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About LMD

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  1. My bold, yep bdtd. I know I've posted it before, but it took 10 years of marriage before she slipped in front of dh and he saw it and he was literally speechless. To the rest, I've always felt like that too. Even as a fairly reckless teen, no one seemed to care about the why, I seemed to be holding myself together (decent grades etc) so I assumed it can't have been that bad. There's a part of me that, having grown up under such high, constant stress, both seeks it out and avoids it. I know the kind of men I find attractive, the kind of people I foster friendships with, the way I handle conflict have all been affected. Sometimes it feels like too big a mess.
  2. It's more than not being able to see the red flags, it's being conditioned to find the red flags comforting. Our brains made their formative connections to love, home, comfort and safety within the red flag parade - so we seek them out. Again and again. We want the unhealthy relationship because it feels like home...
  3. There's some Shakespeare graphic novels, my 12 year old son liked them. They also like the Dragon ball Z ones, but in that case the cartoon came first in our house...
  4. What about another 'blue' name? Like Cyan, Sapphire, Azure or even Sky?
  5. Playing on a screen and preventing yourself from sleeping because you are a teen with low impulse control, is a very different situation from an adult who has slept, been woken, and decides to use the time & screen to work. I feel like people are intentionally misreading posts...
  6. The food sneaking sounds extreme to me. I mean, I know my teen (and preteen) 'sneaks' sugary stuff if it's around. Things like, putting a gigantic heaped spoon in their drink, taking pinches of cookie dough as they go past the freezer, or keeping a small stash in their bag. I don't make a big deal of it, I just remind them that making that choice is choosing the consequences. If I found that many dishes in their room (not just the occasional forgotten plate or cup), they would get the job of family dishwasher. The racy book thing, I'd provably have a quick look through just to check it wasn't extremely unhealthy. Normal curiosity would not be a big deal. I'd probably just say to her, 'I happened across your book, just reminding you that if you need to talk, I'm always here.' I might counter it with some books that have healthy romances in it. My teen dd has always been a bit boy crazy so I do intentionally have books with sweet romances around... The phone thing is a whole nuther ball game for me. Curious about sex + unsupervised internet access = very dangerous. My kids know that if they use their devices this way, they lose them indefinitely.
  7. In the 1992 Olympics, a woman from China won gold in the mixed sex skeet shooting. The only woman to have ever won gold in a mixed sex Olympics event. In 1996, they segregated shooting by sex, apparently "so her achievement could remain unique for a very long time." Make of that what you will...
  8. I agree, especially with the bolded. Especially when we don't even have a good working definition of gender identity. It seems obvious to me that those spaces that are segregated due to practical, biological reasons should stay segregated by biological sex.
  9. Did you allow them to have screens in their rooms after 8pm? But, you are regulating, just at the other end! Bedtime may not be a battle, but getting up on time or starting school on time might have become one, when you/the school set that 6.30/8am rule.
  10. My mum used to joke 'when you're 18, you're out the door' She has never forgiven me for moving out at 17 (after graduating highschool) The joke was just one small example of feeling generally a burden. She also got pissed at me for moving 90mins away (and my sister thinking about moving 20mins away), 'both my daughters abandoning me' hysterics. Guess who moved interstate (again) within a few months? I tell my kids all the time that they will grow up and build their own life, but this is also their home and they are always welcome to come back here. It's how dh was raised, and all the kids - grown adults with healthy adult lives - still love coming 'home.' Eta- after reading the other posts. I did make some... probably less than ideal decisions because more than anything I wanted love/family/home. By the grace of God, they turned out well. It also wasn't 100% my mother's fault, there is a lot of messy baggage in there!
  11. I understand that, which is why I take every opportunity to delineate them 🙂
  12. I don't disagree Stella, I actually was trying to be careful not to come down on any side wrt intersex disorders because they can be complex and I'm not an expert! I do support sports governing bodies looking at the evidence related to their own sports and making their own hard lines. My main point is to clearly delineate the trans discussion from the disorder of sexual development one. 🙂
  13. The presence of the Y denotes a male sex. From the long and extensive article I linked earlier : "Klinefelter Syndrome only occurs in males. The intersex symptom is inevitable onset of gynecomastia, lower sperm count, smaller penis and testes size, and low facial and body hair development. As they have proper-functioning Y chromosomes and anti-Mullerian activity, they produce all Wolffian structures, no Mullerian structures, and produce spermatozoa and not ova." I guess you're talking about Swyer's syndrome with xxy? Yes, the mutation on the SRY gene on the Y chromosome means that the sexual development can default to the information on the X. People with Swyers can develop external female genitalia and some internal female organs but, not ovaries. I am not coming up with much information about athletes with Swyers, there seems to be quite a few different mutations causing different symptoms. Official bodies drawing a harder line for the highest level of athletic competition is very different to random people gatekeeping which intersex condition is 'really' a woman. This has precisely nothing to do with transgender athletes who have a standard functioning Y chromosome and all the associated physical characteristics, wanting to compete against women and girls. I am not saying that categorizing by xx/xy is perfect, but I have not seen a compelling case for a more useful alternative - self-referenced gender identity - disregarding actual physiology - especially.
  14. I think that the horse has bolted on genetic testing. I think that the technology is accessible enough that it will be commonplace. I think that is not necessarily a good or bad thing, could go either way. People with disorders of sexual development do have a sex, they're not an in between. Understanding this and the physiological effects of the disorder is important imo. My bold - here is the crux of the issue, as I see it. Why do we have sex segregated sports? If we label the female sex sports as women's sports, what do we mean by the word woman? Are we saying that woman also means people from the male sex class under certain circumstances (lowered testosterone? CAIS? Self identified? Medical transitioning from before puberty?) I don't know where the line should be. I do think that presenting transwomen/transgirl althetes in female sports as a fate accompli, regardless of any medical/hormone treatment (as in the case of Yearwood & Miller in Connecticut last year), is not good enough. The questions don't disappear, the public has eyes. The second question is, if we understand that many sports are sex segregated due to the physiological differences between male and female bodies, then why should gender/gender identity be considered a more useful marker than the physically sexed body, in allocating to the fairest and most appropriate category? In short, how is assigning competitive althetic categories by something other than sex more beneficial? I'm not saying that everything is always clear cut or easy or pleasant, or that we shouldn't have compassion. The IAAF drew their line re Caster Semenya.
  15. Just briefly 1. Many trans rights activists are arguing that forcing transwomen to lower their testosterone is discriminatory. Similar to the argument that Farrar made upthread, they say that some women's bodies naturally come in more competitively advantageous combinations - including transwomen. 2. There are many differences between male and female and testosterone is just one part. It gets the focus thanks mostly to the Olympic committee afaik. Pelvis shape affects gait and leg/hip angles in running for example. Women are their own sex, not weakened men. 3. The suggestion that a solution is just medically transitioning kids earlier, so that they don't go through puberty, is, quite frankly, frightening. Most of the questions around this are from adults transitioning after puberty. We do not have anywhere near enough data on the health consequences of puberty blockers + prolonged cross sex hormones on children to use it as a gotcha here. It's kind of disingenuous too, boys and girls are physically different and boys start outpacing girls in athletics from around age 8-9. Even baby growth charts are different for boys and girls. Again, female is a separate sex, not just weakened male. Fyi, on the Semenya/intersex issue, all 3 medalists in the women's 800m at Rio had a/the similar condition and increased testosterone levels. And a long but informative article on intersex conditions
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