In-laws, what to call 'em (TW:suicide mentioned, no detail)

[retiredHSmom]

My daughter is engaged to be married next June. She is marrying a young man from our homeschool group that she has known since she was nine. We are very happy about the marriage. 

I invited my future SIL to call me by my first name when he and my daughter started dating in January. He's an adult and I expect to have an adult relationship with him.  My daughter recently revealed that his mom expects to be called Mrs. LastName until they are married and then expects my daughter to call her mom.

My gut reaction was "hell, no! That's my name. She doesn't deserve that name!" 

The topic name up in conversation with my mother today and she stated that she has always been saddened and hurt that none of her SILs or DILs call her mom. They all call her by her first name.

At first I thought that my reaction was because I have some special circumstances.  My daughter had seven really hard years. She was fighting anorexia and PTSD and then had a suicide attempt. Ultimately she was diagnosed with severe OCD.  During those years, I was her constant companion and lifeline. It is safe to say that I kept her alive. We used FBT for the eating disorder. I did not leave her alone overnight for more than five years. (After many years of therapy with a team of three clinicians and some medication she is doing really well) Frankly, no one else deserves to be called mom by her.  I earned that title many times over through blood, sweat and tears. 

But then I realized that everyone calls my mom by her first name because of me. My husband asked what he should call her when we were dating and I said "her name" of course. It never occurred to me that he would call her anything else despite the fact that my own mom called her MIL mom.  After all she is my mom, not his. He has his own mom.

Which simply made me wonder, am I alone in this?  Do others feel like mom is a deserved title? If my SIL decides to call me mo that is his choice and I won't be upset, but I certainly don't expect it.  What about you?

 

[Melissa in Australia]

I do not know anyone who calls their Mil mum. 

I call my Mil dh's mother when talking about her to other people and avoid using any title including her name when talking to her

[maize]

Once we had kids I usually called my inlaws by their grandparent titles. I actually call my own parents grandma and grandpa most of the time now too.

I have occasionally called my in-laws mom and dad, and my husband always uses mom and dad or grandma and grandpa for my parents--he has never used their first names. I have occasionally called his parents by their first names but honestly it doesn't feel natural to do so.

First names feels more distant to me, family titles feel warmer. I have a very warm relationship with my inlaws.

[lmrich]

I know people who call their mother in law - Momma Carol 

[Sherry in OH]

Before we had children I avoided calling MIL by any title.  She became grandma when oldest ds was born.  

[vonfirmath]

I call my MIL Mom. Or "Mom Lucy"

I'm uncomfortable calling her Lucy. Now I often call her Grandma Lucy since we have kids.

 

Edited July 6, 2020 by vonfirmath

[Jean in Newcastle]

In our family culture it is a form of love and respect to call our in-laws Mom and Dad etc. But we also call all older adults a family name like Auntie or even Grandma if it’s an elderly aunt. 

[ktgrok]

My mom asks my husband to call her mom, and signs cards to him that way, but he doesn't call her that because his mom was an awful person and he doesn't want to associate her with my mom, whom he loves. He calls her by her first name. Same with my Dad. 

His parents are deceased, so I don't call them anything....

I think it is just a matter of custom, not rude either way.

On that note, my friends still call my mom Mrs.Lastname. I always looked forward to being a Mrs. Lastname...it was the mark of adulthood. Now,  no one does that anymore! I'm Miss First Name to any kids I know. Silly first world annoyance, but anyway...that is also just a culture thing. 

[bolt.]

My MIL would like to be called a variation on Mom, and I didn't feel bad about that until I had kids. At which point it clicked for me that people don't just glide into that role: it's decades of work. So I transitioned to adult-to-adult first names. And she needed to have a conversation about that because she noticed and didn't feel respected. (They are french-canadian, and there are customs and instincts of culture that needed to be navigated.)

We compromised on calling her "Nana" (her grandparent name) even though she's not *my* Nana, at least it's an identifier we were both okay with at the time. I call my Dad-in-law "Grandpa" in the same way. My husband calls my parents by their first names.

Since then, she has mentioned that I can call her by her first name and she (after the passage of years) can see that it is what most adult-in-laws and most adult friends and acquaintances call one another even when there is an age difference. She's no longer so settled in her old cultural instincts that it feels bad to her. But I'm still calling her Nana, except when it's awkward. We're used to it now.

[happi duck]

I also don't call my mil anything.  I know people who do call them mom and nope.  No way would I ever call someone else mom.  This was true before my mom died and even more so after.  

[Selkie]

Dh and I have always called each other’s parents by first names.

I think it’s weird that she wants your dd to go from calling her Mrs. So and So (which seems stuffy and overly formal) to Mom!

[PrincessMommy]

entirely impossible to vote without other 🙂  since I have multiple answers

I call my direct MIL "mom".  I called my FIL "dad" but his wife by her name.  My dh was the last to get married and I was just following precedence.  My FIL was already quite elderly when we got married (lived to 103) so calling him by his first name seemed weird when I was all of 22yrs old. 

My own children's spouses are different.  My one SIL doesn't call me anything 🙂  I think he just didn't know what to do and I told him to call me by my name if that was okay with him.  He still never calls me by name or "mom".  It's kind of funny actually.

My oldest son's wife made a "thing" out of calling us "mom" and "dad" beginning on her wedding day.  She grew up in a conservative Chinese American family.  It was a big deal that they gave their blessing for ds to marry their daughter (since we're not Chinese).    I remember telling her it was fine if she called me by my first name but she was adamant that it would be "Mrs. ___" before the wedding "mom" after.   She was very excited about it.   Sometimes it does feel weird because I'm not her mom.  But, calling me by first name would also seem weird... so I dunno.

My middle son's wife goes between calling me "mom" and by my first name.   Whatever.

My daughter's fiance calls me by my first name.  I don't expect that will change. 

I really don't have a strong preference and I don't find either weird.  What I would find weird and off-putting is "demanding" someone to call me "mom" or "Mrs. ____" like what is happening to the OP's daughter.  Honestly, why does that have to be something people demand??!!   What does that say about the person demanding such behavior?  That would give me pause about the child/IL relationship going forward because it seems like a power play to me.  

 

[Terabith]

My own mother doesn't like to be called Mom.  She's furious I don't still call her Mommy like I did when I was three.  She thinks Mom is disrespectful.  

I call my MIL by her first name.  My husband calls my mom either Grammy or sometimes her first name.  

[Annie G]

Dh and I have never called each other’s parents anything. For real.  When we’re talking to each other we say ‘your dad’ or whatever, but in their presence we never called them anything.  I know it sounds weird, but we just never felt comfortable with the mom/dad thing.  
‘Dd has been married 15 years and she and her dh calls us inlaws by our first names. Youngest Dd is engaged and they both call each other’s parents by first names. We’re fine with it. 
(To add to the weirdness, our grandkids call me and their other grandma ‘Grandma” but also called my mom and my mother in-law grandma.  Oddly enough there has never been confusion about who they are referring to, as context clues make it clear)

[vmsurbat1]

I called my in-laws by their first name.  After kids, I referred to them equally by name or by Grandpa/Grandma titles.  I invited my SIL to call me by my name.  I would feel weird to be called Mom by him!  The closest we get to that is when I write an email or letter addressed to both dd and SIL, I sign it Mom.  (When engaged, I signed it Mom/My name).

[barnwife]

I'll answer for my FOO, as our kids are still 10 and under. Both of my parents referred to their respective inlaws as "Mom" and "Dad" when speaking to them. So did my aunts and uncles, as far as I remember hearing them. When speaking to us children, they were "Grandma FirstName" and "Grandpa FirstName."

I honestly had no idea there were families/circles where this was not the case until I was...not a young adult. Therefore, I expected to do the same. I mean, you will be "Mom (in-law)." So how could that be the wrong title to use?

But, now I am married. And I do my best to avoid calling MIL anything to her face. Not because she isn't lovely. As far as MIL, mine might be quirky, but aren't we all? It's awkward because the rest of the sons and daughters-in-laws call her by her first name. And that just feels wrong to me. As I was (almost) the last to marry into the family, I don't feel it's my place to rock this boat/change this tradition. Which might be considered odd, in itself, as I have learned that she would love, love, love it if all her SILs and DILs did call her "Mom."

 

[forty-two]

33 minutes ago, Sherry in OH said:

Before we had children I avoided calling MIL by any title.  She became grandma when oldest ds was born.  

Pretty much this.  They invited me to call them Mom and Dad (and that's how they sign things), but while I'm not offended or upset at the idea or anything, it just felt awkward.  First names also sounded awkward (although that's how my parents refer to their inlaws, and how dh refers to my parents), so I just avoided direct address.  It was so freeing when oldest was born and Grandma and Papa became options, lol.

[Ausmumof3]

1 minute ago, forty-two said:

Pretty much this.  They invited me to call them Mom and Dad (and that's how they sign things), but while I'm not offended or upset at the idea or anything, it just felt awkward.  First names also sounded awkward (although that's how my parents refer to their inlaws, and how dh refers to my parents), so I just avoided direct address.  It was so freeing when oldest was born and Grandma and Papa became options, lol.

Yep this!

[Joker]

I call my in laws by their first name. My dad died during our second year of marriage and I’m not calling anyone else dad ever. Dh calls my mom by her first name and my mom is happy with that.

 My kids don’t call me mom; I’m Madre. I honestly don’t know why. 🙃 I think I will prefer to be called by my first name if they marry.

[Arcadia]

56 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

In our family culture it is a form of love and respect to call our in-laws Mom and Dad etc. But we also call all older adults a family name like Auntie or even Grandma if it’s an elderly aunt. 

Same for traditional Chinese culture. 
 

I don’t talk to my in-laws because they don’t respect boundaries and are extremely nosy. My husband does address my parents as mom and dad, but my parents help with a lot of babysitting, cash and are very respectful of boundaries. 

[Elizabeth86]

1 hour ago, maize said:

Once we had kids I usually called my inlaws by their grandparent titles. I actually call my own parents grandma and grandpa most of the time now too.

I have occasionally called my in-laws mom and dad, and my husband always uses mom and dad or grandma and grandpa for my parents--he has never used their first names. I have occasionally called his parents by their first names but honestly it doesn't feel natural to do so.

First names feels more distant to me, family titles feel warmer. I have a very warm relationship with my inlaws.

Same.  Dh and I are not formal enough to say Mr. And Mrs. to in-laws, but we feel weird about first names, but use them if we have to. So, we both call each other's parents and our own Mamaw and Papaw once they became grandparents. We would never call our in-laws mom and dad and I'd feel super uncomfortable to have future sil or dil call me mom and dad.  It feels fake as all get out.  My parents super close sil and dil always used their names and that was fine.  My sister's pos 2nd husband called them mom and dad and I HATED that. It feels fake and forced.

[freesia]

I don’t blame you at all for how you feel. I would feel the same way.

my side of the family calls parents in laws by their first name. The exception is my SIL, who was 17 when she started dating my brother and comes from a very dysfunctional family. My mother was/has been more a mom to her than her own mom was. So my dh calls my mom by her first name, while SIL uses first name. 

My MIL would live it, I think, if I called her Mom. However, that’s always felt weird to me bc she is not my mom. Fortunately, after the kids started coming I reverted to Grandma ( and occasionally her first name.). Ex-BIL called her mom. Present long term partner of SIL calls her first name. 

It’s all very complicated to juggle I think bc family cultures are so different. The best we can do is have an open heart and assume the best.  What your dd calls her new family will have to be her thing to figure out and manage. I think it would be a huge gift to her to stay out of it ( but, like I said above, it would be hard for me, too.)

[Scarlett]

I have two DILs.  One I know quite well, since she was a little girl.  She calls me by my first name.  I think the new DIL, that I've only met twice will call me by my first name. I have zero desire for them to call me Mom. And it makes my stomach hurt to think of my son calling his MIL Mom.  But I recognize I can't really say that to him.  To me we all have one mom....not necessarily birth mom, but one main maternal caretaker.  (usually). We can have more than one son or daughter and lots of aunties or uncles....and lots of grandparents or grandparent like people in our life.  But mom to me is special.  My stepson has lived with me full time since he was 15 and he is not involved much at all in his mom's life.  I know I am the mom like figure in his life for all sorts of things.  But I would never ask him to call me mom.  I don't think I would even like it if he wanted to since he does have a mother who is alive and well, even if she is not in his life much.  

[Scarlett]

7 minutes ago, peacelovehomeschooling said:

So I got married very young.   I wasn't sure what to call my in-laws and wasn't comfortable asking them.   They volunteered that I should call them by their first names.  I planned to do that.  However,  my husband told me privately that they would be very upset if I did that and that I shouldn't.   He had 2 siblings married at that time and both of their spouses called them mom and dad.  I wasn't comfortable and didn't want to call them mom and dad.  So I called them nothing!   I went way out of my way to make darn sure I never had to call them anything.

My children aren't married.   When my son has had girlfriends I have always told them to call me by my first name.  It is truly what I want to.

Now, my parents refused to have my husband call them anything other than "mr and mrs_____" .  They even signed all cards with both "mom and dad' for me and "mr and mrs___" for him.  It was super rude in my opinion and signaled that he wasn't quite a member of the family.    Part of that though is the very disordered relationship I had with them and the fact they just aren't nice people.  He went out of his way to never have to call them anything either. 

All of this was just as awkward as it sounds!

I went out of my way to never call my first MIL anything either.  It never was comfortable.  I don't call her anything to this very day.  She wanted her children to call her Mother and her grandchildren to call her Grandmother.  Guess what they all call her?  When they discuss her with each other they call her by her first name.  And they avoid calling her anything when speaking to her directly.  

I adore my current MIL.  She is so loving and kind to me.  But I would never dream of calling her mom.  I call her  by her first name.

[J-rap]

I called my parents-in-law by their first names (not because they insisted on anything...  It just kind of evolved that way and felt comfortable).  My children's spouses/significant others call me by my first name.  I've never insisted on being called anything in particular though, and it wouldn't bother me if my children called their parents-in-law mom and dad.  I assume my children would still remember that I was their mother.  🙂  Title is not important to me.

 

 

[teachermom2834]

I call my MIL by her first name but we do not have a warm relationship. If we did I would be fine calling her mom as I grew up with both my parents calling their inlaws mom and dad.

I think Mom and Dad is nice for inlaws if it is sincere and not forced. I would love to have someone to call "Mom" (mine passed away). I will ask my children what their spouses want to call me and I will lovingly respond to whatever makes them most comfortable. I would love if it was "Mom" but only if because they felt led to it. Likewise, I will not mind if my dc call their MIL "Mom". If that means they have a warm relationship than I am so happy for them. I'll still be their mother no matter what words anyone uses for anyone. 

I have a serious lack of parental influences and warm relationships in my life and I would hope my dc do better in the inlaw department. If they have ones they can call Mom and Dad with sincerity I will be so pleased with that. I'm determined to just roll with my adult children's choices so as long as it isn't "Yo, B-----" I'm going to be OK.

 

[sbgrace]

I call my in-laws by their first name, and my husband calls my parents by first name. That is how I grew up and also how my husband grew up. My MIL told me how she wanted to be addressed by grandkids--grandma first name. I didn't use that to address my own grandparents growing up, but we did end up using it for both sides of the family. My parents didn't care. My MIL never said a word to me about addressing her. I think, if it mattered to my in-laws, I would have called them mom and dad without upsetting my own parents. I probably would have felt really weird about it at first!

One BIL calls my parents mom and dad, however. I'm pretty sure my sister calls his parents mom/dad first name. I doubt she would have done that were it not that family culture. 

[TravelingChris]

I have a son in law and just realized I have no idea what he calls me.  I don't notice things like that.  Unless someone calls me something bad, I don't notice.  I didn't notice for years that dh calls me Tina a lot.

[Kassia]

I call my in-laws Mom/Dad.  Huge huge mistake that I regret.  I married young and grew up in a dysfunctional family and hoped that my in-laws would be the loving family I didn't have, but that definitely didn't happen.  

Ds1's long-time girlfriend calls me Mrs. ___ even though I always use our first names with her.  I wish she would call me by my first name and expect it will happen someday when they eventually get married.  Ds2's girlfriend calls me by my first name.  

 

[SKL]

I'm not married, but I will chime in with how my parents did it.  My dad's mom was "ma" to my mother.  My mom's mom was "Ruth" to my dad.  That suited each of them fine.

One or both of my sister-in-laws call my mom "mom," and my brother-in-law calls her "Mrs. ___."

I would do what the mother in law prefers.

[Jentrovert]

I call my inlaws by first names. Dh calls my parents by their first names. We also use their grandparent names (grandma, etc) a lot. 

My parents did the same with their inlaws. Usually, when talking to us kids they use the grandparent names for them, and first names when talking to them or others. Same for us.

It would really, really bother me if my children end up calling inlaws "mom" or "dad". I wouldn't say anything, but it would bother me a lot.

 

[Caraway]

I call my MIL by her first name.  My kids call her Nana.  We have a fine relationship but I cannot imagine, under any circumstances, referring to her as my mother.  Because she is not my mother.  

[HSmomof2]

I agree with you, OP. I wouldn’t think of calling MIL “Mom”. While I love her, she’s not my mom. I either call her by her first name or her grandparent name, Grammy. Dh calls my parents by their first names as well, not mom/dad. 

[kristin0713]

I feel very much like you do.  My mom is my mom.  It would be very weird for me to call someone else Mom who is not actually my mom.  It just doesn't sit right with me.  I call DH's parents Re (short for Marie) and Poppy.  Those are the names that his nephews already called them when I entered the family and it is how the family addresses them ("Hey can you give this to Re?"  "Please go tell Poppy that dinner is ready" etc.) But I actually rarely address them directly.  We also don't have a great relationship but that is a whole separate issue.  DH, on the other hand, calls my parents Mom and Dad. 

[Shellydon]

First names.  I think it is odd to call someone who isn't your parent mom/dad

[Moonhawk]

When I first got married I called my MIL "Mom." She was very happy about it.

I found out within a couple of years I wanted a distant relationship with her, not a mother-daughter relationship. However, I didn't want to rock the boat and change what I was calling her officially.

I now just don't address her. She will leave me voicemails with "Hi Moonhawk, this is Mom...". I haven't addressed her with a name or title in 12 years. I respond with just "Oh hi!" etc. If I have to introduce her to someone, it's "Husband's mother, Mrs. Full Name." I touch her on the shoulder if I need her attention in a crowd. I will not call her "Mom." 

Calling someone "mom" in my situation forces a closeness and feelings of obligation where really neither should exist or are wanted. 

eta: my parents are still irritated that my DH calls them by their first names. They wanted to be perpetual "Mrs. / Mr. Last Name", part of refusing to see either of us as adults (and legitimately married...). He is oblivious to this, though. I think he transitioned around the time we had kids. 

Edited July 7, 2020 by Moonhawk

[katilac]

I voted that I call them "first name" but I actually call them Mr. First Name and Mrs. First Name, because I am just that kind of southern. They're lovely people, but I was 24 when I met them. I had never in my life called anyone else mom and dad and I saw no reason to start. My brother-in-law will often call them mom and dad. Once kids were in the mix, it frequently became Grandma instead, but it's still Mrs. First Name pretty often when it's just us. Deserving the title really doesn't enter into it for me, they just aren't my mom and dad. That doesn't mean I don't love them or appreciate them. 

I answered "other" for the second one, bc I couldn't not answer but my kids aren't married yet. I wouldn't expect or particularly want to be called mom, but I'd be fine with it if they kind of lacked parental figures and it came about naturally. I would never ask them to call me mom. I would most expect Ms. Katilac because that's what we're used to and how I'm universally known to the teens and young adults in my life, but I know that they may marry or have a serious relationship with someone who's not from our part of the south. In that case,  I will do my very best to not cringe at Katilac until I get used to it, lol. 

I'm happy with Mrs. First Name and I think they are too at this point. I think I'll be pretty happy with whatever I wind up being called, I'm not that fussed about it. 

[mumto2]

I was so grateful when my fil told me that I should call him Jim while we were dancing at our wedding.  It obviously saved me from lots of torment.  He was probably going to end up as Father “last name” because that is what my mom called my grandparents so intervention was probably in his best interest!  

I don’t have married kids so can’t speak from experience but will be fine with my first names from future kids in law.

[WendyLady]

My Mil gave me a card at our wedding that said I was welcome to call her by her name or by mom, whatever I was comfortable with.  My parents both called their in-laws by their first names.  So I called my in-laws by their first names.  Soon after we married, we were at dinner with all of my husband's siblings and spouses and I called my mil by her first name and asked her to pass something to me.  My brother-in-law leaned way out over the table and sneered at me, saying, "that's MOOOoOOM to you!"  It was so embarrassing.  After that I just didn't call them anything. For years. I call them by their first names now, and would never call them mom or dad.  My husband calls my parents by their first names, and our two son in laws call me by my first name. 

One son-in-law is the youngest of 8 kids. His oldest sister is nearly my age. He is married to our oldest daughter, who we had while we were barely in our 20's, still in college.  In his family all of the in-laws call his parents mom and dad. I think my daughter calls them mom and dad, too.  His parents are just a few years younger than my parents, so her in-laws are nearly the same age as her grandparents.

I know he is a little uncomfortable to call me by my first name, as his experience is of the son/daughter in law calling his parents mom and dad. We have laughed about it a few times, and I have a feeling he is doing the "I just won't call them anything" thing.  And that's fine with me - it would be weirder for me to be called mom my him.  

[East Coast Sue]

Amazing how many of us don’t have any name that we use to refer to MIL & FIL. I’m really glad to know that I’m not the only one! 

[Spryte]

I find it uncomfortable to call my ILs Mom and Dad.  Much like I found calling my stepmom (acquired when I was almost an adult) Mom.  I love them, but I have a Mom and a Dad.  

I also find it awkward to call my other, newish to us ILs, Mom and Dad.  (Extended family - they are DH’s birthparents, and I adore them with my whole heart.). DH feels the same, and also about my Mom.  

Once we had kids, we used grandparent names for all.  So much easier!

My BIL (married time DH’s sister) calls the ILs Mr and Mrs Lastname.  I think MIL likes that, and maybe wishes I did, too, but I’m not sure.

 

[barnwife]

Clearly I am in the minority, having grown up in a family/culture that uses "Mom" and "Dad." I really think this is "to each their own." But...for all those who say they wouldn't be comfortable doing that because MIL/FIL is not your mom or dad, what are they then? It's right there in their title "Mother-in-law" and "Father-in-law." 

I just don't get that reasoning...

[marbel]

I call my MIL and FIL by their first names.  My husband felt uncomfortable calling my mom by her first name, so he avoided  using her name. I always thought that was a little weird, but whatever. I know it can be an awkward thing.

I have told my daughter's boyfriend that he can call me by my first name if he wants, but he has not used my name at all so far. If they get married I wouldn't expect him to call me mom. 

I don't think I could ever call anyone but my own parents mom and dad. I support if I felt a real bond with them, maybe - which I don't with my MIL and FIL.

 

Edited July 7, 2020 by marbel

[marbel]

3 minutes ago, barnwife said:

Clearly I am in the minority, having grown up in a family/culture that uses "Mom" and "Dad." I really think this is "to each their own." But...for all those who say they wouldn't be comfortable doing that because MIL/FIL is not your mom or dad, what are they then? It's right there in their title "Mother-in-law" and "Father-in-law." 

I just don't get that reasoning...

You nailed it for me:  "mother/father-in-law" is a title  It's not a name.  

[ashfern]

My MIL wanted me to call her mom but no. She's treated me like crap since the day we met so why would I want to call her mom? My son has a girlfriend and I told her to call me by my first name.

[Jean in Newcastle]

8 minutes ago, marbel said:

You nailed it for me:  "mother/father-in-law" is a title  It's not a name.  

So is Mom and Dad. My name is not Mom.

[katilac]

7 minutes ago, barnwife said:

Clearly I am in the minority, having grown up in a family/culture that uses "Mom" and "Dad." I really think this is "to each their own." But...for all those who say they wouldn't be comfortable doing that because MIL/FIL is not your mom or dad, what are they then? It's right there in their title "Mother-in-law" and "Father-in-law." 

I just don't get that reasoning...

What are they if they're not my mom and dad? They're dh's mom and dad. 

 You saw mother-in-law but I say mother-in-law, lol. It's a title. I'm not basing my personal relations on a title and an idea that is lingering on from the 14th-century. I mean, if my parents hypothetically got divorced and then remarried, I would also not call that person my stepmother or stepfather. I'm grown, we won't have a parental relationship. I wouldn't say, this is my stepmom, Carol. I'd say, this is my dad's wife, Carol. 

[katilac]

3 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

So is Mom and Dad. My name is not Mom.

To your actual kids, I don't think it's a title, kwim? 

[ashfern]

5 hours ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

I call my inlaws by their first names. I called my step-mother by her first name too. I'm not the type to call an inlaw, or a friend's parent by a familiar like "Mom" or "Dad". Just not my personal preference/comfort zone.

 

I have step-parents that I don't call mom or dad and I've known them way longer than my IL's. BUT I do have two of my friend's moms that I always called mom as I spent so much time at their houses.

[barnwife]

20 minutes ago, marbel said:

You nailed it for me:  "mother/father-in-law" is a title  It's not a name.  

 

11 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

So is Mom and Dad. My name is not Mom.

 

9 minutes ago, katilac said:

What are they if they're not my mom and dad? They're dh's mom and dad. 

 You saw mother-in-law but I say mother-in-law, lol. It's a title. I'm not basing my personal relations on a title and an idea that is lingering on from the 14th-century. I mean, if my parents hypothetically got divorced and then remarried, I would also not call that person my stepmother or stepfather. I'm grown, we won't have a parental relationship. I wouldn't say, this is my stepmom, Carol. I'd say, this is my dad's wife, Carol. 

I might have missed a few people who tried answering my question. But we use titles as names for other situations. Why is this one different? Having grown up as I did, I just cannot wrap my mind around it.