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My dad passed away yesterday.

Ting Tang

By Ting Tang,
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Ting Tang

Ting Tang

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I live in rural Illinois and drove to Chicago, where my dad was hospitalized.  My brother and his wife told him they were going to meet me in the lobby, and by the time we made it back upstairs, he had passed.  He'd spent 8 years in and out of hospitals from cancer complications.  I didn't have the closest relationship with him as my parents were divorced, but he definitely tried to make amends.  I hadn't seen him since March 9, 2020.  I should have gone to visit.  I just struggled with my own thoughts. I don't know if my husband was confused what was happening but I made the trip to and from the hospital by myself--by the Grace of God, though I am not sure my farmer husband could navigate those parts of Chicago (I did for many years).  As you know from my other posts, his mom has pancreatic cancer.  We haven't even seen the worst of what may happen, though I want to be hopeful, and honestly--I'm sure it was hard for her to know my dad just passed, knowing she is fighting a battle for her health, too.

I hate this decade of life.  😞  I still have young children, but we have aging parents.  I wish I had my children younger, but what can you do?  All I can do is try to take care of myself.

My poor dad.  I could hear him crying over the phone when they called me yesterday, and I knew I had to go.  😞  The nurse told me he waited until he knew I'd gotten there safely.  😞  He was 66.  I want to be a Christian, but sometimes I really question it all with how awful human suffering can be.  

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Scarlett

Scarlett

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So sorry @Ting Tang.  This is a terrible time I know.  I had a rough non relationship with my  step dad who raised me…..I did go to his death bed and barely made it. My brother said, ‘Scarlett is here’ and his eyes fluttered and he took a deep breath and died.  
 

Sometimes though I hear they wait until they are alone to let go.  
 

Either way, you did what you could.  
 

Also please recognize how your dad passing is affecting your feelings about your in-laws……the less said for just a bit is probably best.  

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Corbster98

Corbster98

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I am so sorry for your loss and that you did not get to see him before he passed. I agree with others that once you were at the hospital and safe, he felt comfortable leaving this world alone, on his own terms.

My father did the same when he passed from ALS. All of  us were at the house, as we knew he was nearing the end, and it was only after I left to take my son to swim training, Mom and my sister had run to the store, and my brother had stepped into the kitchen to prepare his next dose of morphine. Dad wanted to leave on his own and that was hard but I know that's common. 

Try and not let guilt creep in right now. Having your kids earlier would not have guaranteed that life would have gone the way you hoped. My boys were young when Dad passed and I agree it's hard to be with your children and aging parents at the same time, especially when our Dad's are not old themselves by any measure. My Dad was just 65. 

Hugs to you. Grief is hard and takes time. Be gentle on yourself.

 

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Heartstrings

Heartstrings

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3 hours ago, Ting Tang said:

ate this decade of life.  😞  I still have young children, but we have aging parents.  I wish I had my children younger, but what can you do?  All I can do is try to take care of myself.

I started having babies at 16 and still ended up having to deal with being the “sandwich” generation.  It turns out my parent’s and in law’s health did not last as long as I might have hoped.  We can’t tell the future and future health of a parent can’t be predicted.  Be gentle with yourself and try not to feel guilty.  

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