one income families and nightly family dinner

[busymama7]

This is a source of stress in my family as I greatly value family dinners with at the table and everyone eating and visiting together.  It almost never happens as my husband works very long hours.  He feels this is really common now(even unavoidable) especially for one income families.  I am just curious what is true for all of you.

 

I also realize that kids activities often interrupt the dinner hour so this isn't really about whether or not you actually have dinner together but whether the full time working spouse is home often enough that dinner together would even be a possibility.

Edited August 2, 2017 by busymama7

[Miss Tick]

We have had better luck with family breakfasts, dinner almost never happens. This year at least one kid will be gone at dinner every night.

[Rachel]

When my husband isn't traveling, he's home for dinner every night. My husband often goes into work at 6:00 in the morning so he can be home earlier in the evening. If he needs to work at night he still comes home for supper then either works from home or goes back to the office after the kids are in bed.

 

He travels a lot though, he will be home all this week and was gone only one night last week and it felt like he was around a lot. When he's gone the rest of us still eat our meals together.

[Hilltopmom]

Dh goes in early, by 7:30 each day, but his usual time to leave is 4:30. He may be late if there's an emergency at work or has people in from out of town, but usually is home by 5:00.

(Commute is only a few minutes)

[fairfarmhand]

Nope. Dh is seldom home for family dinner.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Amy in NH]

We wait to have dinner until everyone is home in the evening.

[AmandaVT]

Oops - I chose my answer based on a 7 day week, not a 5 day week. We probably eat together 3 of 7 nights a week. More than it used to be when I coached gym. I was never home before 9 on weekdays then. DH is home in time for dinner Thursday and Friday nights. I get home in time on Saturday nights. The other nights it's usually DS and I and then DH later.

[Noreen Claire]

My DH is a public high school teacher by day and a college professor by night (twice a week). We eat dinner together as a family every night he's home; on the nights that he's not home, my mother is usually over and she eats with us.

 

DS21 is here less and less but, if he's in the house, he's at the table with us as well. (I need to get a bigger table!)

[displace]

Maybe one day a week if DH leaves 2 hours early and does that work at home. That being said, we often don't eat dinners more than one day on the weekend as well because of conflicts.

Edited August 2, 2017 by displace

[Arcadia]

My husband work long hours when it is busy season. However his office tend not to schedule meetings from 5-7pm so that staff can go get their kids from childcare. So although his official work time is 8:30am to 5:30pm, in reality it becomes 9:30am (due to heavy peak hour traffic) to 5pm, 7pm to 11pm (evening conference calls at home). That is how he manage to be home for dinner. He does not run the labs, the lab technician does. If he run the labs then it would have been hard for him to be home by 6pm.

[Kassia]

We are very fortunate that DH works from home so he is almost always here for dinner.  

[regentrude]

It would not be feasible for us to have the evening meal together as a family. My DH gets home around 7pm, one night/week at 9pm.

When the kids were little, that was just too late for them to wait for dinner.

Now as a teen, DS is gone for his evening activities, 4-5 days/week, way before dad gets home.

I also work until 8pm on evening and have an activity from 7 to 9 on another evening.

 

We have the midday meal together in our lunch break; we are fortunate to have a short commute, so I race home, cook, and DH comes to join us for lunch.

When the kids were little, breakfast was our family meal.

Edited August 2, 2017 by regentrude

[displace]

Maybe one day a week if DH leaves 2 hours early and does that work at home. That being said, we often don't eat dinners more than one day on the weekend as well because of conflicts.

Eta - I grew up eating every dinner together as a family and hate that we don't eat meals together.

Edited August 2, 2017 by displace

[lllll]

nm

Edited August 14, 2017 by lllll

[Jaybee]

In his present job, I put 3, but that is for the whole week. He works a rather crazy schedule. However, he is changing jobs, and it will have much more regular hours (though he will have periodic travel). When he is home, I expect we will eat at least 4 for the work week, and probably 5-6 total.

[Carrie12345]

No week is the same for us.  He could be here all 7 days, none, or any of the choices in between.

(Actually, that's not entirely true.  If he's not working, he's out with our dds at least one night a week. So 6 would be our max.)

[solascriptura]

Probably only on the weekends. We do usually eat breakfast together.

 

I value family dinners too, but my husband's work schedule is unavoidable. It's how we even have dinner on the table, Kwim?

[EKS]

6.9 nights per week.

[MaeFlowers]

I didn't vote. Dh is a RE agent which means he works when he works. I often don't know if he will (or won't) be home until the last minute.

 

Family dinners are nice but aren't that important to me. We spend time together in other ways.

Edited August 2, 2017 by MaeFlowers

[Loowit]

We used to most nights but now we have stuff going most weeknights like scouts, youth group, etc.

 

Growing up we had dinner every night together when dad got home from work. DH didn't have many family dinners because of his dad's shifts.

 

DH and I would like to do family dinners more often but our schedule doesn't lend itself well to that right now.

[Storygirl]

DH is home every night for dinner. He used to be home by six, but we now live closer to his office, so he is home between 5:15 and 5:30.

 

But DD15 is not. She is at ballet all five week nights, as well as on Saturdays. So we don't have everyone at the table at the same time.

 

I place a high value on family dinner time, as well.

 

I think whether or not someone is home for dinner depends upon the hours required at the job, as well as the commute time. If someone can be at home for dinner but doesn't think it's important and so does not get home in time, it is different than if the person cannot logistically be at home for dinner.

 

[amy g.]

My kids swim from 5:30-6:30 in the evening. We get home around 7:00 and most of the time, I haven't even started dinner by then. So Dh is almost always home to eat with us.

 

He is about to transfer to a local office-no more commute, so we are looking forward to his coming home for lunch soon as well.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

IME, the steady income is way more important, and if you have to put that on a post it note where you'll see it daily, do it! Don't make dh feel bad about this. It's not easy to work very long hours and be the sole provider for a family.

 

That sounds way more anti feminist, or something, than I usually try to be, but I'm speaking from the perspective of a similar division of labor over nearly a quarter of a century. We valued family dinners but supporting the breadwinner is more important. The older and more tired he gets, as expenses skyrocket during the kids teen and college years, the less he needs to hear that his wife is aggravated he can't make all that money in less time because meatloaf with the kids is important.

 

We do Sunday dinners together, and make a big fuss over formal holiday traditions including meals. He also does a bedtime snack with the kids if he's not here for supper; when they were little I served theirs early so they'll have room for a bedtime snack. And I kept the formal supper tradition so my kids would think it was normal.

 

This sounds really scolding, for which I apologize, but there are a lot of things like this that I wish somebody had told me sooner. Respecting each other's efforts to keep the family afloat (and it's a two way street) is so much more important than fussing over ideals.

[slackermom]

Dh is typically not home before 9, and often he gets home later. He will usually let me know when he is on his way home, and I will have a hot meal waiting for him. 

[2_girls_mommy]

Mon-Fri per the poll, dh is home usually 2x a week for dinner. Most weekends currently he is home both nights for dinner. 

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

 

Never.

[wendyroo]

DH has a pretty short commute, so he leaves the house at 6:45am, works a 9 hour day, and gets home around 4:30pm.  Family dinner happens every evening.

 

Wendy

[Spryte]

I chose 4 days a week, but it varies. My DH works from home a lot, but travels quite a bit - so often he's out of town for weeks at a time. I based my vote on a rough average of when he's in town. Some days he goes to clients, or to meet his team at the office. On those days he's usually home by 5, but occasionally he's later - or has to go to a business dinner. He gets up and starts his day extremely early to be back at 5.

Edited August 2, 2017 by Spryte

[TABmom]

Oh, I answered before reading that you wanted how often it could theoretically happen. I answered how often we actually do have dinner together. When we don't, it's often because he's golfing, not working. But he's at work by 6 am, occasionally, 5 am. He also comes home for lunch about half the time, but we don't really sit down and eat together. I don't always know when he's coming or not, just depends on how busy he is.

[BarbecueMom]

DH is home for dinner time every night unless one of the kids has an activity. Then some combination of us are not (is not? too tired to grammar) home.

 

However, we don't usually eat all together because I don't eat dinner, and he's often not hungry until the kids are in bed. We're all in the kitchen or dining area though.

[mamaraby]

I didn't vote. Dh is a RE agent which means he works when he works. I often don't know if he will (or won't) be home until the last minute.

 

Family dinners are nice but aren't that important to me. We spend time together in other ways.

Dh works second shift so he works during dinner hours. Like MaeFlowers, we have no idea if dh will be able to join us for dinner and definitely not until the last minute. Sometimes even if he's on his way home for dinner, he may not actually be able to come. Or if he does, he may be lucky to finish eating before having to leave in a hurry. Sometimes he also works on his weekends so may not be home for dinner on the weekend.

 

I grew up with family dinners, but imo for our family it's just not that important. There are lots of ways to spend time together as a family and they don't have to involve eating. I say throw off the things that don't fit your family as it is right now and make new habits and routines that do fit.

Edited August 2, 2017 by mamaraby

[Joker]

Dh has worked from home the last two years so we have family breakfasts and dinners

 

Prior to that he was always home by 6pm (usually earlier but never later) so family dinners were easy to have. He's senior management in a professional setting but he was still never putting in more than 45/50 hours a week.

 

The only time his hours were inconsistent is when he was in the military.

[HomeAgain]

I picked 4 days, but if we broaden the scope then it's 7.  Dh and I designate one meal a day as the family meal since he works strange hours.  We're all early birds so on days he goes in before lunch we eat breakfast together.  Days he goes in after noon we eat lunch together.  And when he's out the door at 6am we eat dinner/dessert together when he gets home at 7:30pm (he and I eat, and the youngest joins us at the end for dessert after his bath).  It just doesn't feel right if we don't make that time each day.

[Mergath]

Dh used to rarely be home for dinner, or he'd be here but have to sleep because he was working twelve hour night shifts. He got sick of missing everything and switched shifts (and took a decent pay cut in the process) and now he's home for dinner 99% of the time.

[Rachel]

IME, the steady income is way more important, and if you have to put that on a post it note where you'll see it daily, do it! Don't make dh feel bad about this. It's not easy to work very long hours and be the sole provider for a family.

I agree. Even though we enjoy eating as a family, if it isn't possible for your husband, it isn't possible.

[kewb]

Before dh got sick he was never home for dinner during the work week. TBH, I preferred it when he wasn't there. He had a script in his head for how the dinner should go. The children didn't read the script. Inevitably it was not a pleasant meal.

We did better with lunch on the weekends.

[Garga]

He's usually home, but we don't eat around the table. We each have our tv trays and we watch some sort of show together.

 

Dh gets home between 5:30 and 6:30.

[fraidycat]

Well, we don't have a set supper time. We'll eat anywhere between 4 and 10 p.m. depending on the day, so when DH is in town and working day shift, we usually eat together. But, he's military, so his schedule varies and he's away a lot. For those times, the kids and I still eat together.

 

Didn't you say in your bedroom thread that your DH woks from home?

[MeaganS]

Dh works 7 on/7 off. On his "on" weeks our kids usually only see him for a few minutes after they wake up in the morning, if that because he's gone for 13-16 hours. On his off weeks, he's home the whole time, so we try to have family meals then. This job is new. Before that, we had family dinner once or twice a week.

[Murphy101]

I answered 4 but really it's every night. Sometimes 2-3 times a night. Lol

 

Whether Dh is home or not. Whether college/working kids are home or not. We have a sit down at the dining table dinner. Many nights it's just me and the younger ones. And then when the older crew starts filing in, I'll (and or Dh if he is home) usually go sit in the kitchen with them as they grab a later bite. And I've noticed that if for some reason Dh or I don't, one of the older kids will drift in there and have a seat to catch up with an older sibling. It's just the way we have always done things.

[busymama7]

IME, the steady income is way more important, and if you have to put that on a post it note where you'll see it daily, do it! Don't make dh feel bad about this. It's not easy to work very long hours and be the sole provider for a family.

 

That sounds way more anti feminist, or something, than I usually try to be, but I'm speaking from the perspective of a similar division of labor over nearly a quarter of a century. We valued family dinners but supporting the breadwinner is more important. The older and more tired he gets, as expenses skyrocket during the kids teen and college years, the less he needs to hear that his wife is aggravated he can't make all that money in less time because meatloaf with the kids is important.

 

We do Sunday dinners together, and make a big fuss over formal holiday traditions including meals. He also does a bedtime snack with the kids if he's not here for supper; when they were little I served theirs early so they'll have room for a bedtime snack. And I kept the formal supper tradition so my kids would think it was normal.

 

This sounds really scolding, for which I apologize, but there are a lot of things like this that I wish somebody had told me sooner. Respecting each other's efforts to keep the family afloat (and it's a two way street) is so much more important than fussing over ideals.

It's ok. I needed to hear it. 😊

[heartlikealion]

It varies. Dh is involved in something outside of work that requires a meeting once a month. Those days he goes straight from work to meeting. Sometimes he teaches a night class on a day he'd normally be home for dinner. Fridays he could be home for dinner, but last year he pretty consistently chose to come home and take ds grocery shopping with him. Then dd and I ate alone or ate late (like if they brought home a pizza).

 

On an average week during fall/spring I'd say we could eat dinner up to 4 times if I count Saturday (he usually works Sun. nights). Summer much more.

 

He works in walking distance so could come home for lunch more often than he does, but sometimes eats at work or goes out to eat with coworkers. We could consistently eat lunch together more often than dinner. When we homeschooled in the past this was distruptive as he might take an early or late lunch without any notification and it disrupted our schooling.

[busymama7]

Well, we don't have a set supper time. We'll eat anywhere between 4 and 10 p.m. depending on the day, so when DH is in town and working day shift, we usually eat together. But, he's military, so his schedule varies and he's away a lot. For those times, the kids and I still eat together.

 

Didn't you say in your bedroom thread that your DH woks from home?

Yes sort of. He has an office here but is at clients offices much of the time. When he is home and working at that time then obviously he is here. But often the at home work part is early morning or evening.

[3 ladybugs]

My husband has a 1.5 hour commute each way. We tried for 5 years to bring home a baby before we had ODS. We have prioritized the need for dinner to be a family thing. So my children get up later in the morning to accommodate this. We eat around 7-7:30 and they go to bed around 10. They wake around 7-8 depending on the day. I like them to take a nap during the day but that is becoming increasingly rare. DH leaves at 7 am and returns between 6:30 - 7:00. 

 

As a homeschooler we have flexibility to do what works for our family. The work still gets done, but the time is later then public school (potentially). 

[DawnM]

DH now works from home 3 days per week, so it is easier.  

 

However, when we HSed, we had stuff to go to almost every night, so family dinners would have been hard anyway.

 

 

[happypamama]

DH usually leaves for work by 6:30 at the latest, but he's home almost every night by 5:15. So we are able to have family dinner every night except for the one night a week the older kids have a class. But I almost never see him in the morning, and neither do the kids.

[TheReader]

I voted 5 nights, BUT I have to add: we just adjust dinner time, and I cook when he calls that he's on the way home (or after he gets home, if he gets home "early" (on time)). 

 

If we had a set dinner time, based on what time he is *supposed* to get off work and get home......he would rarely, if ever, make it on time. 

 

But I adjusted our dinner time to the time he actually, usually does actually get home (and we typically eat around an hour after his normal "this is reality" getting home time), so that when he is "running late" we're still able to eat once he's home. And if he's early (on time), it just means we have time together before dinner. And if he's really really really late, so late that we can't eat dinner together, I go ahead and cook and serve the kids, and then I wait on him. 

 

So, the times he's actually so late that we can't eat together are rare, less than once/month probably. But the reason that's true is not because he works a strict 8 hour work day, but because I let the boys snack late-afternoon and we eat dinner "late", based on his actual getting-home time. 

 

In other words, we accept that his job/position requires long hours, we adjust accordingly, and if he's home "early" (i.e., after only 8 hours), we all rejoice in the extra time. 

[ScoutTN]

Dh's work hours vary. We do have evening activities several nights a week.

In general we eat dinner together 4 nights a week, sometimes more. We almost always eat breakfast together.

[Guest]

We are a single income family and my husband eats dinner with us almost every day of the week. It is rare he doesn't, usually because of work travel.

 

Now, part of the reason we are moving and at a new job is to improve work/life balance. At the job he just left he has almost two hours of daily commute time, which will be shaved to about 35-40 minutes once we get down to our rental in Ohio, and down further to less than 20 minutes total each day once we get our house built. This new company rarely has deadlines that require extra hours, or it's a three day crunch before the deadline rather than an ongoing thing. My husband also was doing a fair bit of work outside his main job up here in Alaska and we are not going to be doing that in Ohio, either (those contracts are being moved to this main company and their liability policy - woohoo double win!).

 

We are actively prioritizing family time, even moving to pricier areas to reduce the time he is in traffic instead of with the kids, and selecting a company known for their steady work week and flex time. I just got so tired of him working 10-12 hour days either away from home or locked in his office, so we are taking this opportunity of a move to optimize the home time more. Money is important, but time is rarer still, so we have shifted our strategy to actively seek more time at the expense of less money. I am so looking forward to it!

Edited August 2, 2017 by Arctic Mama

[Wheres Toto]

Always, but dh is also the one who cooks dinner 99% of the time.  He usually goes into work by 6am so he gets home between 4pm and 5pm.  He works only 10 minutes from home so there's no commute time to worry about.