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About Acadie

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    Hive Mind Worker Bee

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    dd8 and dd12

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  1. Not an immediate thing but I wonder about devotional music, maybe try listening to it when going to sleep with a parent for a period of time then ask if he'd want it played in the recovery room or during a procedure? Amy
  2. Thanks for posting the link. What a great price for porcelain, and the reviews are fabulous! Also a fan of white dishes--I feel like it's a blank canvas that makes the colors of the food stand out. Amy
  3. It's a wonderful thing that it was good to talk with each other. The issues around travel are very important to work out together, but the lack of time as a couple could be the root of it. You need time to listen and respond to each other, see each other as partners, understand each other's struggles and pleasures, and set mutual goals. With a spouse out of town half the time not telling you when he will be home, it's easy to get into a lifestyle where you're acting like single people instead of a married couple. We were in this situation and it's a huge relief to both of us now that we're figuring out how to reverse it. It's possible to travel a lot and maintain your emotional connection to your spouse, but it doesn't sound like that's happening right now if he's not even letting you know of his plans. This may sound strange, given what I just said, but what if you schedule a weekend for a getaway yourself, and ask him when he can be the primary parent at home? There's nothing that makes me feel more appreciated by dh and our kids than when I go out of town. More time for yourself, more time for the two of you as a couple, more time for your kids with dh all sound sorely needed. Amy
  4. Could you reduce the time in carlines? Arrive first? Or if you're going to two different schools, is there a way to switch the sequence to save time? Amy
  5. She was actually trying to brake to a stop in order to park in the driveway, but hit the gas instead of the brake. So she hit the stone facade of the garage, which is attached to the house. Totally agree about not pulling into the garage if you're tired or otherwise uncertain. Her usual spot is on the side of the driveway, and if she needs the car in the garage we pull it out for her because our garage is unusually narrow. After this I find myself being more cautious, too! Amy
  6. Was the Wednesday payment due to a holiday? Here it's either the last day, last Friday or last workday of the month so that makes sense to me. Occasionally it shows up a day early, but dated for the following day. Amy
  7. Thanks for these thoughtful responses--it's helping us figure out exactly what to do. Repairs are scheduled but haven't happened yet, and when they're done we'll talk with dd17 about her responsibility. For now I'm leaning toward $150, not our whole deductible, which she can work off by doing yard work etc at $10/hr. No deadline as to when it needs to be done, just before she leaves for college. About accountability--you're right, the night before she was not in control of her schedule. The whole team and the coach were all up quite late. However, the week before dh and I had each talked with her a couple times about getting to bed earlier. She had lots of homework, but also was often on her phone early in the evenings after practice, rather than getting homework done, so then she was up later than she needed to be finishing homework. Then, the night before the meet, we'd planned to have some family friends over, and I was going to kick them out (politely 🙂) before 9 pm. She decided instead she wanted to go to a high school football game, came home later than we originally agreed, and wanted to drive her friend home after that. I offered to drive her friend home, but she declined. Clearly, I should have insisted, but it's a tough call with a teen who has been making good choices overall, and is learning from and managing well the consequences of her choices. So she went to the meet exhausted not only from a tough week at school, but also from choices she made all week. If I'd known they were up so late after the meet, I definitely would have picked her up the next day and/or suggested she try to get a ride from a teammate's parent. That's a lesson learned all around, for sure. They had another meet out of town last weekend, and I dropped her off at school Friday morning and a teammate's dad drove her home Saturday. Thanks for this, Plum. You helped me put my finger on the same issue here. Because dd is generally so responsible, she hasn't had many chances to learn life lessons like this. I can only think of two times we've felt the need to give her consequences as a teen. Once she was tossing her iPod from hand to hand in the driveway, dropped it and it shattered, and we had her pay for the replacement. Another time she didn't communicate clearly where I should pick her up and I drove around/waited for her for two hours. She did apologize, but I also had her do two hours of yard work because I felt like my time was not respected, and a simple text or response to my call could have prevented it. That's it through all of high school! Although in past years she's been great about prioritizing homework and sleep during the cross country season, I think it's a normal stage of late adolescence to push the boundaries and figure out what your limits really are. If we completely bail her out, she might miss how serious lack of sleep can be. It's not just that you're a little drowsy the next day. And it's important as an adult to keep track of cumulative sleep loss over a week, making up for very late nights and planning your early evenings so you're not up late day after day. I don't want to punish her, but to make sure that as parents we're not getting in the way of her fully realizing, processing and internalizing these life lessons. She does have a demanding schedule, but one she's chosen and has managed well for three years. Thankfully she'll get a break soon--there's just a month of cross country left. Yesterday she visited a Division 3 college and was surprised and excited that the XC coaches were recruiting her (surprised partly because the top 2 runners ahead of her on her high school team are incredible athletes and she's used to them being in the spotlight). This would not mean an athletic scholarship but she really liked the coaches and the team, and if she does decide to run in college she needs to know how to manage her workload and schedule independently. Neither my husband nor I did varsity sports in college but looking back I have enormous respect for friends who were college athletes. ETA: neither of us are going to encourage her to run in college. It's entirely her choice. She does have former teammates who ran the first year of college and then stopped so they could focus on academics, so she knows that's an option. Amy
  8. I also took out a side mirror on my parent's garage, back in the day. And one day I pulled into the driveway to see a car sideways in our two-car garage--my younger sister decided to do a 3-point turn inside the garage! It actually turned out to be a 1,000 point turn, once the older sisters got involved in bailing her out. The teen brain is not fully formed, I keep telling myself. Also thinking of having dd17 pay our deductible. Even though she was so freaked out, I still think it's important for her to have some skin in the game. I remember needing to pay my parents for the side mirror. It's a dilemma--what's the appropriate ratio of support to accountability? Amy
  9. So sorry to hear you're in the same boat, Plum! Amazing how many things need to be problem-solved--we also had to free our other car and bikes from the garage! Glad to see your update on the insurance claim. Did you file with homeowners or auto insurance? I took our car to a collision shop and they said it's just cosmetic, so we're going to live with that for a while. I don't think it's a bad thing for a teen driver to have a visual reminder to be careful when they get in the car. Any idea yet if there was much damage to your son's car? I'm also hearing this happens all the time from contractors, and my daughter has heard the same from friends. She shared the experience with her peer leadership group, and 5 out of 18 kids had hit their houses with a car! Granted, most were minor things like knocking a side mirror off while backing out of the garage. My favorite story is that a friend scraped her house while pulling out of the driveway and didn't realize it sheared the bumper right off the car. She just kept driving, and later her parents went outside and saw the bumper sitting all by itself in the driveway.... Amy
  10. Gah, this is an incredibly challenging stage of parenting! I hope your DS is okay, City Mouse.
  11. XC is a really intense sport but she loves it! Her team has an excellent chance of going to State and at the moment she's the third fastest runner. I think we can tweak some other things to get her through the next 7 weeks. We've talked about no babysitting or evening social events except Homecoming until the season is over, and retiring her phone every evening so nothing keeps her from getting homework done and getting to bed as early as possible. The team is a great social outlet for her, so she'll still be having fun with kids her age. They have practice before school on Weds, which means getting up early and which she will probably skip. She also said she can be less of a perfectionist with school work and go to bed at a certain time, no matter whether the work is done or not.
  12. Thanks for this, Katie. I'm looking forward to the day when we can all laugh about it!
  13. Thanks for mentioning this--sounds like an interesting possibility. Did your kids not drive at all those first two years of college? Wondering about when she comes home on breaks, or if she's involved in some activity in college that involves driving.
  14. We have often had Mass at my parents' house over the years, said by priests who were friends of the family, and it was a beautiful thing. All who were in attendance were lifelong Catholics, including the priests. I think the exception issue is simply that it's not a weekly tradition but a rare exception, and a wonderful one at that. So not a weekly solution, but perhaps part of your toolkit to bless this season in your family's life and make this easier for DS2 and you and DH as well. I think the most important thing is that all the adults in DS2's life are telling him the same thing, which it sounds like you're doing. You, DH, FIL, any priests you invite to speak with him. Make sure your adult scrupulosity is not interfering with his child understanding. Sounds like he heard from you that listening to Mass was not enough. It doesn't provide the sacrament, but there are Masses available online that are absolutely worth watching and hearing. You can combine it with the Eucharist at home and any religious instruction you want to give him. Some kids don't listen to adult conversation, but he does, so anything he could possibly hear adults saying needs to be phrased to help him manage his feelings. Amy
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