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Carol in Cal.

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  • Location
    Silicon Valley, CA
  • Interests
    Lutheran theology and hymns, world history, chemistry, knitting, weaving, literature, reading
  • Occupation
    Homeschooling and also working fulltime

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  1. Heh, we once had a bit of a discussion about something like this. I was pointing out what the focus SHOULD BE in my mind, and he said, "That goes without saying!" And I was all like, "NO IT DOES NOT GO WITHOUT SAYING. IT'S A GOOD THING THAT NEEDS TO BE SAID."
  2. Can you think of her as a toddler? With toddlers you always have to project calm, calm you don't always feel, right? And then after a while, after projecting calm a bunch, you start to FEEL calm. Because you've got this. I think that where you are going to head with her is not to anger, although you'll go through that, but to indifference. Your path to that might be different than other people's but I'll bet that is where you go. Honestly she sounds so nuts that I'll be that this will be a great relief.
  3. I have been known to say, “I need to hear 10 nice things now” after hearing something critical. Not often but occasionally. It is actually very endearing to hear DH trying very hard to think of 10 nice things to say.
  4. This is absolutely crazy and over the top. First of all, no one gets to physically assault someone in my home. Not ever. That would have been an immediate, stop right now and apologize from me, and if that didn’t happen instantly, I would kick them out. No discussion. Just, done. Since she did this at her house, I’d back your daughter in any action she wants to take in self defense—demanding an apology and a commitment never to do that again would be completely reasonable if she wants to continue the relationship. Identifying that action as the reason not to continue the relationship would be fine, too, and if you know me you know I almost never say things like that. Secondly, (sorry about this but I feel like it’s feedback that maybe you need), I would not have had the conversation about ‘dealing with it’ with her at all. I would have said, I’m sorry she can’t come, too. It’s too bad isn’t it? And that would have been it. It’s a pass the bean dip situation. Thirdly, her glaring at you at the event all night was completely unreasonable and over the top. That is just ridiculous. If anything SHE ruined the party by doing that. It’s rude and uncalled for, and just in general, you don’t get furious at a parent of a grown child for something the child does. You might get mad at the child, but not the parent. That’s ridiculous, utterly. Fourth, the next time she starts in on your parenting, I’d state calmly that that is not a topic I am ever willing to discuss again, and I would make that stick. Flat out. I’d leave her presence or say goodbye and hang up if she did that again. Your kids are all grown right? This is water over the dam. It’s rude and harsh to bring it up at all, and there isn’t anything to fix now so it’s moot and just trying to pick a fight. Don’t give her the fight but don’t take the lectures either.
  5. I did but it was much earlier looks like there is a little more hope now.
  6. I did but it’s probably worth checking again as that was some time ago.
  7. Yes, it’s bad here. And my elderly, frail mother could not get vaccinated as she is housebound, and so I’m concerned about carrying it to her. Ugh.
  8. Right, exactly, although around here there are interior pictures and sometimes you can figure out somethings from them.
  9. I’m not suggesting that you aren’t. What I’m suggesting is to look on realtor.com and see the actual sale prices and get an idea for yourself in addition to that. Realtors vary a lot in their estimates, and they don’t necessarily use all the comps or the same comps as each other. I’ve seen realtors quote a high list price to sort of lure people into listing, and quote a low one to make a quick sale, and everything in between. I would not want to go into a transaction this big without having my own idea, even if I never articulate it, of what is the likely value of something I’m buying or selling, and that comes from the selling patterns and the recent comps.
  10. What is most accurate is looking at actual sale prices in your neighborhood that are quite recent, and adjusting for variations from your house (in major stuff like square footage, busy street or not, recent significant remodeling, etc.).
  11. For a workout I use U pins from Lilla Rose. They are the bomb—a pair holds my hair up very securely, even on a jog.
  12. I never dry my hair if I can avoid it, even with a diffuser. Instead I wrap it in a bath towel when I get out of the shower, and then dry myself off, put on deodorant, and moisturize with it still on, and only then do I take the towel off my head. This gets rid of the largest amount of water, and leaves me with damp to somewhat wet hair. Then I comb the tangles out with a very wide toothed heavy plastic comb, and comb my hair back from my face. I put two little clips in, right above and behind my ears, to give me a fairly smooth ‘do’ around my face. The rest I try to keep as supported as possible to let the curls develop. If it’s a hot, dry day, I just let it hang; but if it’s humid or cold, so it won’t dry fast on its own, I support it with a hoodie—I even have a short sleeved one for the summer. The hair weight is supported by the hood, and so the curl doesn’t pull out. Also, I pay attention if I’m riding in a car, to make sure I pull my hair up from behind my back so that I don’t pull the curl out. I end up with wavy to curly hair, pretty consistently, and it always looks better like this than when I dry it myself.
  13. She could read “Missoula” as a cautionary tale. Seriously, it has a lot of details about true events that would help avoid them.
  14. I think that there are several states where elder care expenses fall to the children by law, but that those laws are not being enforced. I find that alarming all the way around.
  15. I’d go right now. I think things will be a lot worse in the Fall. Where I live, they are again recommending masks for any indoor gathering. Even though I am vaccinated, I don’t know how well the vaccination will work on the current or future variants, and colder weather is expected to help it thrive and mutate. I have three board meetings and a family wedding, all involving flights, in Sept.-Nov. I am probably not going to go to any of them, but am still doing watchful waiting. OTOH, I have a week in Tahoe reserved for Dec. and am currently planning to go. This is because it is a drive rather than a flight, and a condo place rather than a hotel, so I think that exposure will be minimal. I don’t go to crowded places there—will probably mostly hike or do scenic drives. We can cook in the room if restaurants seem dangerous.
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