Oh I get that; I once went thru a major spiritual experience and cut MY long hair to very short! (I asked my husband what he thought and he very drily said, "Looks like mine.") I grew it out. But I sorta felt like a woman becoming a nun, shearing her hair, if that makes any sense. It WAS spiritual. She just texted me and is having a very hard day. Hair seems like a non-issue or would be, if it wasnt for the other issues.

Yeah, I kinda wanted someone to say that. I'm trying to take the long view. She is doing one other scary thing (family history scary, not huge scary) and trying to justify it. That coupled with some other things and the appearance thing has me anxious and I have to practice letting go. I have to remember who she is, in the midst of her changing and growing; I believe we are who we are in our core places, and, barring trauma and abuse, we remain those people, though we may refine our outlooks and our outer look, if you know what I mean. But, I could be wrong. And, the T and A caveat above does come into play (again dont quote pls). Thx for insights and experiences.

Going to delete so no quotes pls. Dd buzzed her long hair and got a facial piercing. She wants tats (thoughtful ones but these aren't common on my side of the family). I think the extremes are a reaction and I can't really go into that, but...I'm kinda having a hard time with the changes. It is great for me to examine my reaction and live my words and what I have always taught my kids about the inner person and not judging by outward appearance (judging meaning not treating someone differently or making assumptions based on appearance). I am also trying to treat my daughter as an adult--her decisions are her decisions. And I'm trying to be kind, realize that she is still developing (are't we always?) and that my every opinion does not need expressing. I don't like her hair at all. The first cut was super short but she looked gamine and cute. The most recent cut is a #3 clipper cut the entire back and most of the front with a slightly longer top bit. Honestly, I find it extreme and ugly. This is hard. It is like she is reacting to the two boyfriends who loved long hair, and to everyone who expected her to be a certain way. She is still fairly kind, strongly opiniated, talented and smart and hard-working. I am trying to be kind and supportive but I feel disingenuous. I don't even know what I'm asking.

Stevia seemed to cause or correlate with hot flashes, for me. And I figured out I have some anxiety, which also causes some hot flashes. Yippee.

Wow!

There are lots of sugar-free treats on Amazon. You could also do snack boxes. I sent my daughter a dairy-free box that was pretty low sugar.

Oh my goodness, they hold so many parties here, pre-wedding! Engagement parties were a thing when I was engaged, 36 years ago...but I haven't been to one in the States. I think it is a lovely tradition and have absolutely no problem with it. And as far as spending money that could be used other ways? I love celebrations, and I think life is too short to NOT celebrate special occasions. It's not your money, anyway. Best to learn to let go of thinking you have control, too. I feel ya, but honestly, while it is difficult when our visions for our children don't match their reality, rise to the challenge of letting your daughter handle her life while you stay supportive and kind.

I know it is so hard to let our kids go on adventures. Good on you for giving her the gift of that freedom from feeling she has to stay tied to you. ❤

Just throwing this out there-In our Episcopal marriage service, the congregation does vow to support the couple in their marriage. "Will all of you witnessing these promises do all in your power to uphold these two persons in their marriage?" I suppose you could just not say the above, if you didn't want to support the marriage. It is kinda assumed that you want to, if you are there. I'll bow out now.

Are you aware that anxiety can have the same symptoms as ADD? Have you taljed about that with your psychiatrist? Is your anxiety well-controlled? I would actually ask him/her for a therapist recommendation.

My opinion of Newport News is admittedly biased. Ds spent time there in a really awful, gang-infested rehab with incompetent staff.

I think living away at college is a maturing experience for many kids, so I would encourage doing so at some point.

Ds went to VCU for cinema/film. Dd is at JMU for Music Education. I think what you want to study should be the first thing you look at when choosing a college. Dd could have had her pick, but only JMU had the size to have a decent orchestra/music ed program, and it had an excellent reputation in that area as well. VA Tech is gorgeous, prestigious, and a great school--but didn't have a good program in her major. Same with W&M and UVA. VCU was ok, but we hated Richmond and the campus is ugly, downtown and has crappy dorms (although they have been renovated so that may be different now). Agreeing with other posters that you can find partiers ANYwhere. It is a personal choice not to party. We love JMU--the campus is really pretty, it is set in a friendly, mid-sized town (so there are options for shopping and plenty of off-campus housing), the vibe is friendly and she has had excellent professors (but she takes 10 classes, and they are mostly all music or education related at this point). A LOT of people are from the Northern VA area, but that area is racially diverse, and people come from many different places there, so it didn't bother us. There is a great deal of community involvement--2 examples--There is Duke Ukes program (it's something like that name...) where the music ed students hold a day long workshop teach ukelele to city kids, with great joy! And when an apt building housing mainly students burned down last year (student error), the whole community came together, both on campus (they were allowed more time for assignments, offered dorm housing, etc) and in the town (fundraiser started, people donated items, restaurants gave certificates, etc). Everybody cared. It was really amazing. We looked at Christopher Newport and I have to disagree a bit with the previous poster--Newport News is NOT a "nice city"--it is awful, in my opinion. The campus itself is gorgeous, with tons of columned, marble-floored buildings, lovely gardening, etc. The music dept was very friendly but they only graduated one viola the year we looked, and that was too small for dd. Students are required to live on campus, which we think, honestly, is partly due to safety concerns. They are also allowed cars Freshman year, again, because the school doesn't want kids milling around "downtown" because it is not a very safe area. My dd's best friend goes there and loves it, so I think it depends, again, on the program.

Hmm. With your examples, I might just give them more autonomy and let them live with the consequences. "Breakfast is ready. School will start at 9 and you need to have eaten by then." Let them decide when to eat. Put it away if they aren't there. Give them a snack break around 10:30 in case they didn't make it. 🙂 "Let the dog in, please." Then let them let the dog in. Dogs have a way of insisting on being let in if no one does. Just don't do it for them. If they can't or didn't meet you at the table at your starting time, just do all the school you were going to,and cut right into their free time after school. "Why are we going so late? "Because we started late because you didn't get here at the normal starting time, and I decided to let you take responsibility for that--I am reminding you too much, it's irritating me, and I'm just going to give you that job."

Completely uneducated on this topic, tho both my cousin and my aunt (same family) had breast cancer. I voted reconstruction, one breast removed, but people are making really good points about imperceptible cancer in the "healthy" breast-- Whatever your decision, I wish you the best. ❤️