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Murphy101

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Murphy101 last won the day on May 17

Murphy101 had the most liked content!

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About Murphy101

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    Apprentice Bee Keeper

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    Alternate Universe

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  1. Me either! But my 25 year old is complaining I better hurry up and have twins so I guess it’s just a mom thing. 🤣
  2. I’d be interested in an invite. Kids: 25, 24, 22, 20, 18, 17, 15, 13, 10, 8, & 3.
  3. It’s possible she doesn’t like him and he doesn’t behave in respectable ways. I admit, I tend to not like people who treat me like crap. Most people don’t. Love them anyways but yeah, probably not like them. People are how they behave. We can yap all day, and words do matter, but it doesn’t mean diddly if we act in a way that betrays those words. As for this particular incident, I’m not commenting further on it until the OP answers my questions bc I think until then there’s not a big enough picture.
  4. Pretty much. I’d have all the same questions to get a better picture but otherwise I wouldn’t bat an eye at that post.
  5. I get that the OP isn’t farting maternal sunshine and rainbows about her son and as a society that’s not socially acceptable. But let’s be real, sometimes adult kids are selfish, stubborn, lacking humility, not generous, rude, and generally disrespectful and fiscally irresponsible little turds. Because they are people. And some people are like that. One prays they aren’t always like that. One prays that with age they will do better. One loves them anyways regardless. But rephrasing reality doesn’t actually change reality. If the OP is truly setting the example by treating or talking to him like scum - then I agree that’s not helpful or good mothering. But she doesn’t say she spoke to him in a hateful matter. She is venting here, among other grown moms. I would not speak this way here bc I don’t post stuff I’d be upset if my family read it. But heck yeah, irl in private at 5 am over coffee or during a morning walk, sometimes myself or my friends walking with me have shared tears and cuss words and general adult problems dealing with character problems of those we love. Because life isn’t all sweetness and sunshine. It’s brutal and hard and ugly too. And then we go home, and we love those people as best we can.
  6. OP. For clarity. How did your son pitch this idea to you? Did he suggest it from the start? What did he agree to at the start? Who broached the topic of changing those original plans? How was it brought up? How was that received? Was there equal enthusiasm? Or did he hesitate? When the plans were changed, did you state up front that you needed his portion by X date? (I would have given a date several week earlier than I actually needed to allow wiggle room, but I wouldn’t have shared that fact.) Did you state exactly why you needed it by then and what the results would be if you didn’t get it by then? Did you discuss if this fit his budgetary needs long term and let him know you would understand if he needed to plan a more fiscally prudent trip? All of this info would create a better picture to base opinion and future encounters.
  7. She didn’t say there was nothing to do. She said she didn’t fee she could give advice bc she feels she didn’t do it right herself. And sometimes you can’t make amends. Sometimes you just have to move on and try to do better.
  8. Well yeah. Humans have serious character flaws. 🤷‍♀️ There’s not much history of that being parented out of kids. We have Jesus and Mary on the very short list. Sure we try to reduce how bad the human tendency is, but it’s there all the same. Even the saints had personal character flaws to work on. I don’t know about any of you but I for sure have serious character flaws and so does everyone I know. I get that. And sure it’s not like I don’t ever do a nice thing for my kids that I shouldn’t really need to, such is love and friendship. No big deal. But her language implies he has a tendency to act this way about things. Which sucks but alas some folks we love can be this way. Hopefully they don’t stay that way forever. I don’t think she’s crying bc there is drama. There really isn’t any. He left them hanging. They are hurt but not terribly surprised. Dad decided he still wanted the girls to have this trip so he decided to do it instead. No drama. Just sucks.
  9. I’m presuming that his plans weren’t just changed for him and he and sibling were asked what they thought of changing things. If not, well there’s a mess to clean up.
  10. I think that’s super nice of you. But I don’t think it means there’s less drama. It just means you dealt with the drama instead of him. Which hey if that doesn’t annoy the ever lovin’ crap out of you to have to do that all the time for someone - that’s great. For you. But it’s really not okay to treat people like that. I bet you’d feel bad if someone else had to do that for you. I bet you’d feel a bit sheepish about it and try not to do that again. And if that other person didn’t or couldn’t just handle it for you - I bet you wouldn’t treat them like poop for it. I hope not anyways. For me, there’s zero drama. I said X was needed, reminded and asked if that was still going to work, and they just couldn’t manage even so. No hard feelings. Now I know better so I won’t set that situation up again. And oddly enough, knowing that seems to keep people from treating me that way. It happens but not often and not repeatedly.
  11. I just wouldn’t care. He is 22 years old. He had known for some time that he owed her, he had said he would pay the next day, and yet he still couldn’t seem to handle getting his crap together and just giving them what he owed. It doesn’t matter if he had the money in his pocket or whether his bank was negative - the point was he owed them and didn’t pay them. The fact that he could have and just got in an irrational snit and refused to do it is not helping his case. I’d think it great he wanted to spend the time with a sibling if he wasn’t apparently equally ready to toss them under the bus just because his mommy didn’t beg sweet enough for him to pay what he had said he would. Like I said. I don’t have patience for this. I wouldn’t eat it upset me too terribly but I would just accept this either.
  12. Um. No. I’d probably have calmly stated, “Son, if you still want to do this thing, then I need the $ by X date bc we can not afford to pay this credit card bill. If you don’t, that’s fine but again, I can’t pay it for you and we need to let the girls know so plans can be adjusted.” If he went off on me and or didn’t pay, I would cancel bc I made that clear in a none threatening manner and that’s an unreasonable way to respond so I wouldn’t send my younger kids with him anyways. As to why and hows about if he had the money and going to the bank and blah blah blah. Honestly all I’d have heard is blah blah blah don’t have my money. Because whatever his reason doesn’t much matter to my credit card bill or my budget. It’s just static distraction.
  13. You might need a new friend. As for the son, I’d tell your husband bc I am very not keeping secrets kind of person. And I’d refuse to argue with son or lend him money in the future. Want to book a trip? Sure. Soon as you give me the cash I’ll put it on our card. Yeah that’s not a hardship son, that’s adulting so quit whining. I have no patience for this stuff. I wouldn’t let it hurt my relationship. Just nope. Not participating in that nonsense, lesson learned, now would anyone like more bean dip? Hopefully age will adjust his attitude some day. In the mean time, which is so aptly named, all a mama can do is keep on keeping on. (((Hugs)))
  14. Murphy101

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    The problem with this is that you seem to ignore people have also done some really amazing good things in the name of religion too. Built hospitals and schools. The beatitudes are really extreme concepts historically. Who are we kidding. Still are. I’m not sure what you even mean by accountable. Obviously none of us live on a deserted island. Abolishing religion doesn’t make people more accountable, kinder or whatever. Eta: People will twist into some wacky convoluted ideas to justify what they want to do or have done. Religion is just an easy scapegoat. It’s not like nonreligious people don’t do those things just as often.
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