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My dad passed away yesterday.

Ting Tang

By Ting Tang,
in The Chat Board

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Kanin

Kanin

Posted
Posted

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I'm not close with my father, either. We're not estranged or anything, but a few phone calls a year (nice, pleasant) and that's it. I sometimes wonder what I'll feel like when his time comes. I still have resentment from my younger years when he - from my point of view - didn't try very hard to have a closer relationship with me. It's hard. 

I hope you can be gentle with yourself. It's so difficult to know the right thing to do, sometimes. (often!)

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*****

*****

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Posted
9 hours ago, Corbster98 said:

I am so sorry for your loss and that you did not get to see him before he passed. I agree with others that once you were at the hospital and safe, he felt comfortable leaving this world alone, on his own terms.

I agree with Corbster98. Her story was very similar to when my dad died also.  

Be glad you were there, even to support the others. 

I'm sorry for your loss. Praying.

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dirty ethel rackham

dirty ethel rackham

Posted
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10 hours ago, Corbster98 said:

I am so sorry for your loss and that you did not get to see him before he passed. I agree with others that once you were at the hospital and safe, he felt comfortable leaving this world alone, on his own terms.

My father did the same when he passed from ALS. All of  us were at the house, as we knew he was nearing the end, and it was only after I left to take my son to swim training, Mom and my sister had run to the store, and my brother had stepped into the kitchen to prepare his next dose of morphine. Dad wanted to leave on his own and that was hard but I know that's common. 

Try and not let guilt creep in right now. Having your kids earlier would not have guaranteed that life would have gone the way you hoped. My boys were young when Dad passed and I agree it's hard to be with your children and aging parents at the same time, especially when our Dad's are not old themselves by any measure. My Dad was just 65. 

Hugs to you. Grief is hard and takes time. Be gentle on yourself.

 

It was similar with my dad as well.  My sister was driving from about 3 hours away when my dad was dying.  He held on until she got there.  My brothers took me to get a bite to eat and my dad passed while we were out of the room.  My mom passed after most of my family left for the evening.  

{{Ting Tang}}  Praying for you as you absorb this loss.  

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Ting Tang

Ting Tang

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Thank you all so, so very much. I feel bad I didn’t make the effort to visit him. He really did try to be better in these last years. He suffered, probably most of the time, alone. Even my husband would say to go, but it was just easier not to. I really think my mother was the root of his problems. My brother still speaks to her at times, out of guilt. He told me she referred to me as staring like an “idiot” when reminiscing on a kindergarten evaluation. So maybe the wall I built wasn’t because he was bad; it was because she made life unbearable for him. Anyway, when I did see him, I never took pictures of him. He took many of us. I just feel so sad. Yes, a counselor may be in order. I can never go back. 😞

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