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Lang Syne Boardie

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Lang Syne Boardie last won the day on August 28 2018

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About Lang Syne Boardie

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  1. Lately, since I'm nearing mid-40s, I absolutely hate telling anyone about my lupus. Something's changed, since I was a teen, twenties, and thirties with the very same disease. People seem to treat middle-aged women with autoimmune diseases as if they are either going to drop dead tomorrow, or as if they are being lazy, with not much in-between! I'm either too frail and it has to be mentioned every ten seconds, or I'm not tough because I don't do XYZ (from oils to exercises). I've decided to just be generically middle-aged, and let them wonder why I am doing whatever I'm doing. LOL I don't even explain the cane anymore. "Oh, some people use canes sometimes." That's it!
  2. How many family members? Could everyone fly or drive out to see them this summer, as a once-in-a-lifetime family reunion?
  3. Slightly leaning this way, myself... I've been pretty vocal about abusive, controlling parents of homeschoolers, because I have sadly too much experience in that area. But you know what, if Jake wants zero conflict or drama with his folks, you and your daughter see them as good parents going through a bad patch...even though they're Doing It Wrong there should maybe be another approach here. Counseling. Friends stepping in with, "Ward and June, you've been through a lot and Jake has been part of your adulting team, but are you ready to consider that he's done his part and should be moving toward independence now?" Give them a chance to double down, OR wake up. If it's at all possible that they are stuck in a negative loop and don't even realize that Jake has hit another stage, and Jake doesn't want to risk cutting ties (or risk homelessness), then maybe what Jake really needs and wants is for someone to help him advocate for change. If that fails, then Jake will have to consider more drastic measures, and all the prior assumptions made in this thread would become applicable at that time.
  4. And failing to teach him, yet requiring him to teach his siblings, withholding his diploma and keeping him from getting a drivers license, and somehow conveying to him that he will be kicked out if he protests anything. There's not much of an "other side to the story" for this. And I, at least, will not be likely to listen to homeschool parents talking about worthless children who can't be allowed to grow up. Truth is, even if you have very little doubt that your child will succeed without your control, he does have rights as an adult. He gets to grow up and be an awful adult if he wants to...but he might surprise you. There's no justification for denying your adult child education, documents, and financial freedom.
  5. A lot of homeschoolers are only doing coops. Even though the coop science class is once a week, the math enrichment is sporadic and spread over two coops, etc., they do not actually teach their children on the home days. Sarah McKenzie (Read Aloud Revival) explained several years ago that this is how she homeschooled - they have Morning Meeting every day, and then the rest of their education is whatever they get from coops. I don't follow her; I have no idea if she has kept this up as her kids have gotten older. But at the time, I noticed a lot of younger homeschool moms commented that they did the same. (Could I have some points or gold stars or something, for posting this without judgmental commentary?)
  6. If she's just frittering time away and not up to anything harmful, I'd say you don't really have a problem with the devices. Especially since you turn off the WIFI so everyone gets a good night's sleep. The problem is that her days are going to be too long and lonely. I would suggest an daily exercise requirement - maybe a YMCA membership - and a job. I'd look for something with plenty of hours, maybe even daily.
  7. I've been reading. There is some great stuff over there! OP, maybe you could pull a few threads and send them to Jake. The advice is generally sound, plus the conversations might help him frame the situation more clearly.
  8. What is the definition of embezzlement? I feel that it's probably a crime for parents to take their adult child's money without permission, including if they got the child's "permission" through coercion and threats. I guess if Jake doesn't want any punishment or consequences for his parents, which is why he's not interested in CPS or help for his siblings, he would probably be emphatically against charging them with stealing from him...I guess I'm not saying that he should be coached to do so, but I wonder if he understands that this financial situation is more than just inconvenient for him. It's another illegal and dishonest thing that his parents do.
  9. I don't really understand your tone. This post seems sarcastic or angry, somehow? Not sure what you're getting at. People are just saying that calling CPS, as an 18yo, will not help him much, and it might drive his parents even further underground with abuse of his siblings. It may be more useful to get him free and on his feet, separated from the home, and then see if he's able to do anything for the younger kids. If he called CPS concerning them, I don't think anyone would blame him or tell him not to bother. He was in the home and he knows better than anyone what's really happening. But we were asked how to help him, and our experience says that CPS is probably not the most direct route.
  10. My state, and the home state of the students I have tried to help, all have these laws on the books. What these families are doing IS illegal. That doesn't mean there are sufficient resources to investigate and hold accountable. It would seem that a simple investigation that might resolve in nothing more than a follow up to see if there's improvement, with a consequence of public school enrollment if they fail, should be possible. But it's not. Not when the children are considered to be fed, clothed, housed, clean and safe. Resources (from personnel to court time) would have to be diverted from the children who are beaten, tortured, dirty, hungry, abandoned...if I were the "system," I would make the same choice.
  11. I hope this isn't the case for Jake, but there are homeschool parents who do not get birth certificates or social security for their children. They don't do healthcare, either. So the children have no legal identity, and no selective service letter comes to the 18yo boys. I hope Jake's job is mainstream and legit, with all the proper paperwork completed. But I have known of a situation in which "likeminded" religious, homeschool parents hired other homeschool families' undocumented kids to work in their own businesses, and the families arranged this for the purpose of circumventing the legal paperwork.
  12. This is true. Psychological and emotional abuse, and educational neglect, will not get much of a result. In most areas, CPS is overwhelmed with physical abuse and drug related cases. If a child is in a reasonably clean and safe home and has enough to eat, they are not going to have time for "just" their development and future being ruined. I was told this by a social worker whom I consulted, one of the times when I was asked for help with an educational neglect situation. I was told that an adult friend or relative should intervene and help the teen get straightened out, or support and encourage them to hang in there until they turned 18 and then help them. This was said with sympathy and understanding; the social worker thought it would be better if I understood that CPS would not be able to help, so a call to them would probably only drive the family further underground and make it harder for friends and relatives to have access. A high school principal told me that if a teen had been locked out or shut out of the system, the "fixes" should also come from outside the system. You can't put a 15yo on a 2nd grade level in an elementary school, for example. It's illegal as well as inappropriate. And an over-sheltered and controlled, homeschooled 18yo is going to experience trauma and shock in a homeless shelter situation, even though that shelter and help exist for anyone who has fallen through the cracks. So private individuals need to somehow step up, if at all possible, to help these abused and neglected "homeschooled" children bridge to the outside world. Nobody has been able to tell me what can be done to the parents. Nobody knows.
  13. @alisoncooks is barking up the right tree, I believe: Before anyone helps, it would be ideal to ascertain how far the young man is willing to go, to be free. Is he ready to walk away entirely, even if it means couch surfing and risking homelessness? And the question of whether he'd really leave the little kids behind is a huge question. It's the same as for anyone leaving an abusive home situation. Several of us on these forums (and former members) have helped homeschooled teens better (or escape from) their circumstances. It is SO precarious and fraught. Best to have all the discussion and planning possible before intervening. If that's not how it works out, at the least, the adults trying to help should decide how far they're willing to commit, if it all blows up in everyone's faces. Would you be the go-to house, or would you be the one to help transport him to relatives, or would you be willing to testify, or would you fear retaliation from the family...I'm not saying to look the other way. (I didn't.) Just count the cost up front, and then stand by whatever you decide. If he can't access the documents at home without his parents' knowledge, I would suggest getting away from the home and then beginning the process of fighting for his papers. If he's in a non-accountability state, I think @Garga has an idea worth pursuing - could you help him figure out what he did, create a transcript, and print or order a diploma? I'd consider the money his parents have stolen to be gone, and the other necessary fights to be more important. Just open a new bank account. He's got to get out of the home, get his documents together, and go from there. As long as he's in the home, they are in control, plus they have the added "weapons" of the guilt trip over the siblings and whatever garbage they've taught him over the years about religion and parental rights. If he is really ready to risk it all to be free, it's time to pack a suitcase and go. If he's in a high COL area, he may need to move to a lower COL if that's what it takes to find support and live cheaply. He really needs relatives or friends to step up and give him a place to stay, and some help getting his life sorted out. He is going to be upset and broke for awhile. It may be that part of the further price he'll have to pay for his parents' abuse and neglect will be to leave the area and everything he's ever known, if the only help is far away. If he has no relatives or friends, then he will need direction to a homeless shelter and various types of aid in his community. But services for an able-bodied 18yo single man are going to be scarce. Personally, if I knew of this situation and I was confident that Jake was ready to strike out, I would take him in. Our house is bursting at the seams, so he might have to start with a tent in the backyard for the summer, but I would offer that before suggesting a shelter. Or if I truly couldn't do it, I would commit to giving everything I had to find someone who could. I would probably start with social workers and churches, and make those calls myself.
  14. About two years ago, I stopped believing anyone who promised to do anything, ever. I prepare as if they are going to flake, so I can manage for my own family, and just hope to be happily surprised if nobody flakes. They always flake. In my son's new community theater group, which is supported mainly by parent volunteers, there are three moms who *never* flake. They are wonderful. They don't know this, but in my mind I have attached myself to them as if they were blood relatives, and I stand ready to lead, follow, or die, throughout our entire theater experience. If I could write them sonnets, I would. Meeting them has been like finding a trio of Mary Poppinses in a world full of Dufflepods.
  15. Background: I grew up in a non-crazy gun culture, rural Midwest, where kids had rifles on gun racks in the trucks they drove to school. My dad trapped and hunted on his own as a teen. Grandparents had guns, mostly rifles for hunting, used frequently and responsibly locked into gun cabinets. When I was a child, I could never have predicted the current situation with gun violence, especially in schools. Current politics: In favor of a lot of changes, especially as affects children. It's not the 1970s anymore. So that's where I'm coming from. Now to answer this situation: Even if it was just me, I would still be out of that house before anyone returned home, because I am not personally willing to trust my own safety to 10 and 12yos with guns in their bedrooms. That's an accident waiting to happen, and I wouldn't think I was safe. I would also be concerned about liability and a lifetime of guilt, if something happened to the children, if I happened to be an adult who was in the home and knowledgeable about the unsecured firearms. I wouldn't stop to lock up the gun, either, because I wouldn't want my fingerprints on it and I wouldn't want any opinions from the family (or law enforcement, if something happened) because I went into their bedroom and picked up their gun. Just take the 10ft pole with which you would not touch this situation, get out of the house, and then decide what to say to your friend.
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