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Carol in Cal.

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Everything posted by Carol in Cal.

  1. You do want to bring things that are familiar, but not anything that she or you would be heartbroken if it broke or was pilfered. That can be a delicate balance, but it's important to keep it in mind.
  2. Maybe one of those electronic photo frames that rotates pictures that you have uploaded? A couple of books that are important to her. Maybe a religious one and a favorite novel or two. Notepaper, a pen, and stamped envelopes, along with a copy of her address book, or a print out of key names and addresses. Nonperishable snacks. A nonbreakable vase.
  3. Burt’s Bees Lavender Honey lip butter. So soft and yet so lasting, and I like the smell of lavender now that I am ‘older’. Lancôme newish ‘Ruby’ series lip stuff—I have the base, which I hardly ever buy but it’s very emollient and works as a stand alone lip balm, and two colors to go on top—Rubiez, and Hot Pink Ruby. They are similar, both very strong, but the first is a bold, deep red while the second is tilted a bit toward fuchsia. They are strong enough to spread over the base, kind of like oil pastels, and last really well. They don’t feather either, which is my sore point. And two scarves from CAbI—a ‘mink’ and black knit one that is ultra cozy, and a red and purples silk one that goes with 2/3 of my wardrobe.
  4. I think a decent estimate is 7%, but you really want to get that from your realtor. So, estimate 7% of the 290K as closing costs, and whatever you would spend to move, plan in a little cash cushion at least, and then put the rest toward the down payment. You really should try to put at least 20% down to avoid PMI if possible. I strongly suggest that you have this conversation with one or two mortgage professionals though before you apply. There might be local programs that would change these answers, or you might qualify for military or other assistance.
  5. I am so glad that you don’t have any ongoing contact with this person. I don’t believe that initiating contact again would be helpful. I’m delighted that you have met up with your original good therapist again! I encourage you to give yourself a set amount of time per day to ruminate on this issue and just be furious, and then when it pops back into your head at another time of the day, say “Not until tomorrow!” And consciously turn your attention to something else. You might have a list of ‘something else’s’ in mind for that. Things like a song that is very engaging, or a plan for your future that your are building, or picturing a great place you have been. It’s a matter of what you give attention to, not questioning the validity of your feelings. Also, a book I found extremely helpful was Gloria Steinem’s “Revolution From Within”. It’s the most convincing and gentle and helpful book on self-esteem that I have ever read, and I think it might help you with the (wrong) feelings of low self-worth. You might also consider “The Artis’s Way”, which was originally written to help people with writer’s block but which kind of gives a framework for living intentionally and creatively. Sometimes an alternate framework for your life for a while is just the thing to grab your attention away from something awful. Focussing on defining and working toward a future that is better than your past, as well as planning in moments of happiness along the way, is going to be much healthier and more helpful in the long run than focussing on this person who is fundamentally unworthy of your attention. Lift your attention elsewhere, and don’t give him that space in your head.
  6. We visited a lot of living history sites and natural history sites at that age. We found some favorites that we visited over and over as the years went by, adding layers of age appropriate information each time. It worked out great.
  7. What I like about 31 Gifts is the personalization. I’m all about mixing words and images, so I consider it great fun, and I like having some things that are a bit unique to me. I don’t buy their shelf organizers but I like some of their purses and the insulated totes. I don’t do well carrying things with two hands at once, so being able to sling something off of one shoulder or carry it in one hand by the straps is something I value a lot.
  8. I signed up to throw an online party recently specifically because I had a friend who needed one more to get a big discount on one item. It was pretty nice. My host was very pushy behind the scenes, sending me stuff to post and such, but you know what? It doesn’t bother me to say no. (I think that helps me with MLMs across the board. If you don’t find it difficult to smile and say no thank you, they are not nearly as annoying as if the need to do that makes you anxious or upset.). So I posted what I felt like, and invited a bunch of people, and put up some posts that I made up myself that were sincere ‘This is what I use and love’ or ‘This is a great recipe that was a big hit at a potluck recently’ items. I was not really trying very hard, but somehow this dinky party resulted in getting several items at large discounts (Finally an air fryer!!! And all the accessories!) that I wanted anyway. And in an amazing surprise, there were three bookings off of this party, so I get another discount item down the road when the third party is held. I think the last time I hosted was also online, and it was at least 3-4 years ago. It’s so much easier that way.
  9. I think that sounds Ok but maybe a little on the prissy side. Do you have a pair of short, flat heeled boots? I think I would wear a nice but kind of plain top, black jeans, and booties. No fussy jewelry, but maybe a pair of stud/post earrings, my Fitbit, and wedding ring. I would want to give a capable but energetic vibe and I think black jeans rather than slacks would tip the scale in that direction.
  10. I have to say, LLR is the worst of the MLMs as far what they require of their consultants of any I have heard of. Not being able to choose what you order AT ALL, and being stuck with random dogs, is not typical of other companies that I have heard of.
  11. I’m pretty sure that out here in CA the state teachers’ union is a major lobbyist for this kind of provision, at least a state one (as opposed to a federal one.)
  12. She is clearly living in the wrong place. She literally doesn’t have the skill set to live there.
  13. Well, and what is REALLY frustrating is the incredibly spotty school quality in the public system. Most teachers I know are very sincere about wanting to do a great job for their students but somehow that does not add up to consistently high quality educational offerings. I’m not sure of all the reasons why this is so, but it does make me very leery of more and earlier school being seen as obviously helpful, as well as entrusting it to the same system that takes good people and turns out very inconsistent results, with them feeling like their hands are tied. If families with children are who we are trying to help, let’s do that directly. Or are more teaching jobs the real goal here?
  14. A lot of school spending leads to waste. I agree that tax credits can lead to inflation, but I also think that it is in the general best interest of society to financially support the raising of children, and that if the tax credits are tied to families with minor children it is a good move for society and far less likely to contribute heavily to inflation as, say, a GBI.
  15. Super funny how this bothers you in my post but not in the one it answered, LOL. It’s quite possible that my knowledge of (formerly West) Germany is a bit dated. But I definitely heard engineering colleagues there saying that if their wife had not been willing to bring the baby along to the auto repair shop, they would have had to take time off from work to get their cars repaired, and it was the case at that particular big company that onesie twosie days off were kind of unusual. Most people planned vacation trips that were at least 1-2 weeks long. One couple, both engineers, no kids, came to the US on assignment where I was working. They could have both worked but they decided that it was really important to have fresh German bread every day, so the wife stayed home to make it. It’s a different ethos for sure. Also, either the law or the union regs were different for men than for women at this particular place. Generally manufacturing operators on the production line changed shift every week or two (I forget which), which I thought must have been quite grueling, but it did give everyone exposure to the engineering workforce that worked days. However, while men could work any of the three shifts, women could not be made to work graveyard shift, so scheduling the rotations was tricky with men rotating among all three shifts and women only rotating between the day and swing shifts. This rule was considered protective of women by those who told me about it. It was fascinating.
  16. See, and I think that this should not be tied to employment and the use of an inevitably quite varied in quality public education system. I’d rather see that money go to families in the form of larger child tax credits that they could use as they saw fit.
  17. I don’t know that universal child care has ever been seriously proposed here EXCEPT tied to a job or in order to free up women to work (starting in WWII). Ie it’s not really universal. Rather, it’s universal for working women that is typically discussed, subsidized via tax advantaged salary deductions. Also, my understanding is that in France there are very specific norms of how to raise and treat children, and a cultural assumption that the daycares are an extension of home life. Whereas here there is no agreed to norm, and the main thing I would hope for is that they don’t damage the parent/child relationship TOO much. Also, there is a different ethos in Europe in general, I think. And that is, have a good, balanced life. Work hard while you’re at work, and then leave in time for family dinner. Go ahead and take those 5-6 weeks of vacation. In that context, getting things done is difficult without a stay at home family member—stores and service shops close for lengthy lunches, for instance, making it almost impossible to get your car fixed without taking some days off from work to handle it, which is frowned upon. Fresh cooking with fresh ingredients is prized, and that means shopping for food most days. It’s a difficult place to be a two career family, because of the assumptions around leisure for everyone.
  18. I would want a touch screen. Did you know that they have styluses now for non-IPad touchscreen devices? (Similar to the Apple pencils.) Personally, I rarely ever buy technology, but when I do I buy big, high end stuff. That way it lasts a long time, and it doesn’t go obselete as quickly. I find that this saves me money in the long run. Sooner or later, chances are, I’ll want those special features that I didn’t need when I made the purchase.
  19. I favor vaccination but not this. This is overreach, and it's by executive order, which is troubling.
  20. Do you use the Chemex filters? My husband thinks that they take out too much of the flavor. Others think they make the flavor nicely mellowed compared with Melitta filters.
  21. This is what we mostly use. We have Nespressos at work, because it’s really hard to deal with the mess there with no kitchen type sink, but Melitta cones are our home brew, our camping brew, and our ‘the electricity is out but we still can make coffee’ brew. It. Just. Never. Fails. Which is worth a lot when you are addicted, LOL. Also, although I don’t like coffee that has sat on a burner, coffee that has been reheated to hot but not boiling in a microwave tastes like fresh to me. So we generally make coffee the night before and that way it’s all ready to zap in the morning. We call it vintage coffee.
  22. Yes, and start sun exposure and borage oil capsules now—they won’t do any harm unless she sunburns. And consider St. John’s Wort.
  23. That’s my regimen. The naselcrom takes a bit to kick in as it is building a physical barrier. For me it’s usually less than a week but my allergist says two weeks is typical.
  24. I never had that particular thing, nor have I heard of it, but peri is so random.
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