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About YaelAldrich

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    Hive Mind Level 3 Worker: Honeymaking Bee

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    Tokyo, Japan
  • Interests
    Judaism, cooking

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  1. Stay away from the chemical treatments and use this instead. LICE MD This and the Assy 2000 lice comb are what people use in Israel and I promise you they have a LOT of experience with lice (the plagues never left!) Follow the instructions religiously.
  2. Oftentimes finding a good therapist takes time so by the time he gets down again, you'll be hard up and may not find something. It's better to try to start therapy while on an upswing. Good luck!
  3. I think it's called the "Run-Hide-Burn The House DOWN" bug
  4. Please be aware the many airlines are going to a 21.5 in tall suitcase so 22 inch ones might start to be too big for some airlines. The Costco soft side one I think is one of those models. Although it is super sturdy, it is heavier than our other (more expensive) ones. I second the recommendation for TJ Maxx. My mom got a very nice 4 wheeler one for under $50. She doesn't use it as much as we do so it is perfect (we buy more expensive ones - Delsey Helium and TravelPro as my family travels at least once and usually 2-4 times a month)
  5. To clarify, he has never hurt anyone ever (before this he was a real softy in word and deed). However he has found out from the internet and friends of friends how much it costs to hurt/kill teacher in question (FYI 10-15K not locally and evidently local thugs only 1800-2k 😨 ). His last psych meeting was two weeks ago (that was the McLean one) and we have a call into another highly regarded psychologist for another trial of help. It's not for lack of trying on our part but no one so far has said anything other than he needs to mature, he needs to connect consequences for short and long term actions. He's had the talk with a military recruiter (and my father who was also an Army recruiter). He has done a fair amount of volunteer work in the last year - Red Cross, soup kitchens, etc. He has a very good relationship with my parents (the ones with cancer - they are self sufficient for now, but who knows in 3-6 months) and I would send him there but he's already agreed to July in Japan working (and I mean working - physical labor (gardening, help in a kosher slaughter house) in addition to helping with office work, taking care of kids (that love him and he loves them) to deliveries across the city of Tokyo/Kyoto. Then he will visit his other grandparents (pretty OK relationship) and then to my parents until we come back to the US. My main worry is that he will try to find pot in Japan or worse try to bring some. Japan doesn't look favorably on any drugs. He knows this from our work with several Jewish youth who brought in illegal drugs who were incarcerated for years (one almost a decade). My husband and I went to our therapist and are feeling much more on the same page about what needs to happen. Our son has also consented to putting his phones downstairs at the end of the evenings (although we've done this before and it doesn't last awfully long). He also consented to trying out the Internet addiction center at Boston's Children's Hospital and the Kids-Think centered psychologist we've contacted. More prayers welcome
  6. I'm back. I really need to go to bed but I will try to respond to as many of the comments as I can. I really wished that people with real life experience with extremely rebellious teens would have chimed in. I bless the two people who did PM me - your messages mean a great deal to me. I appreciate the hugs and prayers. I appreciate the concern that all of you have and I have really thought about what you have said. I do not seem him as an immediate danger to my family. I also don't think he has the capability to wreak havoc on his school and teachers although they do know about his threats. My husband is on his way back from AU. He couldn't have gotten back any sooner than he is getting here. His Sabbath started 14 hours ahead of mine so he found out about what happened on our Saturday morning and was on a plane several hours later. I've dealt with serious mental health issues with friends and for those issues I would certainly break the Sabbath. My husband and I have talked several times since Saturday night (my time). He hears my worry about him coming of age. One of our options after this summer (where he will work for our friends in Japan - no internet, lots of hard physical work) to put him in a NOLS Year course in South America. He'll have to finish out high school later. This weekend was him ignoring my demand for his phone and going off on his own with his friends (I saw him out and about). He had a friend (whom we have mentored this year to help him get into college) come over for dinner. Our plan is get an doctor appointment for a general checkup and request for an MRI to check for brain damage this week. I have also contacted Boston's Children's Hospital. They have a new Internet addiction program that I hope will give us some information about what I think is a bad case of internet addiction. We are also in contact with our personal therapists/psychologists as to another person to evaluate our son. Mergath, we have had him evaluated by McLean hospital, the mental hospital affiliated with Harvard, along with several therapists (LCSWs/PhDs). We've not used any religious para-helpers. We're Jewish for goodness sake, we invented the science. 😏 To go along with that we don't shun him, rather he shuns us. He is disrespectful of our religion and practices but we let all but the most egregious actions slide because we cannot and don't want to control him religiously. He sees the hypocrisy of many of our faith but at least is honest that there are Jewish people who are not bad/do not shun him (the family in Japan) and he respects them. This is part of his rebellion even though it pains me. I made a different choice (practicing but conflicted Christian to Orthodox Judaism) but a choice nonetheless, so I can understand religious change. He tells us that he was never religiously minded and never believed in Gd and he tells us he told us he never wanted to be in a religious school. He also tells us he is a Republican and spews some of the more hateful slogans that are coming out now. That is not the child we saw growing up, especially the Republican part. LOL I think he is anxious and addicted to the internet and his phone specifically as almost every issue has stemmed from dumb use and his need of having his phone at all times. None of it is out of the blue. When the phone/internet is taken away he turns into a rather pleasant person. But when the phone is reintroduced (they were given back last week) he reverts to the person we have now. I must go to bed. I've been working/helping others non-stop all weekend to keep myself from falling apart. I must take care of myself as I cannot go to see my parents sick on Wednesday as my mother is undergoing chemo and cannot afford to get sick. Just found out my father's cancer has spread to a lymph node in his pelvis. I have contacted his cancer team to see if I can get an appointment while I am dealing with my mother's first major follow up appointment since starting chemo later this week. Did I mention my youngest had eye surgery last Wednesday and we are still doing aftercare? Oh G-d, how You hate me. 😭
  7. Update: The principal called again. He and the school police officer and my son spoke. My son claims that all the threats were just talk and not actionable. At this point they will not call the police to intervene and keep a very close eye on him. He got extensions for his Junior projects which were due today. He also said he wants to change schools again and they agreed to help him with that process. He came home but I don't want to talk to him or interact with him at all. I'm angry and sad and tired of his crap. He's doing his chores now. I don't think he's going to do anything to anyone, but his behavior is troubling enough as it is that I am second guessing myself. During the first police visit they said they had a program for kids like this and they'd give me a call. They didn't so I guess I will do so on Monday. He doesn't threaten any of us, only people at school so far. There is a family that has offered to take him in. In fact, we were planning on sending him there this summer. I'm thinking it might be better to send him sooner than later. Even though it might ruin the end of this school year. If I don't answer again it's because our Sabbath is coming in. I'll check back in on Saturday night. Prayers are welcome. Thank you
  8. Please don't quote as I may delete this post. Thank you. Our oldest (almost 18) has been spiraling downward in his behaviors to the point that the police have been to our home once and it looks like they will be returning today or in the next couple of days. We moved to Boston for high school for him (a religious boy's school). The first year was very good. He made/remade friends (we had lived in Boston when he was born to age six). He was doing well in school. In general, things were working out terrifically. The second year was a big turnaround. He didn't want to go to school on time and he started (along the friends he made) to make trouble in school. His general attitude went downhill. He caught mono in December of that year. He took off about 3 weeks from school (it is a dual education school - Jewish studies in Hebrew/Aramaic and a rigorous secular studies program) and the school worked with him to keep up as much as possible. My sister soon died after this and he was the only who couldn't go to her funeral. He got kicked out of the school in March although they were generous in letting him finish out his classes at home. He took a year off after the expulsion. He and I talked about homeschooling and he agreed but after we'd spent the time and effort for him to enroll, he blew off all the classes. He spent much of that year in bed and on his phone/computer. We took him to several therapists. They all said he wasn't depressed; he actually had high self-esteem. But he didn't want to follow our rules (or our religion) and this was how he showed it. At that point we tried to find a suitable school for him - private was the optimal choice as our city's schools are lackluster. We looked at several schools but he told us he wouldn't go and that he'd only go to public school. So we found a charter school near our home and got him in. His grades are good and he gets the work done (it is ridiculously easy for him compared to our homeschool and the previous school). But he is in constant trouble behavior-wise. He has gotten in verbal fights with his teachers and guidance counselors. He refuses to follow the rules of the school. He never goes to school on time. About month and a half ago two police officers came to the house. They said he had posted pictures of himself with a gun and making threats to the school to Instragram. They asked about the gun and they got a replica air soft gun that he got in Japan. It looked just like their guns! He admitted to making the threats but did not apologize for them, He just said over and over that evidently he had the wrong friends who ratted him out to the school and police. He wasn't cowed by the officers or by our dismay. He gave them the gun and several illegal knives. I took away his devices for over a month (he just got them back because my husband though things were looking better). Last week he took the APUSH exam and when they asked him to give up his phones while he was taking the test, he refused and got into a verbal fight with the teachers and principal. After he came home he said he wanted to get someone to hurt the teacher. I thought he was just talking but now I'm not sure as he has evidently talked to fellow students and they reported his threats to the school again. The principal called me this morning and said the police would be coming by again and things will certainly escalate now as the behavior isn't getting better, rather worse. I'm not sure what I can do. This kid will be 18 in a month. He's got another year to graduate. He has no money in his bank accounts but I pretty sure he is selling e-cig stuff or dealing in pot. I know he smokes e-cigs and pot on a regular basis. He won't listen to us about rules or curfews. My other kids are being affected by this behavior. I have enough stress in my life with my mother's bile duct cancer and father's prostate cancer and my support of them in addition to my husband's work travel (he's in Australia now). I'm about to cry and I hate this kid right now. He was so good and sweet before and the apple of our eyes. I can deal with him not being religious anymore (although it kills my soul), I can handle him not wanting to go to college (even though he could go for free), I can handle his wanting to join the military. But he is self-destructing so that all paths will be closed off to him and he doesn't even seem to give a damn. Hugs are good, but advice from real people who have been through this would be way better.
  9. OT a bit. Would a non-Christian be able to go to a Christian school? When I was a Christian, I seem to remember that anyone could go to the fundamentalist Baptist school affiliated with the church I attended, but I'm not a non-Christian would want to go. But I can imagine there would be parents who would like their unchurched kid in such a school as a kind of insurance against having "bad" friends. I know in some non-inclusive Christian HS groups no non-Christians are allowed. Can one assume that people going to a Christian school are truly Christian in word and deed?
  10. Those are different scary creatures. The ones in Hawaii (and Japan) do bite (like a bee sting or worse)! When I lived in Japan, one of the biting ones (about 7 inches long) fell out of the baby sling right before I stuck my daughter in it. I screamed the loudest scream EVER. Then I ran to get a broom and tried to kill it. Those things are fast and do not want to die. Mukade - Japanese (and Hawaiian) centipedes
  11. Costco can also help you plan your vacation if you are a member.
  12. In Japan, people (both men and women) are safe from violent crime. There is however a stream/streak of harassment that happens to women. This is why there are women's only cars on some subway lines in Tokyo and other large cities. But to walk around at night as a woman? Totally and completely safe. There is DV in Japan but I think it dying out (along with marriage sadly). A difference is that guns are almost impossible to own, so you can beat a woman but you can't shoot her.
  13. I seventeenth the City Museum. The most weird, wacky, cool, mindboggling thing I think I have ever seen and I have been to a lot of the world. I don't know if we ever need to do it a second time but I am grateful we did it once. It will appeal to (or amaze) everyone. Take knee pads and if you have a caving headlight that too.
  14. I did the I did the same as Kand. I went from having to wear ugly shoes, needing orthotics all the time, even in my houseshoes. After going barefoot and doing the exercises religiously for a couple of months I have only has one mild time of PF (and that's when I gained 15 lbs). Now I can wear cute shoes (for a couple of hours at a time and enjoy life without pain. But yes, I look funny in my Vibram Five Fingers!
  15. My mom has been recently diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma (bile duct cancer) and I'm trying to be with her as much as I can for the time she has left (this is not a "nice" kind of cancer and almost no one makes it to 5 years, most not past 2 years). We're going to LA in early May for four days to be in the studio audience for a favorite TV show of hers but I don't have a lot of other plans. I've only been to LA twice and just did Disney. My mom's not into that kind of thing. For now she's in good physical shape despite the chemo so we can walk and do active stuff. I need suggestions for fun stuff to do and see. Please - help! Thank you!
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