I live this life too. I am not speaking from ignorance. That’s exactly why I participated in the thread. I think I’m done here now.

I think we’re in agreement.

I haven’t said anything of the sort about the family. In fact, I said, on the page before this, As for “extremely difficult if not impossible”: that’s not necessarily true. Maybe it is true about finding addiction recovery programs tailored to someone with autism, but not about every sort of help that has been mentioned, from legal help with SSI applications to vocational rehabilitation programs to executive function support to social skills training. Several posters have mentioned that rural Arkansas might not be the best place to find these programs, and I said that his family (meaning, the compound members who are frustrated with his presence, and have been trying to help with money, food, and shelter) might be uneducated in these matters. Most people who don’t have a loved one who’s needed these supports probably are. That’s not calling them uncaring and rotten. It’s just saying that help is available (somewhere!) that they might not know about. Having said that, I’ll reiterate that I wouldn’t tolerate this situation either. I hope his parents can find a better solution. ETA that what can be impossible is forcing an adult to accept help that they don’t want. That may be the biggest problem.

I promise I’m not trying to be argumentative. Truly. But what you said was that help was available, not that he got it. Anyway, good, I’m glad he did. ETA: Maybe this is me being too literal, myself.

This is very true. I hope that, as a child and teen, he got the help that was available in California. I’m glad his parents are cooperating, and his father will provide some help.

Maybe? We really can’t tell from here. Didn’t you say he was living in his car before this? Was that what he managed without the enabling? Was his father helping him then? But what about evaluations and targeted therapy for his issues? What about legal help for his disability applications? From here, I can’t even tell if he has been diagnosed by a qualified professional or if the family has just decided he might be on the spectrum. The help you’re describing keeps a roof over his head and food in his mouth, but doesn’t address the issues that might be causing problems. I had written almost exactly what @KSera said about this. Don’t misunderstand. I believe that his family has been both generous and patient. I believe that he’s a danger to have on the property, and needs to leave. I wouldn’t want to live in the situation you’re describing either, where a drug user and potentially his friends, dealers, goodness only knows who else, could enter the house at any time. I wouldn’t tolerate that situation for my elderly family members. And— maybe autism, or other disabilities, aren’t really a factor here. We just don’t know. At this point, it seems likely drugs are the immediate problem, and the one that gets in the way of other forms of help. But I suspect that, in addition to being generous and patient, his family may be uneducated in the types of support he needed, probably since early childhood, if he’s really on the spectrum. Their community may not have much help available. He may not be open to help. I just get antsy when I hear that he’s been given all kinds of help, but I don’t hear any indication that the help targets what might be the most effective ways to improve his ability to cope. Has anyone talked to his father about what help he could offer, if the young man went back to California?

Not trying to answer for @KSera, who I’m sure will have good ideas. This is a big, broad question, though, and the answers would depend on the details of your nephew’s individual abilities. I had forgotten, if I knew, that he had autism. Has that actually been diagnosed? Has he had neuropsychological evaluations or psychological counseling? Did he have an IEP in school, with transition planning before graduation, or vocational rehabilitation help after he graduated? Has he had help dealing with his addiction? Is he open to that help? He could have language issues that are too subtle for laypeople to recognize, yet significantly limit his ability to communicate. He could have problems with social interactions that frustrate him and others, but which he doesn’t recognize. He might need help learning more productive ways to interact with others, or ways to regulate his emotions. There’s no need to answer any of this here, but these are examples of some types of help which would be pertinent. As for why the autism matters, when it’s the drug use that’s bothering others: sometimes people self-medicate in undesirable ways when their coping skills aren’t up to the job. Once the drug use starts, yes, it’s a huge problem all on its own. But if the underlying problems aren’t addressed, then ending the drug use is going to be perhaps even harder than usual. The fact that he didn’t qualify for SSI the first time he applied means nothing. Lots of people who genuinely need help have to reapply, and need qualified legal help. If his mother is in denial, if he hasn’t has assorted evaluations and a careful effort to document the ways he needs help, then I doubt his application was strong enough. That is not the same thing as not being sufficiently disabled to qualify for assistance. Clearly he needs to leave this property, but he also needs support. It’s unrealistic to expect him to pull himself up by his bootstraps.

Sounds like she needs to go somewhere else where her son can live with her.

This. I think a number of us are picturing our kids or nieces or nephews in this situation, and worrying about them. I do understand this part of things, too, especially since he has to have access to the main house for water and plumbing. It’s a bad situation all the way around.

Yes. When I had a problem with a substitute driver, my school board representative was helpful, at least with explaining what happened.

I’m so sorry; that sounds awful. I hope you’re feeling much better soon, and capable helpers take care of you and the pooch.

Same. Without the heads up here, I wouldn’t have insisted that we spend the time and money to travel. We’re all glad we did.

One dog was out with us at totality. She was more interested in the golden retriever down the street than in the eclipse, as far as I could tell. We’re away from home, though, and everything here is new to her, so she’s generally on high alert about her surroundings. If we’d been at home, and the eclipse was the only thing out of her ordinary life, who knows.

We were able to see a couple of glimpses through the clouds right before and after totality, and then of course the clouds started to clear significantly once totality was over. The darkness was amazing, even though we couldn’t see the eclipse itself at that moment. We traveled a fairly long distance, but no regrets. We planned a mini vacation around this experience, so we’d be in a place that interests us regardless of what happened with the eclipse. Dh is saying now that we should fly to Spain for the next one. Guess that means it was worth the trip. 😁

High thin clouds here. We’re seeing a good bit of it, intermittently. Curious what totality will be like with the clouds.