If you have siblings that live at least two hours away

[Amethyst]

If you have siblings who live at least two hours away, how often do you visit them? How often do they visit you? 
 

I am one of nine siblings. Naturally, I’m closer to some than others. I’d like to see some of them more often. Others, eh. We tend to do a decent number of family events, and I try to get to some of those. For instance, my mom and dad’s 70th anniversary is coming up, so we (siblings and their children-in-laws) are taking them out to dinner. The problem with the larger events is that they are not intimate and I frequently don’t feel like I’ve connected with the people I care most about. But I feel like the larger events get priority. 
 

From time to time, my two closest sisters and I have made an effort to meet in various locations for lunch, just the three of us. I enjoy those. For a while, we tried to include the husbands, and it eventually petered out. 
 

I wish it was more often. But maybe I’m unrealistic. How often do you see your siblings. 

[freesia]

It depends on the year. Pandemic years excepted, I see my brothers twice a year. One brother lives near my mom and I often see him a couple more times. We talk on group text sometimes and occasionally my youngest brother calls. 

[PeterPan]

Oh mercy, I think I saw my brother in person a couple years ago. We talk on the phone more often and I read his adventures on his FB page. (I don't post mine, haha.)

Your level of interaction seems intentional and natural, not contrived, which is about the best you could hope for. I think each family finds their own way and it's probably not wise to compare.

[PeterPan]

5 minutes ago, Amethyst said:

The problem with the larger events is that they are not intimate and I frequently don’t feel like I’ve connected with the people I care most about.

My whole family on one side gets together for an ALL DAY event every year and that helps with that immensely. Obviously it works better if it's in a setting where all day seems natural or desireable and has a lot of low key ways to sit around and hang and reconnect.

I would think with so many siblings you just have to go with what is natural. People are going to be at a lot of different stages of life.

[rebcoola]

My half brother lives closest at 4 ish hours away we seem his family 2 - 6 times a year.  The years it's more than 4 it's because they live in Seattle and we had to travel there for something anyway so we arranged to meetup.

[Faith-manor]

My sister lives in France. I generally go two years in between seeing her sometimes more since it costs so much for us to visit each other. We keep in touch with Facebook messenger.

I have a brother who lives one block away. I only lay eyes on him two or three times a year and there are no family get togethers. That is a whole kettle of fish I won't relate here.

Mark is not communicating at all with his sister. But, he and his brother are close. They live 14 hours away, so usually they only get to see each other once at most twice per year. However they talk on the phone and email a lot. The only big family get togethers have been weddings, and due to work schedules impacting the ability to travel, we have only made one out of three of his kids' weddings, however, he was able to make it to our dd's wedding. His schedule is tighter now, so he was unable to make it to our reception for ds and daughter in law. No worries. Life is hard, work dominates family life, so no one can expect to be able to host or attend a lot of family events unless the nuclear family lives very close to each other.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Every couple of years. We text frequently and have a good relationship. 

[Martha in GA]

I am one of 7 children (both parent deceased). We have a family reunion every other year. We take turns planning the reunion. I am planning this year's reunion; with kids and grandkids, there will be 40 of us (all of my siblings and their spouses will come, but not all of everyone's family will be able to make it)

[Terabith]

Usually once or twice a year.  

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I am one of eight. Almost all of my siblings live 4+ hours away. Mostly at least a day’s drive.

I see the sister who lives 4 hours away a few times a year. I have a sister 18 hours away in a state I travel to three or four times a year and I try to see her when I do, but it doesn’t always work out.  The rest of my siblings except for the disabled sister who lives with my parents, I haven’t seen in 3-7 years.  Two are estranged from my parents and I suspect I probably will not see them again, because I live within minutes of my parents and they won’t visit here, and I’m not close enough to them to make the several day journey.

We do have a sisters group text that includes everyone and some of us text a few times a week; not everyone adds or responds but they haven’t removed themselves.  It’s honestly sad to me as I’d always envisioned huge family dinners and my kids growing up with dozens of cousins, much as I did. 

[Shoeless]

I used to visit once or twice a year. Now I almost never see them because I got tired of being the only one to put in the effort. I've been here 10 years and one sibling has only visited once. The other has never visited. We had a big argument about it and I realized I would never win. My dad has never visited his sister at her home, and she's lived in the same house for 40 years. He expects her to visit him. So, my siblings are just replaying the same fight my dad picked with his sibling. 

I will supposedly see them all in a few months when I visit their home state, but I half expect one or both siblings will be "too busy" and won't make it to make a point. My family of origin trades almost exclusively in pettiness and spite. 

Eta: I live over 1000 miles away. It's not a small thing when I visit and I did it for years with a young child in tow. 

Edited April 9, 2023 by Shoeless

[Heartstrings]

I’m about 2 hours from my brother and his family.   We see each other monthly on average.  It seems to go in spurts.  I was there a couple of weekends ago, they were here this weekend for Easter stuff, then I won’t see them again until the end of next month.  When I lived 3 states away it was only 2-4 times a year depending on what was going on.  
I go there more often than they come to me, but it’s easier for me because I have fewer kids and they live in the “home town” where all of our friends other family, etc. are so I prefer going to them.  
 

My husbands siblings are in the same area and we only see them around quarterly, which is about how often my husband makes the trip with us.

edut to add:  I visited my husbands family without him more when his parents were alive.  

Edited April 9, 2023 by Heartstrings

[Junie]

Y'all are making me feel better about how often I don't see my siblings.

Before the pandemic visits were once or twice a year.  I would like to do better than that, but we'll see.  I think I need to make a better effort as the oldest, but with the understanding that it's a two-way street.

[Rachel]

I have 5 siblings and 1 SIL in 5 different states. Until a year ago none of them lived closer than a 15 hour drive. SIL visits a couple times a year, all her family is here. 

One brother moved about 2 hours from me, we’ve seen him a handful of times in the past year. Prior to that we saw him every 3-5 years. 

One sister and two brothers I see on average yearly.  These are the siblings I’m closest too and talk with the most regularly.

One sister I never see, there’s no animosity, we just aren’t close. 

[Laura Corin]

While our mother was alive and living near me, I saw them about twice a year.  Now I don't know - once a year maybe? 

[kristin0713]

We just moved two hours away last June. I see my sister about once a month or so. Either I'm going back there for something or she comes out here. 

[scholastica]

One I see once a year (multiple times during our stay) because we vacation 15 minutes away from her house. The other I have only seen a few times in the last 10 years. We aren’t close. I saw the first sibling I mentioned multiple times while our parents were declining. 

[73349]

The only one I'm really in touch with--out of 4 half-siblings, not really raised together--I see every few years, most recently this winter. She's a YA who's still working on her driver's license. (She lives in the same town as the rest and hasn't even met them all. Two of them haven't met my DS15, either.)

[Sneezyone]

I can’t remember the last time I saw my two oldest half-brothers. They’re 20+ years older than me. I attended my older half-sister’s wedding 15+ years ago but we are connected on FB. She’s divorced now.

I see my middle half-sibling and youngest sibling more often. The youngest multiple times a year and my youngest older brother because we both have graduating students in our lives so 3 years ago and this year for sure, probably next year too.

DH made it a point to see all of his sibs this year. We see 3/4 of them every 4 years or so. One we see every 1-2 years

We don’t live near any family. Also, I’m only using half-sib for purposes of explaining the distance. I wasn’t raised with the oldest three.

[cintinative]

My sibling lives 18 hours away, south. My husband's mom and siblings live 20 hours away, west.  When we are fortunate, we see some of my husband's family when we visit mine in FL. But there are siblings of my husband's we have not seen in five plus years. He has one sibling that has never been to visit in the almost 23 years we have been married.  The other siblings, other than his twin, haven't been out in probably 14 years.  In general, other than his twin, he rarely hears from his siblings at all. My sibling and I talk regularly, and generally our families see each other once per year, sometimes twice.  

[alisoncooks]

My sibling lives 2 hours away. We like each other and get along… but we don’t hang out regularly. We see each other Easter and Christmas (at my parents’ house). We see each other at a couple of birthday meals for parents/grandparents, usually in his town. Sometimes he visits my town when my parents are here camping. 🤷‍♀️

[Melissa in Australia]

I am oldest of 9

3 of my siblings live within 40 minutes of me. I see each of them. Maybe once or twice a year

I am closest to my sibling closest in age to me, we message rainfall amounts daily, and see each other several times a year. 

One brother lives clear across the other side of Australia, I see him once a year.  The rest live in Melbourne, I see them every few years I guess

We are not a close family, we don't do family gettogethers. We will cominicate if there is a family crisis or my mother sick, or send a baby photo by text. That is about it really

 

[alysee]

I am the youngest of 3. My sister lives about 3.5 hours from me. My brother lives about 1.5 hours away. We only see each other when we are at my parents or brothers house since there houses are in between ours distance-wise. We only get together for my kids or nieces birthdays and holidays. We may text a picture or two occasionally if our kids did something exciting like win an award. 

[theelfqueen]

I havent seen my older brother since ummm summer 2021. I see my younger brother a bit more they each live about an hour from me in opposite directions. When they gather its at my parents house and I can't attend those events because of the smoking. 

[maize]

I'm one of ten siblings. We try to get everyone together for a reunion every two years; some of my siblings I almost never see in between reunions. 

I'd like to see them more, but it isn't realistic. The family is scattered coast to coast in the US and even overseas; none live within an 8 hour drive of me.

I think I've seen all but three of them at least once since the last reunion. I've traveled twice, and a couple of them have traveled to my area. This is a reunion year and I think everyone will be there. 

I talk on the phone with most of them fairly regularly,  and we have an active family discord server. I was on the phone for at least three hours yesterday with various siblings while I did laundry and organized my shed.

A bunch of us are already planning an extra mini-reunion next year to experience the solar eclipse 😃 

[GoVanGogh]

One of three, in original family. I last saw my brother six years ago. It has probably been eight years since I saw my sister. We text often but surface type stuff. Too much family drama.

My dad remarried when I was in high school and he adopted his new wife’s three young kids, though that was after I married and moved across the country. Technically, they are my siblings, but I didn’t grow up with them. I haven’t seen any of them in 20 years. 
 

My siblings have only visited us maybe 1-2 times in 35+ years of us living away from our hometown. It is expected that we travel to visit them, but - family drama. Dad is a raging alcoholic. After we went home eight years ago, I swore I would never go back due to the way he treated me and my child. We did go back six years ago for my FIL’s funeral. Have not been back since. 

[QueenCat]

My only sister is 8 hours away. Our parents are no longer with us. We go to her house for Christmas, as a family, including one of my grown sons, sometimes both. I go to her once or twice a year on my own. If there is a graduation or wedding, we're there as a family. She doesn't come to me often, but it's easier for me to go there. I can see other extended family while there and she still has one in school. 

[LifeLovePassion]

I'm not sure. One brother moved 14 hours away in the fall, he was back here around at Thanksgiving and we saw him then. We did not get together when he came for Christmas. We are not terribly close anyways. Not sure if we will go visit yet and also not sure how long they are staying in that area. 

[Katy]

Some I haven’t seen since the last family funeral. Others I saw today. I spend much more time with my full siblings than half siblings. 

[Pam in CT]

My brother lived in Singapore for ~15 years, and we saw each other 2x/year for virtually all those years, usually once at my parents' house over Christmas-New Years when he had a long stretch off work, and once over the summer in some other location, some years a US national park, some years "meeting halfway" somewhere in Europe.  Now he's ~35 minutes away and I see him 2-3 times a month, sometimes with family and others just the two of us.

But he's my only sibling. If I had eight siblings I'm sure I'd be closer (emotionally, I mean) to some than others; and frequency of visitation would reflect that.

[Meriwether]

6 hours from my sister, 8-10 times per year

20+ hours from my brother, almost never for reasons influenced by life circumstances and not affection 

Edited April 10, 2023 by Meriwether

[Bambam]

Both of my siblings live about 12 hours away. Maybe I see them once a year.  

[Brittany1116]

Mine are 5 hours and 9 hours away. I see them once a year when I loop through their states to visit my parents. If I see them more than that, it is because they come to FL for a vacation/Disney/work and stop by.

[Momof4sweetkids]

I have seven siblings. One is estranged. Five live with an hour and a half and we see each other usually every 1-2 months for family birthdays and holidays. My sister that I'm closest to I see more often than that. One lives in my parents town four hours away and we seem them three times a year-when we visit my parents, family reunion camping trip and Christmas. 

[LMD]

My only full sibling, a sister, is about 2 hours away. I am estranged from our mother, and she is estranged from our father, so no big family catch ups. We try to catch up every few months, though she hasn't bothered to visit me in the 5 months since I had a baby, and the month of bed rest before that, so I'm a bit meh about the whole thing right now. I've been far from a perfect sister either. We're just both busy and... different. 

[dirty ethel rackham]

As of last fall, all of my 5 siblings are more than 2 hours away.  

My oldest brother used to live local to me and I would see him a 3-4 times a year.  Mostly if I invited him over for a holiday.  He has since moved a few hours away now that he is retired.  I will probably see him 2x a year.  He has invited me to come visit him at his new home, but he hates my dog so it will be hard to see him.  

Next Brother #2 moved to the other side of the country when I was in high school. I used to see him once a year or every couple of years when he would come in to see my mom when she was alive.  I didn't find out until much later that he came in more often but I just never heard about it.  He would have business here and visit oldest brother.  Since oldest brother moved away, I probably won't see him except at family weddings.  He likely won't visit me.  I think he's been to my home once in the 23 years we've lived here.  I've been to his home a couple of times.  

Next Brother (#3) used to be 4 hours away and in the same area as dh's brother so we would see him 3-4 times a year when we would go visit.  He has only been to my house a couple of times.  He came to the area 2-3 times a year, but rarely gave me a heads up.  He had more fun people to see.  I've seen my SIL more often.  Now he moved about 15 hours away (or a plane ride.) I haven't been to his home yet (they invite us, but any time we think we can go, they have other plans.)  

Sister (#4) moved 10 hours away about a decade ago.  I used to see her 1-2 times a year.  She would come up once a year for a friend's annual gathering and the only way I would see her is if I went to this gathering, which is uncomfortable for me because I didn't fit in.  I tried to schedule something with just us, but she blew me off several times.  Now that her husband's chronic illness is worse, traveling is harder for her.  

Younger sister (#6) moved 3 hours away nearly 30 years ago.  I would visit her several times a year.  She was on the way to visit dh' brother and mine so we would often pop in.  Also, they live 20 minutes away from the state fairgrounds.  When my kids were in 4H and went to state, we would stay with her.  She also hosts Thanksgiving every year for anyone who can make it in, and Christmas on alternating years (she has a large home that is great for hosting visitors and entertaining). But my family has not been particularly supportive of K's issues (some hostile) and K really doesn't like several of them.  So I have to make a choice of spending the holiday with K or with my family.  Also, my dog hasn't been welcome since they got another dog and we don't have anyone to take care of him.  She comes to the area often - 5-6 times a year, but never comes here.  I think she has been to my home 3 times in the last 10 years - only for my kids' graduation parties.  

So, I guess my siblings see each other more often than they see me.  Part of it is because of K, part of it is because of my older, large dog, and part is because they have no interest in seeing me.  I'm OK if I'm part of the group, but I'm not a desirable destination.

[Carrie12345]

I have two full siblings but have been estranged from one for most of the past decade+. She and I are civil at full family gatherings, but those are rare now.
Other sister came to visit last week! I hadn’t seen her in person in almost 5 years, meaning I hadn’t met my nephew in person ever or seen my niece in person since she was a toddler. Dh has, because work brings him to their area sometimes. It wasn’t weird because we’ve FaceTimed with the kids over all this time. I text with my sister a lot and we have long phone calls every few weeks.  
We’ll be going down by them in a couple months to celebrate my mom’s birthday.

It’s been over 20 years since my family moved 12 hours away, and they used to come up at least once a year, and we’d go down every 2-3 years or meet somewhere for a vacation. I’ve gone down by myself for special occasions or to help with emergencies. But it got really hard to sustain for everyone, logistically and financially. And then Covid. I last saw my mom in person in 2019 when she came up for my grandmother’s 90th birthday. 

Thank goodness for unlimited talk and text!

[TechWife]

I have three living siblings. They have each visited me one time in the 29+ years since I moved away, one of them staying less than an hour. It’s a six hour drive. Since our parents died six years ago, I’ve been back to the area a handful of times. Usually what draws us to the area is visiting with dh’s extended family. I sometimes spend some time with my family then, but most often they don’t make the time for me. They prefer one on one visits over getting together as a group, but don’t want to come to me. As it’s a 30-40 minute drive from dh family to mine, and our time is limited, I choose not to spend it in a car driving back & forth to see them one at a time. So, we don’t usually see them when we’re in the area. My family has a  challenging dynamic.

[ScoutTN]

One sibling who lives across the country. We are not at all close. Texting 5-6x a year, mostly about my mom and caring for her. Sib comes here to see my mom once a year. 
 

Dh has two sisters who live here and we see them 6-8x a year at family get togethers for birthdays and holidays. 

[QueenCat]

14 hours ago, QueenCat said:

My only sister is 8 hours away. Our parents are no longer with us. We go to her house for Christmas, as a family, including one of my grown sons, sometimes both. I go to her once or twice a year on my own. If there is a graduation or wedding, we're there as a family. She doesn't come to me often, but it's easier for me to go there. I can see other extended family while there and she still has one in school. 

Quoting myself... I will add to this that we talk by phone most weeks and text a couple of times a week.

[vonfirmath]

My sister lives 2.5 hours away. 2 or 3 times a year. For a while we were trying to get together monthly but it was very hard.

My parents now live across the street from my sister but I see my parents more than my sister.

 

Edited April 10, 2023 by vonfirmath

[fairfarmhand]

My younger brother lives overseas so we see him once or twice a year when he’s in the states.

my other brother splits his time between Memphis and SC. He’s divorced with 2 kids in SC and between that and his work he’s very busy. I’ve seen him once in the last few years. Generally it’s at a funeral.  
 

neither of my brothers drive due to an inherited blindness so that makes it doubly hard to get together with them.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

My siblings both live 12 hours away. My brother has visited me twice in 20 years. My sister has visited a handful of times. The responsibility of visiting falls on me. If I want to see them, I have to travel.

[Hannah]

I have 2 biological sisters and 3 step siblings.  With the first lock-down of the pandemic we started a family Zoom on a Sunday afternoon and I see them then.  After three years of doing this weekly it is tedious to dial in, but my parents really appreciate seeing everyone around the world, so we continue doing it.  My bio sisters and I have a WhatsApp group where we message each other at least once a week.  We lost our mother when we were 18, 14 and 11, and that made us very close.

My parents and 2 of the steps live a 2 hour flight away.  I see them once or twice a year.   My bio sisters live in England and Ireland and between them coming here or us flying over we've been extremely fortunate to see each other at least every 18 months for the last 20 years (except of course during the pandemic).

[Dmmetler]

I usually see my brother once or twice a year, but normally at my parents' house. My brother and SIL came out for L's graduation, but that's the only time they've come out to TN. We've been to see them in Richmond a few times. 

 

We used to see my DH's sister and her family about once a year when we went to Fl, and they'd come through here about once every couple of years when they did a big trip, but since COVID have only seen them once. 

Edited April 10, 2023 by Dmmetler

[J-rap]

We lived about 2.5 hours from my sister and parents (they lived just blocks apart from each other) for many years until just 3 years ago.  We probably saw each other twice/month over the years.  Sometimes we'd just meet in the middle!  Now I live only 20 minutes away from them so we see each other much more.

My brother lived about 4 hours away in another direction.  I saw him less often although we've always been close.  It just wasn't as feasible.  He also had/has a very demanding career.  We see each other perhaps 6 times/year?