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Murphy101

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Murphy101 last won the day on October 27 2019

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About Murphy101

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  1. Idk. You will have to do some soul searching to be sure it’s mercy and not just avoidance, not that I fault you if you do just want to avoid, but honesty with ourselves is important imo. Kwim? You do not need permission. You are grown and have free will and live in a mostly sorta free country. If you go through the steps I suggested, it’s entirely possible the conclusion would be to remove yourself from the situation entirely. That’s okay. That’s one of many reasons that charities and a sorta civilized government are important factors in community well-being. Whether you do nothing or do a lot, it’s important this is not all on you. And yeah, every abuser makes their victims feel guilty between blows. Just because they can’t anymore or they decide to stop, doesn’t mean the affects of the abuse disappear. And one of those affects is a scarred relationship. It’s okay to be self-aware enough to accept it could be a near occasion of sin for yourself or them to continue to participate in an unhealthy relationship. Be prepared that your siblings may not be accepting of each of you being in different places on this topic. prayers. It’s tough.
  2. Buy less crap. Seriously. Consumerism is so destructive in so many ways, both physically to the environment and to relationships. Feed someone. Anyone. Anything. Even if it’s just a cup of coffee. Even if they aren’t hungry, there’s something spiritual about sharing any kind of sustenance with another that uplifts souls. I wouldn’t go so far as to say “food is love,” but it is something indelible when shared in genuine kindness. Go for a walk. Alone or with someone. No earbuds to tune out the world. Suddenly we notice things we drive past every day without really seeing. Make the most important things in your life reflected in where you put your money and your time. So many people live with regrets that they misspent money or time. So many people think “someday” how they spend their money and their time will actually reflect their life goals and values. For many someday never comes.
  3. I have done this for my mother 25 years ago and my father 2 years ago. I have many thoughts about how I approach dealing with those who have abused me in various ways. One, toxic people are toxic because they poison others. I will not engage toxic people around my children. If I don’t have a plan to protect my kids from the poison - then it’s a non-starter. Two, I set aside my feelings for the other person and ask myself what I want to be in this situation and if it’s possible. I do not have to be hard-hearted because of them. I can choose who I want to be. Forgiveness requires repentance, but mercy does not require anything of another for me to give it. How can I be merciful to this person and protect my family too? What is my Christian duty and how can I meet it? What do I need to do so that my heart is not heavy over this? Three, it’s okay to vent and be frustrated and angry. It’s okay to realize that with some people the most merciful thing to do is stay out of their lives. Four. Repeatedly go through steps 1-3 as things progress. And try to imagine the various way things will progress and ask yourself how you plan to handle those things. A plan helps with resolve going forward and makes it easier to avoid letting people guilt you to into changing them. Do all these steps before discussing with your siblings. They may have a very different opinion than you and that’s fine, but it doesn’t obligate you to change your stance for them.
  4. I grew up in a household where gd and f were used in grammar like articles in every single sentence. I don’t remember a conversation without them growing up. Vulgar language was like our dialect and accent. So no surprise I was the kindergartner who called my teach a B when I thought she wasn’t nice and the first grader who said F when I messed up in math. In this context I put vulgar (which means common btw) in the same category as low class/ignorant speech. Such as saying “ain’t got no”. While it is not sinful in any way I can stretch to, it does give a negative impression that can permanently affect social life when people do not learn to modify their speech for the environment and situation. I consider my lifelong battle to filter out the “accent” of my raising to be my greatest flaw. I’ve come a very long way and it wouldn’t be an issue at work or school or church most of the time for me now. But I take many long pauses to avoid it. When I fail, all my kids correct me. Few of my kids use vulgar language and none use it regularly. We have lots of replacement words. Popscicle. Bleep. Farfignuggun. Now the other aspect is when it is used for emotional effect. That’s fine to a small degree but when you hear it all the time? One reason I dislike it is because when I hear people using vulgar language I hear lots of negative emotion, and I don’t like it. They all sound so full of anger or anxiety all the time. And that sure doesn’t convey the peace of the Holy Spirit to me. Also I think whether they know it or not, it does affect their emotions and raises their stress rather than relieve it. It seems to do the opposite of having the stubbed toe and epithet affect. As for the sin aspect - not buying it. If saying “f” is a sin then so is saying “sex”. Saying a synonym for a word doesn’t make it okay or not okay. The bible has some very descriptive language of things like ejaculation, pee, poop, donkeys are not called donkeys and so forth. Are we saying those are not sins but the synonyms are?
  5. I try hard to balance that debate too. I tell my kids a job that pays awesome without a degree is also often a job that is no benefits and no security and lots of hard on the body. Accountants don’t lose their entire livelihood if they get arthritis or fall and break a leg. So if they take a job without a degree, I highly suggest they do their best to plan for a much sooner day of retirement.
  6. I do not have much respect for professional sports for many years. The drugs, the abuse of women by players, and more was a turn off long before the halftime shows became controversial. I no longer watch the games. As for the controversy, I tend to think it is all false outrage when people who claim outrage also did not immediately turn off the tv or get up to leave. They can either put their morals where their mouth is or get over it as far as I’m concerned. I guarantee that if everyone who claimed outrage had turned it off or left, that would have been the last half time burlesque show. But it won’t be.
  7. I’ve been praying and wondering too. I was seeing general life posts sometimes on FB but not lately.
  8. Well if you want another Catholic to help you - I’m available. 😁 And I’m no stranger to just about anything you could want to discuss. Unfortunately for me, but possibly good for you.
  9. Ours is getting old, 13 years old. And we were thinking of getting another but they have become rare enough that the cost is nuts. The puppy I thought was outrageously priced at $300 including crate, pet bowls, leash, first grooming, and complete vet shots and checkup is now $1000-1500 without anything but vax. I'm really sad that he will probably be the last dog we own bc I just can't see having any other dog at this point or paying that kind of money for a mini poodle.
  10. Millions of conspiracy theorist are saying, "I told you so!", in joyous triumph.
  11. We adore our miniature poodle and don't think there's a better dog out there. They are super smart, durable, don't shed, loving, fairly easy to groom, and the breed ages well compared to many of the designer breeds that tend to come with a long list of designer ailments. Though some have a reputation for being stand offish, I've personally never met one like that. All the ones I've met have loved everyone to a fault. Ours has never met someone he didn't like. Though screaming babies will make him herd me towards the source until I make it quiet. lol
  12. yep. Goes round and round like that. For me, it was knowing that some kid in the lower classes gets hurt and his family files bankruptcy for the medical bills (Americans biggest medical plan) and they can’t even offer him the best care for recovery options but some kid in the upper classes has better equipment and training and medical and none of the families are going to eat less if he gets hurt, it certainly isn’t going to eliminate education options. I’m not a sports snob. I don’t “get” the whole team/school pride thing in general but hey if it isn’t a moral quandary and isn’t hurting anyone - oh wait. Poop. BUT I’m sitting here knitting even though my left hand is killing me from knitting/crocheting too much. And I literally just told an ent specialist today that I’d rather go completely deaf than stop swimming in the oceans and lakes. So 🤷‍♀️ But I would never watch some stuff - such as competitive freediving. I can’t stomach that level of risk for no reason other than to say they made it one more meter than someone else. I see no value in what amounts to thrill seeker Russian roulette.
  13. I have always felt that deep discomfort. As I feel anyone should when they are spectators cheering on gladiators. I felt that way before I knew anything about the concussions.
  14. I've always thought the doomsday clock was ridiculous. It serves no function at all other than to create anxiety.
  15. I’ve never found anything to beat the washability of semi-gloss. It’s the only thing I’ll use unless it’s ceilings. Could not care less about the shine factor.
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