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I'm just devastated.

dirty ethel rackham

By dirty ethel rackham,
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dirty ethel rackham

dirty ethel rackham

Posted
Posted

So I took a new sonography job 3 months ago in a busy urban hospital.  The people, meaning my fellow sonographers, have been great. But, it has been really hard.  The patients are difficult (medically, technically, ergonomically and many are unable to cooperate well.)  It is super busy and it has been difficult to get feedback to know what their standards are.  At my previous job, they said that the quality of my scans were good, but I was too slow, both at the scans and at the workflow outside the exam room.  So, I felt fairly confident about my technical skills going into this job and felt I knew what I needed work on.  

In my first 2 performance check-ins with my direct supervisor, she complimented my eagerness to learn, how I treated the patients with dignity, and my punctuality and dedication.  She didn't have much to say about the quality of my scans since they hadn't received complaints from the radiologists but she didn't have experience in my specialty.  She did emphasize that my productivity needed to improve.  I did have a couple of suboptimal scans and had a meeting with her boss (who does have experience in my specialty) where I was told that I "wasn't in trouble, but this was a learning opportunity." Even though she would talk to me like I was in kindergarten, I tried to take everything she said constructively and work to improve.  I would go home and study up - watch videos and read articles - I would look at scans other techs had done and try to learn from them.   The other tech I worked with, who had more experience, was supposed to be reviewing my scans and offering critique and advice if things needed to improve.  She was really busy (in addition to her regular responsibilities, she had a student) so she didn't provide much.  During the last month - nearing the end of my 90 days, they were riding me more about my productivity (which was improving and pretty close to the other tech doing the same job.)  My scan times were improving and were in line with expectations.  But there were times when I couldn't be scanning - a patient's order was wrong and I had to wait for it and couldn't do another patient because the other tech was away from the department doing a portable exam, or she had taken 2 rooms - one for herself and one for her student and I either didn't have anyone to scan or didn't have a machine available or something. I was keeping a diary of everything that was getting in the way of my productivity and trying to talk to the other tech about ways to be more efficient. (BTW, they would pick one day out of the month and send out an email listing the tally of scans for each tech in the department for that day.  Not a monthly average or anything, just a one day sample. Kind of humiliating.)  With all of this, I thought I was on the upswing.  

So I had my 90 day review on Thursday ... and they let me go!   They said my performance wasn't up to their standards.  I was stunned.  I could barely speak.  They went through several things ... the things I was supposedly "not in trouble for" as well as other things that were never brought to my attention. And then they brought up my productivity.  They asked if I had any questions.  I was trying to hold it together and not sob.  I couldn't argue with their assessments, but they were a surprise.  I am so demoralized.  And so they took my badge and walked me out like a criminal.  I didn't have a chance to say goodbye to anyone.  But I was so ashamed, I didn't feel like I could make eye contact with anyone.  Later that day, I reached out to my friend from school who worked there, she was in another department that day and didn't know.  She was shocked.  Nobody else reached out ... not the girl I worked directly with ... nobody. 

I keep replaying everything in my head, seeing everything from the eyes of "my boss's boss" - and it just makes my stomach clench.  I squirm with embarrassment and shame.  I just wasn't good enough.  I had gotten into some habits from my prior job to meet their requirements, but the standards for this job were different.  

I also feel a sense of relief ... the commute was a bear ... not so much the time in the car, but the amount of time I was away from home.  11 hours or more if I worked overtime, which meant I had no time or energy to take care of things around the house.  And I didn't realize how much stress I was holding in trying to succeed.  But feel like such a failure.  This is the 2nd job in my field I have not succeeded at.  And I'm not sure I want to continue in this field.  I am burnt out on failure.  The thought of putting myself out there again just fills me with dread.  

But, I don't know what else to do.  I don't have enough experience to teach.  <2 years in the field.  I'll be 60 in 3 months. My shoulder is feeling the effects of working in an environment with poor ergonomics.  I feel like I'm back in the place I was 5 years ago before I went back to school.  No career.  No IRL friends.  No energy or drive to do anything.  I can barely get out of bed.  I can't function without structure.  I have nothing to look forward to. 

I could use some prayers, good thoughts, encouragement, etc.  

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Frances

Frances

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Posted

I’m so very sorry. My husband is in healthcare and it can be brutal and so many managers just suck. I really hope a wonderful opportunity comes your way very soon. I so admired your courage and determination in going back to school and starting a new career. You are in my thoughts during this very difficult time. 

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Ting Tang

Ting Tang

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20 minutes ago, dirty ethel rackham said:

So I took a new sonography job 3 months ago in a busy urban hospital.  The people, meaning my fellow sonographers, have been great. But, it has been really hard.  The patients are difficult (medically, technically, ergonomically and many are unable to cooperate well.)  It is super busy and it has been difficult to get feedback to know what their standards are.  At my previous job, they said that the quality of my scans were good, but I was too slow, both at the scans and at the workflow outside the exam room.  So, I felt fairly confident about my technical skills going into this job and felt I knew what I needed work on.  

In my first 2 performance check-ins with my direct supervisor, she complimented my eagerness to learn, how I treated the patients with dignity, and my punctuality and dedication.  She didn't have much to say about the quality of my scans since they hadn't received complaints from the radiologists but she didn't have experience in my specialty.  She did emphasize that my productivity needed to improve.  I did have a couple of suboptimal scans and had a meeting with her boss (who does have experience in my specialty) where I was told that I "wasn't in trouble, but this was a learning opportunity." Even though she would talk to me like I was in kindergarten, I tried to take everything she said constructively and work to improve.  I would go home and study up - watch videos and read articles - I would look at scans other techs had done and try to learn from them.   The other tech I worked with, who had more experience, was supposed to be reviewing my scans and offering critique and advice if things needed to improve.  She was really busy (in addition to her regular responsibilities, she had a student) so she didn't provide much.  During the last month - nearing the end of my 90 days, they were riding me more about my productivity (which was improving and pretty close to the other tech doing the same job.)  My scan times were improving and were in line with expectations.  But there were times when I couldn't be scanning - a patient's order was wrong and I had to wait for it and couldn't do another patient because the other tech was away from the department doing a portable exam, or she had taken 2 rooms - one for herself and one for her student and I either didn't have anyone to scan or didn't have a machine available or something. I was keeping a diary of everything that was getting in the way of my productivity and trying to talk to the other tech about ways to be more efficient. (BTW, they would pick one day out of the month and send out an email listing the tally of scans for each tech in the department for that day.  Not a monthly average or anything, just a one day sample. Kind of humiliating.)  With all of this, I thought I was on the upswing.  

So I had my 90 day review on Thursday ... and they let me go!   They said my performance wasn't up to their standards.  I was stunned.  I could barely speak.  They went through several things ... the things I was supposedly "not in trouble for" as well as other things that were never brought to my attention. And then they brought up my productivity.  They asked if I had any questions.  I was trying to hold it together and not sob.  I couldn't argue with their assessments, but they were a surprise.  I am so demoralized.  And so they took my badge and walked me out like a criminal.  I didn't have a chance to say goodbye to anyone.  But I was so ashamed, I didn't feel like I could make eye contact with anyone.  Later that day, I reached out to my friend from school who worked there, she was in another department that day and didn't know.  She was shocked.  Nobody else reached out ... not the girl I worked directly with ... nobody. 

I keep replaying everything in my head, seeing everything from the eyes of "my boss's boss" - and it just makes my stomach clench.  I squirm with embarrassment and shame.  I just wasn't good enough.  I had gotten into some habits from my prior job to meet their requirements, but the standards for this job were different.  

I also feel a sense of relief ... the commute was a bear ... not so much the time in the car, but the amount of time I was away from home.  11 hours or more if I worked overtime, which meant I had no time or energy to take care of things around the house.  And I didn't realize how much stress I was holding in trying to succeed.  But feel like such a failure.  This is the 2nd job in my field I have not succeeded at.  And I'm not sure I want to continue in this field.  I am burnt out on failure.  The thought of putting myself out there again just fills me with dread.  

But, I don't know what else to do.  I don't have enough experience to teach.  <2 years in the field.  I'll be 60 in 3 months. My shoulder is feeling the effects of working in an environment with poor ergonomics.  I feel like I'm back in the place I was 5 years ago before I went back to school.  No career.  No IRL friends.  No energy or drive to do anything.  I can barely get out of bed.  I can't function without structure.  I have nothing to look forward to. 

I could use some prayers, good thoughts, encouragement, etc.  

I’m so very sorry! It sounds like you need to find a position that offers more support and training BEFORE you dive into everything. Does that exist in your field? That could’ve been be at one of my jobs; I ended up quitting first. Honestly, I had no idea what I was doing. There was not enough training for me. 

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Halftime Hope

Halftime Hope

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Posted

I'm so very sorry.  I'm right there with you with demoralization at being let go from something you've put your heart into. The details are different; the end result is similar.

This situation/circumstances don't sound like a good match for your strengths and for any kind of job one would want to work at. I know what that's like; I narrowly escaped that two years ago, and yet here we are again, having to start over. 

Just please know that you are not alone in this; you, I, and others are experiencing the same dystopic situation. The people and circumstances were stacked against you, and you need a different spot in which to flourish and to be exactly the kind of excellent human you are cut out to be: kind, thoughtful, allowed the time to do an excellent job, and allowed the margin to care for patients as well.

Wishing you the best as you regroup!

 

 

 

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teachermom2834

teachermom2834

Posted
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I’m so sorry. I’ve followed along with your school and job journey over the last few years. I’m 48 and would need to go to school to have any kind of career and I find it terrifying! I will never do it because I am just not strong enough. I’m so impressed by you and I’m so sorry it has proven so very difficult and frustrating. 

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Kalmia

Kalmia

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Posted (edited)

I am sorry the system wasn't able to recognize your dedication to learning. It seems (I am in my 50s) that workplace of all types (and especially medical) have changed for the worse since I was in my 20s and 30s. With computer technology came the ability to constantly surveil and measure every action of employees, instead of seeing, in the older way, workers as part of the workplace family. Corporations are now legally allowed to put the shareholder's profits above all else, and thus are allowed to quite literally poke and squeeze every bit of effort out of every employee to line their pockets. The speed at which things are processed is one of the many ways the shareholders make more money. Another is to hire fewer employees than are necessary to do the job. This efficiency and monitoring and maximization of profit at the expense of the worker (and the customer!) is affecting all jobs from doctor to supermarket cashier. I am so sorry it affected you. I also worry how it will harm the younger generation just entering a workforce in which every second will be monitored and controlled. 

I hope you can find a job or workplace that has respect for people and does not treat them as machines.

 

Edited by Kalmia
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Vintage81

Vintage81

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Posted

I’m so sorry. 😔 I hope that you’re able to find something that will work for you. I’ll keep you in my thoughts. Hugs.

It’s not quite the same, but I’m sitting here awake, can’t sleep right now because tomorrow DH will find out if he’ll lose his job. His company is doing layoffs. He’s worked for them for almost 20 years. I’m scared out of my mind! 

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Eos

Eos

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That is rotten.  I've also been following your story through these last couple of years and so admire your courage and ability to learn.  Absolutely rotten.  Echoing what Kalmia said above about the modern obsession with efficiency - it's not right.

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Carrie12345

Carrie12345

Posted
Posted

I am so, so sorry.

You’re clearly very open to constructive criticism and adapting, and aware of circumstances that are beyond your control. Those are strengths not everyone has.

I do worry about ageism, as someone who just went back to school. My mom had a heck of a time getting hired (twice) as an “older person” with excellent qualifications in her field.

I hope you bounce back quickly, emotionally, so you can bounce back professionally.  My mom eventually found a job that filled her with doubts, and now she’s so obsessed with it that she delayed her retirement an extra 6 months!

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DawnM

DawnM

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I am sorry.   Please don't give up if this is what you really want.   Third time may be a charm?   

I have been in bad situations and good situations and it takes a while to find the right fit.   Maybe a smaller setting???    Just thinking out loud here.

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Ann.without.an.e

Ann.without.an.e

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I'm so sorry. Maybe this isn't the right fit for you but it sounds like you haven't had the support or training that you need? And that sucks because you really don't know if you could catch on better with more support. They didn't go about it the right way to help you but this is a common problem right now in healthcare because they are so understaffed. It is a lose lose for everyone 😞 

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BlsdMama

BlsdMama

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I’m sorry. That’s hard and I think by the time a manager reaches that spot, it shouldn’t be a surprise. 😞 They should have laid out specific quantitative goals and also created a plan for you to improve in areas they felt additional training was needed. They did a poor job helping you understand what they wanted and how to get there. I’m so sorry. 

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BeachGal

BeachGal

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They failed you. There are numerous red flags you’ve mentioned in your post that point to failings on their part. Your burdened co-worker couldn’t give you input. You were expected to be productive even when it was impossible. The way your boss’s boss spoke to you. Misleading you in reviews. That is on them, not you.

Marching someone out without at least allowing you to say good byes or softening the blow in some way shows a lack of compassion. You are human afterall. They are concerned about retaliation, I suppose, but still. How sad that this is a hospital but hospitals have been changing in the US for awhile now. And many HCWs feel maltreated and disrespected as a result.

It could be that the higher ups are under the gun and took it out on you. Getting out of that environment may very well be a blessing in disguise although at the moment it probably doesn’t feel that way.

For now, give yourself a well-deserved break. If you still like the work, you could try again elsewhere. Or, you could possibly try something entirely new. You have a lot of wisdom and empathy and would be such an asset in the right place.

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pinball

pinball

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Posted

I’m really sorry. You’ve been through so much and you need things to break your way.

I’ve heard techs are in demand. I think you’ve learned a lot about what you need and where you’d fit in well. Maybe try to frame it that way? And emphasize what YOU need in a workplace/employer vs what they can give you.

But first, just take care of yourself. They shouldn’t have walked you out like that. It’s not a reflection of you; it’s just a dehumanizing policy. As for people not reaching out…they probably don’t know how to handle it. Again, not a reflection of you.

I’m sorry again

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Arcadia

Arcadia

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I have no idea about pay but my private practice obgyn office has a person who travels to different obgyn to do the ultrasounds for them. He says he likes his job, little stress and has time for his kids. 
Take a break first though before job hunting. Former co-workers may honestly not know what to say to you and so is keeping quiet. 

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