dirty ethel rackham Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I'm barely holding it together. One more thing and I will shatter into a million pieces. Please don't quote as I may have to delete this. But I really don't have anyone to talk to in real life. Things with K are pretty bad. Mental illness sucks. The bandaid was ripped off yesterday ... one of the most painful experiences of my life. We aren't talking depression and anxiety here, but bigger stuff. Many things became apparent. Not complying with meds. The effects of not complying with meds (delusional thinking.) Knowing that even with meds, we may be looking at a lifetime of heartache and worry. We are less than a month out from K returning to school and we are not confident that they will be able to go back - that they will be safe. But, K is not happy here at all. They found an accepting community at school, but those people really don't know how bad things are mental health-wise. The way K thinks off meds is downright scary. We are walking a fine line because K is legally an adult, but has no way of self-support. If we say the wrong thing, K could bolt and end up on the street. I feel like I am living with a dementor from Harry Potter - all the joy and peace is getting sucked out of me. The therapist and I had a talk after our session because she could see that I was a mess and she confirmed that the best thing for us to do is to keep responding with love and not judgement until we could get things stabilized. And to find support for us. So after a night with lots of silent tears and very little sleep, today, I escaped into a Catherine Ryan Hyde book as sort of a mental/emotional vacation. At least K admitted to me that we both need a recovery day. And K took meds last night and agreed to daily monitoring of meds (we watch them take them and check.) K took the steps to change psychiatrists because K doesn't trust the one we had which was part of the medication non-compliance. I just can't imbibe on the hopium here because I will not survive another crash. I'm hoping we can make the next NAMI meeting. Thanks for listening. And if you are the praying type, please pray. I don't have any left in me. God and I are not on good terms right now. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 :grouphug: And praying, Ellen. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 (((Ellen)))--I wish I could bring you a meal, send you flowers, or lend you a great book. Things sound rough. I'll pray for you all. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: Hugs and prayers are all I can offer. I understand you not even being able to pray. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Yes, I've been there, and I am so, so sorry that you are there now. Meds do make all the difference. I hope that everything works out with the new doc and a plan can be agreed upon. One thing that often happens is that when things are going well, it's hard to remember how bad it was. So if there is any way for you to document or record how bad things are, that might help with future compliance. If K journals, that could be really helpful. Or if you could make a video of conversations. Something for K to look at later and get a more accurate sense of how bad things got and how much they don't want to go back to that point. 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I'm sorry. I hope you can make it to the next meeting too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgo95 Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 ((hug)) I will say a prayer for you and your family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Blech. I'm so sorry that things are so rough right now. I'm praying that you've hit the worst of it and that with the bandaid having come off, things will be better in terms of at least knowing the extent of what you're dealing with. Sometimes just looking the awful in the face for what it is makes the recovery a bit easier. Hope that made sense...it did in my brain. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Do try to follow up on the therapist's suggestion to find support for yourself. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I can imagine what you are going through. I've had moments where it hurt to blink. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 ((Hugs)) You're in my thoughts. We've been in a similar place with our oldest. One of the most frightening experiences ever. Hang in there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 (((((((((((((((((((((Ellen))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 :( :grouphug: I am quite a bit in a similar place. My heart is with you, Ellen. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I'm sorry it's been such a bad time. I'm sending hope and strength to you and K. (And, in answer to your question: Yes, I've definitely had those days.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 (huge hugs) I can't even imagine what you are going through :( I'm having a rough day here but no where near that level of rough. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I'm so sorry, Ellen. (And for you, too, Tex.) Sending virtual hugs and prayers for you all. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 :grouphug: I am so sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I'm so sorry. I wish I had a Magic wand. :( 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura in CA Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 :grouphug: I'm so sorry. Praying. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I am so very sorry. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frances Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Sending hugs and good thoughts your way. I hope things start looking up soon. Continue to take care of yourself. You are a great mom. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 oh Ellen... (and TexasMama) so very sorry. praying for strength and wisdom. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Sending you and your child hugs. Wishing you both peace and healing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 My thoughts and prayers are with you. Can I recommend that you keep seeing a therapist? It helps to have someone to whom you can vent and express your thoughts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Sending hugs and thoughts your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daria Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I am so sorry. You and K are in my thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakeside Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Yes, unfortunately. I'm praying for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Gentle hugs💔 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Very sorry to hear this. Praying! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I'm so sorry. Knowing what runs in my family, this is right up there in my top three worst fears as a parent. I'll be keeping all of you in my thoughts :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Praying here, Ellen. I wish I had some magical advice for you, but I honestly don't know what to say. I can't imagine what you are going through right now, and I don't know how you are managing to get through it. Please try to take care of yourself as best you can. :grouphug: I'm so sorry. :( 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RioSamba Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: I just prayed for you and for K. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyHandsAreFull Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 So sorry to hear! We have a similar issue in the extended family and it is very difficult. Be gentle with yourself. Hugs to you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I am sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: Praying for you. I've had those days for different reasons and it is a scary place to be. Get through one day at a time, one moment at a time, if need be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Praying for you and for K. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Praying for you and K that this situation will turn out so much better than you ever imagined possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in IN Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: Hugs and prayers for you. It sounds so hard for all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Way too often recently. You have much sympathy and :grouphug: from me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 (Hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.