Interesting that your periodontist recommended a baking soda product—I wasn’t sure if I should mention that my grandmother used to brush her teeth with baking soda, and I do that if it feels like there’s a coating on my teeth—it gently scours the enamel. I don’t mind the flavor as long as I rinse right away, but that may be an issue for some. With inflammation I’d also look into oral probiotics. Now brand makes OralBiotic with a strain that’s one of our layers for reducing risk of Covid and other viral infections (in addition to masking, for us). Perhaps pneumonia could shift the oral microbiome?

OP, if you’re uncomfortable with her nosing about your contacts, you could have a personal boundary of not sharing names (went to lunch with a friend). Or if she presses for names, just talk about other things. I don’t think she’s going to change and it seems pretty harmless to me, but I do see how it might feel intrusive, creepy or annoying at times.

I also take 5 mg every night before bed. Mainly for insomnia, but I also read at that dose it has antiviral effects and that's a plus as we are Covid cautious. it has helped my sleep for several years, no nightmares, no reduction in effect. When I don't take melatonin, I miss it. I almost always notice that it's harder for me to fall and/or stay asleep. At first I tried taking it at 2 or 3 am when I had insomnia, but that seriously screwed up my sleep cycle. After I switched to bedtime, not the middle of the night, it's been all good.

Hoping someone has ideas! Need to get to 5 E 98th St by 1 pm, Tues July 2. We're formerly intrepid travelers from Ohio, now Covid-cautious, budget-aware and kinda overwhelmed. I don't want to drive into the city. My first thought was to drive to NJ or CT, stay overnight and take the train, but hearing of recent delays and suspended service on NJ Transit and Amtrak I'm not sure. Dd21 absolutely needs to make this appt--she's waited since March. If I had to rank priorities, it would be: 1) Covid-cautious, we do have great masks 2) Dd absolutely needs to be there 7/2 3) Budget 4) Though I'm fine driving in Boston & Chicago, no way am I driving in NYC. Open to parking somewhere safe and taking the train in the night before. I'd love to hear from anyone whose family commutes and has a sense of things currently.

Interesting—I had several calls drop after a couple minutes today, before losing service entirely.

AT&T had outages in some cities on Tuesday, apparently. https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2024/06/05/business/att-outage

No cell service in NE Ohio for my family and a few friends. I haven’t seen any news about outages, but WTM has often given me an early heads-up about such things! In other news, Cleveland City Hall is closed for the rest of the week after reopening today, following a cyber attack over the weekend. Kinda weird—in such a major metro area we don’t typically lose services for long. Very different than living rurally where we had cell disruptions pretty much on a daily basis.

I keep Trader Joe's Mini Vegetable Samosas in the freezer for impromptu hosting--just stick in the toaster oven. They're a little spicy but so far even typically non-adventurous eaters have loved them. Recently bought chicken Caesar wraps from our local grocery store for a quick pre-graduation lunch. $24 for 8 and everyone raved--that's officially the lunch menu for the ILs henceforth 😂

Welcome back! Literally everything in your post, to me, suggests this would be a wonderful and most welcome move for you. I get the uncertainty around unknowns, but it really sounds like your heart's desire, with so many emotional and practical considerations pointing in the same direction. Cheering you on from here!

Totally get where you’re coming from, @Corraleno and @popmom. I guess like @KSera I place less blame on the average person and more on those who have cynically—and to my mind sociopathically—decimated public health while protecting themselves, like state-of-the-art ventilation and filtration at WHO, the White House and other government buildings, PCR testing for corporate and political events, double courses of Paxlovid and vaccine access only for the privileged. The ignorance among the public and even clinicians about the impacts of serial Covid infections on human health is mind-boggling. But so is the fact that our public health and political leaders are actively trying to keep people—including health care workers who not only have the responsibility to provide care but also massive personal exposure—uninformed and unprotected. And that they’re willing to weaponize ableism, eugenics, anti-mask and anti-vaccine sentiment, disinformation like “immunity debt” and cherry-picked stats to do it. The messaging is just so relentless that some people are “vulnerable” to Covid and some are not, and that we “have the tools” to “protect the vulnerable.” Even though it’s inaccurate and twisted, it’s helped me see how repetition can make anything more believable, and how exploitive, immoral leadership propagates the same in society. These betrayals of the public good take my breath away and sometimes literally immobilize me. It’s just so dark that our leaders are actively working against the public good. I can’t really blame the average person for not functioning as their own CDC, or for not seeing or being able to cope with the enormity of this. In practical terms, given the harm they have done, I don’t see politics or public health shifting until there’s absolutely no choice. Sadly I’m guessing that only when enough people feel long term impacts for themselves or their families will there be sufficient pressure for change. That’s why I liked the article, because it illustrates some of the cognitive and ethical shifts that need to happen, and because I hope some will be able to connect the dots from stories like that rather than overwhelming health issues in their own families.

Well-written column by a guy who developed Long Covid after his 5th infection. I appreciate the summary of the science as well as his admission that he was skeptical LC even existed before it happened to him. His grief at losing his ability to ski and adventure outdoors is really poignant. It’s so hard to explain why my family still masks and tests—next time I’ll try sharing this. https://www.aspendailynews.com/opinion/marolt-if-i-haven-t-seemed-like-myself-lately/article_514db18c-11c1-11ef-a507-3fb6e81cde90.html

Maybe a kosher kitchen?

Thanks for the heads up. Okay here for now, and I’m really hoping dd’s graduation weekend will be clear so we can dine outdoors with family coming into town. Wildfire smoke + Covid precautions are such an excruciating combo.

Love how this is both direct and kind, and doesn't set up potential misunderstandings around your sisters continuing to visit. To me it reflects the kind of postmenopausal energy you're describing. I hear that spending time together isn't a positive for you, and definitely see why you don't want to devote your energy at this point in your life. Twenty years is a long time. Do you think she wants to maintain the relationship because she cares about you and simply has positive associations on her side? Is there any chance it props up her ego or conscience to feel that she's the kind of person who maintains a positive, continuing relationship with her stepdaughter? I apologize if that sounds too cynical or if I'm projecting! I've just sensed that kind of dynamic in a relationship before and felt a powerful aversion to being used that way. In any case, after coping in your teens and young adulthood with a lot that was out of your control, I'm glad you have the opportunity to discern and choose how, and to what extent, you want to interact now.

I'm so sorry this is such a rough time. I found my therapist by Googling practitioners my insurance covers for specialties, publications etc. My therapist is older than I am and runs workshops on goddesses as paradigms for different stages of women's development. That intrigued me and it's been a great fit. I knew I wanted to work with a woman who was older than I am, but the same won't appeal to everyone. Go into the first few sessions just with a goal of seeing if you want to continue, or try someone else. How my therapist has helped me when much is unchanged--again, this will be very individual-- --Been a trustworthy and emotionally mature elder when my extended family is rife with emotional immaturity. Sometimes I bounce things off her--how can I talk to_____ about_____, and sometimes it's just a relief to know she's trustworthy and can take care of her own emotions --Sees and validates caregiving. At the end of my last session she said, Good job, Mom. If that sounds condescending, it didn't land that way with me at all. Basically I put in a huge effort that made a significant difference for one of my kids and my therapist really saw and validated it. Which was cool because parenting older teens and young adults often doesn't involve much validation. --Normalizes and helps me understand stages of menopause. At one point she told me it sounded like I'd reached the I-don't-give-a-shit phase with something and it was a relief and totally hilarious to be so seen. Depression is real and so is the shift around menopause to having literally zero patience/time for things we cared about or were willing to do before. It's been helpful to be able to explore the differences with someone. --I can share and vent without triangulating or catching someone up on things, and explore political despairs and hopes that are important to me. --She's professional in saying she can't diagnose anyone she hasn't seen, but has also indicated what patterns of behavior in a couple people in my life suggest to her. It's helped enormously in understanding what's happening and how I want to respond or show up --After I'd seen her for a while, she broke out of professional mode at one point with an outburst about someone in my life. She acknowledged she's not supposed to do that but it was unbelievably validating and human, and continues to help me put the relationship in context. --Sees me virtually, which is a great logistically and given that my family is still Covid cautious --Suggested a therapist for a member of my family who has been an excellent fit, as well as a couple other types of practitioners --A safe place to explore fears and anxieties to discern what I want to listen or respond to, and what I can set aside --A place to explore what's in my power and values I want to live by, quite different from when I was younger. Basically she helps me see and attend to the enormous growth and change that happens around menopause, which is hardly recognized at all in our culture. This has probably been the biggest help with depressive symptoms. --Adjunct to exploring hormone replacement and meds. Like previous posters I'm reassured by recent research on HRT. Wish I were younger to explore that with a physician. With a naturopath I did try drops that had to be refrigerated and taken multiple times a day. It didn't help and didn't seem worth the hassle. Really hoping you find some relief and more supports soon. Like previous posters it's been helpful to me to try a few different things at once, and notice where I feel more or less at ease, or more or less alive. In addition to the above I like Lindsay Gibson's Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents; Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Authority.