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Bambam

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Everything posted by Bambam

  1. There is no possible way to know 100% how anything is going to turn out. Even things we thought and looked like a good idea - they weren't always. But we make our choices, and we have to live with the consequences. We don't get to opt out if things don't go our way. We struggle, do what we have to in survival mode. There are no magic wands to remove us entirely from the situation - or to remove the situation/condition from us. So, we can have sympathy, but often there is nothing we can do outside of listening, maybe offering a shoulder to cry on, and prayer. Sometimes the grief/trouble is something we brought upon our self by lifestyle choices (or not following medical advice), but more often it seems to be random and out of our control. And I can have sympathy while realizing that the person did make their choices and do need to handle their consequences - and usually there are a variety of ways to approach/handle those consequences. And how we handle those consequences -both good and bad, help shape/define our character. I've thought about this as I meet the folks in my MIL's independent living place. Some have had many, many troubles in their lives but still have a positive/upbeat attitude. The variety of health and physical conditions/limitations is amazing - one 90 yo may look to be a good health/moves easily, while a 70-something really struggles to just get to the dining room for meals. We all will face this (getting old) unless we die first, and how we have handled our own choices/consequences/struggles/griefs/joys - that will be reflected in our character. We may not be able to control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond. Will we be positive? or will we be complaining grumps? Or will we fall in the middle? However, I will admit I find it somewhat hard to have sympathy when someone makes a choice that *everyone* tells them is a bad choice, red flags are *everywhere*, and they still make that choice, and then seem surprised (?) when things happened that everyone and all those red flags warned them that would would happen. I do have some, because no one deserved that kind of result, but ??
  2. My oldest was so unpleasant before she left for college. Mean and ugly to everyone. We just tolerated it as she was leaving soon, BUT ... I didn't think far enough ahead because it was bad over Christmas, and we were dreading summer. So, I just told her that this was our house, she was a family member, but she had to treat all of us respectfully and not cause trouble and help out with chores. I'm not sure what we would have done if she hadn't done that, but neither I nor my youngest dd were going to put up with that nastiness. Oldest did have a job 2-3 days/week, so that was very helpful. So, I'd just explain that they need to be respectful and nice to all the people/family who live in that house. Period. If you (talking to child) are having trouble, you can get a job outside the house and that will keep you busy so you have less time to tolerate the ones you don't like. And you are not allowed to try to convince other family members to take your side. BTW, oldest dd finally came to her senses and apologized and became a sweet girl again. It took a while though.
  3. For those that use the Timeless Vitamin C serum, do you keep it refrigerated?
  4. Unfortunately it pays to shop around for car insurance. Unfortunately because I hate to call around and ask for quotes. But yes, insurance is ridiculously high. Interesting side note: We moved my MIL from Indiana to TX. Her auto insurance - same general coverage except to Texas requirements - was about $300 more a year. I know that within TX some counties have higher insurance rates - Harris county - aka Houston has very high rates, rural TX much less so. So I guess it may be interesting when moving to ask your current agent for quotes for a couple of different counties wherever you are moving.
  5. There are relatives that think they are smarter/more capable than other folks, so they would do those risky things that 9 other folks died attempting, but they would think (in their own heads) they would be successful - those other people were less talented than they are. I don't agree, but there it is. Some folks can't be persuaded.
  6. If Estate sales are a thing in your area, I'd contact the estate sale companies and have them come out - explaining first what collections you have so hopefully they can bring an expert too. I don't know what the percentage split is (here, 60/40 is typical), but they take care of everything, setting it up, pricing, advertising, manning the sale, etc.
  7. I think many folks just don't know what they don't know and don't think about researching/asking for input. Years ago in Houston, my DH and his co-workers advised a new employee, not from this area, that there was a hurricane in the Gulf headed for Houston, and he should fill up his car with gas, get water, etc. Guy must have thought they were making that stuff up, and he did none of it (despite the same thing being on all the news channels, etc). Afterwards, days with no electricity, many without drinkable water, trees down, etc and no gas to be found anywhere, he said he understood and he would do those preparation things next time. Never having been in a hurricane prone location, it was all new and unbelievable to him. And he didn't listen to the various sources that were telling him what prep to do.
  8. My child was older than yours, but she was aware there was an issue with her. We visited medical doctor, counselor, psychiatrist. She did ask questions (although not many at all) of the psychiatrist. As she asked questions/wanted to change dosages/etc, I answered with the best information I had that was at her level of understanding - so the answers changed over time. At the first, it was more of a we-are-doing-this-to-help-you vs. allowing much input from her (which would have been an absolute no). Over time, as she matured, we worked with her to help her decide what she wanted to do. She wanted to cut back and get off the med, so we worked with the doctor - cutting back way slower than he suggested, but he was fine with that, and trying to help her see that her responses were changing from what they had been on the med. She desperately wanted off the med. We tried, but it became obvious to us and slowly to her (downward spiral, symptoms, etc), that she needed the med to function. She would want to try XYZ vs. the med, and we would say things along the line of, "Okay, but we have to set a deadline of XX days/weeks/whatever was appropriate, and then if this isn't working, we have to go back and talk to doctor." We went through several cycles - increased dosage/decrease/etc but my goal was ... for her to recognize that her symptoms were such she was not in a good place, and she needed to take action - and to set a deadline for taking that action vs. I'm going to do something about that if this extra exercise/whatever doesn't work (which, btw, good intentions and all, rarely happened). So, for me, it was trying to keep the long term goal in sight - that she would be able to manage *AND* would be willing to manage her mental health. So honestly, at the first, we gave her no input because she wasn't in a place that she could make good decisions, so she had to trust us to make those good decisions for her. And at times during our journey, we did step up and say, I know you put this deadline for going back to doctor if your exercise plan didn't help, but things are going way worse, and I think we need to move that deadline up. You are in bad shape, you weren't in bad shape with XX, so let's go back to doctor. It's hard. It's balancing their mental state, their ability to function/make decisions well, their level of maturity, so many other things. Good luck! ETA: And I have no idea if we did this thing right or not.
  9. Yes, that is true, but with other providers, simply having the account number on there (which I enter when I set up the Payee info) seems to be enough that they credit the payment correctly. Maybe those places are just smaller so it is easier? Only a few of my bills have checks printed and mailed - mostly to the garage service (probably very small) and medical places and my dentist (again, very small). Maybe the medical billing folks just have so much coming in that it is easy to get credited to the wrong accounts.
  10. They do have a different address, and I try to be very careful to enter that correctly. We are in TX, but we have to send the payments to a medical billing department in the northeast somewhere. And I put in the memo field the account number/name so that hopefully it will get credited to the correct account - even though that info is supposed to be on the check itself too.
  11. There used to be an online proctor system that had a camera where someone on the other end was paid to watch you. They often had you pick up your laptop, scan the room, etc. I believe that system was eliminated as an invasion of privacy. And it was creepy.
  12. This is the second time I've had a medical billing department tell me my payment wasn't received when I've used my online bill pay to send them a check. These are physical checks the credit union prints and mails because they do not have an electronic relationship with that medical department. I can get a copy of the front and back of the check from the CU, so I can send that, but it is a slight hassle. Does this happen to others or do I just have bad luck with this? I haven't had this issue with any other recipients of my online bill pay. In general, I prefer to pay all medical bills from my checking account so it is easier to track, but now I'm thinking I need to just go to their website and pay via CC so I have their receipt.
  13. Yes, the corelle will get warm and then hot depending upon how long in microwave. We almost always warm up leftovers on high, and it hasn't been a problem. On the rare occasions I've done oatmeal in the microwave, I just transfer the oatmeal to a new cool bowl. I probably should use a bowl cozy, but I never remember in time.
  14. I saw this when my dd started dating a friend's son. That mom was furious is probably an understatement, but in her case, I think it was because she wasn't the center of attention, he had other non-home interests, and some lose of control, and maybe jealousy. For years they dated, she talked bad about me and my daughter. I just ignored it and went on about my business, mourning slightly the loss of a friend, but realizing maybe she wasn't such a good friend/person as I had previously thought. <deleted for privacy, more details that don't really apply to this situation> I guess my attitude can be described as cheerfully oblivious. It hasn't always been. I had to write a note to myself and put it in my bathroom drawer that I open every time I brush my teeth that said something along the lines of, "I love my daughter, but there is absolutely nothing I can do except pray about it." I've since thrown that note away because my dd would be upset if she ever discovered that.
  15. My local credit union has no minimum balance in the checking account, but you must have a saving account with at least $5 in it. Checks are free. The interest rate for less than $9,999 is only 0.05% (it goes up as your balance goes up), but it is something. No foreign ATM fees either. I don't have a CC with that credit union, but my kids do. And bonus, if I write a check on my account there to a friend who does not have an account there, she can go there and cash that check without paying a fee. My friends who use Regions Bank say if you don't have an account there and go there to try to cash a check on Regions bank, they still charge you a fee. That is ridiculous.
  16. Some small surprises are okay. Bring me a Snickers bar or flowers or a stained glass kit. Fine. That is lovely. Hang pictures in our house without my input? Nope, that is something we both need to agree on. Now it would be fine to get a good picture printed and framed and then work with me to hang it up. Rearranging anything in the house - nope, again, something we should agree on. Now if you rearrange your office room, that is fine, but do not go rearrange my craft room. Think about the appropriateness of the surprise before you surprise someone.
  17. I looked at buying a KitchenAid but the reviews were mixed ~10 years ago if you were doing anything heavy in them, so we went with a Cuisinart stand mixer. I make bread (two loaves at a time) - and it handled that fine. I do not do that much any more though. We use it mainly for pizza crust and the occasional cookie recipe now. It's been a good mixer.
  18. We did. We had too - job opportunity vs. no job. My entire family did this many times as we were growing up - Air Force family, so it was standard. It is/was a good life lesson in how to adjust. My mom always told us that we would find good friends/people wherever we moved. She did not get all weepy about the idea of moving yet again or make a big deal out of it. That helped a lot, I think. For my teens, it was really good for one, not so good for the other. I worked hard on getting them plugged in here. We joined the local homeschool support group and attended every park day. We tried to participate in the extra activities because I think teens are much like toddlers - the more they see each other, the more willing they are to actually engage in discussion. Once they had a few friends that they sorta liked, we hosted game nights at our house - we did supper too. At first I used SignUpGenius to get folks to sign up to bring side dishes/drinks/desserts, but then after a post question here, decided that possibly that was tacky, so I just started providing the entire meal. These were not fancy - taco bar, pizza, baked potato bar - but it provided something to eat. Sometimes a couple of folks would bring a dessert or drinks but rarely. It was okay. We joined 4-H as there was an active homeschooler group. My kids participated in various youth activity boards, JMG, children's theater, our own Shakespeare in the park, Teen Court, volunteering with the local Children's Museum fundraisers, things like that. We had to be intentional with our time, but that paid off. But it did take time and effort.
  19. Reading other replies makes me realize there are more things we could cut: 1. Amazon prime - not only would this save us the annual fee, but we would be a lot more intentional about just buying something from there because it is easy. We watch Amazon prime as our only streaming too, but we rarely watch, so that wouldn't hurt. 2. We already buy most of our clothing from consignment or thrift stores (except under garments), so I don't think we can save that way. 3. We already do pretty much all our own car maintenance. We do order tires online and have them shipped - Discount tire mounts and balances them because we cannot do this. 4. We do have a couple at church that brings a lot of soon-to-be-expired produce and cheese. I usually plan meals around that, but I could do better. I often freeze the cheese. I currently have about 4 pounds of goat cheese frozen from this source, and if we needed to cut the budget, I'd be better about finding recipes to help use this up. We have a dehydrator, and I've used that to save some stuff for later. A friend dehydrates her mushrooms and adds those to soups later - I could investigate doing more of that sort of thing. Other friends have the freeze-dryer and that actually sounds more useful but it is $$$$, so not a practical item.
  20. In the grocery section of the budget, Sparkling water, gatorade, bacon, some name brand necessities but move to store brand (flour, PB, ketchup), croutons (go back to making my own- this is easy and doesn't take long), ice cream (either give up totally or switch from Bluebell to cheaper option), probably more. I already use coupons and try to buy multiples if really good sale + something we do use. I shop the clearance section as well to save money. We don't eat a lot of junk food (except Bluebell - and that is maybe 3-4 cartons/year), very very few sodas, no liquor - so that saves a lot right there. Stop buying the good kleenex and start using the store brand. (Although I'm not sure my nose would agree!) Our garden hasn't proven to be a money saver really. I'd probably really look at my regular recipes, try to shop the sales even more and make extra to freeze to save for future meals. This doesn't fall directly in your question, but I'd also start decluttering and in general getting rid of stuff we rarely if ever use. Sell the archery equipment (hasn't been used in ~4 years) - and put that money into savings. I'd revisit all insurance policies and ask the agent how we can save more. Eating out would be much less frequent if at all.
  21. I haven't seen the aggressiveness, but I usually wait till Day 2 - or at least later in the day if I go on the first day. We have been to a couple of sales on the first day right when they open because we were after something specific (anvil!) - and many of the folks in line are antique dealers or people who resell whatever specific items they are interested in at the sale. The other thing that surprises me is there are several folks on walkers moving through the estate sales. I was thinking, when I'm that old, I don't imagine I will be interested in accumulating more stuff? But then I think maybe they are reliving the past through seeing what their contemporaries had/collected, or maybe they knew the deceased (or down-sizing person), and are just curious.
  22. Both my DH and my MIL have them for strabismus. Recently my DH had surgery to correct the issue, and so far all is good - eyesight aligned correctly, so no need for prisms.
  23. You should be able to download all content. https://www.lifewire.com/back-up-your-facebook-data-2655254 Note that FB regularly changes things, so you may have to use official FB help if this doesn't work.
  24. When we moved my MIL here (about 600 mile trip), she had packed their CO detector in a box. We had a rental car with all sorts of bells and whistles that were new to us. Less than 20 minutes into the trip with all her boxed good packed into the rental SUV, we started hearing an every 30 second beep - which we assumed was some sort of alert from the car. We read the manual. We googled. We thought about stopping at a dealership for help. We did think it was really strange that the beeping continued even when the rental was shut off and parked. So, 600 miles later, and slightly frazzled, my DH unpacked all those boxes and found one beeping CO detector with a low battery. It's funny now, but it was not funny then. Every 30 seconds - annoying beep - always there - always beeping. So, useful device, but not if you are moving and it has a low battery. I'm actually sorta impressed it could keep beeping for so long.
  25. We've dyed fabrics several times, but I'd be hesitant to try to exact match a specific color starting from a non-white color. I might be tempted to consider a contrasting color for the bedskirt? That would be easier to achieve and not require exact matching. But I've never had a bedskirt, so I don't know if that is a good idea or not.
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