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Murphy101

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Murphy101 last won the day on May 17

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About Murphy101

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    Apprentice Bee Keeper

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  1. I'm bumping in hopes of suggestions. I had thought maybe Roatan, Honduras but November is their heaviest rain month. I thought maybe Bonaire, but I don't want to had a 20 hour layover in El Salvatore. I had thought the Sunshine Coast, Australia, but it's stinger season in November so very limited beach options and BFF's husband says no because he wants to go with her there. I'd hoped it'd be easier to have a snorkeling/diving vacation in November. Bah. I may have to break down and use a travel agent.
  2. I don’t even understand the question if this is a genuinely “close friend.” Every single one of my close friends would be beyond LIVID sat their kid for having a gun, loaded or not, out like that. And every single one of us would not hesitate to walk over, unload and secure the weapon, chew that kid out loud enough that mama would come running to join in chewing kid out the minute they found out the reason. And we are very much a parent your own kid dynamic 98% of the time. This would absolutely fall in the 2% friends don’t let friends or their kids do life risking stupid crap with guns. One friend is not at all gun comfortable but she’d have absolutely said something right then and there.
  3. I know about the TA forums, but it's really bogged down to weed through those threads.
  4. My BFF and I are going to get together and decide on a vacay for just us, probably sometime in November before Thanksgiving. I think I've narrowed it down to Cairns, Bonaire, or Okinawa? Open to other suggestions too. I've searched for places online, but of course that is all advertising so who knows how much of it is accurate. Our requirements aren't much: - warm water to swim in, must have snorkeling AND scuba diving options. - good food nearby. An all-inclusive would be nice, but we are just as happy to eat great food nearby off site. - English speaking isn't a problem, bc unfortunately neither of us speak other languages or are likely to learn them that fast. - not on a travel advisory list please. Dh and I went to DR in April and that was a huge expensive mistake that taught me I never want to go to the DR again. I'm sticking to a 1 rating from now on, - not Mexico or Costa Rica, those trips are already planned. I wish there was a travel forum other than TA for me to ask these questions. Suggestions so I don't have to nag y'all?
  5. And if you are feeling overwhelmed - do have super close friends you can call to help? Sometimes a family member is NOT the best choice to go funeral planning with. They just can't handle it. Same goes for clearing out stuff. But a close trusted friend? They have no emotional investment in that one shoebox that holds your knock knacks from high school and they might be devastated to help you plan a funeral, but they can go to a different house to cry about it. Family tends to tell you what you should do or what they think they would do. Sister-friends, the good ones anyways, tend to ask what you need, maybe make some suggestions, and then just do whatever you need.
  6. I sort of agree with routine. There should be something's that rarely change. Mass on Sunday, bedtime story before bed, high/low discussion with family before bedtime stories for littles. That schooling and work and general life does go on and that our purpose changes, but having purpose doesn't. But otherwise? Screw it. Go on vacation your husband. Go on a family vacation. Go to the zoo, the park when the weather is nice. Eat ice cream with the teens and chat after the little ones go to bed. Take every advantage of your good days when you have them. It'll shore you up on the bad days. One reason I think getting rid of and planning as much as possible helps, is because the simple fact is that stuff all takes time and energy to manage and maintain, the less the better because that makes it easier to not fall behind and easier to get back on track when you do fall behind. And who are we kidding? We ALL fall behind eventually repeatedly. Be realistic and cut yourself and the family some slack. Prioritues. What matters? Very little REALLY matters. And the rest doesn't matter at all.
  7. I think whatever you do should be focused on narrowing of priorities, which honestly I think is a good policy to reevaluate regardless of crisis and best done before there isn't a crisis. I would get rid of anything that is not important to you or your family. If it either isn't in weekly use or something you would want someone to have after you die, get rid of it. I'd be brutal about it. Every single major illness or death I've ever witnessed has caused a huge nightmarish headache and heartache of sorting through stuff, most of which doesn't even matter. If there is something you really want someone to have after you die - give it NOW. If it's something like jewelry for a daughter too young for it now, put it in writing, with a picture of the ring or with the ring itself in a ziplock or envelop. This kind of thing will be a huge relief to your husband and your kids that they likely can't even comprehend now. And realistically the less stuff to maintain and organize and generally deal with, is less stress in the long run. Do you have community? Somewhere your family spends a lot of time and energy and people know your name and your kids? If not, I'd put considerable energy in cultivating that. If you do have it, I'd spend more time on that. The day will come when everyone is exhausted and heart sore, and feeling isolated - they need community that will both give them an outlet to recharge and also continuously reach out. People who will both not get sick of hearing about the negative, but also can uplift them. A spiral notebook of all passwords and accounts. Of all contacts. Husbands tend to be have no idea how much household management details a woman keeps in her head. Plan out worse case scenario asap. Funeral and all. Just get it done and out of the way. and have the paperwork easily available for your husband. Give consideration to what if god forbid something should happen to your dh first? Get a will and everything in order. There is so very much to worry about that you can't control, but you can take a lot of worry out of the equation with the things you can plan for. And the whole kids raising younger siblings and being resentful? Let it go. I'm 100% in your camp, but that's not what this is about. This is about thank God they all have each other. Make as many memories as you can while you can. Baby them all as much as you can while you can. Once you've done the above? All that's left is to love each other. No matter what you do, they are going to know daddy can't do things like momma did. And that's okay. Daddy will do the best he can and that will be good enough. Different and sad sometimes, but okay. And he won't be doing it all in his own either. Because there's a big family casting wide net to hold everyone together.
  8. Oh there's a huge middle area! I talk to my kids all the time about how excited I am to help them become adults and be involved in their adult lives, and my younger half see that in action in their older siblings. We talk about bills, education, jobs, relationships... Abiut the fact that dad and I are not immortal, so plan accordingly. But the topic of being excited to have them move out doesn't come up much other than me joking about turning all their rooms into yarn or book barns or moving to a house without stairs since I won't need an upstairs anymore. It's all about being excited to see them live a great life, not excited to see the door hit them in the rear on the way out.
  9. I'm with you. I've always hated it when parents talk like that. Make your kids feel unwelcome and go figure they'll look for welcome elsewhere. Sure it's not the only factor. One thing never is. But I can't see a benefit to that parenting attitude. And yeah, there's a grain of truth to most jokes.
  10. Y'all are making my TripAdvisor account explode. Another suggestion is Cozumel. It's my favorite in November, not that I'm well traveled, but that's when I go. There's lots of beach and forest stuff to do, and there's also lots of historical stuff like Mayan ruins too. Perfect weather and warm water all year. You could stay at an all inclusive, flights and several excursions for 3-4K. I recommend the Fiesta Americana.
  11. Wrt fasting. I have an Eastern Orthodox friend and we were chatting about food and fasting during lent and she pointed out how there’s so many good reasons this was beneficial to people over the years in many ways not just spiritually and it got me thinking that I’m rather pathetic in this regard in my opinion. So have started fasting on the traditional days of Wednesday and Friday. It’s been a real eye opener to some things. Some spiritual/emotional but many not. For example how often I mistake hunger for thirst. I really didn’t think I did that because I drink what seems like a tone of water and coffee. And I’ve not suffered any negatives physically. No loss of energy. Though I avoid heavy exercise on those days, I’m still house painting, going on long walks and park or whatever.
  12. And I’m doing HealthyWage. Money is motivating and I figure if I can get paid to lose weight i need to lose anyway - well that’s pretty dadblum awesome! If I lose 57lbs by mid Nov after paying in $600 total, I’ll win that back plus another $1600. I’ve lost 25lb so far and dropped 2 sizes in jeans. I’d hope to be doing that with or without $ but the $ will be a mighty nice bonus.
  13. Wrt family meals. I’ve just accepted that if a usual family meal can be compliant - that’s great. And more often than not it can come really close or be so. For example, taco night is okay. No cheese and no chips. Taco salad is just fine if I make the taco meat myself. Or it self of serving whatever on rice or pasta or bread, have skip those and have it on salad instead. But if the family wants chili dogs and chips for a dinner. That’s fine. I eat FIRST what I need to eat so I’m not hungry AND feeling deprived. I might still want it sometimes but it’s a lot easier to abstain when I’m not also actually hungry. Movie night - I’ve got my bag of raw sugar snap peas ready. Sure not compliant because they are a legume, but I’ll risk it.
  14. Not the house, but there’s a male cardinal who hates my van and pickup truck only when I’m sitting in them talking on the phone. Four times that bird has dive bombed the driver window. Once the window was down and it flew into the car! So I don’t know. But I’m curious to find out.
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