I'm so sorry. Lots of hugs.

Said with love and concern, by a fellow mom of a kid with special needs: I agree that it's time to think about the long term situation for your sons. Moving probably needs to be on the table. What you're doing is not sustainable. It's clearly taking a huge toll on all of your family, and I worry that the strain and your deep desire to care for your sons might, understandably, be blinding you to just how unsustainable it is. What will happen to your sons when you are eighty? All the love and commitment in the world, which you clearly have, can't make this situation work forever. Truthfully, it isn't working now. Since, at some point, you'll need to find a good situation for their future, can you start working toward that transition now? Public schools are mandated to evaluate for special needs, and transition planning is part of the package. Kids are eligible for services through the year in which they turn 21. Isn't one of your sons 17? Reaching 21 is not that far off. So, beginning the process now will give you some time and support to consider options. You don't necessarily have to enroll them to get these services. Given the level of support your sons need, other services are probably available as well. Are they on waiver lists? There's still probably more than that available. The options you see may not look good, and you may be tempted to keep on trying to carry this whole load yourself. I would urge you not to do this. At this stage you can still actively evaluate possibilities, including other areas which have better services. If you wait until you lose your own health, which could happen so easily under this level of stress, you may be left with fewer options. Please put on your own oxygen mask so you can keep helping your boys and perhaps salvage a better quality of life for your youngest son and the rest of your family. This does not mean sacrificing your older sons. It means you can help them more while you are sane and healthy, so you need to care for yourself in order to care for them. I can hear how much you love them, and I've dealt with hiring caregivers also. I know the pickings are sometimes very slim. But-- over the long term, the plan for your sons can't just be hiring daytime respite help, can it? I understand your reluctance to entrust your sons' wellbeing to other people. The point is-- this can't be avoided forever. The sooner you start working toward plans for their adult lives, the better lives you can give them. I hope you can hear this in the way I intend it. I am concerned for all of you.

I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking of your cousin and all of you.

For some items on the list, the concerning answer would be "yes", but for others, it would be"no".

So terrible. I hope some portion can be salvaged or rebuilt, like Windsor Castle.

Fantastic news. Have a wonderful time.

From the article quoted in the other thread: I'm not sure where the 48% number came from, but that's not at all what that article said. I have a lot I could say on this subject, but not much time atm. Suffice it to say that the adults I know diagnosed recently have not been living life unimpaired. The one I know best is decidedly eccentric, and underemployed for decades despite an advanced degree and Phi Beta Kappa. Functional -- yes. But also impaired in important areas of life.

People say the same thing about my dds, for the same reason, I think. One thing I have wondered: people often point to a relatively pedantic or unusually advanced vocabulary as evidence for being on the spectrum. But I'm not sure how to distinguish that from the normal effect of having parents with large vocabularies. Teachers told my parents they needed to teach me to talk like a child when I was in kindergarten. Other adults asked where I got my accent, too, when I'd always lived in the name area. My parents always laughed about the accent remarks, and the vocabulary remarks seemed foolish to them: why would you not be pleased that a child could use an adult vocabulary? Now I can see the social utility of code-switching, a point which eluded them at the time. But maybe we were all a bit autistic.

This.

I think maybe an extra-good cleaning of the lint filter and duct? Maybe it would like some of those scented fabric softener sheets, but I don't, so our dryer wouldn't get any.

This is all new to me. I found this article, which explains things a bit. https://www.theguardian.com/science/small-world/2014/feb/14/nanotechnology-clothes-nanoparticles

I think I'd start by locking the door... You're *sure* a kid isn't playing pranks?

One day I'd like to try making tufa troughs. Not sure if they'd hold up better, though.

Okay, guys, thanks. Eggs are getting tossed, and I'll let the store know. You are so right. In my mother's childhood days, the eggs were from the family's own hens. One of these days I'm going to do that again.

Well, maybe. Certainly could be. In my experience it's just been hard, practically speaking, to provide adequate water in some situations in clay pots. I can water once a day, maybe twice. But depending on temperature, exposure and pot size (and I don't mean itty bitty ones, more like 16-20" and sometimes larger) and on how heavily planted they are, it can be an issue . I still like clay better. I just assume they'll need more attention.

Yesterday I was shopping in a hurry, bought eggs, stuck them in fridge. Woke up this morning to realize the date on the egg carton was *December 26, 2018*. 😱 I have no time to go return them today, and I can't find the receipt. Not a big deal, they were cheap. (With good reason, I guess! But not on sale, just cheap store-brand eggs.) Then I thought I'd test the bad-eggs-float theory. Well, they all sit firmly on the bottom of a big bowl of water, even when I wiggle them around. I remember my mother talking about storing eggs in the basement in isenglass over the winter in her childhood in the 1930s. So, they can last a good while. If they don't smell bad when cracked, would you eat these eggs?

I had the same thought. This screams mental health issues to me. But, I didn't see the post that prompted this thread, so I'm not sure of the whole context.

I haven't used painted terra cotta much, but have used large plastic pots and glazed terra cotta fairly extensively. Ime, as long as there is adequate bottom drainage (just the usual hole covered with an old potshard), the plants are fine. In fact, in our hot summers, the reduced evaporation is very helpful to most plants. I prefer clay pots, but plastic is perfectly functional, so I expect painted clay would be also.

Vet

Done.

A safe deposit box sounds like a good idea; possibly her own P.O. Box would be also.

Using gardenmom's post as a jumping-off point, not directing this to her specifically: To me, what seems important here is that this young man has multiple disabilities and was clearly exhibiting a need for help while he was a young teen. Obviously I don't know whether he got help beyond being placed in juvenile detention. But equally obviously, I think, children and young teens need emphasis placed on treatment, not punishment. I will happily pay more taxes to invest in mental health care, especially for young people. Quality care at an early age can improve outcomes significantly, while parents are still able to legally insist on treatment. Mental health issues that develop in early adulthood are thornier, but I'd still rather pay for someone to get treatment than simply be incarcerated. Certainly some people should not be on the street.---> We need more, better options.

Yes, this. I know once I was in a situation where the idea was that almost everyone ought to get a 3 for almost everything. As you said, hardly anyone got a really good rating, but hardly anyone got a bad one either. The system was just designed to put most folks down as "average." If he's coming out of a system like that, or heard that in Supervisor School, he might just think that's how it's done. I agree that pointing out your previous reviews and asking for clarification sounds appropriate.

No judgement here. You're doing a lot; of course you need time to recharge.

This deserves quoting. Thank you.