elegantlion Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 Many of you know my story. My ex and I separated in 2013, divorce was finalized in 2014 amidst some very trying circumstances. Ex had health problems, had open heart surgery and a kidney removed a few years ago. He had been a carpenter for a number of years. Fortunately, he died at home sitting in his chair, his girlfriend had been there because he'd been sick. So, my mother's day will be spent at a funeral. My son is ambivalent as their relationship was strained at best. My mom is heartbroken because she's one of the few people that never really gave up on him. He was a man of extremes. His own family all has to travel. It will be good to see them again. Ds had just finished finals week, mine are next week. This is going to be weird grief. I didn't have to plan a thing, his sister had been coming into town for work and literally had just landed at the airport when she got the call from ex's girlfriend. I got the meet the girlfriend, that's weird, to introduce yourself and wonder what he'd said about me - apparently he didn't say bad things. I have friends that are super supportive and will be there. I sat up with a friend almost all night a few days ago. They listened and helped me process some of these feelings. Ds has friends and other adult males that already were fulfilling a father's role more than his own dad had recently. My mom's sister was actually in town when we got word, so that was very helpful. We had been married 20 years. In many ways the man I was married to was completely different than the man he'd been the last few years. His girlfriend loved him, they'd been together for over a year. He was 58, which is too young regardless the circumstances. So many of you had been there for me and ds when my life fell apart. I felt I should share with you now the final chapter of his journey. If you are inclined to offer thoughts, prayers, well-wishes, or hugs, we'll take those. I'm almost more worried about my mom than my son. 68 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 4 minutes ago, elegantlion said: If you are inclined to offer thoughts, prayers, well-wishes, or hugs, we'll take those. I'm almost more worried about my mom than my son. All those! I hope everyone will be okay. My son’s biological father died this year, and IME it can be hard even if relationship was strained. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desertflower Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 🙏🤗 So sorry to hear that. Even though you haven't been together in a few years it still can be hard. Glad you have so many friends and family members to look after you and your son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I’m so sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalypso Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I'm so sorry for your loss. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I'm sorry for your loss. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I'm sorry to hear about this. I'm sure it must be a confusing and upsetting time for you and your son. I'll be thinking of both of you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I'm sorry for your loss. Will say a prayer for all of you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acadie Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I remember, and send my sincere condolences. It sounds like you've got genuine relationships, support and insight to get you through this, and that you've acknowledged and grieved the changes in the man you married. It's a blessing that your son's exams are done, so however this goes for him, he has space to sit with it. And I'm glad that you got to hear how well your ex-husband spoke of you, and that it feels good to see his family again. Is it possible to let your mom handle her complicated feelings herself? You've got enough to manage, between you and ds. There's something lovely about the idea of not giving up on someone, but I wish she could offer you support, rather than requiring it. Best to you and your son, Amy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I’m sorry for your loss. When my sister’s husband passed unexpectedly my Mom really took it hard. We were really worried about her, and she had a hard time getting past it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 My sympathies, elegantlion, to you and your son. Sending positive thoughts in this challenging time. Regards, Kareni 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 Sending love and light and hugs ((( ❤️ ))) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 oh I'm so so sorry. I recently went through the same thing...eerily similar actually....heart problems, kidney disease, my son's relationship a bit strained with him, other people acting as role models for him, etc. It was...confusing. And hard. I'll be praying. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 Sorry for your loss. My ex husband is not thean i married. I get the hard emotions. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 Wishing you all love and light and all the good things.... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 Hugs for you, your mom, & your son. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I'm so very sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 2 hours ago, elegantlion said: Many of you know my story. My ex and I separated in 2013, divorce was finalized in 2014 amidst some very trying circumstances. Ex had health problems, had open heart surgery and a kidney removed a few years ago. He had been a carpenter for a number of years. Fortunately, he died at home sitting in his chair, his girlfriend had been there because he'd been sick. So, my mother's day will be spent at a funeral. My son is ambivalent as their relationship was strained at best. My mom is heartbroken because she's one of the few people that never really gave up on him. He was a man of extremes. His own family all has to travel. It will be good to see them again. Ds had just finished finals week, mine are next week. This is going to be weird grief. I didn't have to plan a thing, his sister had been coming into town for work and literally had just landed at the airport when she got the call from ex's girlfriend. I got the meet the girlfriend, that's weird, to introduce yourself and wonder what he'd said about me - apparently he didn't say bad things. I have friends that are super supportive and will be there. I sat up with a friend almost all night a few days ago. They listened and helped me process some of these feelings. Ds has friends and other adult males that already were fulfilling a father's role more than his own dad had recently. My mom's sister was actually in town when we got word, so that was very helpful. We had been married 20 years. In many ways the man I was married to was completely different than the man he'd been the last few years. His girlfriend loved him, they'd been together for over a year. He was 58, which is too young regardless the circumstances. So many of you had been there for me and ds when my life fell apart. I felt I should share with you now the final chapter of his journey. If you are inclined to offer thoughts, prayers, well-wishes, or hugs, we'll take those. I'm almost more worried about my mom than my son. I am so so sorry. I about fell over when I saw this post. I really am speechless. Hugs to you and your son. I know if it was my xh I would have crazy emotions even though I am happily remarried. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you & your son & mom will be able to treasure your time with extended family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in IN Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I'm sorry for your loss, and will be praying for all of your family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 you have my condolences. it must be full of contradictions. you have my hugs and prayers. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted May 11, 2019 Author Share Posted May 11, 2019 Thank you all. I appreciate your thoughts. I thought of those of you that have similar stories as I posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I’m so sorry. I’ll pray for your family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I am so sorry. I remember you going through the divorce. I will be praying for you and your family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 My condolences to you and your family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I am so sorry. Sending hugs and prayers. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 ((((elegantlion)))) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 hugs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 All the best to you guys. ❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 So sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 (((EL))) Hugs and Prayers! ❤️ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I hope that he did not suffer. I hope that your Mother and your DS and you will be OK. Take it one day at a time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I'm sorry for your loss, and glad you have friends to process with. I think it is very kind of you to acknowledge your mom's feelings, too. Dd recently broke up with a long term bf, and I think I was more upset, and that was just a teen boyfriend ( but he was special to me), so I can somewhat imagine your mom's feelings--there isn't generally acknowledgement for ex-moms-in-law so bless you for that. I hope your happier memories are a comfort. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 I'm sorry that you are going through this. Regardless of how your relationship ended, it's still a hard loss to you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoo Keeper Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 Prayers for you and your family at this time. Grief is such a twisty thing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted May 11, 2019 Share Posted May 11, 2019 So sorry!I remember you going through your divorce!I used to read your blog.Hugs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 Oh my goodness! I am so sorry. I get the difficult emotions. Sending love and light your way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 I'm so sorry for your loss. Your relationship with your ex was a long, significant part of your life. Hugs for you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 (((( EL and family )))) May you all be able to grieve in the ways that best help each of you, and also may you each be filled with peace. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 I'm really sorry. I'm sure there are so many confusing emotions wrapped around all of this. You take care. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 Thinking of you today! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 My condolences to your family. Even with a strained relationship, it's a tough loss. {{{hugs}}} 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted May 13, 2019 Share Posted May 13, 2019 Praying today was okay. hugs. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted May 13, 2019 Share Posted May 13, 2019 ((hugs)) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted May 13, 2019 Share Posted May 13, 2019 ((((((ElegantLion)))))))) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted May 14, 2019 Share Posted May 14, 2019 Prayers for you and your family. I'm sorry for your loss. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted May 14, 2019 Share Posted May 14, 2019 Praying for you and your family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kfamily Posted May 14, 2019 Share Posted May 14, 2019 I'm so sorry for you loss. My thoughts are with you, your son and your family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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