Your relationships with your siblings

[theelfqueen]

Assuming you and your siblings are all adults.

Do you feel that you have equal/similar relationships with each of your own siblings? Do you feel that is an expectation in your family dynamic?  Do you feel that you are closer to one of your siblings than another? Do your siblings' spouses impact your relationship with your siblings? Talk to me about your siblings. 

[mommyoffive]

I have one sibling and don't have any relationship with him anymore.

[scholastica]

I have two siblings and am closer to one than the other. They’re both divorced, so they don’t have spouses. The one I am less close to is in a long term partnership with a very kind person so I don’t feel like that influences either way. We’re just very different in our beliefs and my sibling cannot tolerate that very well.

[catz]

I only have one sibling and I have a passing relationship for my mom's sake with him.  Though I have only seen him a couple times since covid started and I haven't seen my niece, nephew or his "wife" (they divorced and got back together.  I don't think they are married, but who knows.)  His wife has had a tenuous relationship with our family for years.  I could go on and on about this.  I think she has undiagnosed and untreated mental illness and I spent years trying and being inclusive but I'm done.  ETA and to be clear I definitely percieved my sibling as the golden child and have baggage.  My mom still helps him in ways I couldn't imagine her doing for me in my dizziest daydreams.

My husband has 3 siblings.  He has cordial but not super close relationships with each of them.  2 live somewhat close, 1 lives across the country.  What I will say for DHs family is if you really need help with something they do generally step up.  I haven't seen them since covid actually.  One BIL will not vaccinate so we were avoiding him for a long time though DH did get together with the whole group outside last summer once when I was on campus with college kid here. I personally am not a fan of the oldest sibling.  She is the only sister and rules from on high and is just rude at times.  Everyone else is fine.  

Edited May 11, 2022 by catz

[historically accurate]

23 minutes ago, theelfqueen said:

Assuming you and your siblings are all adults.

Do you feel that you have equal/similar relationships with each of your own siblings? Do you feel that is an expectation in your family dynamic?  Do you feel that you are closer to one of your siblings than another? Do your siblings' spouses impact your relationship with your siblings? Talk to me about your siblings. 

I only have 1 sibling - we are all up in each other's business at time. My sibling has some mental health issues that do occasionally put a strain on DH & my relationship.

My DH has 2 siblings - one of whom he is closer to than the other. Neither is as close as my sibling and I though. 

[JustEm]

I have 6 siblings. I'm the youngest and the oldest is more than 10 years older than me. My relationship with all my siblings is different but good. I would do anything within reason for all of my siblings. They are all always welcomed at my house, so much so that one brother who doesn't live close just tells me when he's visiting rather than asking(which I'm fine with.) He knows there will always be a room for him when he visits. 

There is no expectation that we have equal relationships but there is certainly the expectation that we don't cut people off and always forgive. But we don't have any real dysfunction that would require someone being cut off.

I am certainly closer to some siblings than others. But that makes sense when one is a year older than me and another is 12 years older than me. Also, I see one daily, he lives across the street. So,  things like sharing childcare, car pooling, dinners together, etc are going to happen more often with them than with any of sibling. Only one person, not a sibling, seems to struggle with that.

Yes, spouses impact my relationship with my siblings. I no longer travel 1000 miles to visit one sibling because their spouse is emotionally abusive and has made me feel unwelcomed there. The sibling will bend over backwards to appease spouses issues even if it means hurting my kids. So, we just don't visit anymore. This means I only see them once a year when they visit for 2 weeks. We are still very close but them having an abusive spouse hinders it a bit.

Edited May 11, 2022 by hjffkj

[Farrar]

One full sibling. We are mostly estranged. It's a really long story. He does intermittently update about his life and hasn't blocked me on social media or anything so I know mostly what's up with him. His life is good and business successful. His kids are adorable. I wish him all the best, but his specific relationship with my mother and I is really unhealthy so we limit contact and I think it's for the best.

I have four step-siblings. I'm not close with any of them, but I do really like the three of them I know reasonably well (one of them I've only met a couple of times) and I send gifties especially to my step-sister's little one and get lots of updates about her from my mom and see her whenever I'm in town where she lives.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have four siblings. I have amicable relationships with all of them. One sibling and I walked on egg-shells for awhile- a leftover from childhood jealousy and sibling rivalry that she felt towards me. We’ve moved on from that. Another sibling is one of my closest friends because we have interests and a bond that goes beyond our relationship as siblings. (She’s also the one who is 12 years older than me so the age gap means nothing to us). 

[Arcadia]

I have only one sibling and he is 8.5 years younger. So its more of a “mothering” than sister kind of relationship. We are still kind of close though in different countries but money is a taboo subject because his wife’s family is eyeing my parents assets. My parents expect me to keep an eye out for my brother when they pass.

My maternal aunt babysat me since my mom worked shifts as a NICU/maternity/OT nurse. So her children treat me more like a sibling than a cousin. They treat my husband more like a BIL also. I’m still very close to them. When my mom was dying, I messaged my cousin and he immediately went down to the hospital to help my dad with everything needed to be done. My aunt treats my children like her own grandchildren. 
 

My husband has two siblings. I can get along with his sister because she has basically no agenda. She is also the “blunt” kind that would ask why instead of badmouthing you behind your back. So while I can be a little exasperated at times with her, it is not a big issue. His brother and wife are after his parents assets and are also heavily engaged in MLM. During my FIL diagnosis of prostrate cancer last year, my husband have to finally acknowledge that his brother is just too deep in MLM and everything is about money. My husband’s paternal aunts treat my husband, me and our children very well, much better than my in-laws. Their children are also much nicer to us than my husband’s brother. 

[gardenmom5]

39 minutes ago, theelfqueen said:

Assuming you and your siblings are all adults.

Do you feel that you have equal/similar relationships with each of your own siblings? Do you feel that is an expectation in your family dynamic?  Do you feel that you are closer to one of your siblings than another? Do your siblings' spouses impact your relationship with your siblings? Talk to me about your siblings. 

Absolutely not. I'm the youngest.  Eldest is a sister, brother in the middle. 

My sister and I are working on our relationship - as I told her, I think our mother had to die for us to have a relationship.  (our grandmother certainly did.)  We don't talk often - but it generally feels good when we do.  I've had her and her dh for holidays.

my brother . . . . I'm sure he has a cluster b personality disorder (he was the golden child.).  I'm tired of trying to have any kind of relationship with him anymore. If he'd have stuck to JUST birthday and Christmas cards, it probably would have been OK. (his kids are adults - and I'm able to have a relationship with them. I've enjoyed chatting with his 1stex when she'd come to things with her dd.)  

eta: dh has three siblings.  His brother was mentally ill (untreated and disabling) - and NO ONE had a good relationship with him.  He is now deceased.  He gets along with his sisters.  I have ok to tolerable relationships with them.  Both live locally.

Edited May 11, 2022 by gardenmom5

[Scarlett]

I have two half siblings and one step sister.  I was raised with my half brother and we never refer to each other as half.  He has struggled with addiction and mental illness since he was a young teen and that had caused issues between us.  We are close via text.  And phone.  He only lives about two hours away but he doesn’t visit because he smokes a lot of pot and I honestly don’t think he could spend the night without it.  I do love him but I am guarded with him.  His youngest son is 10 and my brother has asked me to care for the boy if anything happens to my brother.  
 

My half sister and I spent most of our lives being kept from each other by our dad.  When she finally got the nerve to look for me in 2008 we instantly renewed our bond and we are very close. We talk or text 4-6 days a week.  We live 10 hours apart.  She and her husband are coming to visit tomorrow for a long weekend.  
 

My step sister has been my step sister for 20 years, but has been in my life for another 25 years before that.  We are very close.  We share the same faith and she is a great help to me and I am to her as well.  

[Indigo Blue]

Two siblings. One golden child and one scapegoat. I have a superficial relationship with gc. It’s hard because he is sort of an enabler at times and doesn’t see the elephant in the room. It’s better to keep a healthy distance because of risk of my being triangulated. Speaking from experience on that. 

Other sibling makes extremely bad choices and craves acceptance. He’s manipulative and will connive and take advantage of you if you aren’t careful. He makes no effort to have a relationship, so I just let that be as it is. 
 

I believe these dynamics are, in part or in whole, a result of our dysfunctional upbringing. 
 

I’m not perfect, and I’m sure I’m affected in ways I may not readily see, but I do hold myself accountable to fix myself and to work on myself, so my fleas don’t rub off on someone else and cause damage. I consider myself at an advantage because I am at least aware of these things. 

Edited May 11, 2022 by Indigo Blue
Typo

[Carrie12345]

Well, I have two siblings I was raised with, a half-brother 17 years younger than me, a step-brother who I gained as an adult, and a step-step-sister I’ve never met in person. (My step-father did raise her.)

I care about my step-brother, but I don’t like him.  We’re family-events-only.
My baby brother and I are Facebook-friends-only, for the very most part. I’ve been no contact with our father since he was 4.
My youngest sister and I have what I consider a “normal” sister relationship.
My other sister and I don’t really have a relationship, but we can maintain through family events, and will call each other if absolutely necessary.

They all have their own different degrees of relationships with one another.

Only my step-brother and I have spouses, and they both have good relationships with our parents.

As far as I know, no one has a problem with the way things are. I think we’re all good with the concept of operating from shared history rather than blood or legal documents.
Then again, it probably helps that few of us live near each other.  My sisters are relatively close in proximity, and my step-brother and step-step-sister are near one another. But the 6 of us total are in 3 different states.

[Catwoman]

I had one brother and I loved him very much. He passed away over 15 years ago and I still think of him every day. 

[fraidycat]

I would say that I'm equally close to both my siblings. We spend time together, we have some fun, we have some arguments. We're not joined at the hip besties who share our deepest, darkest secrets, but we are not strangers, either.  We all live local to each other, so see each other on a fairly regular basis with Mom as our main "meeting spot" for suppers, holidays, card game nights, etc.
 

 I'm the middle child. One sibling does not have a spouse and I adore my sister-in-law, so if there is an impact on our sibling relationship, it is a positive one.

I feel that the family dynamic expectation does probably play a part. My parents are/were close with most of their siblings, so we grew up with large extended family holiday gatherings, being invited or inviting for suppers,  cake & coffee on birthdays, close to our cousins, etc. They lead by example, rather than by edict.

[Selkie]

I have one surviving sibling and I’ve chosen to distance myself from him because of his wife, who is mean and loves to stir up drama. She acts smiley and friendly to people’s faces but then gossips viciously about them the minute their backs are turned. I can’t tolerate that behavior, so I steer clear.

I was closer to my other brother, but he was an addict his entire adult life, so it was impossible to have a real relationship with him.

[kokotg]

I have a brother who's two years younger than I am and then assorted half siblings. My half siblings and I didn't really grow up together and are not particularly close (as in: I see them at holidays and follow them on social media but not much else). My brother and I get along very well (as do our spouses); he lives close by and we get together socially pretty regularly. They don't have kids or we'd probably spend more time together; as it is our lives are pretty different. My husband has a great relationship with his sister, too, as do I. She does have kids, close in age to some of ours, but they live across the country so we don't see them as often as we'd like. We chat regularly and travel together pretty often. 

[DawnM]

38 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

I had one brother and I loved him very much. He passed away over 15 years ago and I still think of him every day. 

I am so sorry.

[DawnM]

I grew up as an only child, so I may not count, but I now am aware of 4 siblings.   Two from birth mom and two from birth father.   I am the oldest.

From Birth Mother:   I talk to both sisters somewhat.   I wouldn't say we are super close, but we text and visit when we can.   They are not close to each other, they are just very different.

From Birth Father:   Both sisters are on Meth.   One is currently living with her boyfriend who sells meth and makes it and has been in prison for it.   She is no longer speaking to anyone in the family, including me.   It is very hard and sad.    Second one lives on the West Coast, and I have posted a bit about her.   I have her child.   I don't speak to her because the toxicity is overwhelming.

[SKL]

I have 5 siblings - two female, three male; two older, three younger; three who have children, two who do not.

We are all such different people.  I would say I have a good relationship with each of my siblings, but the way we interact is very different between siblings.

I feel closer to my sisters.  We talk a lot more and tend to learn from each other's experience / ideas.  I guess that's probably a female thing.  We are very very different people, but that hasn't been a big issue between me and them.  (My two sisters may fuss with each other more though).

Though I spend little time with my brothers, we're always friendly when we come together.  We care about each other and each other's families.

I don't feel like my in-laws have much impact on my relationship with my siblings.  Things were a bit challenging for a while after one of the marriages, but as far as I can tell, we've all gotten over that.  I love my sisters-in-law very much.  My brother-in-law is a jerk, but I don't interact much with him, and when I do, I just keep it polite.

[mom31257]

I'm the middle of 3 girls. I have always been closer with my older sister (5.5 years older) than my younger sister (2.5 years younger), but we all get along very well. We have had moments of issues, but we always forgive and move on. We have had at least one sister weekend trip together every year since 1985. We have had some of those at all three of our homes, too. 

My older sister has been married 3 times, and none of her husbands affected our relationships. I lived with her and her second husband during two summers of college. 

My younger sister's husband committed suicide seven years ago, but he never interfered in our relationships. In fact, our family knew much more about his depression and anxiety than his own. My sister needed people to confide in, and he never asked her not to do it. 

I love my sisters so much, and I can't imagine life without them. We know a day will come when one of us is left alone, and we hope that it is a very, very long time off! 

[vonfirmath]

I have one sibling and I just heard from her last night. Sometimes we are close. SOmetimes we go longer without contact but its like picking up where it left off when we do.

 

[alysee]

I have two siblings and our relationship is amicable. We get together for holidays with the entire family but we rarely get together if the whole family isn't getting together. 

[MEmama]

I have two siblings, both older than me and close in age to each other. Neither are married and neither have kids.

One concocted some grudge she held against me for 20 years, so although she has recently come to her senses our relationship (which is entirely via family text) is cordial but guarded. I get along better with the other but we only see each other every few years and our relationship is surface level. One lives on the opposite coast, the other lives there when it suits her and travels the rest of the time. I think both have a better relationship with my parents.

Family dynamics didn’t appear to be a concern growing up, there weren’t any expectations. My siblings were cruel to me and at 49 I am still unpacking the hurt and destruction they caused. 

[Bootsie]

I have two sisters.  I am close to one.  I am not close to the other; we have very different personalities, interests, and values; we don't have much in common and live in different parts of the country.  One has never married; the other has been divorced for over 20 years.  DH gets along with both of my siblings.  Because of age gaps between DH and me and between my youngest sister and me, DH is 25 years old than my youngest sister.  Our father died while my sister was still in her teens, so DH has been somewhat of an uncle/father figure for my youngest sibling.  

My mother was an only child; she doesn't understand why we three sisters aren't best friends.  She says that she always wanted a sibling and if she had had one .... they would have had a perfect relationship.  My father had siblings and had no expectation that we would get along all the time or enjoy each other's company.  

[Ting Tang]

I have one brother who is 13 months older than me.  Our family was dysfunctional. My parents fought a lot, and they got divorced when we were adults.  They also became alcoholics.  Unfortunately, my brother and I are not very close.  We do speak.  Though he is married with stepchildren, I have always felt he was a bit lost in this world. I think he abuses alcohol.  I wish things were different.  I haven't spoken to my mother in 12 years.  I do speak with my father.  He has severe health problems, but there is definitely a disconnect.  I just do not feel very much affection towards him, and I feel like his family wants me to be more helpful.  I don't want to be cruel, but I basically feel like I'd rather put everything in my own life first.  I was very miserable for a long time.  In my early twenties, my father told me it was my turn to take care of them. They were young parents and in their late 40s/50ish then.

Edited May 11, 2022 by Ting Tang

[gardenmom5]

Four of my kids are adults.  Two are completely established (own homes) - they all are done with college and have career-jobs.  given how I was raised - I was determined to raise my kids to like each other.  And they do.  They willingly talking or will spend time together doing things and don't depend upon mom/dad to have an activity.   2dd paid to fly 2ds to her house to drive with her and her kids to visit us next month.  - and he gets along well with her dh. which is good - as he'll be helping dsil take care of the babies while 2dd is gone for the weekend

[Terabith]

I have one sibling.  She’s fine.  A great person.  I like her.  We pretty much have nothing to do with each other.  We send gifts for each other’s kids on birthdays and Christmas, and I see her about twice a year when I go to see my parents, and we like each other’s posts on Facebook. That’s about it.  She’s six years younger than me, and we weren’t close growing up.  Just don’t have a ton in common.  

[Pam in CT]

I have only one sibling; my husband has two. At this point we're all within an hour of each other, though there have been times throughout our adult lives when we've been more scattered.

We all get along fine (including the different branches; forex for Father's Day I'll have all sets from both sides over along with his father and whatever launching-adult progeny is around; we often combine one another's extended family on such occasions). But it's not "even" nor is there any expectation that there would be - he's definitely closer with his sister than with his brother; and I'm probably closer to his sister than any of the blood-dyads.

People have different interests / personalities / styles of getting together; chemistry is a thing; none of that is personal. I believe pretty strongly that (true abuse aside) we all should make the effort to maintain cordial relations. But differing degrees of true closeness is different.

[edelweiss]

I have one full sibling. She and I don't have a relationship. I wish her all the best and send gifts to her kids (as she does for mine). I would give her a kidney if she needed one, but we don't enjoy each other's company and are both happier keeping our distance.

I also have two half-brothers. They are fine, but we aren't close and have never been. I honestly forget that they are siblings. They are 18 and 20 years younger than me. They were raised across the country from me, and I only saw them a couple of times when they were growing up. I honestly think of them more as distant cousins than brothers. I only hear about what they are doing through my stepmother.

 

[Amethyst]

I have 8 siblings. Definitely have different relationships. I am closest to my two sisters who are younger than me. All 9 of us were born in 11 years so we’re relatively close in age, but age is not the only issue. I don’t think my parents expect that we are equally close to all of them. Also, as the years have gone on, there are some that I just don’t like much. I mean, there’s affection and I would help any one of them if necessary, but hanging out with some of them is not appealing. 

[Hannah]

I have two sisters, a step-sister and 2 step- brothers.  My Mom died when we were teenagers (and preteen) and their father died when they were too.  I was 18 and had already left home as had my older step-sister when our parents got married, but the other four lived together.  Our ages slot in between each other. 

We now live on 3 different continents (used to be four). My sisters and I talk and whatsapp a few times per week and always have. Since the start of Covid we all do family Zoom on a Sunday afternoon. Even while out walking the dog or at a the kid's sporting events, etc. we'll quickly say hello. It means a lot to my parents who are in their eighties to see the kids and grandkids, so we keep it up.

We visit each other when savings allow. Pre Covid it averaged out to every 18-24 months to see each of them, but we were last all together about 15 years ago. 

I was "mother" to my sisters after my Mom died and they still confide in me and ask for advise. My middle sister more so than the younger.

Dh is an only child and his parents have passed away.

Eta:  Younger sister who lived at home the longest is closest to my step-brothers. I never lived with them, so have always felt more like friends than having a family bond. Both are genuinely nice guys and they have lovely wives. Step-sister is a widow. She's always been more distant

I dislike one BIL, but can tolerate him when I do see him. He hasn't affected my relationship with my sister.

Edited May 11, 2022 by Hannah

[mominco]

I have 2 older sisters they live in my home town,I l go back to visit them and the rest of the family every few years. My Middle sister(widowed with 2 adult kids) passed away 3 weeks ago after a brief illness which was very unexpected. I was the last person she spoke to and we had a wonderful conversation. We used to talk everyday. I am now left with the sibling(she has a husband and 2 adult kids) that is the golden child and while I was close to both my sisters the gc has become very hard to talk to for the last 3-4 years. We are also now left with our mother who was living with middle sister up until a few months ago.  Both my sisters married very controlling men and has cost them a lot of relationships. They have been blissfully unaware of it. Middle sister was widowed 14 years ago and things got so much better after her husband passed away.  Dh is the oldest of 3 and has a cordial relationship after years of no contact. His mom has some undiagnosed mental health issues and caused a lot of drama which caused a rift amongst the 3 siblings. I have over the years kept them at a distance and just let dh handle his side of the family. 

[73349]

.

Edited May 25, 2022 by 73349

[Excelsior! Academy]

I do not have much of a relationship with any of them.  Due to my biological parents' various marriages and divorces, I have had several step-siblings. (I also have a few siblings adopted by one parent, so does that make them 1/2 siblings?) No "full" siblings. Of the ones that are no longer "related" due to parental divorce or death of the step-parent we no longer cross paths.  No animosity, we just don't see each other.  I was forced to get a protective order against one of the two that are felons so no contact there. I live a vastly different life from my remaining siblings.  When we see each other once a year at holidays everyone gets along, we just don't feel the need to connect otherwise.  It grieves me somewhat, but none of the situations, apart from the protective order, have anything remotely to do with my husband or children.

[HS Mom in NC]

5 hours ago, theelfqueen said:

Assuming you and your siblings are all adults.
Yes, we'll all be in our 50s next year.

Do you feel that you have equal/similar relationships with each of your own siblings?
I was raised with my bio sibling 11 months older than me and 2 of my step-siblings 7 and 9 years older than me starting when I was 3. I have other step-siblings that were children of my dad's other wives over the years (between the time I was 1 and 16-he's divorced from all of them now.) I assume you don't mean those.

No, each relationship has its own unique dynamic, including the relationships of siblings I was raised with.  My parents would be stupid to expect otherwise since mine is a complicated family structure. My own kids (26, 24, and about to turn 17) have different dynamics with each other.

Do you feel that is an expectation in your family dynamic? 
No, but my family members are all aware of complex issues and complex dynamics. I'm not saying they're good at them, I'm saying they don't have unrealistic expectations in that regard.

I'm not known for worrying about meeting other people's expectations or even pretending to go along with them, so no one in my family is unrealistic about that either.  It's expected that I'll do what I want for reasons that will be explicitly stated if asked. So if they don't actually want to know, they don't ask.

Do you feel that you are closer to one of your siblings than another?
Yes.  My bio brother and I are are close in a noticeable way that people comment on and say they envy. We're very different from each other and like that about each other. My husband and mother claim we can read each other's minds and have a very deep, intuitive understanding of each other that isn't typical.  She thinks it's an Irish Twin thing, but 2 of our step-brothers are Irish Twins and full brothers to each other, so I think it's an us thing.

We were local to each other until 4 years ago.  I fly back next week to help him care for our dad for a while.

Do your siblings' spouses impact your relationship with your siblings?
Yes.  In my case SIL is very understanding and respectful of our relationship and I'm respectful and understanding of theirs.  We've never had any conflict with each other in their 15 year marriage.

My marriage (29 years) hit a bump early on because my bio brother and I did that role reversal/parent each other thing in our crazy family structure growing up, so it was very instinctive to rely on him to handle things for me instead of my husband.  It hurt husband's feelings that my brother was my go to guy to handle around the house stuff and to bounce non-marriage, but family dynamic stuff off of first. I was honestly completely unaware I was doing it.  I was just in old habits mode. Husband told me,I apologized and changed my ways.

Talk to me about your siblings. 

 

[Brittany1116]

4 younger siblings, 25-34. All the sisters have kids. They all speak to me but not all to eachother. The only brother confides in me. Two sisters are close, mostly because of life circumstances and region. It's definitely a different dynamic than growing up, where there were 2 microfamilies because of age spacing. 

The ones that don't really talk aren't at odds so much as one person doesn't think she has much in common with anyone anymore. So her interactions are limited across the board. We are in a few different but touching states and it's basically expected that if you are riding the interstate, you stop by either coming or going. But it's not always done.

I do think two of my sisters' husbands are giant man babies. I am pleasant towards them but also often annoyed. 

We were/are close enough that all of my sisters were welcome to be in the room at any time when I had my first child. It ended in a C section but they were all there at some point. I kept the older kids for 2 of them when they had subsequent babies, and drove 9 hours to help the third immediately after she had her first in a new state. 

Edited May 11, 2022 by Brittany1116

[Guest]

I am the 3rd of five. I am not estranged from anyone, but our relationships are more cordial than close. In my twenties, I was close with one sister - she was my Maid of Honor - but our lives took different directions. There was a lot of drama in her marriage and stuff I did not endorse, so I saw her infrequently after I was around thirty. She died at 42 years of age and at the time, I had not actually seen her in person in a few years. 
 

I have one brother; he is probably the one I would get along with best but he moved far away and got into some legal trouble. I saw him last year but it had been ten years before that when I had seen him last. 
 

Which leaves two sisters in this state with whom I have an acceptable relationship. They are both homeschoolers so, if they’re reading this, hi! 😬 The closest sister in age to me - there’s a fair amount of baggage and we have had some pretty severe fights. So, while she’s “fine” to be around and like her kids and her husband, there is probably too much leftover debris for us to be close. I do not trust her with information, so there’s a barrier to closeness. 
 

Other sis is younger and her kids are very young. I have no issue with her and I like her kids and dh fine; we just don’t have much in common and we didn’t grow up particularly chummy. 
 

There were a lot of dysfunctional aspects to my family and the way we grew up so frankly, that any of us talk at all is kind of amazing. 

[Shoeless]

I have 2 half siblings. I am closer to one than the other.  The one I am not close to is the golden child/favorite. 

Spousal relationships don't factor into it. 

My parents and step-parents were raised in families where "naturally", one child was favored over the other. This one is the favorite, this one is the "care taker", this one is the trouble maker, etc. The assumption is that everyone gets on board with this way of thinking. A couple of my aunts and uncles declined to play this game, and they've been talked about and put down by my parents for decades. 

A similar vibe exists with me and my half siblings. I won't play this game, and it causes all sorts of drama when I won't stay in my lane or praise the golden child for simply breathing.

I know they talk about me behind my back; they've accidentally copied me on texts and emails. I don't say anything about it, but I file that info away as "good to know". 

ETA: I would love to have a closer relationship with the one sibling, but they don't seem to need or want it. They were raised with the idea that I wasn't "real" family, and it stuck. I admit I don't try very hard anymore with this sibling, but I am burned out on it after trying so hard for so long. 

Edited May 13, 2022 by MissLemon

[Jann in TX]

I have a brother and a sister (both older but we were 3 kids in 3 years!).

Growing up I was closer to my brother-- my sister and I never really got along until I left for college a few weeks after she married.

My sister and I are now very close-- like some sort of contact (texting/talking) every week. 

I have not personally spoken with my brother since last May when he called me on my birthday-- we do keep in touch through our parents.  Both of us have lots of 'stress' right now due to our own children.  If we got together tomorrow we would have a great time---I love his wife too!

My mother passed when I was in college.  My Dad remarried less than a year later.  I went to high school and church with my step sister and step brother.  My step brother passed a few years ago.  I have a good relationship with my step sister but we are not 'close' (but she would be one of the people I would call if I needed family support).

My oldest DD (31) and my youngest DD (20) are close.  My middle DD has lots of health issues and she can be pretty rude so she is not particularly close to her sisters but they ALL keep in touch and care about each other.

 

[lynn]

My oldest sister was a jerk growing up but I don't hold it against her and we can have conversations now.

Next oldest we are okay we talk and FB messages regularly and try to get together at mom and dads the same time.

My younger sister can be a bit challenging maybe bit  she's the one I ca tell anything to and am closest to.

Haven't talk to my brother in years.

[kbutton]

8 hours ago, theelfqueen said:

Do you feel that you have equal/similar relationships with each of your own siblings?
Do you feel that is an expectation in your family dynamic? 
Do you feel that you are closer to one of your siblings than another?
Do your siblings' spouses impact your relationship with your siblings? Talk to me about your siblings. 

N/A
There is an expectation to have the best relationship you can have. 
N/A
Yes, my in-law is a gate-keeper; whether that is intentional or not, I don't know. 
There are some personality quirks overall that trend toward showing how different we are vs. finding common ground (not my personal style at all with anyone unless they rub me the wrong way), but that varies--sometimes I am surprised at the common ground stuff that comes out intentionally. It's definitely not an all the time thing. Physical distance does make things challenging. 

[elegantlion]

I have one older sister. We are cordial but not close. She hasn't live near my parents nor me for several decades. She said some awful things to my mother when my dad passed away, and I've only partially forgiven her. She's married to a real piece of work (substitute another four letter word there). Things have improved in the last few years and some recent events have helped - things like realizing life is short. We don't communicate on a regular basis but will chat every once in a while. 

 

[City Mouse]

I have two brothers and two sisters. I don’t have a close relationship with any of them, but we get along whenever we do happen to be together. We all mostly just went our own separate ways and had very different lives. There is some background stuff about a manipulative parent as well, but there was never any real fighting at least not since we all became adults. 

One sibling is recently divorced with 3 kids now 12 & 15 yrs old who all have special needs. I’ve been married for 30yrs to my DH and have two adult children. The other three have never married. 

I don’t think we will ever be really close, but I have gotten closer to my sisters while dealing with issues with manipulative parent and realizing how this parent’s actions have had on us individually and as siblings.

Edited May 12, 2022 by City Mouse

[mom2scouts]

I have two sisters. One left home as a pregnant teen who married her boyfriend after he joined the military. She's traveled around the world, married two more times, and hasn't really been in our lives since then. Our parents were divorced and, after not having a good relationship with our mom because they were too much alike, she rekindled a relationship with the other side of the family. I've only met her kids and each husband once. She did well for herself and is wealthy, living on the river in DC with her large boat in her backyard, an RV to travel with, and we only hear from her a few times a year. The other sister lives closer, but she's always had a stressful full time job while I've been a stay at home homeschooling mother. We get along well when we do see each other, but we've both been busy with our own lives. She's on a second marriage and the guy is really nice, but is a homebody and not much for social events. I've had more contact with her because we need to talk about helping our aging parents and, since her kids have their own complicated families, I've been inviting her to join us on holidays more often.

[Rachel]

I’m the oldest of 6 kids, 3 girls, 3 boys. I’m close with one brother and one sister. We text daily and talk a couple times per month. I’m in regular contact with my other two brothers. They come to me for advice, we talk and text regularly, but not daily. 
 

I’m not close at all with my one sister. We like each other but don’t have much in common. She’s a hard person to have conversations with. 

My relationships with the spouses of my siblings varies. I’m not close to any of them but that has more to do with living far from them and only seeing them every year or two. We are definitely cordial and I like them. I think they all like me too, if they don’t they are good at hiding it. 
 

My husband has one older sister. They are close. They text daily, talk a couple times a month. I’m not super close with her but I do enjoy spending time with her. 

[GoVanGogh]

My sister is just a year older than I am. Our mom got pregnant while in high school (1960’s) and married a week after graduation. I came along a year later. Mom tried to raise us as one person, and would always make us dress alike, make us share birthdays, all of which we resented. She hated being a parent and was quite open about it. My brother came along a decade later, as our parents’ marriage was coming to a bitter and abusive end. Our mother disowned my sister and I when we were in high school and doesn’t want anything to do with us. Our father is a raging alcoholic, which my siblings denied for years, then brushed under the rug and made excuses for it. My sister married at 16 and went one way. I got married at 18 and went another way. I would love to be close to my siblings, but we had such a dysfunctional upbringing that I don’t know if it is even possible. 

[Ellie]

On 5/11/2022 at 9:24 AM, theelfqueen said:

Assuming you and your siblings are all adults.

Do you feel that you have equal/similar relationships with each of your own siblings? Do you feel that is an expectation in your family dynamic?  Do you feel that you are closer to one of your siblings than another? Do your siblings' spouses impact your relationship with your siblings? Talk to me about your siblings. 

I am the oldest. Three younger brothers from my mother's subsequent marriages, six siblings from my father's subsequent marriage. My siblings and I are not close at all. There are no expectations. No problems or anything, just a byproduct of how our lives were when we were growing up. I haven't spoken to one brother for over 20 years. I met another brother's wife for the first time just a couple of years ago (they've been married for more than 20 years). Of course, we don't live in the same state (Washington, Texas, Oklahoma, Florida), which doesn't help.

I didn't even know about my father's second marriage and resulting children until I was an adult. I have met most of them now. My sisters think I'm cool. 🙂 My brothers aren't even sure I'm actually their sister; my father told them I was their aunt (long, sad, pathetic story) (actually, both of my parents' lives were kind of soap operas, my mother's partly because of my father).

I think my daughters have a decent relationship, although older dd is sometimes difficult to get along with. They live far from each other so don't see each other often.

Edited May 12, 2022 by Ellie

[rebcoola]

I'm not particularly close to my siblings. They are all half siblings and at least a decade older than me.  One has severe mental health issues and has cut off contact with the family, one brother is just an a$$, the other two are great but we live far apart and never really had the chance to get close.

[Emba]

I have two siblings, a brother and sister, both younger. I am close to my sister, and was as a child, as well. We are closer in age, which I think is a lot of it, plus my brother just isn’t into keeping in touch, passing on family news, etc.

i would say I’m closer to her husband than to my brother’s wife, but not that we are particularly close.  My brother’s wife does definitely impact my relationship with him, though even if she weren’t around we would not be as close as my sister and I are.