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BlsdMama

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About BlsdMama

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    Chief Zookeeper
  • Birthday January 14

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    http://www.truevinemama.com
  • Location
    Iowa
  • Occupation
    Keep the crazy to a minimum and keep on reading!

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    Female

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  1. I totally see how you took it and it was my fault entirely. I felt as though this conversation went askew because the parents put (specifically religious) stipulations on it and it frustrates me and I hit respond to your answer. Not only that but I read later how you said you couldn't agree with respond negatively to them and I thought that was a kind choice and I really appreciated that. I've been thinking on this and I took it too personally because I was thinking that if Grandma and Grandpa said, "Hey, we'll send Junior to college for free *at my alma mater* that it is easier to say, "No, thanks," or "Sure!" but because the stipulations were based on religion that folks took automatic offense. I feel as though when the word religion comes into play that discernment is harder - and, again, Dawn, I'm sorry - definitely not at you. This was a hard one all the way around for you I'm certain. I know my son (current junior) would switch schools (state school) at this point in his program either, even if it was a great opportunity. I was just mind-blown at the idea of telling someone, trying to be generous, that their gift is unacceptable and to attempt to renegotiate the terms of a gift. That said, I needed to also remember that everyone has different relationships with their parents. While so many would translate this as a manipulative move, I filtered it through as well-meaning kindness.
  2. Dawn, I wasn't responding to you - my apologies. I read your question, then read several replies and I was boggled by the folks who said they wouldn't at least present the offer to their young adults.
  3. I think it's grossly unfair to refuse to present the offer unless they are currently getting college free to them. I presume they have a decent sense of judgement and are at least 18 and capable of having a discussion to present considerations and pros/cons. It's going to eventually come up... "Well, we OFFERED, but..." because this is what people who tend to manipulate do. Now, are they being manipulative? Not necessarily. It might be that they are in a better financial spot than they thought, or after more careful consideration, that they said to themselves, "Self, it is important that Child X go to School Y. How important, Self? Important enough to PAY for it?" And then decided, yes, important enough to pay for it. It's their money. If they want to offer it up with stipulations, so be it. You are under no obligation to accept it. And I get that you aren't complaining! I'm just generalizing - We never love strings, but most things come with them. It's just, as adults, we're used to having ultimate control. "You can borrow my car, don't text, don't eat in it, and drive under the speed limit." Same deal here - you're welcome to drive your own car, but if you want MY car, there are rules." I don't understand not presenting the offer. I'd weigh in with my thoughts, but it really isn't an offer to me alone so I don't think I'd have the right to turn it down, kwim? ETA: I also don't understand the sense of entitlement on this issue. It seems as though, when offered a gift, you have the option of sitting down and telling the gift bearer what's wrong with their gift, why it sucks, what they should do instead, and how they could have done it better because their carefully considered plan is totally unacceptable as a gift. Are you kidding me? No. That's not how adults accept a gift. Adults are free to say, "Thank you so much for your generous offer, and I will offer it to the kids and see what they say." But this indulgent sense of rage over it not being precisely what you would do is a little crazy to me. And I'll further add, who are the 19-22 year olds that can't make this consideration, have a discussion, and make an informed decision? Boggled right now at this discussion.
  4. I answered maybe. It would depend on proximity to reliable adults for me. The not being able to drive is a hard compromising factor. We left the 17yo in charge of the 15yo, 13yo, and 11yo for five days but she has a license. Hmm. I think i would lean towards not because of the inability to drive? OTOH, I’d love the opportunity to have my nieces or nephews for a couple days! Your family might love the opportunity to spend time with him one on one? We split up the others among three houses and they had a fine time spending days with them.
  5. I appreciate the recommendation. I purchased Algebra I last year and was looking forward to it. Concision is not his strong point. I have a Kathy daughter who feels frustrated.
  6. We went on our first trip alone in 23+ years last week! We went back to Oregon to see friends and because it was such a happy place for our family when we lived there. (2010-2014) So, I wanted to do a trail. It was kind of my last hoorah and we ordered my power chair a few weeks ago. I still walk right now but something like this was huge emotionally for me. The 1/2 mile trail took about 2.5 hours. Short Sands Beach in Oswald West State Park is, in my opinion, one of the most beautiful spots along the coast. Did he say I couldn’t do it? No. Did he complain? No. Did he walk that trail six inches at a time? Yup. I’m going to keep him.
  7. We went on our first trip alone in 23+ years last week! We went back to Oregon to see friends and because it was such a happy place for our family when we lived there. (2010-2014) So, I wanted to do a trail. It was kind of my last hoorah and we ordered my power chair a few weeks ago. I still walk right now but something like this was huge emotionally for me. The 1/2 mile trail took about 2.5 hours. Short Sands Beach in Oswald West State Park is, in my opinion, one of the most beautiful spots along the coast. Did he say I couldn’t do it? No. Did he complain? No. Did he walk that trail six inches at a time? Yup. I’m going to keep him.
  8. Yeah, just not that family. I gotta be honest, it would drive me over the edge. ETA (That my family would veg on the couch watching a sport every week.)
  9. I’m blown away by the folks who answered 3 and 4! We have eleven and we aren’t the biggest family we know. We know two families pretty well that are 11 and 12 (so far) and are friendly with another that has 12. We know several more in the five and more club. I thought that was pretty typical of homeschool families, but we have a pretty large homeschool community here.
  10. This “test” is actually genius. They’re testing not only the card but the address at the same time. Your number is being sold. I’ve had mine sold a couple times and the purchases were all for about $1 initially. The first time it happened it was my Paypal debit card. I called to ask what a pending purchase was for a tiny amount and they told me my card was compromised and it was likely a test to make sure the card was good. It wasn’t even an actual charge - it was just pending. It had been authorized. Some cards don’t even show these and often only online and not on a billing statement either so it is very unlikely the card owner would ever find out. Your card can be replicated in the men’s names, with your zip code, and used. Sometimes cards use zip codes for online purchases or gas etc. So these five have verified your card number and your zip code in one quick and easy step. The bigger charges will likely hit very soon. Watch your debit cards too. Wherever your credit cards were stolen from you may have used with more than one card.
  11. To his credit (and why we've been married so long) he has NEVER done this, lol. And a shout out to iHop who still does kids eat free on Mondays. LOL.
  12. A launch means lifting from the pad - not ever setting down again. 😉 IMO. So, I consider our DS launched. He is at college, lives in an apartment with lease, has his own car, works a job. He's launched. He isn't entirely on his own yet - we're going to pay for the meal plan, part of his car insurance, and I still pick him up socks, undies, and sometimes pickles! I guess I see this as scaffolding. He has his life and he's working it, but he isn't entirely self sufficient because he has thing he has to do (finish school) and will complete when he has his "grown up" job. I wonder though... we homeschooled the entire way through. So, college was VERY different than high school. The end of high school marked the end of me directing their educational choices and marked a completely autonomous lifestyle. Our daughter lived at home but went to school and managed her life. I considered her launched. Would you consider multi-generational homes adults who are not launched? Just an after-thought question.
  13. This. I am not an animal person. I was once, very much so. The amount of energy and stress I spend on our dogs are over the top and if I honestly believed they'd be better rehomed and I could find them a high quality home that wouldn't stress them out terribly, I'd do it. That said, the pressure is wrong. Her approaching YOU in particular is wrong. Very wrong. I can understand not being a dog person. But as a people person, I don't understand how she can't identify your need to be respected here. I would have nothing to do with this person - if she cannot recognize your pain on this, she'll never make a good friend to you. Friendship is founded on recognizing one another's needs, respecting, and in some ways, help meet one another's needs. She will never be a friend.
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