herself to check that folder and 2) what she would do if the papers were lost. This was a lighthearted conversation (we have many like these because of ADHD). She couldn't come up with any possible solutions and began yelling. I coached her to write a reminder on her hand (for the folder) and to ask her teacher for a new copy (if she couldn't find them). Is this normal? Is it just puberty combined with personality and ADHD? Is there a better way to teach these skills? Are they teachable? I appreciate any advice... especially any BTDT, it gets better advice.
  7. Generally these restrictions run with the land and are only enforceable if they are enforced universally. If the HOA doesn’t enforce, it risks losing the restriction entirely and being liable to the other homeowners for failing to enforce the covenants. It’s a tragedy, but the law isn’t forgiving in this circumstance.
  8. Far more people than you can imagine. I realize it's quite easy for me to say (since I have none), but I think it's wasted time and effort to wish that your siblings would help.
  9. I was finally able to verify her grade for this assignment. An "A." She got an A in the class for the trimester. She was also named as the student of the trimester for her "team" at school (about a third of her 6th grade class that probably has ~200 kids). So, it seems like everything is working ok!
  10. No denying it's shitty. I have the fortune or misfortune of being an only child. So there's no one to share the burdens with, and also no one to be annoyed with. It has its pluses and minuses. At the end of the day, there isn't anything that actually obligates you to take care of your aging parents. And if your sister has decided she won't, then there's not a lot you can do about that. Decide what you can live with and can't.
  11. No, not entirely. First, Medicare will pay for a short-term skilled nursing or rehab facility if medically necessary after at least a 3 days hospitalization. Medicaid (if they qualify) will pay for skilled nursing, but they have to be truly destitute. A social worker can also help with that process.
  12. A few possible avenues. Medicaid if they are in fact destitute - no way to know without getting involved. Anyone a veteran? There is money available from the VA if so. You could set aside a week to get things settled from at least the legal / financial aspect. Get a POA, mail forwarded, name added as POA to checking accounts, tell the social worker that mom can't be released home, let local siblings know all of this. Then let siblings know that either social worker will find a place for mom that can be paid for in some way (likely Medicaid), or one of them can get involved. That you've reviewed their finances and what the state of things are.
  13. I agree with responses above. You need to decide what matters to you, first, and then proceed. Because you are quite capable, I doubt you will get much resistance from anyone. Do you want to take over, or not? If so, I agree that you tell the social worker that home isn't an option, and I agree they will probably suggest rehabilitation center (although this can be tricky if you're talking about Hospice (Palliative care can mean hospice as well, but it doesn't have to)). Same for driving - social worker will tell you steps to take for that. If you decide to take over, just document it with your siblings (email is fine). Get a POA. Have their mail sent to you, have yourself added as POA on their accounts and manage their lives. If you decide that you don't have the reserves or capacity or desire or will to do take over, then decide on your boundaries and communicate them to your siblings (again, email is fine). Let them know what you will and won't do. Let them know they can take over and you will support them by doing XYZ.
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