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About marbel

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    Hive Mind Queen Bee

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    Suburban Philadelphia
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    reading, cooking, sewing

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  1. I rarely get in the mood for Christmas until around December 15. Till then, I fake it. One of my kids love Christmas decorating and baking and all that, so I do that with her. I read Christian Advent-related books/readings (such as Tim Keller's Hidden Christmas), and have read some light-hearted cozy mysteries set during Christmas (such as G Heyer's A Christmas Party) and am scouring the library for more now. Those ideas may or may not appeal to you or help you, I know. By your comment about $0 I assume you haven't money to spend on gifts. We are there too. Our kids are older, and in college, so they understand pretty well. Used bookstores/sites are my best friends right now. I hope some of the ideas people post here are helpful to you! I'm listening in too.
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  3. Right. No one here is doing this (that I've seen), but it can be easy to say "oh, yeah, this kid at this tough school taking these tough courses may need help, but your kid taking "regular" courses at a state school shouldn't need help." (Did everyone see that I said no one here is doing that? But it is easy to do.)
  4. Your final line is a good question. But, to the bolded: I think it depends on how the help is given. If it's given in a way that adds to the student's ability to do it on their own next time, then by the time grad school comes around, the problem may be solved. (Rather than just doing something for the student without their involvement at all.) I think people have given examples of this in this thread, such as my example of helping a kid write certain sorts of letters, then keeping those letters accessible as examples for the next time around. It's not some huge fabulous idea on my part, just a way of helping the student become self-sufficient in the future. Of course at some point when too much help is needed, and it's not helping the student get anywhere, things will probably need to change. But getting help at a certain level doesn't mean that help is always going to be needed, if the student is teachable and the things being taught are attainable.
  5. My husband received the range of $0 to $300. I'd say I'd probably give $150 - $300, depending on finances and the wedding itself. If, say, my kid was having a relatively expensive wedding, I'd encourage a higher honorarium than for a simple ceremony with cake and punch reception in the church hall. That might not make sense to anyone but me, but if we could spend the money on a fairly lavish wedding, I think we could give the officiant a bit more too.
  6. Good point; I amended my post a little because sometimes more than coaching is needed. But it's all toward self-sufficiency. My ADD kid has a file of "form letters" - just letters he's written, with my/Dad's help, for things like thanking for an interview, giving notice for leaving a job, requesting a job shadow for a class, stuff like that. Types of letters he may have to write again some day. Because I'll help him with letters for now, but not forever, and not the same type of letter over and over, ykwim? (I know there are websites that have suggestions for letters but having my own experience of looking for resume cover letter samples, it's overwhelming. And being overwhelmed is part of the problem.)
  7. LOL. I am on two such boards, one for my kid's own college and one that's a general college parent board. I am often stunned by the questions from parents. Stuff like where is the lost and found, what are the library hours... such basic stuff that I marvel that they are asking; even if their kid couldn't look it up on the college site for some reason, the parent ought to be able to. And to tie it back to the original discussion, among parents of college-aged non-NT kids I know, not one would post a question like that on a parent's page; if their kid expressed an inability to find that stuff out for themselves, the parent would help the kid do it / coach on how to do it, to build their self-sufficiency. They wouldn't just do it for them without involving the kid in the learning process in some way - a difference between scaffolding and helicoptering.
  8. This is what I was trying to get at, upthread, and couldn't manage to say it. And, a recent college graduate in an entry-level position is generally not expected to work as independently as a more senior employee. As the employee gets more experience and expertise, they may be promoted to positions with more responsibility, eventually perhaps to become the managers and project managers themselves. Some of those may be people with EF issues who need extra support while in school (including college). It's not like most recent college grads are immediately put into upper management positions (though I'm sure some are, so no one needs to tell me they know someone who did just that) running complex projects with no oversight at all.
  9. LOL, no. I wasn't talking about parents assisting/scaffolding their kids at work. It was sort of an offshoot of when to stop scaffolding... in work situations some scaffolding may be built in to projects - not because employees necessarily need it or anyone would even think of it as scaffolding - but to keep projects on track. I am clearly not explaining myself well so should probably stop talking. 🙂
  10. I can't possibly be the only person here who has ever walked out of a work meeting for a big project with an overall picture of the project, my role in it, and then a lists of action items with "due dates" before the next meeting to follow up on progress. Not with micromanaging bosses, just big projects with lots of moving parts and lots of interim deadlines that had to be met. WRT colleges and EF supports - I'm sure this varies. My LD/ADD kid's school offers support in the form of groups, seminars, mentors and such. Some are aimed at first-gen students, some at kids with disabilities, some are for anyone who feels they need a little help with time management, managing multiple projects, etc. I don't know if my other kid's school has similar things because we've never needed them.
  11. Even college professors do this, to some degree. I've seen syllabi with big term papers broken down with dates for research, dates to stop researching and start writing, dates to have a first draft done, etc. This is for all students, not just students with accommodations for EF issues or whatever. Even in college they are still learning. The papers are longer, the stakes are higher. It's just continuing to build the foundation for future success. At every place I've worked, big projects are broken down with achievable objectives at points along the way, with employees reporting progress to management at set times. I've never been on a big project that was just... "ok, folks this has to be ready to roll out in 6 months, see you then, have it ready!" Well, maybe the CEO says that, but then the managers... manage it.
  12. Yes, I'm this way too. My ADD kid in college has me copied on all incoming email. I delete probably 95% of it unread, but there are things I will follow up on. ("Did you see that email about summer internships? Jump on that!") If I see a mandatory meeting announcement and don't see it show up on the shared family calendar, I send a quick reminder. I am sure to remind to pick up disability letters for college professors and ask if that was taken care of. The good thing is that as this child matures, I have to do that less and less. It's not going to be a forever thing. Now, when he's had jobs, I never got involved in that. But that was lower stakes, getting fired from a summer job is not on the same plane as possibly failing a class or missing out on a great opportunity related to future career.
  13. Ah, I'm sorry if I said something hurtful. Not sure how "kinda dislike..." indicates I am judging people! Probably I worded it too strongly. But here's what I mean. Say I get two cards, pretty much the same: a photo card with everything preprinted (Merry Christmas! Love, the Smiths). But one of the cards has something handwritten on it. Even just my name, or "Marbel family" or something like that. Maybe a scrawled "miss you!" or a heart drawn by a kid. Not much, but something that tells me that the person who sent the card is thinking of me/my family as they are sending it. That doesn't mean that someone who doesn't put anything personal on a card is not thinking of the person they're sending it to as they stuff the envelope, of course. But taking the minute or less to put a personal touch on the card, well, yeah, I'm probably going to treasure that card just a little more than one with no personal touch at all. It's not about judging people - it's not a negative feeling toward the person who does not do it, but more of a warm feeling toward the person who does. And it's not about expecting a long hand-written letter. It's just that one shows more of a personal connection than the other. That's all.
  14. We send cards to family and very close friends only. I like writing notes, even just a few lines, so I buy boxes of cards and just write some out; photo cards have been a fail for us for a few years now; one kid hates being photographed, I always hate the way I look, and it's just so much trouble. I do enjoy getting photo cards but I admit I kinda dislike it when it's just a photo and the printed greeting and printed names of the senders, with nothing personal in it at all.
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