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About Bambam

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    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

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  1. I've read pretty much this entire thread because was fascinating to me. From where to starts to all the different side trails and theories to just a little info from the OP either confirming or denying or giving just a little info and then refusing to post any more. I've been on the WTM long enough to know there is NO way to anticipate how a threat will end up (sorta like Telestrations - based on the Telephone game, you know?). People honestly seem to want to help, but without specifics, they are left hanging in the wind, want closure, so come up with a variety of scenarios which then has others discussing them. But once it became clear the issue was her son, a JW, got married a girl, another JW whom Scarlett likes, and Scarlett wouldn't attend their wedding because of a moral/personal and not religious issue - am I the only one who thought maybe they were big Star Trek Next Generation Fans and they wanted a Betazoid wedding? Because outside of the idea that the person conducting the marriage ceremony was a truly undesirable evil person (which doesn't seem likely given what we've read of the son here), I can't figure out a legitimate-sounding-to-me reason to not attend the wedding. But reading all the speculation is interesting. I can imagine this being a great made-for-TV movie - with each different theory being played out until we get to the final scene reveal.
  2. Can you just tell him, "I will not discuss this with you. Your children are adults and what I discuss with other adults is none of your business."?
  3. I'd be hurt. But I'd remember that young 20 something year olds can do stupid, stupid, thoughtless things. Many really don't have any practice considering anyone other than themselves. I'd hope he figures out when he gets his credit card bill that the trip cost him a lot more money than if he had just paid you guys the money for his part of the trip. I'd not front costs for him again. If he ever wanted to go on vacation with his younger siblings again, we'd sit down and explain how much his defaulting hurt them and that when he got his portion to you, then and only then would you book/reserve anything. If he complained about this, I'd remind him that due to the breakdown on this last trip, you don't feel comfortable setting you both up for such a possible unpleasant experience (not to mention the younger siblings). In all other dealings with this young man, I'd made sure to get all the details finalized with him and develop a time table as to what happens if he or you don't come through. Sorta like a real contract with any venue rental. Other than that, I don't know that I'd bring it up again. I'd probably listen to him tell about the trip (or maybe not) and tell him he really hurt/disappointed his younger siblings (if he did), and that you are hurt and disappointed that he did that. I wouldn't discuss it again. I'd try to forget. As for him being an individual that doesn't show humility/remorse (I think I got that part right), hopefully that will come in time. Sometimes when we think we know *everything*, we don't realize that we actually do not. Later we figure it out.
  4. I'd post on FB and see if anyone was interested. Sometimes people are, sometimes they aren't. If it is over $20/person, though, it is probably a lost cause in my area unless there is some headline entertainment or novel aspect. I've sent flyers with my dh to his work and he posts it somewhere it is allowed. Sometimes people want to buy tickets, sometimes not. No pressure. Here is the info, if you want to buy tickets, come see me.
  5. I'm not sure this is going to help. I have to do it myself. Yes, I shop/plan for my own presents/whatever, and then just tell my dh what he is getting me or that we are going out to eat tonight at ABC restaurant. It does take some of the fun out of it, but ... I don't want another lawn mower for a present. Nor an electric nail file. DH is a good guy, but presents and special occasions and remembering and thinking of special surprise things to give or do is not one of his strong points. The kids are old enough to remember and do something by themselves, so that helps.
  6. I'd love to share this on FB, but alas, several friends are in the MLM game. Some are respectful and don't share and don't push. Others not so much. Thankful you can unfollow people!
  7. I don't think it has to be major. I was blamed for "sucking the joy out of one child's life" because I made them put a hot pad/trivet/wooden cutting board under any pot/pan/dish hot from the stove top even though we had granite countertops. You don't have to, but I made them do it anyway so they would have that habit before they moved out and probably didn't have granite and set a hot pan on a non-granite counter and ruined it. (BTW, her sister and I just laughed and laughed at her when she said this. Guilty one has apologized now, but sometimes when she is home, and I'm taking something hot out of the oven and preparing to put it on something, I do warn everyone to take a deep breath 'cause, "I'm fixin' to suck all the joy out of the room!") So, how does using trivets count as a "major" parenting decision? You can't fight against it. They will find something. You can't prepare. You can just shake your head. They may even bring up something they agreed to and blame you for that. Or something you don't even remember. Or something that doesn't make any sense at all. You do the best you can now, and don't worry about the future.
  8. If my SIL lived next door, sure I'd consider leaving him at home alone for a couple days and nights at 14. Otherwise, no way. It just has too much potential for something to go wrong, problems to come up, etc. Plus I wouldn't be able to have a good time because I'd be concerned about him - and I'm not a worrier. I'd find someone else for him to stay with - can he spend the weekend at a friend's house? Maybe grandparent? ETA: I didn't vote no, but if you elect to do this, I don't think you are nuts. He is your child, and you know him and the situation and yourself - you know what you, he, and his dad would be comfortable with. I only know what I would do with my kid in my family.
  9. I tried those on the store. I didn't like the way they felt compared to my suede Arizonas. Just not as comfortable - the material felt like my foot would sweat in them and then start rubbing or possibly slip.
  10. I graduated from college with a BS in Electrical Engineering in 1989. No homework. Grades were simply tests and often just one final. No tutors, no supplemental instruction, no student success initiatives. You did the work *or* you failed. Professors did have office hours, and you were expected to go talk to them if you had any questions. No one babysat you. You were an adult and treated like one. We also had to devise and write up our own labs to illustrate principles we were learning. Lab guy checked them, approved them, you did them and produced a final lab report - for each lab. And you had to do it yourself. No google. No internet. You had a brain, and you were expected to use it. If you couldn't do this, you didn't deserve your degree and you needed to switch majors.
  11. I would explain some realities to them. I don't think they have thought this all the way through. First - is it fair to all your kids? Are there any other grandchildren? So, for the kids who have already spent time in college (and money), they only get the remaining years paid for while the younger kids get all 4 years free? Second, I don't know about there, but here religious colleges are three times as expensive. $60,000 per year vs. $20,000. You can send a lot more kids to a public university than you can a private. Can they swing that extra cost for all the grandchildren? Do they even realize how expensive college is? Third, I'd explain some other realities: -that for the kids who are currently in college, if they transfer, they might lose some credits in the transfer process. Or they might have to take extra courses because for some majors, you have to take so many hours in that section in order to graduate. This might extend their time in college as well - so instead of them finishing at the public school in 2 semesters (at $10,000/semester = $20,000 total) now they are at a private university for 3 semesters (at $30,000/semester = $90,000 total). -that for kids who are interested in continuing to grad school, it is possible they have made contacts/developed relationships with professors at that public school and to transfer might mess that up. They also might be involved in research at their current university (or Mock UN, or whatever) - Not all religious colleges offer all majors. What if one child wants to major in XYZ major but religious college doesn't offer it? So, no money for that child because they picked their major unwisely? Here, you can have this $$$ *IF* you let me select the school *AND* you let me restrict you to *THESE* degree options? I think you need to sit down with your parents and discuss and explain a lot of this. It is possible they just don't understand the implications of this. But I don't like restrictions. But on the other hand, both my kids have scholarships that have requirements for continuing eligibility (GPA, number of credit hours per semester, etc)
  12. I agree with this. I would definitely pre-read some of her latest books. Several of them were dark and disturbing. It might bother a teen. I stopped reading hers because of this.
  13. My dd's eczema is better when she avoids dairy.
  14. Sometimes I think - what would have happened if I had chose B instead of A? But that is a waste of time, IMO, so I don't indulge. I told my young adult that we, her parents, made the best decisions we could with the information we had at the time. Not everything was 100% in her best interest because there are others in the family to consider. Some things (like moving) have to happen (loss of job, new job) and we all work to make the best of it. We did what we thought was right. If *anything* in her character is not to her liking, she is an adult now and she *can* *work* to change it. Adults, IMHO, do not blame their parents for the choices (assuming normal choices here, not like abuse, neglect, pervert, illegal, etc) they made while you were growing up (this assumes that parents tried to balance the best for all in the family), but they go on accepting there is no perfect upbringing/way/life and work to better themselves. Parents are not perfect. They are simply doing the best they can. Child will learn they are not perfect with 100% foresight soon too. Life will mess things up for you anyway. Good character is rolling with the changes and trying to make the best out of every situation vs. blaming 'whatever' that made that change or situation happen. Kids also don't see the entire picture. Kids say, "You isolated me". Parents say, "We protected you." Kid thinks they should have experienced *all* variety of life-upbringings (homeless, drug addicted parents, abandonment, parents in prison, etc) so they would have a fuller picture of every possible life situation (because you do want to experience all of them, right?) Child encounters friends who share their childhood stories (many who had these experiences) and hears what their childhoods were like and hears their complaints about said childhoods. Child comes to learn that maybe, just maybe, they had it easy. Most young adults, IME, don't have the life experience to realize what all is involved with choices. Memory is also *very* selective.
  15. I've thought about this, but seriously the cost of postage has me searching Amazon for various things to just send with free shipping. I'd love to make cookies and ship them, but I don't want to pay $8 to ship them! Favorite so far was a 5 pound package of gummy worms just in time for a Halloween game night oldest was throwing. Weirded her out too because I enlisted several people to just randomly use the word "worm" in any communications to her. I did the same. She thought something was wrong with all of us. She liked it when she opened the package. I did pick up some extra large Smarties rolls at the grocery store. They were only $0.25/each, so I thought that might be fun. I know they are corny!
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