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WendyLady

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About WendyLady

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    Hive Mind Level 4 Worker: Builder Bee

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  1. My dd18 had (probably still has?) mono earlier this spring and could out-sleep anyone. She could fall asleep after school and sleep through the entire next day with just a few minutes awake to go to the bathroom and eat a couple pretzels and then go back to sleep the entire next night. She did not have a fever, she did have a sore throat and a large swollen lymph gland under her jaw. She does not know anyone at school who could have given it to her... Any chance he could have mono? It's probably not that, but just thought I'd mention it - seeing her sleep was like watching Sleepy of the 7 dwarfs.
  2. I work in a therapeutic group home for teens with behavioral challenges. It is nearly impossible for a “regular” family to get help for their child for behavioral issues - most of these programs are for children in the care of the department of social services. And if you are able to refer your child for care, and if there is a bed available, it will be very very expensive. Several hundred dollars a day. You can request an evaluation and a 30 day care plan. Psychiatric level care (a step above behavioral care) may be more accessible to families, expressing suicidal thoughts seems to be the line... you could ask the school or maybe even the police to help ask for a referral for an evaluation. I live in a small town in South Dakota, surely there are many more options for mental health care in Boston, right? I hope!! Where I work, if a youth is on “self-harm” or another type of “watch” they do not go to school. Nope. School is a bonus, school is something that you earn the right to attend by earning trust through actions and attitudes and working through goals and assignments with counselors. School is not a punishment or a right, it is a privilidge that must be earned. Graduating is not the goal - keeping the child and those around the child safe is the short term goal. Learning safe behavior patterns and appropriate coping skills allowing the teen to live safely in society is the long term goal. Graduation is nice but not as important as living safely. Youth on “watch” have no electronics (even those not on watch only have supervised electronics during specific times) they have no freedom to go outside on a walk (going on a walk is a huge privilege for our kids). No alone time in their rooms, even bathroom time is limited and somewhat monitored. Shower and laundry times are assigned. They are not allowed phone calls. They do homework packets from school. They watch tv/movies chosen by the adult supervisors. They wake up and eat on a schedule. They have chores and a bedtime. They do not have the freedom to go to the store or walk around the neighborhood. Every piece of their life is monitored. im writing this out because sometimes as parents we feel like we don’t want to be “mean” or limit our kids’ lives. Unfortunately some kids do need a huge amount of supervision in a way that is almost unimaginable for “regular” people. It’s a whole different set of worries than the normal teen parent angst of getting a license or modesty issues, right? I don’t know the answer for you, but if you can’t find help, you may want to consider the possibility of being the homeschool version of a behavioral group home. Zero freedom. Zero school. All privileges earned. I do know that many of these programs end at 18 years old and then things get scary and real very fast. Real prison for adult men is much different than a therapeutic group home for kids. I would suggest that he is “done” with school even though the year is not complete and he’s still a year from graduating. Even if things get better for a while after today. I think he needs a different path now - he is not safe at school. I’d research the GED. I don’t think I’d even recommend dual enrollment or trade school. Not for a year or so. I don’t know what he would do with his time, but school may need to just be off the table. I don’t know if he could be trusted to work, even. I would be researching transitional homes for young adults ages 18-22(ish) in case you need to kick him out. They are generally for youth who have aged out of foster care and homeless teens. They provide safe housing for young adults, sometimes with kitchen facilities and a little bit of life skills education. I know kids who live in these homes and attend high school. I do have a friend whose daughter attended a private high school for troubled teens/teens with addiction. It was self pay and very expensive, but their daughter made huge changes and is doing well in college https://www.newhavenrtc.com/ that’s where she went - it is just for girls, but I’m sure there are the same type programs for boys. I’m so sorry. I hope you have someone who can come be with you tonight. My prayers are with you. *eta I’m sorry about the font changes! So strange!
  3. I went to a jobs course for teens recently and the presenter had great advice. She said - a lot of teens get stuck because the worry that the initial choice they make is their only choice for life - which is way too permanent and scary. And that’s not how most careers work. So she encouraged the kids I was with to just get a job or sign up for a training program that interests you, and complete the training. And get that job. Then look around to see if there are stepping stones to your next job. Most people change jobs several times and get various certificates/training along the way. It sounds like you’ve done your research and it sounds like a great opportunity. And totally do-able. And if she loves it, then great! And if she doesn’t, then she’s got some great experience and can use it as a stepping stone to something else... ^^^ this I know all about! 🤣
  4. Can she volunteer/shadow/work at a PT office this summer? Not just for a day? My dd21 is interested in becoming a physical therapist. She loves athletics and is very interested in nutrition and the body and sports. As part of her exercise science undergrad, she has taken a few nutrition classes and will get some kind of certificate for personal training and nutrition (not the same as a real nutritionist, but somewhere in the realm of personal training) next semester that she can use for her little side gig of personal training while she’s in school. She had knee surgery in September and physical therapy until about February. During pt, she talked to her pt about wanting to become a pt. She was able to get a job there this spring, part time working a couple afternoons a week (not sure what her title is, but it’s minimum wage, data entry, etc). That has been so positive for her and has really helped her see that this is something she could do for her life. Some kids just know what they want to be, but she’s not that kid! She has changed majors a couple times. Having experience in the pt practice has been so helpful for her. This is probably not particularly helpful for your situation, but I thought I’d share. I don’t know anything about PTAs. It sounds like a newer field along the lines of nursing or dental hygiene. I’d check with local PT offices to see if they are utilized in your area. I could see it being big business, though. Our local orthopedic surgery center is very very busy...
  5. I love mother’s day! I know many people feel a lot of other emotions about today, but I love it and I’m not afraid to say it! I became a mom when I was barely grown up myself, but I grew and cried and learned right alongside my babies. I love the incredible people my kids have become. My hubby is deployed and I’ve been mommin’ alone for 10 months. We’ve had one knee surgery, one broken leg, one case of mono, several big car issues, more snow than needed, a dozen “senior nights” for dd18, midnight phone calls for help, prom, concerts, birthdays, heartbreaks, holidays, and so much more. So thankful I’ve been able to be here with my sweet kids and enjoy the journey with them. Today, I’m sleeping in! Ds15 and dd18will fix me some eggs and bacon eventually. We will go to church and then out to lunch at my favorite place. I’m planning to take a nap and make the kids go on an evening walk with me. The house is clean, the laundry is caught up, I bought myself a couple gifts and flowers, and I’m ready to be celebrated all day long! 😀
  6. My sister and her husband tow a nice sized pop up with their Honda Odyssey. I’ve camped with them and they put that thing up super fast - they are much nicer today than when I was a kid! I’m a little jealous. They mainly camp at the coast, but two summers ago they took an epic camping trip from the east coast to Utah and back including Zion’s, Yellowstone, the Black Hills, etc. Their Honda did great and they all seemed to love the adventure. We are tent campers and I love camping. My dh prefers “real” camping involving wilderness and backpacks, but I’d be very happy with a small trailer parked in a clean campground next to a lake or river! And definitely with a kayak!!
  7. When we bought our home (several homes ago) we received a tax bill for the previous year about a month after we closed on the house. We sent the tax bill to our realtor and she was able to make some magic and either the previous owner or the title company (whose job it is to make sure there is nothing owed on the house when you buy it - that it has a clean title) paid it. We did not feel it was right for us to pay taxes for an entire year before we moved in, just because the tax bill wasn’t delivered until right after we moved in... I would be extremely upset if I had to pay those taxes as closing costs - that doesn’t seem like closings costs to me!
  8. I love the comebacks listed above! I wish I could think of things like that to say in awkward moments in my life. I wonder if she’s hoping you will say those things to her? Like she’s hinting to you to please tell her if anyone ever glances her way. Or maybe she expects you to come back to her comments with “actually, he’s checking you out, not me.” I knew someone (my cousin’s now exwife) who always seemed to think every guy in the room was checking her out “did you see that? He was totally staring at ME!” It was not fun to be around her and made me realize that I mostly feel invisible. It turns out she had cheated on her husband multiple times and was probably always on the lookout for someone new. Ew!! Anyway - I’d start turning the tables on her, beat her to the punch. Sitting at a red light? “Hey, that guy in the truck is totally checking you out!” At McDonalds? “Oooo, that guy with the tray just looked at your elbow! He seems interested. Want me to get his number for you?” If she’s fishing for attention then give it to her. And maybe start limiting public outings with her - how uncomfortable!
  9. We moved about 30 minutes away from all activities last year and I have spent an extraordinary amount of time waiting in my car this year. My son plays high school sports but doesn’t drive. Those two-a-days were killer last summer! I run errands like grocery shopping or dry cleaning drop-off if there’s time. I catch up on here and Facebook. I download movies/tv shows to watch. I kept a blanket and pillow in the back seat of my suburban to snooze and watch a show! I’m not sure if I should be embarrassed by that! i call my mom or daughter ❤️ I go on a jog - luckily most of my son’s activities are near my favorite bike/walking path. I read a book or research a topic. I go through photos on my phone and delete. I should make a photo book of a recent vacation... I send little Marco Polo videos to my sisters. I’m planning our next vacation. I paint my nails sometimes. I calendar and meal plan and make to-do lists. I listen to podcasts. i clean out my car. i run through fast food so ds can eat something quick between soccer and violin lessons. i actually haven’t hated my car time as much as I thought I would!
  10. Just to commiserate, I was in tears most of the day yesterday. Dd18 is a senior, this could be our last spring break together. She has been sick and not interested in doing anything “fun” over break. She spent two days resting at a friend’s house who had her wisdom teeth pulled. Then made a series of plans yesterday that made it impossible for us to do anything together. She managed to have the strength to do several fun things with friends, but basically just slept while home all week. I was so frustrated yesterday that I cried while driving ds to get ice cream! I know it’s silly, but it matters, and it hurts that it doesn’t matter to her. (When she got home last night she was chatty and so oblivious to the fact that she completely let me down. We had a good chat and have had a better day today.) I’m sorry you had a rough day. Teens are both the best and the worst. I hope tomorrow is a better day. Hugs to you!
  11. We’ve been dealing with swollen lymph nodes with my nearly 18 year old dd for a couple months. Her neck lymph was the size of a small chicken egg, not an exaggeration! It’s been a little scary, honestly. 1 urgent care. 3 dr appts. 2 blood tests. Not strep. Just a virus. Rest, Drink water... Just this week she was diagnosed with mono. I’m glad for the diagnosis so we can at least know that it will be a while before she’s well. I’m sorry your daughter is not feeling well. From what our dr said, the swollen lymph nodes can hang around for months and aren’t necessarily a sign of anything!!
  12. I actually think your new job sounds adventurous and exciting! Flying to meet clients! Learning new programs!! A boss who is flexible about your responsibilities!! I feel like you can really steer this career and relationship with your new boss - he’s not entirely sure what he needs, and you are new, so you do what you can do and be bold and strong with your boundaries and plans. Set the stage now for who you are and how you respond to guidance and wishy-washy plans... from reading your posts over the years, I can see that you are a natural leader and planner and very creative. A very small organization has tremendous potential for growth and leadership and formulating your own path in a way that a “normal” library type job doesn’t. I would recommend not burning down this bridge yet. You were drawn to this career change for a reason. Give yourself 3 months. If it’s a disaster, you will know within 2 months and you can start applying for jobs back in the field where you have been comfortable. But it sounds like there’s a good chance that after 3 months, you will have found your footing and will be a huge asset to your new team. I can’t wait to hear all about it. PS - there’s no growth without a little fear and mess!
  13. I’m behind reading this thread, too, but I wanted to comment on this. My daughter is a senior. She has had straight A’s her entire high school career, but I have seen that in some classes, there are few assignments and one missed quiz can completely tank a grade. My dd has mono. She has had a really hard month. Before mono she had knee surgery... it’s been a seriously tough year. She missed three days of school before spring break, and her online grades say she is failing two classes. It is going to take some work to make sure all of her missed assignments get turned in and the quizzes made up. She will need to do those things while also doing current assignments. It can all snowball into a giant mess very quickly. I am confident she will get those grades back up, but I can easily see how this could happen to the original posters friend. A couple missed days can take an A to a C and it can quickly become statistically impossible to bring the grades up. I think a multi-pronged attack could help this young man. I would go in with him to talk to his counselor - the counselor could show how summer school will be required for graduation and could hopefully help find other options like talking to some teachers and finding a way to get some makeup work done and/or alternative high school options. This is so tough and such a crucial time! I think I would take away friend time and ask him to cut back work hours dramatically. But that depends on parenting styles and patterns - it might work for my son, but not for others...
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