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My dog died today.

Jenny in Florida

By Jenny in Florida,
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Jenny in Florida

Jenny in Florida

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My beloved Matilda ("Tilda," to all who knew her) was diagnosed with kidney insufficiency in May, but we were under the impression that she likely had several years left, as long as we took good care of her. We switched her to a different medication for her joint pain that was supposed to be less stress on her kidneys and tried five different prescriptive kidney care foods until we found one she would tolerate. 

Nonetheless, over the last few weeks, she had gotten pickier and pickier about food, eventually refusing to eat the prescriptive stuff at all. I was concerned that she was losing weight and seemed miserable, so I gave in and bought a bag of her old favorite. We also started offering her treats such as watermelon and cantaloupe just to tempt her to eat until I could get her to the vet to discuss a plan. It worked for a few days, and then she basically quit eating again. On Thursday morning, I called the vet and said we needed to move up her appointment, that she needed to be seen that day, immediately. 

Honestly, I thought the problem was likely dental. She has had issues before and had a couple of teeth removed. 

However, they ran blood work and urinalysis and found that her numbers were drastically elevated and that she was likely in end-stage kidney failure. They also discovered a couple of ulcers in her mouth, which are typical of kidney problems. 

They admitted her immediately and put her on IV fluids, antibiotics (just in case there was an infection causing the acute problem). They did a medicated mouthwash  to alleviate the pain of the ulcers. 

For the last two days, I have shuttled her back and forth between the regular vet (during the day) and the emergency vet (at night) so she could be kept on IV fluids and under observation. 

As of this morning, her lab work was no better, and it was clear she was declining. 

My husband and I went to visit her this morning and made the heart-wrenching decision to let her go. 

I held her in my arms and on my lap for 30 minutes petting her and telling her how much I loved her. We did a quick video call with my daughter, who had been very close with Tilda until she moved out on her own a few years ago. Then I continued to cuddle her and love on her while the vet did the injections and I felt her last heartbeat. 

Tilda has been my best friend and near-constant companion for almost 14 years. Many days, she has been the only reason I can find to get out of bed in the morning. I cannot describe how much I will miss her.

Tilda.jpg

Edited by Jenny in Florida
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Spy Car

Spy Car

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I'm really sorry Jenny. Losing a beloved dog is very hard.

There is a poem I'm going to share by one of my favorite poets, Robinson Jeffers, in the hope it that touches you: 

 

 The House Dog's Grave (Haig, an English bulldog)

I've changed my ways a little; I cannot now
Run with you in the evenings along the shore,
Except in a kind of dream; and you, if you dream a moment,
You see me there.

So leave awhile the paw-marks on the front door
Where I used to scratch to go out or in,
And you'd soon open; leave on the kitchen floor
The marks of my drinking-pan.

I cannot lie by your fire as I used to do
On the warm stone,
Nor at the foot of your bed; no, all the night through
I lie alone.

But your kind thought has laid me less than six feet
Outside your window where firelight so often plays,
And where you sit to read--and I fear often grieving for me--
Every night your lamplight lies on my place.

You, man and woman, live so long, it is hard
To think of you ever dying
A little dog would get tired, living so long.
I hope than when you are lying

Under the ground like me your lives will appear
As good and joyful as mine.
No, dear, that's too much hope: you are not so well cared for
As I have been.

And never have known the passionate undivided
Fidelities that I knew.
Your minds are perhaps too active, too many-sided. . . .
But to me you were true.

You were never masters, but friends. I was your friend.
I loved you well, and was loved. Deep love endures
To the end and far past the end. If this is my end,
I am not lonely. I am not afraid. I am still yours.


Robinson Jeffers, 1941

 

Haig, was buried outside the window (screen right) of Tor House, Jeffers' home in Carmel CA. I've visited the site and seen Haig's grave.

Tor-House-Spring-web_D22DB2F5-5A8B-4906-

 

I hope Tilda's memory is a blessing to you always.

Hugs

 

Bill

Edited by Spy Car
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Ting Tang

Ting Tang

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I'm so, so very sorry. Tilda was beautiful.  My heart knows the hurt you are feeling right now, which never completely goes away, but it is clear she was so dearly loved and will always be.  I wish we could have our pets forever.  I hope your memories will be a blessing until you are able to meet again.

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easypeasy

easypeasy

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Oof. We went through this fairly recently and I'm still waiting for the hole in my heart to heal over. I'm so, so sorry. Some doggos just wriggle their way into our very DNA. They're hard to shake. ♥ I console myself with the knowledge that we cared for him and he managed to be happy up until close to the end, despite his illness. But, he was so loved and so cuddled and so adored by all of us in this house and remembering his happy doggo life puts a smile on my face when I'm feeling lonely without him. We also stayed with him and I am so, SO glad we did even though it was THE hardest thing we've ever done together as a family.

{{Hugs}} to you. She was a beautiful girl. ♥

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